All comics by mrmoonpants

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by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
I hate you more than words can say.
Kiss me, you fool.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
I hate you more than words can say.
That's not what you said last night.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
It's a metaphor. For monkeys.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Well? My dick ain't sucking itself!
You never bring me flowers anymore.
And then, Ashlea went to hell. It was warm there. So warm.
hee hee hee... monkey.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Well, hell is nice, but I wonder why there's no one to talk to.
You know, I always suspected...
Three days, he said! Just THREE DAYS, that's all! Man, that is the LAST time I trust Satan.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
So, uh, Jesus Christ.
Yeah?
Oh, nothing. I was just swearing.
Jesus Christ! ... hee hee hee!!
I hate you people so much.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Well, catch you later, Jesus. I gotta see about getting out of hell. Don't go dying for anybody's sins without me or nothing.
j0.
...why the hell am I a slime?
Because I hate you.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Whitney? Is that you??
Well, duh.
...Why are you a blue fish?
I've /always/ been a blue fish, you fool. In my heart, that is my true form.
Well, spank my ass and call me Charley.
It always has to be about you, doesn't it.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
So, you say your hate made me a slime?
Yeah. That's how things work in hell. Which is to say, without any logic whatsoever.
Hmm. That's fascinating. Kind of like one of my stupid comics.
Not like that at all, actually.
So what are you doing in hell?
It was the Baby Jesus buttplug thing. I guess I should have repented, but it was just so fucking funny.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Gotta go, Whit. I'm trying to find the way out of hell.
Oh, like a quest, or something?
No, like your mom, bitch.
Fuck you.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Ashlea the slime continues on her adventure through hell.
Arielle! Is that you?
Woof.
...Jesus God, but you're cute.
Yeah. That's why I'm in hell, actually.
That... wait, that doesn't make any sense at all.
...Shut up!

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Ashlea the slime continues on her adventure through hell.
o/~ On the road again... I can't wait to get on the road again... and to the motel room where I fuck your mom... dum de dum... o/~
Oh, hi, D.
Move along, folks, no punchline here.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Ashlea's still in hell, blah blah blah.
I think I just stepped in something.
Hi, Ashlea! It's me, Sarah. I'm in hell too.
And you're... a small explodingdog robot.
Yes.
...I don't get it.
Yeah, me either.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
So why are you in hell, Sar?
Free DSL. And sometimes, Satan buys me cigarettes.
...d00d!
Yeah. Every Friday they tie me to a rock to have my liver plucked out by eagles, though.
I hear AOL recently made that part of the contract for 7.0.
No punchline here, either.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
THIS SPACE FOR RENT
Moo!
Ashlea! It's me! Mooncalf!
...In hell, you're a cowboy?
I feel so, so dirty. Like I'll never be clean.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Don't worry, Moo. I'll get us all out of hell. I have a plan.
You're going to keep travelling until you reach Satan and beg him to release us?
...Well, actually, I was going to find Jesus again and poke him with a big stick, but yeah, that'll do.
My hero.
So until then... yippie-tay-yai-yay! hee hee!
That hurts, Ashlea. That hurts a lot.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
RAAAAAAAAARBLARGH KILLKILLKILL.
...Suze? Is that you?
RAAAAAR HATE HATE DESTROY FANGIRLS DEEEEEATH BLOOD PORN
...Good to see you're not any different in hell at all.
Except my tail is so full and bushy!

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
Hey! Knock it off!
Right. Sorry.
You know, it's funny... I haven't seen Kiwi in hell at all. I wonder if she's here?
Meanwhile, somewhere at Mt. Holyoke College...
AUUUUUUUGH MUST HAVE MORE CAFFEINE MUST FINISH PROGRAMMING ASSIGNMENT NO TIME TO DO WORKS OF EVIL!!!!

