All comics by prussell11

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by prussell11
4-13-06
What happened?
I was playing with my squirt gun.
Really? Can I see it?
Uh, no, the cops took it for evidence.
It wasn't a squirt gun was it?
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

by prussell11
4-21-06
Read this, it says it better than I can.
Dear jon you are a great guy. By the way, I'm running away with your wife. your friend, Joe
So, what do you think?
Well Joe, I have several options.
What's with the knife Jon? Uh, I think I have an appointment somewhere.
Oh the torments of deciding which body part to go after first.

 

by prussell11
4-21-06
Take me to your leader.
Uh, sure, come with me.
Not far now.
Here he is. Go into that light, right over there.
?

 

by prussell11
4-21-06
Love is Blind
I love you, let's swim away together.
But it will never work out. I'm blue and you're red.
So are preconceived ideas.
Love knows no bounderies.
Yes, but if we had children they would be like....like purple.
Was the world really ready for zippers, the atom bomb or dating services?
I know, wouldn't that be wonderful!
I don't know if the world is ready for a purple fish.

 

by prussell11
4-21-06
I'm leaving you. In fact my new love is right here.
My life couldn't get any worse.
Hi, I-I-I-I-I'm B-b-b-Betty.
I stand corrected.
We have soooo much in common.
I'll bet you do.

 

by prussell11
4-21-06
Greetings, welcome to hell. Father Thomas.
Aaaaah, I must be dreaming, yeah, that's it. he he he
OK, very funny, now let me have him.
Hey! I was just having a bit of fun.
Satan plays a joke at Father Thomas' expense.
Do you see me laughing?
I thought I saw a slight grin.

 

by prussell11
4-21-06
I'm going to wake up. Repeat, I'm going to wake up.
That Gabriel really gets to me.
One more stunt like that and I'll go to the BOSS.
And so, Father Thomas finally reaches his true destination.
Am I dead? I'm so confused.
Come along with me father.

 

by prussell11
4-21-06
Father Thomas arrives in heaven.
I made it to heaven. I am so relieved.
Why is that Father?
Oh nothing, I was just so happy to be here. he he he
I understand. Now let's do your life review, shall we.
And, so the life review.
Do we have to?
Relax, we do not judge here.

 

by prussell11
4-21-06
Father Thomas' Life Review. June 20, 1978
You've done fine young lad. Now, let me show you what you should never do.
Now turn around, I want you to feel something.
Hey, he did it to himself.
HA! I knew it. Come with me Father Thomas.
This is where I always lose 'em.

 

by prussell11
4-25-06
Hey, Joe, there's something I need to talk to you about.
I can't take this pressure anymore! You always expect me to work, work, work. There's only so much I can do!!!
I'm only one person, for crying out loud! How do you expect me to work and drink coffee and play on the computer?
Uh, well, that's what I came to talk to you about. Now you're going to have plenty of time to do those things.

 

by prussell11
4-25-06
I'm free, I'm free I tell you FREE!
This just in. A bomb is heading straight for this city!
I guess I had better savor this moment.

 

by prussell11
4-25-06
So, What did your dad say?
He said that you were a figment of my imagination.
Really? I don't feel like a figment. Now what?
For starters, you won't be able to join us for dinner.
And then, I guess I'll grow up and you'll have to go.
N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 

by prussell11
4-25-06
Uh, dad, like, do you believe it ghosts?
Ghosts? Why there's no such thing as ghosts, son.
Really? OK, then. I guess you'll have to go.
?
sniff, sniff

 

by prussell11
4-25-06
hum dee dum dee dum
Oh what a beautiful evening, la dee da!
dee dee dum
Where am I ?
That wall wasn't there yesterday was it?

 

by prussell11
4-26-06
Take that ye scoundrel!
It's me, Jim, you're pal.
Make yer choise, the plank or the sword.
I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
Fred chooses the eraser of death. Little did he know that he was the result of the mighty pencil as well.

 

by prussell11
4-28-06
I can't believe the kid let me go. I bet I'll be able to find a new job here.
Whoa, a big head!
Yesssss! He sees me.
What's in this stuff I'm drinking?
Hey, pal, you want a friend?
You don't have a body, what good are you? Man, I've gotta stop drinking.

