All comics by koszka

Profile

 

by koszka
4-16-01
Go forth, Pinko Beatnik, and spread the word of Communism!
Yes, Mighty Robot Overlord!
Hello there, my proletarian comrade. Marx teaches us that. . .
We will pit the muscle of the US Armed Forces against Communism!
Ahhhh! They dropped the bomb!

 

by koszka
4-16-01
I can't wait to see the new Leningrad Cowboys haircut you gave me! I'm as excited as a little girl!
Whew! Cutting all that hair with a knife was some hard work!
What a moritifyingly crappy haircut! I look nothing like a Leningrad Cowboy!
Well, shit happens! Ha ha ha ha ha!
I think the only honorable thing that you can do is commit suicide.
Don't worry, I'm working on it.

 

by koszka
4-16-01
Hmm. The graveyard. Spooky.
Yeah.
Wait a minute. . .What the hell am I doing here? I'm a punk stereotype, not a goth stereotype!
Bollocks to you, fascist! I'm leaving!
You sure know how to pick 'em. . .

 

by koszka
4-16-01
Owwwww. . .I had better consult the Internet for advice on this medical condition.
Jesus Christ, man! What the fuck is wrong with your neck?
Hell if I know. You're supposed to tell me what's wrong.
Nevermind that! I have to take a picture of this for my disgusting medical oddities website!
So much pain. . .I think I'm going to pass out. . .
Too bad you can't call a medic because I'm tying up the phone lines!

 

by koszka
4-17-01
So, you're only 13.
Yep.
Well, I'm 33. I don't think we should be dating.
What is age but a number? What are statutory rape laws but a restrictive social construct? What really matters is that I'm mature enough to continue this relationship.
Good argument, but the cops just showed up. Am I ever going to get crucified for this!

 

by koszka
4-17-01
Greetings, Pinko Beatnik! We were able to repair your injuries!
But I was hit with a nuclear bomb and vaporized!
Nevermind the technical aspect of it! You must continue to spread the word of Communism!
But. . .but. . .It's impossible for me to be here!
Hey, which one of us is the giant Bolshevik mechanical man here? Just shut up and go spread the word. And don't get blown up this time.
Allright, Daddy-o!

 

by koszka
4-17-01
There's a good candidate for my evil Communist propaganda! I'm going to try the soft sell this time.
Oh God, it's one of those starving artist types! He probably wants one of my precious muffins!
So hey there, comrade. . .I mean pal. Don't you just hate our fascist oppressors?
Uh. . .yeah, they really get me down.
Don't you think we should, like, share everything equally and prevent the accumulation of muffins. . .I mean wealth?
NO! You can't have any of my precious muffins! Go get a job, you pinko piece of shit!

 

by koszka
4-17-01
Once, I was in a rock and roll band.
The obvious outcome of this is that I was sent to Hell.
It wasn't really that bad.
So did Ozzy really sell his soul for rock and roll?
No, but Cyndi Lauper did.

 

by koszka
4-17-01
Hmm. . .this big, white house looks like a good place to spread the Communist message.
Good evening, comradette! May I speak to the master of the household, please?
Uh...sure. President Reagan! There's a pinko here to see you!
I thought we vaporized Pinko Beatnik! Nancy?
I better blow this popsicle stand!

 

by koszka
4-17-01
I'm such a failure...I haven't made a single conversion. What would Lenin do?
Behold! I am the ghost of Vladimir Lenin!
*GASP!*
Do you like my shirt?

 

by koszka
4-18-01
It is very easy to convince people of the glory of Communism, Pinko Beatnik. You just need the correct approach. The Lenin approach. Observe.
I never imagined that Lenin would manifest himself in the form of Laika...
You there! Be Communist, or suffer the consequences when the Revolution comes!
OK! If I can't trust a well-dressed dog with such a thick Russian accent, who can I trust?
Now I must return to the realm of the dead! Do Svidaniya!

