All comics by floatingtorsoman

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jghghjgh
Why KBC, i never knew you were actually a woman. and an incoherant woman at that.
shut up. im trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
What the hell are you talking about?
im not talking you moron. dont you notice the thought bubbles eminating from my head?
no, but i did notice something - why the hell are we on the moon now?

 

anyhoo... back to what i was thinking about before you interrupted me.
sorry, what? im busy pounding this nail into my skull.
now why the hell are you doing that?
i dunno. heres another question - whered the nail and hammer go?
hmmm.... this is very odd...
aww fuck - here we go again

 

fuck.... the cops must be around somewhere.....
whats the matter officer?
oh nothing, just making sure theres nothing bad goin.....
BACK OFF PIG! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL US BOTH WITH THIS BUTTERKNIFE! I DON'T NEED YOUR SHIT YOU ASSHOLE!!!
what the fuck?

 

OoOOooWWWwWwWWWww....
wait, why the hell am I in a garbage can? Why the hell does my face hurt? Why the hell am i waring no pants? Where the hell did that police officer go?
*sigh* ive got a lot of explaining to do when i get back home...

 

okay, asses the situation. So far ive met up with KBC, switched areas a few times, and im not sure, but, i THINK i killed a police officer that looked an awful lot like a big plastic army man
where the hell did that blue bar thing near my feet come from?
this place is fucked up

 

allright! i cant take it any more! this place is to confusing!
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON NOW???
look at yourself. dont you look stupid? is this really worth it?
damn.. we need to lose some weight
actually, come to think of it, we do. end it now, i cant stand tae-bo

 

i wonder if heaven will have cable
i bet they wont, theyre all for that 'pure' lifestyle thing. dammit...
*sigh* oh well, i can live without drunken leprechaun fights for eternity, right?

 

so this is heaven huh?
actually no, this is the wating room
how the hell did you hear that?
well, thats one of the reasons im here
really? how?
three words: Robert Downey Jr.

 

well, I'm almost at the end of the line. better show them how i died.
oh FUCK! i have to testify before jesus?!
Hey buddy. youve got a hammer. can you help me out here and tap my nails in a little? i'm falling off
what?

 

holy shit this place is more fucked up than down on earth. i wonder what happens if i killed myself again....
well, here goes nothing
fuck

 

so is this hell?
not exactly..
what does that mean?
do you really want to know?
yeah.
this is actually youre house. were behind youre frigde. by the way, you should really start cleaning behind here

 

so this is behind my fridge? all this wierd shit is mine?
yeah yeah. can we hurry the banter up? i have somewhere to be
sorry, its just - i didnt know that hell itself existed behind my refidgerator
yeah, thats what they all say.
this has happened before? who was it before me?
richard simmons. it was up his ass.

 

so, if this is my house, then theoretically, i could just walk out?
yeah, pretty much
wait a second...
if i turn around hes gonna be gone, right? thought so. goddamn it... this always happens! satan's gonna kick my ass...

 

let me guess, you let ANOTHER one get away?
yeah... sorry boss.
you are THE worst diciple ive EVER had! get out!
aww now noss, i know that time with ricky martin was my fault, but....
enough!! be gone!
goddamn it.... this is the third time he's fired me... good thing i wear this cloak, or else hed be able to tell...

 

Ahhh... its good to be home
wait, no it isnt. this place sucks. its why i left in the first place..
no.. wait... that didnt work last time...

 

well, i guess im stuck here... alone... forever....
WHAT THE FUCK?!
you burnt my carpet asshole
sorry 'bout that

 

so what the hell are you doing here?
satan kicked me out of hell for letting you go. the way i see it, its your fault. let me stay with you
oh, and why should i let you stay, huh?
i can get you muffins
hmmm... muffins huh?
yup. big, tasty, hell-muffins.

 

and these hell-muffins, are they good?
the best
do they have sprinkles?
lots of 'em
hmmm.....
WILL YOU MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND ALLREADY?!? the muffins dont have all day!!

 

okay. i've decided to let you stay
hooray!
but there are a few conditions
allright, i can live with that. what are they?
these "muffins", do they have icing?
*sigh*

 

my, those seven years me and "Reapsie" spent together sure went fast.
ill never forget the time we got married to those angry scottish dwarves, and we had to eat our way out of the pudding dungeon to escape
*sigh* good times, good times...
what the fuck are you talking about? ive been here 15 minutes! i was in the bathroom!

 

Next season on the WB, the new hit sitcom - wierd looking guy and the grim reaper!
watch them as they do wonderful things! like they are right now!
on americas best station, the WB
where the hell is that voice coming from?
is it just me, or do you also have the sudden urge to scream "Waaasuuuup!!!" multiple times over and over incoherently?

 
youre still here?
shut up

 

hey Reapise, can you go the store and pick me up some more nails?
you know that doesnt work [insert main character's name here]. oh, and dont call me that
awwwwwww come on! i promise not to kill myself this time!
*sigh* i guess.....
thank you Reapsie! I love you!
shut up.....

 

Reapsie's trip to the store. Part 1
dont call me that....
Anyway..... i have to get to the store and back, and theres been no setup for a joke anywhere yet, and I only have one panel left. what will the author do?
thought so....

 

well, now that i'm here, where the hell am i?
hey
more importantly, what the FUCK are you?
?