 

by prussell11
4-28-06
I give up. No one wants an imaginary friend anymore. I'm goiing to attach myself to this rocket and...
!
Sniff...I can't even do that right.
Why so blue?

 

by prussell11
4-28-06
No one wants an imaginary friend. I'd cry but I have no hands to hold a kleenex.
Hey, I feel for you. I used to have a friend named Calvin. It was great.
Then, after ten freakin' years, the "artist" retires. Just like that, I'm out of a job.
What have you been doing since?
I've been trying to infiltrate another comic strip. That's how I found you. By the way, I could have told you that you couldn't blow yourself up.

 

by prussell11
4-28-06
I tried to blow myself up, among other things. It seems that comic strip and made up characters are immune to suicide.
Oh man, the final insult.
Let's hit the road. Surely we'll find someplace that will take us.
My names not Shirley, but fine, I'll go. It's not like I have anything better to do.
Ok, I'm inside, now what?
See if there's a kid in there with an overly active imagination.

 

by prussell11
4-28-06
Hey kid, need a friend? I think you can come in now, Head.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! A decapitated head!!!
Let's be friends.
Let me see, what to do when you start seeing things. It says to stick to things that are real. I guess that means I have a new cat.
What? What's wrong with me?

 

by prussell11
4-28-06
I hope you find a new home.
Yeah, right...See ya' Hobbes.
Hey, kitty, wanna play?
This kid isn't anything like Calvin.
Meanwhile back on the street.
I think I might check out the freak show at the carnival.
I must have taken in too much oxygen.

 

by prussell11
4-29-06
And so... Head finds his place at the Freak Show.
Hey, dude, maybe we could all hang out after the show.
I could use a guy like you in my act.
The carnival freaks welcome Head as one of their own.
Greetings, Mr. Head. Lunch is at noon and you get 2 15 minute breaks. You need to sign the W-2 forms....oh, yeah...uh, maybe we can work around that.
Yes, this is where I belong! Thanks guys for giving me a chance.
Skeleton boy and Lizard head show Head the ropes.
Whass up?
Wait till you meet Myrtle the bodyless girl, you guys should get along great!

 

by prussell11
5-02-06
Where's my report, I asked for it yesterday!!!
I need a complete list of things that need to be upgraded ASAP!!!!
Who authorized you to upgrade those parts? I want answers now!!!!!
I need to go home.
I wasn't doing anything when smoke started coming out of my PC.
My mouse is broken, I need a new one now or I can't work.

 

by prussell11
5-02-06
Later, back home.
No, you're insurance will not cover "acts of God".
You told Carol what I said about her, didn't you? Come on, just admit it. Fred told me that you told her!
Uh, I, like ran over your cat with my lawnmower, sorry.
I can't take it anymore.
I'm moving back in with mother, nothing personal. Don't worry, you can keep the kids.
I'm telling mom what you did.

 

by prussell11
5-02-06
Brenda finds a place for trusting souls to meet.
hhhhmmmm, Let's see, yes this will do fine.
So, she goes to Suckers Anonymous.
So, like, I'm a victim of maltreatment, persecution. apathy, tyranny, practical jokes and adding insult to injury.
And I can't take it anymore!
I hear you, I hear you! It's like she's speaking just to us.

 

by prussell11
5-08-06
Did you see the news about the bomb? I heard an explosion, ya' think it hit?
Oh, a joke? Yes, well, actually, I believe the fallout from the resulting radiation must have changed our DNA in some way.
What makes you think that?
How long have you been drinking coffee, my fellow apocolypse survivor?
Since mom put it in my bottle when I was a baby.
Hmm, that could explain quite a bit, my dear fellow. Your DNA must have been on hyper overdrive thus resisting the radioactive effects.

 

by prussell11
5-08-06
I feel like a rug that has been beaten and walked on.
I think I love you.
Uh, that's all I have to say. I have to go now.
Meet me after the meeting, I think we have sooo much in common, babeeee.
Let's see, that's $30 for parking an inch over a yellow line, $20 for driving with a bad tail light, ... and $40 for not having a license.
Officer, can I have my license back?

