All comics by cruiserchris

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by cruiserchris
1-09-01
There's a huge bug infestation out here lately.
Really?
Yeah. It's a definite problem. These things eat people and everything.
That seems kinda dangerous.
I guess that's really not too important now, though.
BRAAAP

 

by cruiserchris
1-09-01
I always wanted to be a clown when I was growing up.
Come to think of it, I always wanted to microwave the cat too.

 

by cruiserchris
1-09-01
I've taught my little doggie here to roll around on this here bouncy ball.
It took me about seven years, but I finally done it.
Now all I gotta teach him to do is steal from old ladies in wheelchairs, and I'll have one fine canine on my hands.

 

by cruiserchris
1-09-01
You know, I never really thought it would come to this. I though the Weekly World News made it all up.
Well, that's not important now. At this point, we must only find a way to survive.
What?! Now you die, you impudent little snotball.

 

by cruiserchris
1-09-01
Uh... I hate to tell you this, but your reconstructive surgery went terribly wrong.
We're going to have to smash your skull with a sledgehammer and reset it. It looks totally out of whack.
Cheer up, though! First, we're going to open up those incisions we made before and put a whole bunch of fire ants and cockroaches in there!

 

by cruiserchris
1-09-01
I'm so depressed. Maybe if I just kill myself, everyone will realize how much they needed me around.
OW! SWEET JESUS! THAT HURTS!
Dammit.

 

by cruiserchris
1-09-01
I am SOOO gonna be famous for this.
Bad news, man. MTV's Jackass won't even OPEN any submissions.
Damn. Oh well. Could you pry these nails out then?

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
I only respect horoscopes that are really, really specific.
Just like this one I got today, from my very own psychic friend.
"Today, at about noon, Neil Perleman, wearing tight-foitting wool knickers, will kill you on the crosstown bus."

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
Hmm... It seems we've been abducted by aliens or something.
Yes, I know. This short little creature dragged me off to the back of the ship and gave me an anal probe.
Uh... sorry dude. That was me.

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
There's something oddly ironic about a clown in a graveyard.
I guess it's mainly the fact that the dead people really aren't amused too easily. You know, since they're dead.
You got that right, Chuckles. Now how's about one of those little tricks where you get into a Matchbox car.

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
I never really wanted to be a cowboy when I was growing up.
I really wanted to be a gynecologist, but I never could find an opening.

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
In England in 1830, William Hukkison became the first person run over by a railroad train.
Wouldn't you feel like a total idiot if that happened to you?
If for millions and millions of years there were no trains and then suuddenly they have trains and you get run over?

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
A graveyard has to start with a single body.
Unless, of course, the townspeople get lucky and there's a huge bus accident right in the middle of town.

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
All right people, we're doing a sexual harrassment commercial here. Let's not mess this up! All right, tubby. You're the boss. You... uh... hot chick. You're the harrassed employee. ACTION!
*Ahem* Do you want to have sexual intercourse with me in the copy room?
Good! Keep going...
Hey! That is sexual harrassment and I don't have to take that!
CUT!
But I will...

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
Howdy, neighbor! Whaddaya know good?!
Not too much, actually Frank. My house collapsed in that tornado we just had, my son dropped out of Harvard to go to clown college, and I just found out you've been sleeping with my wife.
Fair enough. See ya!

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
We're the only ones left, Red Robot.
We must now put our bitter hatred aside to repopulate the world with robots.
I guess earthquakes can bring some things together. Ha ha ha!
I love you, man.

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
The mayor has taken into account your request for a cowboy day in New York City.
He said that was a stupid idea for a holiday and that all cowboys are faggots.
You can't fight City Hall, but you can sure as hell blow it up.

 

by cruiserchris
1-10-01
There really aren't enough characters on here.
I'm really not happy with the way I look. Maybe if I was an ape or something...
But as it stands I must kill myself with this hammer at the end of each comic I'm in. Ouch.

 

by cruiserchris
2-16-01
Hey bruddaman. How's ya doin up there?
Not too bad. You?
Not too bad. So what do you wanna do tonight?
I dunno.
How about going to a bar and picking up some hot chicks and cold beer?!
Sounds good... I could get to like this dark side stuff...

 

by cruiserchris
2-16-01
You know, ladies and gents, I've been having a bit of a problem lately.
I'm trying to quit smoking with those little nicotine patches.
They work okay, I guess, but they're damn hard to keep lit.

 

by cruiserchris
2-16-01
You know, a lot of people say that you can't have it both ways.
I tend to disagree with that statement.
It all depends on how well you know the person. I mean, sure you can't have it both ways at once, but if you've got some extra time you can probably have it six or seven ways.

 

by cruiserchris
2-16-01
Somebody told me that some brotha shot and killed his girl the other day.
Well, if ya ask me, when that brotha decided to kill the bitch, she weren't his girl no more! Bwa ha ha!
Thank you. I'll be here all week.

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