All comics by jmtapp

Profile

 

by jmtapp
1-29-03
So yeah, welcome to the comic.
Stupid fucking curtain.

 

by jmtapp
1-29-03
So anyway, now that we fired that stupid curtain-monkey, lemme show ya around!
This is....
Who the hell writes these damn things?!
Yo.

 

by jmtapp
1-29-03
Wait, are you saying YOU write these comics?!
Yup. I'm the artist. It's all done online.
You get some pre-made drawings, edit them together with your dialogue, and voila!
And the fact that you're me...
...doesn't bother me a bi--hey, look, we're outside now!

 

by jmtapp
1-29-03
Well this is nice and fucked up. First the curtain monkey blows it, then the first character I show off is the artist, who just happens to either look exactly like or BE me! What else can go wrong?!
Meanwhile....
Let's see...ah, here we go!
Ah...absolutely nothing.
Do I know you?

 

by jmtapp
1-29-03
So wait, you mean you just kinda appeared out of thin air?
Yeah, pretty much. I was just minding my own business when suddenly here I was talking to you in the street.
Hold on a sec...I'll be right back.
You are the MAN!!
Yeah, pretty much.

 

by jmtapp
1-29-03
Yeah, I should probably introduce you two. He's right in there.
'K.
Prepare to die, mouse-jockey.
Spider-sense... tingling....

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
So you're the guy who's responsible for just dumping me here?
Will you hurt me if I say yes?
That depends...will your ass get out of that chair so I can kick it?
I think I'm superglued, actually.

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
Did you two get along okay?
Yeah, once I got him away from that damn computer.
So how exactly did she unstick...?
Shut up and get me some bactine.

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
So thanks for dropping her in and all, but is there really a reason for it?
Fanservice.
I don't really think a mousey brunette in a loose-fitting shirt qualifies.
That's okay; we don't have any fans, anyway.

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
Maybe he's right...we need something a little more gratuitous to attract fans.
Let's see...aha!
*Submit*
Hi! I like to jump up and down!
Oh HELL no!

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
All right, art-boy! I've got a bone to pick with you!
But wait...I'm not....
(You really don't want to see this....)
A fucking blonde? A FUCKING BLONDE?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
OH GOD, MY SPLEEN!!
Dude, guess what I just did!
...fuck...you....

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
Sad
Happy
RUN!
Rrr....

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
So she confused us and kicked your ass instead of mine?
Yup.
Hey, come back! You're not gonna believe what you just did!
I'd laugh if I could find my teeth....

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
...ow...the fucking pain....
Serves you right, dumbass.
What part of you thought it would be a good idea to call her back over here?
I dunno, but it's bleeding now....
Yeah, how exactly did she manage to do that?

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
Hey, sorry about kicking your ass earlier.
It's okay. I don't think there's too much internal damage.
You're the one who deserved it, right?
Nope; you want the other guy.

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
So I've been thinking, and it's probably time for us to have names.
I mean, it's so awkward referring to you as 'the artist' and the other guy as 'the other guy'.
All right. I'll be Rocco and you can be Jenna.
You'll be dead before you hit the ground.

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
I just don't understand what's so important about having names. I mean, we're the same people regardless, right?
It's just confusing and unnecessary. I mean, why not have names?!
Meh. Too lazy. I'm gonna go get a sandwich.
Um...the blonde girl said she really wanted names.
Consider it done.

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
I'm Ty.
I'm Allis.
Hi, I'm Ginger!
And me...well, I'm God.
The HELL you are!

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
I mean c'mon, why can't I be God?
It's not like someone ELSE puts this thing together, right?
Wanna bet?
Oh, shit.
Y'all excuse me while I avoid the lightning.

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
I'm a ghost...a hack....
How could this happen?!
But it can't be...I am unique...
Who is God who is God who is God who is God who is God who is....
You okay? You haven't said anything for a while.
Sorry. Anime moment.

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
So you're okay with not being God?
Yeah, I guess...I'm kinda disappointed, though.
Well, don't be. You're not God, but you still have SOME powers.
So what you're saying is I'm kind of like...
Like George Bush. Right.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

by jmtapp
1-30-03
Hey, Ginger, did you hear that guy isn't really the creator?
What guy?
The artist guy...the guy who looks like, you know...him....
Nope!
Oh, yeah! I knew I forgot something!
Great...of all the deities out there, we get the dumb one.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
Ty, this is JM. JM, this is Ty.
Your name is JM?
And yours is Ty.
His name is JM?
My name is JM?
It's short and trendy. Deal.
Your name is JM!!
Fuck you, Ty.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
My name is JM. That's not so bad.
I mean, it's slick! It's hip! It's got PIZZAZZ!!
Yessir, with a name like JM, I could conquer the world!
You only have initials!

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
So Ginger, I've been meaning to ask you...what exactly is it that you DO around here?
Do...?
Never mind.
I can put my legs behind my head!

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
Fin.
The FUCK was that?

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
Hey, God, what was up with that last comic?
Uh, I don't think I know what you're talking about....
Sure you do--the clown, the psychadelic background--it's almost like you just threw some weird crap together and called it a comic!
So, yeah, there are gonna be some changes....
Well this doesn't bode well....
JM, do I look fat to you?