 

by koszka
4-20-01
Once, I was contemplating the dualistic nature of many religions, particularly the antagonist - protagonist element represented by Jesus and Satan.
No, Fimo horns are actually very easy to make.
I thought that a great religion that would be easier to relate to for me would replace the Lord of Lords with composer Sergey Prokofiev, and the Prince of Darkness with Sid Vicious.
Hey, I didn't know Sid Vicious was such an attractive lady!
Sod you!
I know that I should listen to Prokofiev because it's the right thing to do, but I'm so tempted to buy that Sex Pistols CD I sold again, even though it's very, very bad.
I don't remember being so lewd when I was carnate.
I didn't ever have an X-Man logo tattoo or a vagina when I was alive, either.

 

by koszka
4-21-01
Hey, comrade. Got a smoke for a fella who needs to calm his nerves after a run-in with the ghost of a dead Soviet?
Heh heh, sure dude, I got that kind of smoke.
Woah, comrade. This is just what the wicked capitalists try to pass off as a hallucinatory experience!
Dude, you're trippin' out on the Marxism-Leninism!
Six hours later. . .
Do I ever have the munchies. . .I wish that guy with the muffins was here. I think I had better take a nap in those bushes. . .

 

by koszka
4-25-01
So we watched the movie "Run Lola Run" in my film class. Everyone raved about what a masterpiece it was, and I thought that I had never seen a bigger piece of overdone, flashy German crap.
Mind you, this is coming from someone who has actually been to Berlin, and has actually tried to dye her hair fire engine red. I know what I'm talking about.
But I still never though it possible to find a bunch of people in a German disco, and make an entire movie using them, a camcorder, a jar of Manic Panic, and still have it turn out this bad.

 

by koszka
4-25-01
Today this little kid asked me if I was a "girl or a boy".
My hair is pretty short, I'm kinda tall, and I was wearing pants, so I can see the cause for some confusion.
I just guess it isn't safe to assume that someone wearing a velour tank top stretched over sizable breasts is female in this day and age.

 

by koszka
4-25-01
Pinko Beatnik! The Party did not remolecularize you to watch you catch a bad case of the reefer madness!
Hey buddy! Just chill out, allright? I brought you some.
Well, Marx said nothing about marijuana being the opiate of the people, so I suppose this will not disgrace his memory. . .
That's what I'm talking about, Daddy-o!
10 GOTO COUCH! 20 WATCH TELETUBBIES!
Allright, big red buddy! Allright!

 

by koszka
4-25-01
Hey hey, little girl. If you give me your lunch, I'll teach you about the glory of Communism.
You smell funny, like those kids at school who wear tie-dye.
Come on, little girl, I've got the munchies real bad!
Well, you can have my sandwich if you can justify violent Revolution.
Wait here, little girl, I gotta go find the ghost of Lenin again to ask him about that.
You can have my Trotsky lunchbox and thermos, too, if you can introduce me to the ghost of Engels.

 

by koszka
4-26-01
That's it. . .I'm going to sleep this off.
As he slept, Pinko Beatnik's head was filled with strange dreams.
This is Marx! You have been unfaithful to my memory, Pinko Beatnik!
No! No! No! I have tried my hardest!
Try taking a bath and washing your clothes! No one will want to be a communist if they think it is the domain of the foul-smelling!
Why don't you shut up, you hairy, old, Kant-thieving, lying, bourgie bastard!

 

by koszka
4-26-01
How dare you use such language! I am the father of Communism!
Take a hint and get the fuck out of here before I call up some revisionists with baseball bats!
You will live to regret this, Pinko Beatnik!
Piss off, you self-promoting propagandist!
And when he awoke, there was the Great Epiphany.
Je ne pas un Marxiste. . .and you can't spell "propagandist" without "pagan".

 

by koszka
4-26-01
So then I realized that Marx is horribly, horribly, wrong, and I'm not sure how to reconcile this with my remaining desire for world communism, little girl.
Well, he was right about you needing to bathe. In fact, you smell so horrible that I can't stand being around you, and am leaving. Ta!
Pinko Beatnik! You have forgotten the true purpose of your mission! It is not to give communism this bourgeois, intellectual study!
*GASP*!
The only purpose of your mission is to subvert everything moral and decent about America! HA HA HA!
Why don't we then listen to the rock and roll music then have pre-marital sex? HA HA HA! I feel much better now!

