All comics by crovax_of_404

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by crovax_of_404
6-19-04
woof
What was that?
beep
I think I'm losing it.
CRAWWLING IN MY SKIN THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-19-04
There's one thing you gotta clear up for me, though.
What is it, my Son?
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Oh... whoops. Just a minute.
Fucking lazy cartoonist.
You said you were 18! I can't afford another lawsuit!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-20-04
But let me ask you one question.
Shoot, my Son.
What is my purpose in life?
You exist to entertain me.
Why am I on fire? ARGH IT BURNS!
I'm a sadistic priest. Betcha didn't see that coming.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-20-04
But that still doesn't explain why--
--GYURK!
You fucking SUCK.
Quiet, fishboy.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-20-04
Well, I must get back to heaven now.
But... but...
Bye!
I'm still a...
Oro?
Oh FUCK you Priest. FUCK you.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-20-04
WHY did you turn me into a fish and leave me to die?
Because I love you.
...
So, how do dead people commit suicide?

 

by crovax_of_404
6-20-04
After the Wanker reverse-suicided, he was left without a head.
???
Oh... you still have a head.
Why the fuck would there NOT be headless versions of every single sprite?
Mwahahaha!
...you still don't have a penis... wanker...

 

by crovax_of_404
6-21-04
Hey, Guy! Where've you been?
Wang!
Wang?
Wang.
Ah, that explains a lot.
Wang...

 

by crovax_of_404
6-21-04
Why are these comics labelled as though there are multiple chapters?
Wang?
Well, even though all we do is talk to each other and make lame wang jokes, you'd think we're on some kind of adventure to save the world from Ninjii...
Wang!
HOLY CRAP IT'S MACGYVER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Wang...

 

by crovax_of_404
6-21-04
Hey, Crovax was too lazy to draw the background today!
You fucking dolt, he doesn't have to draw a background, he just picks from a drop down menu.
Huh?
Uh... I mean...
Wang.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-21-04
Alright, we're looking for a dynamic new character to give these comics more funny... your name is...?
Mmmmmfffgtt!
Oh boy, another copycat. Ever watched South Park, Kenny?
Mmmfff-mmfff... MMMF?
Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
Mmmfff MMMFFFFGGGBBBFFFRRTTT!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-21-04
Okay, next character... Guy? You're already a character on this strip.
No I am not. You must be speaking of my perverted twin. I am Jacques.
Whatever the hell you're smoking, I want a toke. NEXT!
...
Wang!
Fucking weirdo.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-21-04
So, let's see... Your name is...?
Oh, a mime. Well, look here. Mimes aren't funny. Mimes suck. Nobody likes a mime. Get lost.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-21-04
I wonder why another character is even neccessary? I mean, I'll probably find some unfunny loser who I'll have to kill off immediately...
...You're not saying 'wang'...
oh snap!
IT IS I, JACQUES, NOT THE GUY YOU THINK I LE AM!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-22-04
Hey... Jacques?
Yeah?
Do you ever wonder... If Crovax kept making these comics, and he made so many that he used all the letters of the alphabet, what would happen?
Knowing him, I don't think you'll have to worry about that.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-22-04
I thought I rejected you. You're not right for this strip.
Mmmmmfffgggttt!
MMMMFFFFFFTTTT!
And only losers use the same cheap gag twice.
Mmmmfff...

 

