All comics by dommiel84

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by dommiel84
1-03-03
Jeff sits in contemplation in the park, wondering whether he has chosen the correct path in life
I wonder if I've chosen the correct path in life
A brilliant light appeared, shining like the sins of angels. When the light faded Jeff's conscience appeared to him
I'm your conscience, keep up the good work, you're doing great
Well, if you say so
10 years went by and never once did Jeff question the voice inside his head until...
You sure I should have done that?
Wait... what did I say?

 

by dommiel84
1-03-03
I always try to visit the graveyard at least once a week
I could have just stolen these flowers from another grave but I like to buy them myself, give it a personal touch
Dead girls don't say "No" but I'm a romantic at heart. Let's find a fresh body tonight

 

by dommiel84
1-06-03
I'm so lonely... I can't take it any more... The prison system is so flawed, there's no rehabilitation, it's just mindless boredom and loneliness
If I have to spend any more time in this hell-hole I'm going to have to end it all... take the ultimate step and end my life. If it wasn't for the near-constant rapings this place wouldn't be any fun
Visiting time is over Mr. Durden!
Oh well, I'd better be off home. Same time tomorrow Mum?

 

by dommiel84
1-06-03
On the site of a bloody and horrific car crash
Please sir...My parents have been in a frightful accident. Could you take me to my grandmother's house? She lives nearby
Don't worry, let's go. Past the meadow and through the woods to grandmother's house we go!
A secluded wood not far away
Mummy! I want my mummy!! *sob*
If it's wrong to seduce children, lure them into a wood, steal everything they have, bugger them then leave them for dead, then I don't *want* to be right!

 

by dommiel84
1-06-03
Some of you may have found the previous comic a bit strong and I apologise... I'd like to make it known that I *never* steal!
*giggle*
What did I say wrong??
Do I get my sweets now sir?
Umm, you should probably leave...

 

by dommiel84
1-06-03
This is my friend who I live with but doesn't want to reveal his name. So let's call him Eddie for now.
That's my real name you arse ninja!
This is Barry, speaking of clouds, Barry's gay! Hahaha
My name's Barry and I have initmate relationships with cats... wait, this isn't cat-fuckers anonymous!
And this is an amazingly lifelike representation of Ollie... It's like... wow...
Why couldn't I have a hat??? I can't take it, suicide is the only option!

 

by dommiel84
1-06-03
Jeff's been setting traps in order to kill the only people who like him. This is Ollie's trap
That weird green chap's wearing a hat! If I don't get a hat, noone does!
*tick**Tick**tick**Tick*
SHOD!
In Jeff's secret bunker
Hairy lesbian mammoth bollocks! He's getting up. Oh well, back to KidChat

 

by dommiel84
1-06-03
After Jeff's dissapointment at being unable to kill Ollie he goes after Barry
How did I find myself here? Hey! There's a cat I haven't fucked yet!
I'm a killer, grr... Blood, the taste! YES KILL!!! Purr
Oh my god! It's coming right at me!
Diiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!
Back in Jeff's secret surveilance bunker
Aha, the rare Norfolk murdering cat. Wait... what's he doing? He's having sex with it! Oh, the cat died. Foiled again!

 

by dommiel84
1-06-03
Ollie and Jeff meet up with Eddie, fearing for their lives.
Someone lured me with a hat and an exploding elf!
And they tried to kill me with a Norfolk Murdering cat! I looked it up so I could add to my "Cat breeds I've fucked" list
It seems that someone is trying to use our personal vices against us in order to kill us for some weak reason to make a plot
Luckily I don't have any vices, I should be completely safe
Roll up! Roll up! Free unprotected sex, beer and cigarettes!
JOYGASM!

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
After falling into Jeff's trap, Eddie has fallen very ill
Is he going to be ok Doctor? I've never seen him so... gooey
Fucking prostitutes!
I keep telling you, I'm not a doctor, I'm a guy with no pants! But in my expert opinion...
He's got 2 weeks to live
Well I'll fuck a cat!
Oh dear God, noooo!