 

by koszka
4-26-01
Pinko Beatnik was refreshed by the new clarity given his mission.
Hey little girl, if you promise to give your parents some of these pills, plus these neat little pamphlets to read, I'll give you a big red star sticker!
Sure, mister!
He began to subvert all that Americans hold dear on a grand scale.
Hey there comradette, are you into community of women?
Oooooh, am I ever!
As well as making many successes on a personal level.
So, wanna have sex, give drugs to small children, and listen to rock music?
You're so subversive that it's making me soak my panties!

 

by koszka
4-26-01
Soon, Pinko Beatnik had created a cesspool of godless Communism in the city.
Pinko Beatnik! You rock, my comrade!
It is time we relax, by ingesting illegal substances!
Indeed! The Party is proud of you!
I would gasp, if the ghosts of communist thinkers suddenly appearing before me was still unpredictable.
Pinko Beatnik! It is I, Yosip Stalin! I wish to congratulate you on your success! I also wish to bum a joint! Come on, Pinko Beatnik, you know I'm good for it!

 

by koszka
4-26-01
Listen, Pinko Beatnik! You must start the final war between capitalism and communism! You are the last hope of The Party!
I shall, Comrade Stalin! I shall!
Succeed where all other great Communists have failed, Pinko Beatnik!
What luck! Stalin left this large bird for me to ride to the White House on! Let us go!

 

by koszka
4-26-01
So anyway, that's how you can justify a violent Revolution. But we're here, and I'll be going now.
Uh, I don't think you can just barge in there.
Comradette, this is bigger than you or me! I must see President Reagan!
Reagan, you imperalist pig! The time has come to act!
Pinko Beatnik! We meet again! I think... Nancy?

 

by koszka
4-26-01
Your dearest Nancy cannot help you now! Prepare to die, you proletariat-exploiting scum!
Make one move and I'll drop the bomb! I'd rather kill everyone than let them live happily in a world ruled by Communists! NANCY!
*GASP*!
Death is too small a punishment for you, Pinko Beatnik!
*GASP*!

 

by koszka
4-26-01
Laika. . .I mean Lenin!
Pinko Beatnik! I have incinerated the Reagans, but all too late! The bomb has been dropped! There is no way to estimate the great death and destruction!
But Communism has prevailed over the forces of decency!
Yes, Pinko Beatnik! We are triumphant! Now, I must again dissapear! Do Svidaniya! Remember to do as Lenin would do!
I APPOINT MYSELF PREMIER AND PARTY LEADER OF THE NEW PEOPLE'S SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF EARTH!

 

by koszka
4-26-01
Pinko Beatnik! I thought I warned you about smoking too much of that wacky tobaccy!
Nancy? What?
The Party needed to borrow your mom's car to come out in the desert and find you!
Man, I had this really strange vision.
What happened in it?
Not much. This girl I screwed turned out to be Nancy Reagan. I'm relieved that that wasn't real.

 

by koszka
4-27-01
Well, I think you should lay off the gauge for a while.
No kidding, my big red mechanical comrade.
I think we better get you a shower and a change of clothes before you're attacked by a drug-sniffing dog, too.
I guess I do smell pretty foul. I'll have to change into my other black shirt.
I'm pretty hungry, too.
Can we go to Denny's first, then? I want to get there before all those damn goth kids.

 

by koszka
4-27-01
I hate my life, and everyone and everything in it.
Everything I wanted, everything that I had confidence in, everything has betrayed me yet again.
I only see one solution to this problem.
Teenage suicide is so cliche.
But my life is full of pain which you can't possibly relate to on any level.
Well, why don't you be a mature adult about it and become an unrepentant alcoholic?

 

by koszka
12-31-01
Hi. I'm a squirrel. I'm using this forum to send a message to a certain someone.
Please stop salivating when you look at my family. Especially my wife. And stop trying to feed us all that suet made with lard. We're vegetarians. And it's making us all plump and juicy.
Git the rifle! One of them critters is in the yard, over by the parts car! If'n y'all wants to eat tonight, you best help me with the skinnin'!
Oh, shit!

