All comics by emijy

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by emijy
2-17-12
Match prepared and playing at home. In your face, Manly.
We love you Leeds! Leeds! Leeds United! AFC!
I wish I had lines in this strip. Must get a better agent.
Brrrr!
Never mind the cold, why are we even here? I am Peruvian.

 

by emijy
2-17-12
Aww, this box is too thin.
HEY! CAN I BE IN YOUR BOX?
You could have waited for me to take the separator down.
Whatever. It is so roomy in here.
Hey, where did you come from?
Peru.

 

by emijy
2-17-12
Is it a gun in my pocket or am I just pleased to see you?
Isn't that my line? I mean to ask of you. Obviously I don't have a penis or a gun. Well, not that obvious as I could have a gun. Or a penis, I suppose. But I have neither.
I see. Anyway, it's a gu...
Too slow, eh?
Yes. I probably should find a better way of chatting up women. Anyway, I love your Peruvian accent.

 

by emijy
2-17-12
What the...! A bear driving a car! How is that possible?
Is he waiting for an answer? I'm a bear, I can't speak English. Admittedly I shouldn't be able to drive either. My lack of language means I'm unable to apply for a licence.
Hee-haw.
I have family in Lima too!

 

by emijy
2-27-12
Rock
Scissors
In Peru we call it janquenpón.
I'm glad I never asked.
So how do we finish this strip?
With a post-modern meta conversation that purports to being intellectual but which only shows a lack of a real idea. I suppose.

 

by emijy
2-27-12
Nice scarf.
I don't have a calf?
Nice ears.
I don't have any shears?
Have you noticed my scarf is now wrapped the other way? It's as though they just flipped the right-facing image instead of drawing a new one.
Peruvians notice everything. Except the colour label on hair dye, obviously.

 

by emijy
2-28-12
I'm not going to stand here while you blast off in my face.
Will you let me come inside, then?
You've taken me the wrong way. My back passage was ruined, I'm not going to help you get off now.
But I went down for that!
So why should I help you get away with burgling someone else?
I've repaired the damage to the back of your house with some nice Peruvian wallpaper.

 

by emijy
2-28-12
So what's the deal with you appearing in every strip?
I'm from Peru
Yes. We know. You point it out every time. Every single time.
That's what makes it a running gag.
How's being Peruvian a joke?
I'm here to attract Bolivian readers.

 

by emijy
2-28-12
Today is the first time in four years that today is not March 1st.
It has been March 1st for the past four years?
Although scientists have still not discovered a February 30th.
Maybe one will finally show up tomorrow?
Meanwhile, nothing happened today in Peru.
But it's February 29th in Peru too.

 

by emijy
2-28-12
These strips are not amusing and lack any structure. I'm at a loss as to why we're still here appearing in them.
I'm here because I wanted to see the world outside Peru.
This is hardly the world. You're a graphic, on a web site, standing inside an empty box.
On a literal level, but it is our choice whether to let such constraints bound our conscious and define our being.
Crazy fool. Your being's defined by whatever's typed into the caption above your head. You've no existence beyond the one forced upon you.
Or does our being, wherever it resides, force itself on the writer? The arbitrary choice to make me Peruvian can never be undone. It's who I am now.

 

by emijy
3-02-12
Can I ride your horse, Rebekah?
Of course, Dave.
That was fun.
Ha ha ha ha ha. I borrowed that horse from the police. I own you, now.
Who cares? There's nothing morally or legally wrong with riding a borrowed police horse.
Everyone will. Apparently. Everyone will.

 

by emijy
4-26-12
Hand it over.
What? This rectangle?
That's no rectangle, it's an oblong.
But the Peruvian assured me it was a rectangle.
So it is! Well, you might as well keep it then.
That was too easy.

 

by emijy
4-26-12
EARLIER THAT DAY
What do I do next?
Just keep it safe, it's a rectangle.
What could happen to a rectangle?
Oblong theft is at a record high.
But it's not an oblong.
Isn't it?