 

by prussell11
5-08-06
Terry, meet Joe. What do you think?
It seems your conclusions concur with mine. His DNA seems resistant to enviromental conditions.
So, Joe, how many cups a day do you drink?
Uh, like, one after another. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count. Everyone wants me to work! I can only do so much!
My, he is an interesting speciman, isn't he?
Hey, Joe, I think you and I will get along great! Do ya' smoke? I did and now look at me.

 

by prussell11
5-08-06
Hi folks, it's me, the Phillip Morris spokesperson, Ciggy!
Don't be fooled by the hundreds of scientific reports about how smoking can kill. They are propaganda instigated by the insurance companies.
We make a great team, Ciggy!
This cartoon is not affiliated with Phillip Morris and is in no way meant to offend smokers or Grim Reapers.
Anyway, who wants to live forever? Its the quality, not quantity that counts, right?
That's right Ciggy! Aaak

 

by prussell11
5-08-06
Here on Capito Hill, Phillip Morris donates millions of dollars to worthy causes.
Why? Because we care about the good 'ol U. S. of A! We love America, hot dogs and apple pie!
Turn off the camera!
The last contribution was to push Cheany's right to bear arms at school bill.

 

by prussell11
5-18-06
At first all we cared about was NOW.
Hungry, sleepy..slow down.
Who care's about tomorrow? Not me, I just want to have fun.
Then, we had hopes and dreams, then disillusionment.
Oh, How I wish to be an astronaut someday.
Screw the system, I never want to become part of the establishment!
Then aspirations for tomorrow, then....it comes full circle.
If I play my cards right, I can be CEO someday.
Hungry, sleepy.. slow down.

 

by prussell11
5-19-06
So, I'm an executive over our law department. What do you do?
I'm the sales manager over advertising.
Tyler here, senior law manager, and you?
I'm the chief Financial Officer over the eastern offices.
Yo, I need the money by noon tomorrow or I'm gonna take you for a long ride for which you're gonna never return. Ya get me?
Hey, man, give me a break. I'm swimming in debt. I'm only a clerk in a two bit legal aid office downtown. They don't pay me squat.

 

by prussell11
9-20-06
Watcha thinkin about Dinky?
I've been looking for a gift for my girlfriend.
Watcha have in mind?
I've been looking all over for an anatomically correct sock monkey.
I don't have that, but here's a finger puppet.
Uh, never mind, she just left me a dear John letter. And to think, I gave her the best six weeks of my life!

 

by prussell11
7-27-07
Woa, there's a bat in the office, somebody kill it!
Joe, get over here, I have an important job for you.
Why do I always get the crap jobs?
Don't feel bad, I think I caught something from you, I feel sick.

 

by prussell11
7-27-07
Joe, did you get rid of the pest like I asked you?
Not exactly.
What do you mean?
I hired him as my replacemnt. I quit!
This is great! I have a desk to hang under and everything?
I don't know how to tell him this has all been a huge mistake without him biting me.

 

by prussell11
7-27-07
My first day. I'm going to ask for a raise.
Where's the boss' office?
Its right over there. Its nice to see them hiring more minorities around here.
I guess I'll wait a day on that raise thing.
You know, you actually work out better than Joe. He was too high maintenance. Would you like to be my little assistant?

 

by prussell11
7-27-07
These dang keyboards are made for opposable thumbs.
I'm hiring you as my secretary.
Why, thank you, you won't regret it. What do you need sir?
First off, I need a cup of coffee. Then I need you to type up a 20 page proposal for me. I could get used to this.
Proposal for what? Also, I don't get coffee. Oh yeah, I don't know how to use the computer. Where's my desk?

 

by prussell11
9-12-07
She doesn't get coffee!!? I certanly can't do it!!!
I have no freakin hands! She's walking a thin line.
Hey, I need you to get that report to me by 4 pm!
Uh, yeah, about that.....

 

by prussell11
5-19-11
The end of the world is May 21, 2011!
Oh really? I thought it was in 2012.
My dad said it was in 2000, boy was he wrong.
I have reservations at a resort June 5, 2011. Should I cancel?
Uh, let me get back with you on May 22.
Sigh, armageddon is so unreliable.

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