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| Thanks to your preaching against homosexuality, Father, I now have this beautiful son, whom I've named Gaylord, which means jailor, because staying with his mother is like living in jail. | |
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| Take heart, my son. Your unnatural urges are of the flesh. When you pass on, your sacrifice in this life will be rewarded in Heaven, where you shall be free of the flesh's evil power. | |
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| I feel so confused, Father. I'm getting crushes on boys instead of girls, which is sinful, yet I don't want a loveless marriage like my parents had. What can I do? | |
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| Celibacy has worked for many of us, little Gaylord. If you can't bear a loveless marriage, I recommend joining the priesthood and taking a vow of celibacy. | |
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| In breaking news, Father Gaylord McCrabby of St. Paul's Catholic Church was arrested today on charges of sexually abusing choirboys. | |
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| I don't understand this kind of hypocricy. The Catholic Church condemns homosexuality, yet it seems to have homosexual clergy wherever you turn. | |
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