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
What do you mean we have to be more 'stripcreator-like'?
It's in the rules. The background has to change every frame, I have to use as many different cliparts as possible, make jokes that are only funny to me, yadda yadda yadda.
Also, someone has to bleed from their anus.
Not it!
Not...DAMMIT!!

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
Hi, Allis!
Bye, Allis!
What the hell was that?
That would be JM.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
Ginger, is that you?!
Yeah, it is.
God told us that we have to be more 'stripcreator-like', and so he started changing us all around and making stupid jokes about clowns and monkeys and bleeding anuses.
I think I better go have a little chat with that boy.
Before you do, can you get Ty some clean pants?

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
So let me get this straight....
You turned Ginger into a pink donkey, changed JM into a monkey...
...switch the backgrounds every frame, and Ty is bleeding from his anus.
So...why haven't you done any of that to me?
Honestly? Because you frighten me.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
Allis, please try and understand that my hands are tied in this matter.
The rules are the rules, and I think I've been pretty fair in enforcing them.
Just try it for a while, and if you still feel the same way then we can discuss it.
Hey, Allis? We kinda ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use one of your bras.
Fuck that! We're going on strike NOW!

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
We're on strike. What the hell did you expect?

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
Huh. Guess that solved all my problems. I can finally make this comic into what is needs to be! I have complete control!!
This sucks.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
All right, let's start by picking a setting. Let's see...what's the most common background out there?
Aha! Perfect! Now I just need my leading characters and some witty dialogue.
It's pure comic gold....
RRR...EXISTENTIAL ANGST MAKE ME ANGRY!
This might look like a trashcan, but it's really a bath for my ass.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
*Ahem*
I am sorry that I had to rape that dog with a twelve foot pole.
CUT!
Also, I think my ass is bleeding.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
So how do you think God's getting along without us?
I'm sure he's doing just fine. I mean, he DID create us, so he can't be totally incompetent.
NO!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!! THAT'S NOT EVEN IN THE FUCKING SCRIPT!!!
Why won't you have gay sex with me?
I'm pounding a nail into my head to distract me from the pain in my ass.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
All right, guys...one more chance. Let's see if you can be funny instead of just weird and homoerotic.
All right.
I guess....
It says here that we can build a shelter out of sticks.
Sticks, huh?
Watch it....
Bet you a dollar I can shove one up your ass.
It's still bleeding from when I cut it earlier.

 

by jmtapp
1-31-03
I'm sorry, guys, but it's just not working out. I'm going to have to let you go.
Aww....
I'm going to kill myself.
Whew! Now that those dumbasses are gone, I can start making REAL comics!
Let's start with a nice, wholesome, scene in the park.
Hey Mister, can I nibble on your nuts?

 

by jmtapp
2-01-03
So we're animals, huh?
Yep!
And we're stuck like this until the strikes over, right?
Yep!
And we're gonna go in the back room and give a new meaning to the term "Donkey Punch", right?
Wait, what?

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
Hey, Allis, shouldn't we be starting negotiations about now?
Yeah, I suppose it's about the right time.
Hopefully he still feels we're needed...otherwise, we're screwed.
NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR GOD DAMN ASSHOLE!!
Jackpot!
BUT IT BURNS!

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
God, I've come here to deliver our demands and start negotiations.
ARE YOU HERE TO LOOK AT MY ASS?
Yeah, sure. Just let me, um, take care of something first.
MY ASS! MY ASS! TAKE CARE OF MY ASS!
Much better.
About time he finally used that....
NO!! THIS HURTS EVEN WORSE!!

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
So let me get this straight...you want me to stop making changes to the comic strip completely?
Well, not completely...you can still make changes, but we should definitely have a say in them.
Why should I concede? Why couldn't I just go make ANOTHER comic?!
Um...never mind. Stupid question.
Yeah, pretty much.

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
Hey, Ty! Good news! God folded...we're going back with only minor changes!
That's great and all, but when is my ass gonna stop bleeding?
Fuck.

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
So my ass is just gonna go on bleeding forever?
Not exactly. I made some minor concessions, but they're still being implemented.
That's great! What are they?
Well, the first one is we have to have a talking monkey.
And the second?
You're gay.

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
I'M GAY?!
See, it's all a matter of balance.
Bleeding asses are funny no matter how you look at them. To keep that level of humor in, we needed their comedic equivalent.
Couldn't we just have gotten a gay monkey?
Banana jokes are too easy.

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
So I'm gay, huh?
Well, at least he's a talking monkey...that should be entertaining.
Hey, faggot, don't ya hafta spank me or somethin'?
I fucking hate talking monkeys.

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
Ladies and Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that some of you are confused by the last comic.
It seems I jumped from the topic of my sexuality onto the topic of our new pet without presenting any indicators that this was happening.
Might wanna try that in English, queer-boy.
Translation: I REALLY fucking hate talking monkeys.

 

by jmtapp
2-02-03
Hey, dude! I heard your gay; that sucks!
Yeah, kinda. At least you and Ginger got turned back into humans, though.
Yeah, thanks for taking the bullet for us; I really respect you for that, and I wanna repay the favor. Just lemme know if there's anything I can do to help.
Actually, there is. I'm not really sure how to go about being gay, so could you look that up for me?
Um, according to this, gay people wear bright pink, spout nonsense 'bitch phrases', and randomly hump the most masculine thing in sight. By the by, I'll be locking my door tonight, you fucking homo.
*sigh*

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