Are you sure this Brain Surgery for Dummies book will work?
Of course it will. Here's the relevant section: If you don't have a cranial drill, have the patient stand outside and call the Norad hot line, code "braincut". Ok, step on out. I'll call.
Hmmm, not bad. Drilled a perfect hole. Too bad they wasted so much ordnance on it; the backyard's all ripped up. We'll have to cancel Saturday's croquet game.
This is a free service? No wonder the government's budget's fucked.