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
INTERMISSION
Hey, kids! Tyler Durden sez: Suck my cock!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled comic, already in progress.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Hey! Are you Satan? I need to have a word with you!
Yes... and no. Look again, Ashlea, and see the truth...
...Oh, my God. You're... W2!!!
YES! In hell, all of your friends are transformed into very weird things that don't make any sense! And therefore I, the holiest member of Technomancy, become Satan himself! How very ironic!
Kind of like rain on your wedding day?
...Damn, you really do deserve to be in hell.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-09-02
Well, if you're W2, then let us all go! Hell sucks!
I'm afraid I can't do that. You see, before anyone can escape hell, you and I must first engage in battle... AT TIDDLYWINKS!!!
And they did.
Ooh, tiddlywink right in the EYE. That's gotta sting.
BLAAAAAARGH ya.
And Ashlea cheated horribly and won, and they were all transported back to the world that they know, where they all lived happily ever in sin and perversity. THE END.
Yaaaaay! ...Hey, wait, why am I still a slime?
Because I hate you so much.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-13-02
It begins...
All right, now read it back to me.
Ahem. "Dear Hot Pants: Baby, you make me wiggle. When I think about you, my eyes bleed, but in a good way."
Go on.
"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. If you know what I mean. Will you be my 'sausage slave'? Your Secret Admirer."
...I'm like some kind of god of pussy, aren't I?
You want her to work in your butcher shop?

 

by mrmoonpants
1-13-02
Now, please deliver this steamy love letter to the woman of my dreams, with the utmost haste and discretion. And here's your $1000.
Dream woman. Haste and discretion. Got it.
Now, remember, it's very important that you don't drop this letter somewhere where someone might find it and think someone else wrote it to them, leading to amusing hijinks.
Man, I HATE amusing hijinks.
Five minutes later...
You dropped it, didn't you.
...Yes.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-14-02
I found this love letter. Did you, by any chance, send it to me?
...Yes!
You're lying, aren't you?
...Yes.
...What the hell is a 'sausage slave'?
Lina Inverse's second most powerful spell, one supposes.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-15-02
Hey, I found a love letter. Did you send it to me?
No.
Oh. ...Wanna have sex?
...Sure, okay.
Moments later, in hell...
You know, one would think you'd learn your lesson.
Well, then one would be a big fat stupidhead.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-16-02
Hey, I found this love letter on the floor. Think maybe the waitress left it there for me?
No.
...Oh.
You ARE a loser, after all.
Ha ha! Boy, these sure are some amusing antics! Now, let's check in on Bob and Marcia!
Who the hell are you?

 

by mrmoonpants
1-18-02
Say, I found a love letter. Did you send it to me?
...Hey, wait, you can't do that.
...Do what?
Just ASK! How are we supposed to have amusing hijinks if you people keep going around asking for CLARIFICATION?
...Oh, I wasn't aware that we were after amusing hijinks. I'm sorry.
Jeez! A little false assumption and obfuscation, is that so much to ask?

 

by mrmoonpants
1-19-02
WE WISH TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE COMIC'S ONGOING FAILURE TO CONTAIN AMUSING HIJINKS OF ANY KIND.
BY WAY OF REPARATION, WE WILL NOW PROVIDE YOU WITH FREE TENTACLE HENTAI.
Oh shit, not again.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-20-02
Ummm.... would you like me to buy you dinner first?
You're new at this, aren't you?

 

by mrmoonpants
1-20-02
So, uh, you're sure you don't, you know, mind?
Eh, not really. I get paid union scale, and... you're stalling, aren't you? What is this?
Well... look, it's not about you or anything, okay? I'm just -- not entirely comfortable with this.
Not COMFORTABLE with it?! You're a tentacle monster! I thought that was what tentacle monsters DID! I mean, Jesus, it's like you've got homing signals or something, you always go straight for the --
HEY! You are perpetuating a CULTURAL STEREOTYPE! ...Are you even of age, young lady?!
That's it, I'm calling my agent.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-22-02
WE ALSO WISH TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE COMIC'S CONTINUING FAILURE TO CONTAIN THE PROMISED TENTACLE HENTAI.
THE COMIC WILL NOW ATTEMPT TO RECOVER SOME OF ITS LOST DIGNITY BY FALLING BACK ON OVERUSED CHARACTERS AND PATHETIC ATTEMPTS AT LAME GEEK HUMOR.
1337 d00d r0xx0r!!!!1
w4ng.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-23-02
And now for something completely different.
Living on the road, my friend, was gonna keep you free and clean...
Now you wear your skin like iron... your breath's as hard as kerosene...
o/~ Weren't your mama's lonely boy, but her favorite one, it seems... she began to cry when you said goodbye... o/~
o/~ And sank into your dreeeams... o/~
Yes, it's an in-joke, don't worry.
I have to go to rehearsal now.
Boy, I'm thirsty!

