All comics by el_foka

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by el_foka
6-29-03
Hey, did you happen to catch the new Rugrats movie?
Christ, It's that fucking robot.
What's wrong?
Damn it, he's still talking...
You know, I bet a solid kick in would cheer him up!
Why the hell won't he leave? Maybe he can't... this might be one of those newfangled magnet sidewalks.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
So uh, el_foka, how's the comic business working out for you
Not too well, my first comic had a typo in it.
Hey, man I feel for you.
Thanks. Hey, can I ask you a question?
Sure, what's on your mind?
When did you start wearing pants?

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
So how's being a fire elemental working out for you?
...
Not so hot.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
Hey, becky! What's going on today!
I thought I'd go find a hammer and brutally beat two dogs to death.
You know what Becky?
No, what?
You'd look so cute doing it.
Thanks, you're the best friend ever.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
And so day broke.
So like now you up for a little of the old fashioned loving?
What? I thought you were going to go get your wallet to buy my Girl scout cookies?!?
Oh, I get my wallet Ai'aght. Not right now though.
I'm going to run now.
So like you killed him, and hid his body?
Well, I wouldn't say hid so much as threw out a window into traffic.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
What are they looking at?
I'm not sure....
Maybe we should run...
No they smell fear...
I'm scared...
I think we both are... why do they keep on looking at us?

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
Do you pity your life?
Hey mac, this here's a living. You just go to hell.
... How about I shove my foot into your bowels at a level so deep you cry iron?
Whoa there! Hold on. I'll just leave.
He left... I only wanted a ballon puppy thing.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
Panel one began
You ever seen a dead body?
No, I haven't.
Panel One left behind the bastard son, Panel Two
It's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
Try what?
Who further spawned an even more hated Panel Three
The dead body... Ah damn it. I blame God.
A winner it is you.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
I'd like to go to holland.
Wooden Shoe.
...
You're no longer my friend.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
Hey wow. I just got an email regarding my comics!
"Dear el_foka, you have a unique sense of humor. Your jokes are very...dry."
No, a dry joke would be... A man falls into a well. ... and there isn't any water in it.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
Hey Becky! Guess What?
I honestly have no idea.
There's a new superhero in town!
Really? What's his power?
My dad with the power to beat me.
Ouch.

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
So how's the whole "my Dad beats me" thing going?
The other day I had blood in my stool, and woke up crying.
...
Looks he's grown soft eh?

 

by el_foka
6-29-03
You ever get the feeling that people gave up on ideas for real clip art?
Totally.
I mean come on, dogonball whose idea was that?
It was somebody important.
Yeah, probably, but still I wonder what the meaning of my life was.
I probably shouldn't have killed the dogonball...

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
We need to raise awareness of great social injustices Becky.
Like what?
Genocide.
Where is Genocide being commited?
In this comic strip. Thousands of brain cells are dropping dead as we speak.
It's a national crisis!

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Dad, can I ask you a question?
Sure son, so long as it doesn't incriminate me in any way, I'll be totally honest.
You see there's this girl at school I really like, and she doesn't even know I exist.
Hmmm... I see. Well son, I suggest doing what your old man did to woo your mom.
Make her a card?
Hell no! Take a razor blade, and carve her name into your chest, and hug her real tight. For the best effect, I recommend keying her car, just so she knows who you are.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Well. I've been thinking me being asian... I need to have adventures.
The kind that involve Giant Robots, Magic, Kung Fu, and Super Jaw Dropping Insane Special effects! I just need to find the right genre...
Ah. Hentai.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Wow... just when I thought Dungeons and Dragons couldn't get any worse...
I mean honestly. They took away the electrum, the profiecencies...
The cool weapons like the Arquebus.... My darts no longer do a 1d3 + 1...
And to top it all off, they completely mess with the core races. Darkvision for halflings? Gone, and now the gnome's favored class is bard?
And don't get me started on the elves...
Please for the sake of balanced classes ....kill me....

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Hey Becky! Guess what?
I give what's up?
I found out that if you remove the pigtails from your head you'd look like an Alaskan Gary Coleman!
Hold that thought.
I'm going to get my teethkicking boots.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Hey Gang! I'm a moderator at Newgrounds.com and boy do we get some of the most thought provoking posts out there!
Here's a fun filled topic by Darth_Buehler! "Rudy Guilliani Suxor!1" In the topic, he stirred up debate by writting, "new york sucks".
....Wow, our BBS is so fucked.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Hey Gang. Time for another shining post from Newgrounds.com's BBS!
BrianEarlSpinner had at the point of this post wrote only one post in total. So obviously what he lacks in quanity he makes up in quality! Here goes...
..."Penis Penis."
To think there are parents out there who let these children live...