 

my names RealDoubleJ! who are you?
...
damn youre ugly
dont make me pop a cap in yo' ass

 

anyhoo... do you know where the hell i am?
im here too you know
okay then, where are we?
i have no clue
youre one shit-poor exuse for an advanced race, you know that?
meh...

 

anyhoo.... im gonna go try to get home now. bye,
dont leave me!
and why not?
im sooo lonely...
maybe its the ugly thing doing that for you.
now i told you not to start that ugly shit with me

 

i've lost intrest in you
so?
im a hell-spawned demon
so?
thats better....

 

well, now to get home
i wonder if the author will...
my, how convenient

 

where the hell are my nails?
its a long story...
look at me! this is your fault!
sorry...
i love you.
shut up....

 

well, im off to get a beer.
you again?
hell is behind the fridge, remember?
oh yeah...
now, about that "cap" and its "popping in your ass"...

 

now lets keep it movin buddy.
y'know. technically im allready dead. so what does that make me?
undead?
and what does that make you exactly?
pretty fucked

 

now, as i see it, you have two choices.
and they are?
#1) i kill you again, and you find out what its like to go to hell twice
and number 2?
you be our faithful, happy, beer alien
ill take that one

 

hey [insert main character name here], wanna meet our new beer alien?
sure where is he?
he was right behind me...
i think i see a problem here...
oh? whats that?
we can only have 2 people here at a time because its stupid stripcreator.com

 

goddamnit i wanted a beer alien
yeah, and i want to be able to do more than think, stand here, sit in a garbage can and pound nails in my skull, but you dont see me complaining
that was different than before
it was scary.....

 

well at least you can do more than just stand here like an idiot. at least youre posable
yeah you have a point there i guess
thought so. so quit your bitching
yeah...
im cuter than you too

 
what?
we wanted change, we got it. we just need to be more specific next time

 

well that was interesting
yeah
we need a beer alien
totally

 

well, if we can only have 2 people at a time, that means one of us has to leave to make room for the beer alien
yeah...
now, how do we go about figuring out who leaves?
join us next time on survivor 3: the crappy comic strip, when one of these idiots is outa here!
theres a way
a predictible one too

 

and now, survivor 3: the crappy cartoon strip
which of these idiots will get kicked off tonight?
you be the judge!
i can have you killed
im cute

 

wasnt there supposed to be some vote thing about now?
no. hey, did you ever notice that youre really short?
yeah, so what? im short. wanna make something of it?
no, i was just wonder as to why. i mean, I'm tall. why not you too?
.... shut up.
hey, dont get hostile. its not nice to see an angry midget.

 

by floatingtorsoman
12-09-01
SHIT!
AND STAY OUT!
Did i really leave the oven on THAT long?

 

by floatingtorsoman
12-09-01
Wow, the bills really did pile up while we were gone.
I bet. Leave me alone.
Looks like those little asian midgets were calling antarctica.
That's fantastic....
... And they somehow charged something from "Jimmy's blow-up doll repair" to our cable bill...
OH NO! DIANNE!

 

by floatingtorsoman
12-09-01
god, look at the mess. these humans dont know how to keep house.
tell me about it. the other day, i saw pizza in the FRIDGE!
whoa, thats really wierd. humans are dumb.
yeah they... SHIT! SCRAMBLE!
GET OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID FISH!
Jesus, those midgets must have had one mad party here or something.

 

by floatingtorsoman
12-09-01
what the fuck?
DONT MOVE, SCUM!!
to reiterate - what the fuck?
Im a meber of the Kangaroo Liberation Coalition. Weve taken your kind's shit for too long. Im afraid im going to have to kill you.
What the fuck are you talking about? Kangaroos arent oppresed. theyre free to bounce around all silly-like all they want. youre all happy and silly out there in australia.
were from australia? my boss said were from new jersey... HEY TONY! DID YOU KNOW WERE FROM AUSTRALIA?! NO, ME NEITHER. I THINK WERE BEING TRICKED HERE!

 

by floatingtorsoman
12-09-01
Well, hello there.
Hi.
And what, may I ask, are you?
Im a part of the Cockraches for the Liberation of Tall, Orange Rabbit Infested Shacks. Or, C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S.
Sure, why not.
Some of my friends are fighting the evil kangaroo oppresers as we speak. LONG LIVE CLITORIS!

 

by floatingtorsoman
12-09-01
hey
oh, hey.
do you know what exactly is going on over there?
well, from what ive heard, the mighty CLITORIS is fighting the evil Kangaroo army for total domination of large shacks that house small, furry, orange bunnies.
Oh, of course.
I mean, what else COULD it be?

 

by floatingtorsoman
12-09-01
so I take it you guys won?
OH YEAH! IT WAS AWESOME! Those dirty roach rebels didnt stand a chance. now im off to the celebration party. cheerio.
looks like the kangaroos won then, doesnt it?
looks that way.
Yeah. thye must have been beaten badly. All i can see are dozens of swollen CLITORIS's.
Ewwwww dude...

 

by floatingtorsoman
12-09-01
looks lik the mighty CLITORIS took quite a pounding.
yeah. we really did. part of our reparations towards the kangaroos is to change our name.
Oh, really? To what?
Pathetic, Earth-Nibbling Insect Scum
"P.E.N.I.S."?
Yeah. its not too bad though, our new anthem has a really good beat.

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