 

by mrmoonpants
1-23-02
*burp*

 

by mrmoonpants
1-24-02
Oh, shit... not again.
Hello, tech support? Yeah, my computer just ate a squirrel. ...Yes, I'll hold.
H.U.N.G.E.R.E.R.R.O.R. S.E.C.O.N.D.C.O.U.R.S.E.N.E.E.D.E.D.
Oh, this could be bad.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-25-02
F.E.E.D.ME. S.E.Y.M.O.U.R.
I'd better do what it says... Windows machines are finnicky.
Okay... just a second, I'll find you something else to eat...
P.A.L.A.T.E.I.N.S.U.L.T.E.D. R.E.D.O.F.R.O.M.S.T.A.R.T.
Hey.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-27-02
M.U.N.C.H.
M.U.N.C.H.
M.U.N.C.H.
I REALLY hate this comic.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-27-02
H.U.N.G.R.Y.L.I.K.E. T.H.E.W.O.L.F.
This has gone far enough! Your reign of terror has ended, computer! I'm shutting you down!
I.D.O.N.T.T.H.I.N.K. S.O.B.I.T.C.H.
Oh yeah? And what're you gonna do to stop me?
C.T.R.L.-.A.L.T.-.D.E.L.O.N. Y.O.O.O.O.O.U.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-28-02
Yes, the evil computer had developed the ability to make humans spontaneously combust. It went on to find the most fiendish uses for this power... in Washington!
Wait! I'm just a protester!
At the Pentagon!
This doesn't look much like the Pentagon.
And, somewhat less fiendishly but showing a similar end objective, on approximately 95% of the AOL chat user community!
skatrrrat6: hey dude r u femal?? joe7777: :)
S.H.O.O.T.A.L.L. L.E.T.G.O.D. S.O.R.T.O.U.T.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-29-02
S.O.W.E. M.E.E.T.A.G.A.I.N.
Yes... but this time, my old nemesis, the advantage is mine!
O.O.H.I.'.M. S.H.A.K.I.N.G.
... C.R.A.P.

 

by mrmoonpants
1-30-02
Yes, the squirrel had gone out to raise its levels, and learned the spell X-Zone. It went on to use this power on... pretty much the most random people possible. Like the reluctant tentacle monster!
Well, I don't think THIS is in my contract.
Oh, shut up.
And the random old narrator from the January 17th strip!
Ha ha! Well, this certainly is an interesting development.
And that bastard, Gabe!
*ZAP*
THAT'LL teach you to let the magic die!

 

by mrmoonpants
1-31-02
The squirrel's reign of terror continued for another entire panel!
Whee!
Before being brought to an end by the will of Jesus Christ.
Now, you know better than that.
Dang.
But the really funny thing was how no one seemed to question how the squirrel escaped in the first place, let alone how a computer could eat anything, lacking a functional digestive system --
Shh! SHHHHH!

 

by mrmoonpants
2-01-02
In the aftermath: skatrrrat6, having somehow survived immolation, went on to write a best-selling book, entitled :). It was surprisingly well-received by critics.
joe7777: dude ur book iz kewl
skatrrrat6: lol
The user girl, irate about her demise, joined an action group called Deeds of Evil by the Angry Deceased (DOEBTAD). It later collapsed due to poor leadership, and worse acronym formation.
So, uh... anybody wanna terrify the living?
Man, the living suck!
And Officer Bob, after being rejected even by an evil flesh-eating computer, went on to restore his lost self-esteem by doing your mom last night.
Twice. I had a dime.
The end.

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