All comics by mayankm

 

by mayankm
8-18-12
Estimates discussion - Day - 1
Your estimates are too unrealistic. I want to see a low level breakdown of your tasks and estimates .
OK
Estimates discussion Day - 4
You are still concealing the inefficiency of your subordinates in your estimates. Work on a different estimation technique. Come up with realistic estimates .
ok
Estimates discussion Day - 8
Look !!! I told you. We have reduced 16 person hrs from earlier estimates following our discussions. Well done.
CROW SHIT !!! . I want to be a Manager.

 

by mayankm
8-19-12
Client Visit - Thursday
Aaj to ghar jaake kuch TOOFAANI karoonga, kal to waise bhi Friday hai.
Abe Chhapri, tu yahan ladkiyan taad raha hai andar tera manager tujhe pagal kawwe ki tarah dhoondh raha hai .
Client Visit - Thursday Eve
Tomorrow we have a client visit. You have to detail him about your project. Be ready @ 9 am sharp. And fix your looks and only formal attire.
FUBAR. Salon jaake pehle hair cut aur shave karani hai. Fir raaste main ek formal trouser. Deo bhi lena hai simple wala. Socks bhi nahi dhoye 1 week se, naye lene padenge.
Client Visit - Same guy on Friday.
So this is how this product generates the value in your long term vision and strategy of being a largest firm. Hope you liked the presentation.
CRAP. This product is not used by anyone anymore. Hope these guys take me to TAAAJ MEEHAAL tour at least.

 

by mayankm
8-20-12
Brainstorming - 3 PM
Look we are doing same drudgery every day and are not generating any value for client. Lets do a brain storming session to churn out some pathbreaking transformational ideas for customer.
Ok
Brainstorming - 4 PM
Brainstorming - 6 PM
Lets have another meeting tomorrow to continue this brain storming session . Work on your deliverables now and I don't want any escalations.
CRAP.

 

by mayankm
8-24-12
Vision vs Hallucination
Look I see your team idle these days. Lets develop a new tool to help other teams speed-up their work.
OK. Do you have anything in Mind?
Vision vs Hallucination
Hmmm. NO. But whatever we create, should should reflect Client's Vision and our strategy to help in attaining it.
OK. What is our Client's Vision and our strategy to achieve it?
Vision vs Hallucination
Hmmm. Well I am not sure.
CRAP. He has started getting Hallucinations again.

 

Task delegated - One fine morning....
Look, I need to give a presentation on "Art of Delegating Tasks" tomorrow to our team.Do some research and prepare a powerpoint presenation for me.
CRAP. He still thinks I need to do research now.
by mayankm, 9-01-12

 

by mayankm
9-05-12
So how much coding you have completed so far?
Its about to be completed this week.
Our client wants a new third party product to be used in current scope of work. He assumes it won't cause any effort or schedule variance.
What made him assume this?
Ummmm. His expereince. No, may be his instinct. Well may be his intuition.
MORON. Its Hallucination.

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