 

by koszka
1-05-02
Right. So I have my own business selling the cruelty-free punk shit on the Internet. www.koszkas.com Please visit and buy something.
I really need the money. Look, I've got one tooth left since I sold the rest for ramen money!
Not even for crack money. For Top-Fuckin'-Ramen. I'm a crack-whore and I can't even get a rock! That's how poor I am!

 

by koszka
1-13-02
I just broke up with my boyfriend of four months after spending three months getting the balls to break up with him.
I shouldn't have dated a rent-a-cop in the first place. This time, I want someone new and exciting.
Baby, you're exciting me right now! Let me just show you my new Prince Albert. . .
On second though, old and boring works pretty good for me, too.

 

by koszka
1-13-02
Koszka has a conversation with her former self. . .
All you ever talk about now is "busting caps" in people. Where's the love?
I just feel really in touch with my Tacoman-ess recently. All I think about is stealing or shooting things.
You used to talk about peaceful, non-violent means of resolving social issues and listen to Crass! Now you use the term "bling-bling" at least twice a day!
I wrote a love song, too. It's called "I Just Wanna Wanna Bust a Cap for Your Love"
You make me sick! You're everything that's wrong with everything!
You're young, idealistic me. You know, from four months ago. Get your hippie ass out of here before it gets capped!

 

by koszka
1-13-02
Since my former self brought it up in the previous comic, I think I'll sing the song I just wrote, "I Wanna Wanna Bust a Cap for Your Love". Don't even think about Napsterin' this shit.
I wanna wanna bust a cap for your love/I wanna wanna bust a cap for your love/Just tell me who,/I'll bust this cap for you/My aim is true/To bust a cap for you. . .
I wanna wanna bust a cap for your love/Heaven and the stars above/Will see me bust a cap in some foo'/Bust a cap for you/I wanna wanna bust a cap for your love!
God, you really do suck.

 

by koszka
1-14-02
My boyfriend isn't taking the break-up well. (See LVDLG #1).
I don't want to have sex with you anymore.
But I love you! You need me, baby!
No, this isn't a "men are pigs" thing. This guy is just remarkable in his density.
You are an irritating, dim-witted, fascistic prick, and I was just using you to get free dinners.
I'm confused!
I curse thee! Your genitals will become shrunken and encrusted with nacho cheese!
Does this mean we can't have sex?

 

by koszka
2-15-02
Having a social life seems like a really good idea to me sometimes.
Then, I actually talk to people.
Then, eugenics sounds like a good idea to me.

 

by koszka
2-24-02
I'm really tired. I should take a nap. And I have that Melvins song stuck in my head.
I'm that guy from the Melvins! Twist! Twist your holy opposition! Twist!
I'm comic hallucination scene filler as the appearance of Jesus is comedic by default.
Then my mom was talking to the cat, then she opened my door and knocked after opening it.
Man, that's pretty fucked up. But I'm just here since I heard someone say "holy opposition".

 

by koszka
2-24-02
Hey, Mister Pharmacist!
Lancashire: Conspiracy of Post-Fall Conspiracy Witch Hunt
There's a party goin' on round here
Cruisers' Creek, Yeah
Hit the North!
I married THAT?

 

by koszka
2-26-02
So during a serious lapse in judgement, I called my ex boyfriend, who used it as an opportunity to get a bad case of sour grapes.
You know, telling me I look like a man and that I'm a whore with mental problems which only him and his cock can help.
Hey, are you one of those she-males? How much for a blow job?
$20. But you'll have to wait for the next panel since this really ain't the time for it.

 

by koszka
6-15-03
So a lot's changed since I made one of these. I live in Cleveland, Ohio now. Yeah, I know, "what the fuck, Ohio?" Well, this background picture is the one that looks the most like Cleveland.
Yeah, I know, it's pretty fucking pimp. I wanna start a squat so bad it's making my panties wet. Anyway, I wouldn't of even remembered this thing, except someone found it in a search engine.
Comics I made in 5 minutes without thinking about them over two years ago are impressing people. Now that's just fucking sad.

Showing page 1.