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| Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? | |
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| It's the Hapsburg heir. He jumped into a vat of bakery dough. Now I fear he's in bread! | |
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| Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? | |
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| Carly Simon slit her wrist, but I was able to suture it in time and tell that naughty blood vessel of hers, "You're sewn, vein!" | |
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| Hello, this is Santa Claus. I've got such post-holiday depression, I think I'll take a poison suppository. | |
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| Don't be ridiculous. Do you really want to be known as Arsenic Arse Nick? | |
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