All comics by cookdandbombd

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by cookdandbombd
6-14-02
In a recording studio, far far away,,,
It's an analogy!!112
"It's an analogy!!112"
It threw my heart and head into bed together!!11
It's the greatest thing he's ever done!!1
I think Rory Bremner just gets a bum rap, he's really very talented!
Homeless people just take what Chris Morris does and extend it.

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
*knock knock*
Hi there, I just wan...err, hey! You're a fucking horse!
Well you're a fucking fag!!
Was it these slacks that gave me away ducky?

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
An EVIL terrorist seeks to explode the Whitehouse, but lo, he is halted in his tracks by, CAPTAIN PAPERCLIP,,,
Halt, fiend! I am CAPTAIN PAPERCLIP, and I shall lay the smack down with my super powers!
Um, what sort of super powers are we talking 'bout here?
Well, I can save 10% on all statinary purchases at branches of WH Smiths!!!
Hahah that's pathetic, you pretentious papergatherer
...And I can also incapacitate an evildoer by straightening myself out and burrowing into his japs eye, before slowly corkscrewing my way out his bottom.
Damn!

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
Look, it just makes me feel uncomfortable, and I just don't want to do it!
Oh come on baby, all the other bitches would do it for me!
I don't think it's appropriate honey, it's not what I want to do with my body.
Just this once, come on,,,it'll be our little secret baby.
Oh, okay, if it'll make you happy then I suppose once won't hurt.
Yay! Ok, pull my finger and make my stinker say hello!!!

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
Hi there Mr Superhero! What are your powers?
Good question son. When I became a superhero I was given the power of GAY SEX!
So you can't fly through the sky, or leap buildings in a single leap, deflect bullets or shoot lasers from your eyes?
Nope, er, just the GAY SEX thing.
You're not 16 yet, right, kid?

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
8.00 am
*RING RING*
Hello?
"Hi, this is your 8am exploding alarm call"

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
I have hypnotised you, you are under my power and will do exactly as I say
Yes master
Good. Now let's drag a prostitute off the street and take it in turns to piss in her mouth and degrade her with poo. And then we'll strangle the cunt and bury her in a shallow grave.
...
Cuh!
Ah you're not getting me with that one again Bill!!

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
The young Chris Morris is honing his comedic skills and pointlessly offensive material on the club circuit
Oof Manning, working mens club welcome...
Eeh my mother-in-law, she's so fat that she's probably got some dead babies in her stomach that she doesn't even know about. And that's why she's so fat.
Youve been a great audience, I've been a comedy god, good night!

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
The young Chris Morris continues to work on his comedic skills...
What's grey, wheezy and fucks pensioners?
Jimmy Saville!
Hey! I'm just satirising the media buddy.
*boo*

 

by cookdandbombd
6-16-02
The young Chris Morris carries on working on his comedic gifts, while bringing much needed attention to otherwise ignored issues.
So, any paedophiles in the audience tonight?
*yeah*
Take my young sun...please!
*okay*
Um...

 

by cookdandbombd
3-21-03
teh BUM ducks, tehy sent me. Tehy tolds me that your limbs must be rent asunder to assure the survival of the human race, Ian!
My name's not Ian...
Shit. Don't suppose you can give me a lift to Manchester and back, it's definitely not to pick up a cock load of smack. Honest.

 

by cookdandbombd
3-21-03
Hi Keith, what's up?
Cousin and us had kippers for whoopsy. Flibble oink lard-bark.
Being wacky again eh Keith?
Rotating minge bastard. Twenteen Eskimo escalopes escaped from Thatchers nostril, whitey.
You do realise that when you make these ridiculous attention-seeking outbursts that you're just giving the impression that you're a mentally retarded 15-year old with serious "love me daddy" issues?
Shut up soup elbows.

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