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
Learning he has only 2 weeks to live, Eddie seeks solace in beer
Beer help heal... Holy arctic postmen! Are you Jesus?
No. I'm a giant dancing cigarette. I think you're hallucinating mate
After smoking the giant dancing cigrette...
Cigarettes and alcohol, what more could I... Holy cockney jizz monkies! Are you Jesus?
No, I'm a policeman, we've had reports that someone set fire to, and smoked a cigarette company maskot
After smoking the policeman...
Who the fuck are you s'posed to be?
Damn that publicist

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
In a drunken haze Eddie stumbles accross Jesus
Behold, for I am Jesus. Believe in me and ye shall find peace!
And I'm Neil, Jesus' hanky! Down here, around his waist!
Umm... right... Err, don't s'pose you can heal me? I've only got two weeks to live, I caught something off a prostitute
I'm afraid I can't heal people, the Bible is complete shit.
Oh, well that's dissapointing. Glad I never had faith in you, guess atheists have been right all along
Ahh, consider the lilly in the field...

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
Eddie arrives home triumphant and slightly hung over
Hey Ollie! I found Jesus in a field and Atheists have been right all along, Jesus can't do shit to help anyone!
Well... I'm not sure how I feel about that... So he didn't heal you?
No, but Neil his hanky did!
You had your sexually transmitted disease cured by Jesus' Hanky... Any problems?
Well yeah... Jesus kissed my knob... What's up with that?
Hat!

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
Ollie is speaking
My aunt was saying a few weeks back that this guy she knew, who plays in a band..he was on holiday somewhere.. i forget where
but on takeoff to go back home from this resort, the plane was followed by fighter aircraft and escorted back the airway, where it landed
He's still doing it
this was during the gulf war, i believe
so sometime ago, this guy wrote to Tony Blair asking him why and stuff, why the plane had been told to ground, and why it had had no media corverage and a while later the guy gets a call off tony...
I don't know what started this
and then the fucking nutter of a guy says to tony that if he ever wants any music at any do's or something, just give him another call, but that put blair up in my opinion
hat hat hat hat hat hat hat hat hat ha tah tah at h a

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
Another boring evening in the woman's prison
Nnng, good one mum... Right hand Pink!
Oh, that's good Jeff... Index finger brown...
Ahh, Incest, a game for all the family

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
Beneath Eddie's house
So, you dug a new cellar... That's bizarre behaviour. Is the house safe?
Ah, don't worry about a thing. This is going to be the site of my new cult!
Mmm, I like clits!
Umm, what did you say?
The true power will give him such a smiting

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
Jeff is in his secret bunker trying to cyber with kids
Ah, Barry's online! *typing* How are you you cat fucker?
A lot of shit has been going on, some fucker tried to kill me, Ollie and Eddie
Oh yeah, that was me LOL. Funny huh?
Well... At least I got another cat out of it. Why didn't you appear to tie the plot line together?
Oh, I lost interest.
Message from Ollie: Hat hat hat hat hat hat hat hat hat. Pervert!

 

by dommiel84
1-07-03
Barry is sitting in his penthouse looking for cats from his window
Hur hur... there's one... Come to barry my pretty... Here kitty kitty kitty
Barry! We're having leftovers for dinner tonight!
Wow mum! Well I'll fuck a cat!
Barry! Would you please stop using that expression!
Yes... Expression...

 

by dommiel84
1-08-03
Jeff has just recieved his first piece of fanmail
Jeff, what's that piece of paper stuck to the wall with your semen?
I got some fan mail today and it... excited me
Well, it's destroyed beyond recognition now, what did it say?
It was from thejohnboy, he said "comedy is best when it makes you cringe... Well done" *purr*
Where are you off to at this time of night?
I'm off to make Johnboy cringe

 

by dommiel84
1-08-03
Beneath Eddie's house
So, your dark subterranean temple and cult HQ is coming on well. What's in those sacks?
As soon as I told Jeff I'd dug a cellar under the house these bags just started appearing.
So you're insinuating that Jeff's started storing the defiled corpses of prepubescent kids down here?
I insinuate nothing... but I wouldn't look in there if I were you
Later outside the bathroom
You looked in the sacks didn't you?
*spat gurgle hurgh* Tell my cats I love them!