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Wow Becky! What did you think of the Hulk movie?
It taught us a valueable lesson....
Which was?
Despite constant warnings that the "angrier Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets" the only way the writers of the plot could figure out an end was to drop a bigass nuke on him.
So what did that teach the impressionable youth of America?
Violence solves everything.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
You ever think about dignity Becky?
You mean like about not to touch dead things when your parents are watching?
Right, well recently I learned something about diginity.
What's that?
You will never make any of the Bling Bling for solid Ice if you have dignity.
... So you're a call girl?

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
I've become a phone sex girl.
Doesn't that require training.
Nope.
Do they have ANY standards?
Of course Becky, you're so silly. You can't be dead, and if you're a man, you have to be able to fake a woman's voice marginally well.
Those aren't really standards so much as a disgusting revelations.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
What not talking?
...
You better not cop that "Holier than Art Thou" attitude with me, mister! I'll martyr your ass!
Good God, that joke was horrible.
Would you prefer a pie to the face? This isn't your Daddy's humor, but then nothing is.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Dare I ask what you are?
That's an easy one. I'm the corpse of the Scrubbing Bubbles mascot.
Wow, they really let you go.
So mascots don't retire? They starve to death?
Cool.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Time for more BBS fun!
This gem comes from Killer2! He made a super topic called, "Do you clever a about your girl?" In it he writes, " Tell all the guy if you clever about your girl."
If there is a god in heaven, he is laughin at me, going "Take that you jerk". I'm pretty sure it's a Korean accent as well.

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Goodness Me! Even more smart posters! Everyday is like Christmas.
EZ3 writes, "Cunt".
A bitter blackened soulless husk of a holiday.... HAPPY CANADA DAY!

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
My chum Fuckeroo2 has a special post for us today!
He says "hey u fuckin cunt head u took mah fuckin name i am waging war on ur dumb bitch ass and i hope u get the fuck outta here fast fuckin rich ass white boy u are a bastord asshat"
Wow. Now if we had more well spoken posters like him, well need I say the world could be happier?

 

by el_foka
6-30-03
Oh my God, Becky! I've been thinking about the social impact the internet has had on our little lives!
... I'm been thinking about boys.
I'm going to graduate and go to college.
I'm going to be a golddigger, and force old men to give me their money.
sigh....
sigh....

 

by el_foka
7-01-03
Okay Becky. You see that dead guy behind us?
Yeah?
He's in a state called Rigor Mortis. His body is rigid. For funerals, the funeral directors crack the bodies to make them limp...
So he took you to a battlefield. I swear Mr. Feld's a very odd teacher.
I once caught him stealing his own wallet.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
Wow Cockfights rock.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
In the beginning, there was God... a big grey semi circle, some poorly drawn stars, and an a brief application of the fill effect in MS paint.
God grew tired of the constant whiny of the grey mass, and so he caused it to explode, and his ratings soared.
God then realized there was very little he could do for a sequel.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
Dear Jerry, I've been wandering aimlessly in the desert for days. I hope this letter, and small Asian child finds you safely.
Hiya.
Becky is skilled in many things, amongst them is the art of spraying vomit from afar. I trust this will aid you on your holy mission.
We're off to confront the mainstream individuals which dictate what's hip to the youth of America!
Wow! A mission from God! The bitch finally wrote me back.
He says you owe him a fifen.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
Oi! Wat yu doin ot n de street little bink?
I'm off to find and slaughter with my holy friend the corrupt hearts of a soulless body.
N I suppose he's yur mate, eh?
Actually, based on this letter I got, I'm not actually her friend. She's my partner in a crime against idiocy.
Crime gainst the state? Jes keep de street clean n we're on de up an up, eh?
Hmmm, oh yes officer, I would think of nothing less than cleaning up our streets.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
Oh my god Becky! Did you catch the news? There's going to be a big hacking spree Sunday! You're good with a computer right? Why not show of your l33t skillz?
When I told you I was good at hacking that was a different thing entirely.
I don't follow.
Remember how you still owe me $20?
Oh.... right..
Yeah, I took a cleaver a hacked your abusive father to death and hid his body in a culvert.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
Me fucking Myself! JMHX has me delivering letters! Can you believe that? I'm not his gopher. I'm an important person! I've got places to be.
I'm sorry. Do I know you?
Jesus, son of God, we were in Track and the Chess club together. Remember?
Oh yeah! The party animal! Didn't you get your ass busted by the Romans during our graduation rave, and your holy ass nailed for some stupid reason?
...Yeah. My ass got nailed. That's one way of looking at it.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
Christ, you're actually threatening me?
It ain't no threat. I bust your ass if you mess with JMHX!
I'm soooo sick of his whiny accent.
Okay, tell you what, you get the first swing. Go on. Punch me.
....Point taken.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
Hey, wanna join an internet group?
What do you have to offer?
... Buffalo wings.
I want in!
Wait, I lied.
Wait, I'm a member of a rival group whose actually a mole, but seeks both sides approval so I can chat with you both. Thought you might like to know.

