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| Buy a paper, mister? Big news, today! Weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iran, North Korea, and even Canada. | |
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| No, I read the Onion online before it hits the streets. Come, follow me through this abandoned subway. | |
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| Welcome, Willy Wanton. I am the grand wizard Shagleg. Repeat my name, and you shall be as a god. | |
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| S ................... (Sloth) H ................ (Hubris) A ................. (Anger) G ............. (Gluttony) L ................... (Lust) E ................... (Envy) G ................ (Greed) | |
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| Whenever you repeat my name, you will transform into Kapitän Übel, which in English is Captain Evil. Go now and do evil! | |
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| Shove off, old man! I'll do whatever I damn well please, and right now I want to eat a ton of burgers, watch some porn, and take a long nap. | |
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