 

by dommiel84
1-08-03
Undeneath Eddie's house
Ah, Jeff... I've been meaning to speak to you...
*whistling innocently*
It's dark down here
Umm, it's about you storing those children's corpses down here... you see the police don't like that
*Ahem*
What's that smell?
Umm... could you at least stop urinating on them? The smell is really foul
I must water my garden, keep them fresh, keep them alive...

 

by dommiel84
1-08-03
We join Jeff during a phonecall, oh, he's got a hands free phone... that's why he's not holding the reciever
Hello, Great Universal? I'd like to order a new bed, the Jupiter Futon Bunk? I notice in the picture it has kids on it, would they be shipped seperately?
Haha, I'm afraid the kids don't come with the bed sir
Next time consider the phone operator's feelings
Don't laugh at me bitch! Ok, is the one from the photo available? The one the kids have sprawled on?
Sorry sir, that's for demonstration purposes only. I am not used to being spoken to in such a way!
Ever hopeful
Shut your filthy mouth you bukake cum junkie! Now, do you know if the factory used child labour?
*click*

 

by dommiel84
1-10-03
WHAT??? Why do you keep STARING at me???
Oh... no reason...
You're trying to figure out what sex I am aren't you?
NO! I was going to rape you I swear!
He DOES care!

 

by dommiel84
1-10-03
Ah Father, good of you to come!
Oh thank you, thank you for this second chance! Although technically you shouldn't really call me father anymore
Don't worry Derek, we've all done things we're not proud of... But please try and stay away from Jeff, we don't want him starting up your old ways again, do we?
Oh no, certainly not! I am proud to be leading your cult though, ever since the Catholic church thought it prudent that I go underground for a while... Where are the followers?
I'm right here. What, you think we should have more?
It would be wise... maybe some... innocent young children who will believe anything a priest tells them...

 

by dommiel84
1-10-03
In an attempt to obtain some cult members, Eddie gets the job of a stand up comedian to gain publicity
So, you know when your room mate kidnaps children to bugger them loudly all night? Doesn't that make you want to denounce your faith?
Get off you sicko!
5 minutes later
And the bible, you ever read that thing? It's complete bullshit! haha
Hey, he's right! YEAH!
15 minutes later
I've been Eddie and you've been a bunch of brainwashed idiots, good night!
Woo! We worship you!

 

by dommiel84
1-10-03
Copying Eddie, Jeff decides to become a stand up too
*reading slowly* I'd just kidnapped this little girl and I'm walking her into a wood when she says
Fucking sicko!
*ahem* "Well fuck my little panties it's scary in these woods at night"
I think I'm going to be sick
So I said to her, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back by myself!"
Oh god! This guy's fucked up! Let's go join a cult

 

by dommiel84
1-10-03
NNnnngm must stay quiet
Is it hot in here? aha...
It's ok, plenty of other things to bugger...
*whisper* Somebody say something...
I FUCK KITTENS!
Damn, so close! For hat's sake...

 

by dommiel84
1-10-03
Mild mannered homeless guy and general pacifist pussy Jesus Christ
Hey man, spare some change? I'll wash your feet!
But when danger beckons he becomes...
Sp-Sp-Sp- Spider!
KITE MAN!
ARGH!!! SPIDER! FLY AWAAAAAAAAAY!

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
Father Derek checks his hotmail account
RE: Women's health. Are you too dry?
These spammers don't care who they send to
RE: Shocking news! Everyone's laughing at you. Enlarge your penis...
Shit! How do they know???
In Jeff's secret surveilance bunker
Ah, easy money. With the cheques rolling in from these online companies I only owe £8,694.37 more for the spy cameras
Dear Mr. Durden, we thank you for the list of people with small penises, for future refernce, however, we do not require any pictures...