 

by el_foka
7-05-03
That's disgusting.
How many times must I tell you?
Please mom, stop combing out your pubic hair.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
Butch enquires about purchasing knives.
Yessir, that there's a gin-you-wine ginsu knife.
Before Butch could even ask a question.
Boy, I tell you. Not only does it come with 22 other knives of varying quality, but the suckers are stabbing sharp! That and they come with a lifetime guarantee!
Butch left the shop dishearted, and empty handed. He knew how short lifetimes were.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
My abusive father got me a single gift before you brutally killed him.
Hopefully, it's $20.
A pair of firestone tires.
Do they do any tricks?
Just one, they roll over.
Unlike my 401k.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
And yeah, the travelers traveled along.
Well, I'm asking congress for 87Billion dollars.
Holy shit! It's president Bush! Has our journey taken us this far already?
Yep. Gonna blow me up some Arabs.
You do realize the prevailing attitude towards your spendathon in Europe is one of mixed disgust and awe, as they wonder how you can afford to neglect your own voters.
Man howdy. Those towel wearing sons o' bitches gonna go splode.
God, it hurts. Becky, take over.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
Mah paw said I'm going to be king when I grow up.
Well, king George, when do you plan on growing up?
Soon as I get mah self a happy meal.
You realize that by advocating support for a single company, you yourself become a consmer whore? Why not diversify, and try other things.
Cuz, I like McDonald's French Fries.
Ah. Ah. Freedom fries, King George. Freedom fries.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
Them thar Arabs gonna get the fuck blown out of em.
With the taxpayers taking the greatest hit. You realize that spending more money, and giving cutbacks in taxes, not only are you digging two holes with one shovel, you're also burying your own career.
Taxpayers? What y'all talking about? My daddie's paying the bill for this war.
No... the money from Congress, even though most of them are implented, as is your cabinet, during your father's term are 'dad's' poker buds, they aren't 'giving' you money.
...Right. They have to send mexican immigrants to harvest it off of the money trees.
Okay... tag back. Your go.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
Man, can't wait to get reelected.
What makes you so certain that you will get reelected?
Daddy says that by upping the defense budget to unheard of levels in a time of nonwar, and falsly justifing it the general populous, they have to reelect or lose their sense of security.
Furthermore, paw says that the american public which feels that I'm not doing my job is so confident that I have the system screwed over, that they'll never vote to remove me from office.
And if they actually muster the courage to remove you from the political landscape?
Martial fucking law.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
Okay, it's pretty obvious that we need to remove this guy, as is our mission from God.
Right, but how do you suppose we can remove a boulder as dense as he?
Oh I've got a few ideas.
Well let's get cracking skippy.
Your dad called, he says that you need to go to your room think about what you've done.
Oh boy! There's toys in my room!

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
Whoops. Forgot where he lived.
Indeed. Now we have to bust into the white house, and remove him.
I really fucked up didn't I?
We're talking resurrection of Carrot Top's career fucked up.
Well, I guess we'll have to storm the doors, and randomly start killing people.
Well, considering that we need to across fence, that'll be the easiest thing, considering my years of CIA training.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
I still can't believe we snuck in with a tourist group.
So am I, considering the background shot of the whitehouse is of night.
Soooo.... where the hell are we?
This looks like a storage room.
I think we found out where the defense budget went.
Howdy, folks. I'm going to feed you your own intestines like so much pull taffy.

 

by el_foka
9-09-03
This is your fucking idea?
Yup. Running works wonders.
Did we lose him.
Yup.
But he's only 20 feet away! We're fucked!
You forget my talent that was mentioned on part two of this saga.

 

by el_foka
9-16-03
i hate me. do you??? YES YOU FUCKING DO!!!!FUCK YOU!!!THEIR!NOW YOU HATE ME...CALL ME A RETARD OR A FUCKING MORON ALL YOU WANT, YOUR STILL HATED.......
Another fine post by meowmix420 on the newgrounds.com BBS.
You fucking hate me don't you?
You've no idea.

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