All comics by needles1218

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by needles1218
2-13-12
Quitting is harder than it looks...
One hour, and I haven't had a Cig...I quit smoking, Hell Yeah!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna go call my friend...Joe would love the good news.
What the fuck??
Really, an hour! You're gonna have to try better than that, haha!!!!!!!!!

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Sir, may I have some form of ID.
You can't have it!!!!!!!
Sir. I'll place you under arrest.
I have to protect Easter!!!!!!!
Sir, you realize it's July right.
Shut up, I know that.

 

If you stroke off, I'll teach you how to paint.
Look here, Frenchie, my brother the Easter Bunny sold me to prositution. So screw off and paint a picture of you stroking off.
by needles1218, 2-14-12

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Oh Fuck, where's my nuts, I'm nothing without my nuts, shit.
No, I wouldn't take your nuts, I've got my own, you perv!!
Those will do.
That sounds like a weird story bro.
I'm not finished yet, dude.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Almost to Level 5...
Should I add a chipmunk...nahhh.
Have you seen my nuts?
What!!?? This isn't Disney Land!!!
Wait...Didn't you ask me about your....never mind, I forgot.
Just bend over once and my replacement nuts will be mine!!!!!!

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Hubba Hubba, Nurse City here I come.
Hey baby, wanna come back to my place?? I got a hot tub with wax in it. I also got some brown gravy in a cup we can share.
Hit the deck you old fucker, I'm working asshole.
So there I was, looking deep into her eyes and she's like ya, I'll come over, and I'm like hell yeah!!!!
(Sighs) Yup, I'm sure that's the way it happened.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Oh god!!!!!! Help!!!!! Fuck!!!!!! I try to fix this damn basement and this happens every time!!!! FUCK THIS BASEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile on the other side of the Cellar...
You should of been there, I took over his body and made him hammer a nail into his own forehead.
I knew I was teaching you right son. That's my boy!!!! Thank the Ghost God!!!!!

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
That squirrel is really messed up. I'm kinda freaked out...Nah, I shouldn't worry about it.
I'll pay you 400 Leaves if you can help me get my nuts back or you can help me get that boy to bend over so I can get my backup nuts.
You got a deal, Mr. Bushy Cheeks.
Wait, so he has friends?? And their currency is Leaves?? Dude, this story is hard to follow....And what kind of name is "Bushy Cheeks"??
The whole point of the story is that the squirrel is trying to get his nuts back...and bushy cheeks is refering to his cute little squirrely face.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Yo, Jimmy!!! I never see you at church anymore what the heck are you doing here??
Well, this woman was getting out of the shower, she seen me and slipped and smashed her face into her sink, got mad at me and kept throwing shoes at me...so I bit her.
Oh, wow. How does that bring you here today?
I bit her on the foot and told her to go suck one and a few other words I shouldn't have said...so I'm here to apologize to Bugeus.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Hey, hey, Darl...did you here the boss is hanging out promotions...think you qualify.
Well Joel, I don't pay any attention to that, I work for a living and not to brag about my life to others...but if I had to answer, yes, I think I qualify.
A few minutes later...
Okay you idiots... promotion time. Darl!!!!!!! Congrats. Susan, congrats. Dudley, congrats. Blake!!!! You didn't make, but keep trying. Oh, and Joel...You are FIRED!!!!!
Dammit.
Alright!!! In your face!!!!! I just got promoted!!!

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
So, what happened here??
One male, shot in the head, fell into the wall, stood up, and fell into the wall again.
Oh my god....I could use some chicken right about now.
But, but, sir, we have a crime scene here, don't you at least want to get a blood sample.
Are you gonna want any of that dipping sauce over there??
Sir, That's the blood of our victim.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Dammit!!!! Turk!!!! If you don't start flushing this damn toilet, I'm gonna shove a plunger up your ass!!!!
Oh, that's right. I'm the only one who lives here.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Arrrrrrrrrrrrg!!!!! I'm a pirate!!!!! I'm here to get your booty!!!!!
(Sighs) I need to get a job.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Give me all your booty!!!!!!
Where's my baby!!! What happened to my baby!!?? Oh that's right, I ATE HER!!!!!
Wow, That guy must have some issues. Strange.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
(Virtual Voice) Your account has been deleted.
You son of a .......
Next door neighbor's house.
Donnie, that bearded fella next door is screaming again.
Okay okay, I'll go take care of it. (Mutters) You old crusty bitch.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
I'm gonna beat you.
No your not.
Hey! Tell me what you think about this part of my story.
Dude, not now! I'm trying to beat blue shirt over here!
Oh come on, it took me about 3 hours to do this part.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Fine, I'm listening.
Okay...Once upon a time...Joking man.
Bending over yet?
No, You're starting to creep me out.
Mission accomplished.
Damn squirrel.

 

by needles1218
2-14-12
Dude can you belive it, this damn squirrel is wanting to rape me.
More like fondle you, then adds the bananna, then your raped.
Dude! I'm in your story?? No way that's gonna happen!!
What?? I need more characters for the plot.
Take me out of your stupid story, if you want new characters, you should add your girlfriend...oh wait that's right, you don't have one.
How 'bout I write a story about my asshole friend who plays games all day for a living...Dick!!