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
Well I'll fuck a cat! You're Deaf aren't you?
Umm... I fuck cats?
Sorry, are you speaking?
Haha! You can't hear me! I fuck cats, I fuck 'em good!

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
Jeff's out playing on a tricycle he "found"
I beat you Lloyd. Man I'd give my sould for some good buggery. Say, what's that fuzzy blur in front of us?
Oh, they're just my daughter's sir
When suddenly in the middle of a corridor
Hello Jeff... Come Play with us... Forever... and ever... and ever...
Hello Jeff... Come Play with us... Forever... and ever... and ever...
*wikka wow wow, wikka wikka wikka wow*
Say Lloyd, I'd buy those daughters off you but I seem to be a little light. How's my credit in this joint?
Your credit's just fine sir.

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
Hi everyone, I'd like to introduce you all to Mr. Gradey, a wonderful chap
Oh sir, I'm honoured
Oh shit, he's seeing things again
You remembered to give him his hat this morning didn't you? I mean medication
Why am I never allowed to have friends?
All work and no play makes Jeff a dull boy sir.

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
After having hallucinations, Ollie and Eddie decide to lock up Jeff
It's not fair, they never let my friends come over
Oh dear Mr. Durden, it seems they have gotten the better of you
Mr. Gradey, is that you? Please let me out!
Some of us don't believe you've got the guts to go through with it... but I think I know you better. I'll let you out on the condition you carry out your task
I'll do it I swear! I'll kill them all! And then bugger their empty eye sockets!
That's the spirit sir.

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
The first cult meeting has just closed and all involved are very pleased
Ah, I think the first cult meeting went very well sir. I suppose you'll be off now?
It did go well Derek, take an extra fiver from the collection plate. I'm off to bed, clean up all the goat blood
Fifteen minutes into his cleaning though Father Derek sees something unusual
Hello Father... Come Play with us... Forever... and ever... and ever...
Hello Father... Come Play with us... Forever... and ever... and ever...
Oh my... little girls... panties... so flexible...
I need to go and lie down...

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
Doctor? I have a problem, I've got this cat-bum shaped rash around my groin area
I keep bloody telling you! I'm not a doctor, I'm a guy with no pants!
Well, can you lool at my groin anyway?
Ok but only if I can live here
Ok, let me just put this cat down and then I'll show you my cat-shredder
Umm... Just to clear this up... You are male right?

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
Eddie returns home to find a guy with no pants in his bedroom
What the hell are you doing in my room?
Oh, Barry said I could live here
But this isn't Barry's house! How much is he charging you?
I had to examine his groin
Well I'll be on the sofa
I'll be trying on your underwear

 

by dommiel84
1-11-03
Derek has gone to an industrial night club to chat up girls of legal age
Hey... umm, I'm like a loyal dog... umm, baby...
Yeah? How so?
Barry let him use his best chat-up line
Err... I come when you call. *PURRR*
EWWWWW! Father!
Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nnnngg.... Do you have any Kleenex?
Get away from me

 

by dommiel84
1-12-03
Jeff has sneaked into Eddie's room while he's asleep
Here's Jeffy!!! I'm gonna bugger you to death!
zzz... take me Scrappy Doo.... zzzz
Dammit, how many pairs of boxers are you wearing??
zzz... Huh? What's going... who's that? Why are you undressing me???
Jeff has sneaked into Eddie's room while he's asleep
Shut up! When I'm done with you you're going to wish I was TOBOR!
Who's Tob- Oh JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!! ARGH!!!