 

by emijy
4-26-12
EVEN EARLIER THAT DAY
Want to buy an oblong?
Where'd you get those from?
Why you asking?
A ha! You're an oblong thief.
You got me. Now hand over all your oblongs.
I don't have any. Peruvians prefer rectangles.

 

by emijy
4-26-12
LATER THAT DAY
Why are you clutching an oblong to your chest?
It's not an oblong, it's a rectangle. I'm keeping it safe from oblong thieves.
Oblongs not rectangles? Oblong thieves? Are you feeling okay?
But, the Peruvian... i'm just following what he said.
The Peruvian's only purpose is to ruin comic strips, adding meta nonsense and ensuring an absence of humour.
So, you're saying a rectangle is an oblong?

 

by emijy
6-05-12
You can only say three things to me, so you'd better make them worthwhile.
Only three?
That's one.
Wait, that one counted?
They both did, and now we're in the final box. Everything rests on the very next thing you say, so you'd better make it worthwhile.
"To be continued..."?

 

by emijy
6-05-12
Can you believe that worked?
Who cares? It wasn't going anywhere.
Sorry.
No worries. Just turn the lights out when you're done.
No one suspects a Peruvian in the dark.

 

by emijy
6-05-12
ARGH!
What is it?
Someone attacked me after I turned the lights off.
Who would do such a thing? Not a Peruvian, that's for sure.
What an odd thing to say.
Now you mention it, it does seem suspicious that I'd never suspect a Peruvian.

 

by emijy
6-05-12
Did someone mention Peru?
How long've you been there? Did you attack me?
Yes.
Wait, you're admitting it?
I am no liar, and it insults me that you thought I was.
Erm, sorry.

 

by emijy
7-20-12
Can you believe there's not been a strip for over two months?
Yes.
Oh... you do? Erm... well, I guess there's nothing else to say then.
See, this is why I believe it.

 

by emijy
9-06-12
And, sleep.
And, awake.
Wow, this was the funniest strip ever
Yes. Yes it was.

 

by emijy
9-06-12
And, sleep.
Peruvian's are impervious to hypnotism
True, but you're from Bolivia, only I made you think you were from Peru.
Nooo! But I hate Bolivians.
Hehe, Peruvians are so easy.

 

by emijy
11-01-12
1... 2... 3... Go!
Finger.
Thumb.
So, which was the winner?
Toe, I think.

 

by emijy
11-01-12
Trick or treat?
I'd like a treat, please.
What? No. That's not how it works. You have to give one to me.
Okay, I'll trick you then.
No, I get to trick you. Now you've ruined Hallowe'en.
What an odd choice.

 

by emijy
6-19-14
Ooh, what is in the cup?
Just coffee.
Boring.
Yes, yes you are.
Can you believe that guy? After two years that is all he can say.
I still don't know if I'm Bolivian or from Peru.

 

by emijy
6-19-14
Well, this is different.
Surely I cannot sustain a six act structure on my own?
I guess that answers that.
Where is that weird Peruvian when you need him?
RING RING! RING RING!

 

by emijy
6-19-14
Help!
Don't worry, I'll protect your oblong.
You cannot stop us under the cover of darkness.
I just like being part of a gang.
Why are we stealing a rectangle?
So we all get a corner.

 

by emijy
11-17-16
OVER TWO YEARS LATER
I still do not know if I am really Bolivian, please help me.
Okay, but only if you beat me at janquenpón.
That is all I needed! Thanks.
Scisso... What do you mean? Why are you are not playing?
Because were I from Bolivia you would have called it piedra, papel o tijera. Only in Peru is it called janquenpón.
You got me, it was a joke. Unlike this exchange, which only seems to provide closure for something long forgotten and never cared about anyway.

 

by emijy
11-17-16
What're you doing in the next cell?
Nothing.
That feel's nice.
You know he's just trying to get your oblong, right?
So you're not try to steal a rectangle?
Phew! Better to be thought an oblong thief than he notices what my other hand is doing.

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