 

Hey little girl, you ready??
Mommy!!!! I'm scared!!!
by needles1218, 2-14-12

 

by needles1218
2-15-12
Arrrrrrrrrg!!!! Give me all your booty!!!!
I like peaches, monopoly, uno, running in circles, making my nose light up....
and bikes, videogames, helping santa, talking in a weird made up language, and ponies, and dinosaurs.......
Don't he ever shut up, please shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by needles1218
2-15-12
Where's my baby, I'm hungry, for ribs...just one nice juicy rib. Baby!!!!! Please come back!!!!!
Uhh, sir, please calm down. Now what did your "Baby" look like and when was the last place you seen them?
About 15 minutes later...
I want my baby back!!!!! Why did you eat her!!!! Give her BACK!!!!!!!!!!
Sir, calm down or I'm gonna tase you.
About 30 minutes later...
I need her. She's my only hope. Why did you have to cook her and eat her ribs!!!! WHY!!!!!!!
Sir, Put your hands behind your back. Now.

 

by needles1218
2-15-12
I'm gonna cut your baby up and make it into beef stew and make you watch me eat it!!!!!!!!
Like whoaaaa dude...you have some totally wicked issues.
After 30 minutes of random talking...
I need more chocolate!!!!! To add more flavoring!!!!!!!!!
Like don't walk away brahh...you need some of what I got...good old fashion ...welp, like lost my train of thought duuude.

 

by needles1218
2-15-12
I like peach cobbler with extra chicken blood and orphan tears!!!!!!
But sir, I ask if you wanted to buy some cookies. I'm trying to make money for a fund raiser.
Cookies!!!! Did someone say cookies!!!?? Where??? And give me extra pigs feet with frog eyes!!!!!
Mister, are you okay??
Couldn't be better!!!!! Off to get dog pupils!!!!!
Mister, I'm calling the Police.

 

This would be a great spot for a cup of tea.
by needles1218, 2-15-12

 

What the .....
(Sings) I come from a land down under. Where women glow and men plunder.
by needles1218, 2-15-12

 

It's just in... The President got a new cat. Many people outraged because he didn't get a dog.
Protesters fill the streets as dog fanatics demand equal rights for their pets in the government system.
by needles1218, 2-15-12

 

Okay, so I let you go, and I run down narrow alley way with lots of other people.
Uhh, yeah. That's pretty much it.
by needles1218, 2-15-12

 

Okay, keep all 45 off your heads down, we are almost across the border!!!
Okay Senior Jericho.
by needles1218, 2-15-12

 

Let us drink until our livers turn to dust...and our kidneys into vapor!!
by needles1218, 2-15-12

 

by needles1218
2-15-12
Okay dude, what the hell are you going to tell me next?? Your story is so messed up.
The squirrel goes up and .....
Look squirrel, I ain't gonna bend over and ya sure as hell ain't gonna get my nuts!!! So quit trying!!!
Settle down black hair, I'm gonna get you sooner or later. Even if that's sending my evil brother after you.
Wait! You have an evil brother!!??
Yup, I'm going to go get him now, ya silly little nutless boy.

 

by needles1218
2-15-12
Oh god!!!! His brother is coming to kill me!!!!!!!
Oh damn!!!! He didn't tell me his brother was a weapon wielding phycho path kangaroo!!! Help!!!!!! Run for your life!!!!!
Somebody help!!!! He's wanting my nuts!!!!!!
Come here boy!!!! I just want to PLAY!!! Get back HERE!!!! You're really pissing me off!!!!!

 

Dammit, I threw my Maple Syrup, better warn the players.
by needles1218, 2-15-12

 

by needles1218
2-15-12
Okay, so what was he wearing again??
He was wearing a red hat with the letter "M" on it, with blue overalls.
As soon as I see him, stretch up and bite him, right??
Yeah, just do what I do, okay.
About 30 minutes later...
He's still like 3 levels away.
Oh come on!!!!

 

by needles1218
3-10-12
While at a crime scene somewhere in a small town in downtown LA...
Okay, one male, white, about 30 years of age...hacked to death by a screw driver and then burnt by a torch.
mmmmmmm...potatoes and gravy!!!
Uhhh, sir?? Did you hear a word I said?
(Drooling) Uhhh, yeah...yeah something about burnt tomatoes.
No, he was hacked to death by a hammer and then burnt by a torch.
Wait a minute pink shirt...you said screw driver! I'll get mad later, right now, I'm hungry for some quail and turnips.

 

by needles1218
8-22-12
In some random bathroom in downtown New York...
This is gonna be worse than Vietnam. Good luck in your war.
Yup, I'll do my best.
After 25 min. of awkward grunting...
Oh my...that was such a very dirty situation.
Yeah, that was awkward.

 

by needles1218
8-22-12
I don't like this awkward silence and dark, scary forest.
You.
Who...who is that?
It's me bitch...I'm back!!
Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!

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