by crovax_of_404
6-23-04
Why are you in black and white, Jacques?
Huh?
Well, you look kind of silly, because everyone else is colored. You look like a dork.
Fucking racists.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-23-04
It's been so long since I've used this thing...
*beep*
Dear Mr. Wanker: It has come to our attention that you have child porn stored on your PC. A paddywagon is on the way to your house right now. Have a nice day. -Your friendly neighborhood FBI
What?! I didn't download any--
I know YOU didn't.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-23-04
WHAT?! How could you do such a thing! You'll get me sent to prison!
But all those models have implants, I just wanted to see something natural...
...
I mean, every single damn motherboard I see is hooked up to a dual P4 2.8 Ghz processor! It's sickening!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-23-04
But you can't take me away! I didn't do this!
The evidence is stacked against you.
BUT MY COMPUTER DID IT! HE HAS PROCESSOR ENVY!
That's what the yall say. They all say their computers have processor envy.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-23-04
So... I'd better not bend over in the shower, eh?
Actually, that's just a myth.
It's the wardens you have to look out for, tightbuns.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-23-04
So.. what are you in for?
murder.
~~~~~~~~~*FLASHBACK*~~~~~~~~~~
Hey! Wanna buy some Girl Guide cookies?
cookies.
You killed a Girl Guide?
want see head?

 

by crovax_of_404
6-23-04
Even though Pocahontas was a smash hit, its sequel, surprisingly, sucked! But the brave souls at Disney will try again in a second sequel.
Hello! My name is John Wayne! I am a white cowboy who has many cultural differences with my love, Pocahontas.
My name is Pocahontas! I am an Indian who saved brave John Wayne from being persecuted by my tribe and ended up loving him.
Wait, I thought you were supposed to be 19! Isn't this illegal?
Quiet, momma's-boy. Too scared to go for a ride on the S.S. Poontang?

 

by crovax_of_404
6-23-04
Well, you've been issued a pardon, so you're free to go.
Oh thank God! Thank God it's over!
Thank... thank God... thank... huh?
Oh... it was just a dream... Do you ever get those dreams?
i dream bout sexy corpse.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-24-04
Alright, you've been in here for a week, you can go.
Th--
thank.
What?! Shouldn't *I* be out? I mean, he's a murd--
Sorry, but in a country overrun by soccer moms, disturbed repeat murderers are less dangerous than people who get off to child porn.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-24-04
Huh. Turns out you're really Stephen Baldwin.
I.. uh... yeah... yeah, I am! So can I go?
GO?! Get a load of this! He wants to GO! Oh, no, we're not done with you yet! We're gonna make you suffer!
I want my mommy!
try "pamela anderson"?
Why don't I think of a name to put in the prisoner database? You just go read a book. Or something.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-24-04
what that noise?
what going on?
Hey, beautiful! <3
I want to have your babies <3
We accept Visa, MasterCard, and AmEx <3
AmEx? Good.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-24-04
Hmmm. Look at this. Prisoner #45891's American Express card was just used to hire three child prostitutes.
45891... you mean Stephen Baldwin?
Yes.
I'd better go check on him.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-24-04
To be honest, you've been pretty co-operative with us. I think you've learned your lesson... you can go.
Really? Thank you so much! But why are you letting me go?
Because you're nothing like the other inmates.
I see...
Hey, this is just because I'm black, isn't it? You bastards planted that cocaine!
You people have lot of problem with Asians! Just because I drive few hundred miles over speed limit you lock me up!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-24-04
This would explain the mystery charge on my AmEx bill...
they give discount
EEEEEEEE GET THOSE AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T DO THAT STUFF!
Mmmm... what a long circuit board you have!
Kevin loves when you talk dirty to him. You're making Kevin hard.
I CAN EXPLAIN!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-24-04
HAPPY 30TH COMIC!
That's not a milestone, you tard.
Oh.
Well what am I going to do with the hookers?
...Fuck it, let's celebrate!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
Prison was a learning experience.
Oh yeah?
After spending time in there, I've learned a few things... And because of that I don't want to kill you.
Really?!
Yeah. I'd rather try out this cool trick I can do with any Bowie knife. It's really painful.
Couldn't you just kill me instead?

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
O...H...
T...H...
E...
A...G...
O...N...Y...
Enjoy your Pentium II processor. Mwahahaha...

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
Hiya, handsome <3
H...I...
Ew, a Pentium II! Get away from me!
B...U...T...
/run PepperSpray.exe

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
Loading "pr0n.exe" (1%)
Loading "pr0n.exe" (1%)
Loading "pr0n.exe" (0%)
ERROR: System resources have been exceeded. System must reboot.
ERROR: The size of the last error message has caused your computer to die. Because it's so big. And your computer sucks. Yeah. It sucks ass. I mean, who the hell still has a Pentium II?
G...R...R...R...

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
GigaGirl: Man, I'm feeling horny. I could use some PC-to-PC loving.
BitBabe: Yeah. I wish there was a powerful computer out there that could pleasure us.
Silicon_Sexy: Right now I'd do just about anyone.
BitBabe: Even a Pentium II? LOL!
Silicon_Sexy: LOL! Okay, maybe not quite *everyone*...
=(

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
Hey... you look hot. Wanna see my source code?
Y...E...S...!...!!
I'll send it over. It's only 10kB
J...O...Y...
Hey, handsome... handsome?
Error: PC disconnected (Processor Overload)

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
Hey, there's something in your printer tray...
Dear Wanker: Please reinstall my 2.1 Ghz processor. Living with a Pentium II is hell. I swear I'll be good. Sincerely, Your PC.
Whoa, it must have taken you two days to print this out!
3...

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
I wonder if there are any nice PCs out there... Someone who won't discriminate, who will just accept you for who you are...
I... AM... A... NI... CE... PC...
Ew, no! You've got a Pentium II processor! Yuck!
BU...T... YO...U... SA...ID...
Ooh, look at that hunky Commodore 64! See ya, loser!
…

 

by crovax_of_404
6-25-04
Well, you've learned your lesson. I'll put your processor back in.
You will?! Oh, I'm so happy I could...
*vrrrrrrt*
Why did your CD tray just pop open?

 

by crovax_of_404
6-26-04
Heya, ladies. Wanna score with a 2.1 Ghz manbeast?
Ew, no!
Everyone's got 3 Ghz processors now. You're so... small.
You know what? Fuck you too.
I was about to have sympathy sex with you but now I think I'll just be sick.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-26-04
What's wrong?
I don't think I've ever had sex. I'd do anything for sex.
I know what you're thinking, you sick bastard, and the answer is no.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-26-04
Aren't there online dating services for computers? Maybe you should try one.
Hey, that's a good idea! Thanks!
...
What is it?
I got a Fatal Error trying to load the site. That can't be good.

 

by crovax_of_404
6-27-04
You shouldn't poke fun at my situation. I never see you with any girls.
Oh yeah? Well what would you call THIS?
Hiya sweetie <3
That's a hooker. Anyone can get one of those.
Quiet, you. This is ME time.
Mmmmmm... So good <3

 

by crovax_of_404
6-27-04
Doot dee doo dee doo...
I think he's gone.
Okay. Let's get this over with <3
...What the hell is THAT?!

 

by crovax_of_404
6-27-04
Hey, it's Smokey the Bear!
Hey hey! Remember, only YOU can prevent forest fires!
Oh no, my pacemaker is acting up again!
ARGH THE IRONY!

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