 

by dommiel84
1-12-03
The next morning the Guy With No Pants leaves Eddie's bedroom, strangely quiet
Oh my god, what happened to you? You look like shit!
*twitch* Nothing... Nothing happened *twitch*
Are you sure? I heard a lot of noise last night, but I didn't want to disturb you
I... I'm not disturbed... nothing happened. I'm going to see a doctor...
I thought you were a doctor! Oh sweet fictional Jesus! Is your arse bleeding?
*twitch* No... Nothing *twitch* Nothing happened. I wasn't arse-raped

 

by dommiel84
1-12-03
I did it. I raped him til he went limp so I'm naturally assuming he's dead
No Mr. Durden, the man you... saw to... wasn't Eddie. I'm afraid you shan't be getting your reward
You mean I only get one of the twins?
No Mr. Durden, you don't get EITHER of them. Thanks to you, I have to kill your friends myself.
I'd give my soul for some kids to bugger
Not this time Jeff, not this time

 

by dommiel84
1-12-03
Living room- Eddie's house. 3am
Mr. Gradey breaks in, leaves a VHS under the TV
And leaves
Muwahahahahaha

 

by dommiel84
1-12-03
Living room- Eddie's house. 1120 hours
Oh, there's a video here... "The Ring". Tsk, Jeff leaving his amateur gay porn all over the place
Curiosity buggered the cat
Hmm... I wonder what the storyline is all about... I'd only be watching it out of boredom...
Barry slides the tape into the VCR and loosens his trousers
I'm certainly not watching this because I'm curious or anything... well... maybe a little. But I'm deffinitely not gay... well...

 

by dommiel84
1-12-03
Barry is watching intently waiting for the Greek man-love to start
"Hey, what's a woman doing in this? Wow, she just jumped accross the screen"
"God damn, this is freaky"

 

by dommiel84
1-12-03
Living room- Eddie's house. 1134 hours
That was shit! 4 minutes long and no homo-eroticism! Jeff has some weird tastes
Suddenly the phone rings, Jeff answers hoping someone will talk to him
*RIIIIIING RING RING*
You will die in seven days
Well you've got a nice voice... What are you wearing?
*CLICK*

 

by dommiel84
1-13-03
Barry, don't even speak to me, my head is fucking killing me. In fact, just leave. Quietly
I'm going to bed. Shut up for Christ's sake!

 

by dommiel84
1-13-03
The next day
AHAHAHAHA! God British comedy is the best!
"Nothing to eat...Improvise... there must be something in the cupboards... AHA! Shelves..."
The next day... at night
Ahahahaha! God Swedish porn is the best!
Oooh SVEN!!!!

 

by dommiel84
1-13-03
Another next day
Well I'll fuck a cat! I just got the worst news ever!
Barry, I've told you to stay the hell out of my room!
I've only got seven days to live! Some chick phoned me up!
Barry... you've only got four days to live, you've been standing in shock for three days now
Several hours later

 

by dommiel84
1-13-03
Eddie is explaining to Ollie about the Ring
So he watched the video and now he's only got 7 days to live?
No! Only four! The dumb idiot just stood around for three days!
Ahahahahahahaahahahah hat. What an idiot! So where is he now?
He's gone into shock again! Hahaha!
Hahahahat! Ahhh... Sometimes when I fart it hurts. Y'know, a lot.
Cool

 

by dommiel84
1-14-03
Barry has come out of shock and is trying to convince his friends to help him
Please guys... you can't let me die! I'm an integral part of this "posse". Plus I'm the funny one.
I thought I was the funny one...
What have you ever done that's funny?
I'm the funny one for Shod's sake! I say hat a lot!
I farted in the President's bedroom!
Oh yeah, that was good.

 

by dommiel84
1-14-03
Hooray! Time for another quest
You all ready for the trip of a lifetime?
Another one? I just want to go home
I hope you remembered to pack your toothbrush!
Very funny Barry, you're not going to trick me again. I noticed you'd shoved it up your arse, I always check now
Are you coming along too? If any of us get hurt or catch an STD we might need a doctor
How many more fucking times?!? I'm not a doctor, I'm a guy with no pants!

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