All comics by mumphish

 

by mumphish
9-05-06
You see, children, there are people who are jealous of our wealth.
My dad says he spends every minute of his day hating you.
Did I fuck his mother or something?
He says you fucked all of us in the long run.
I do what I can for the American people.
Even if it isn't in their best interests.

 

by mumphish
9-05-06
You said you wanted to see me?
As you know, I am a whore. Be that as it may, I have decided to distance myself from your nigger penis.
What does that mean?
It means I'm breaking up with you.
NEXT!!!!

 

by mumphish
9-05-06
Hey kid. I wanna save your soul.
Dude, did you just show up in my bathroom? That's fucked up.
Don't you know who I am? I'm back. From beyond. I want to save your soul.
Dude, I gotta take a dookey. Get out of here.
What would be a better way to reach out to America's youth?
Get a Myspace page and send out like a 100 bulletins a day. My girlfriend does that and she gets like 400 pic comments an hour. You should try that.

 

by mumphish
9-05-06
Excuse me...Young metrosexual stranger. I have returned to save your soul. Also, do you know how I can set up a myspace page?
First of all, I'm a metrosexual. I love pussy. Second of all, there is a cyber cafe down the street, you can pay for internet time there and make yourself a myspace.
What's the internet?
You don't know what the internet is, but you know what a metrosexual is?
I've spoken with many metrosexuals in the kingdom of heaven, however, I've never spoken with an internet. How lenient is this "cyber cafe's" no shirt no shoes policy?
I think they might make an exception for the son of god.

 

by mumphish
9-05-06
Hi, son of god here. I was wondering if you could set up a MySpace site for me, so I can save humanities souls.
This is a bar. Try next door.
Hi, son of god here. I was wondering if you could set up a MySpace site for me, so I can save humanities souls.
No problem honky. I can set it up real good, with lots of glitter letters and lots of pics of you at angles that make you seem alot more attractive than you really are.
Thank you very much. I will save a very special place in heaven for you.
I'm an atheist.

 

by mumphish
9-05-06
It's been seven months, but here I am, I've gotten a job, made some friends and I check my myspace regulalrly. I'm up to 245,431 friends.
For seven months I've been posting 100 bulletins an hour. Every day. Even my birthday. I couldn't even get the screen name 'Jesus.' It was taken.
I'm going by the screen name 'Son Of God 147.'

 

by mumphish
11-01-06
Joy to the world, the lord is dead...
I bar-b-qued his head
What happened to the body--
I'M RIGHT HERE YOU LITTLE CUNT!

 

by mumphish
11-01-06
Mr. Scott Storch, my boyfriend's band makes some really high quality song parodies, perhaps you could listen to their demo.
I thought you just wanted to make love under the stars baby.
The truth is, you're a hideous jew and the only reason I would sleep with you would be to get you to listen to this demo tape.
So, do we have a deal?
I pay black guys to make all my music for me.

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