All comics by pslock

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by pslock
10-22-03
WTF? I was supposed to be met here. The ritual MUST take place at midnight.
moments later...
You're late...
I know..I'm sorry...band practice ran late.
Well, at least you brought the shov...wait...band practice?
Yeah..we're actually getting pretty good.

 

by pslock
10-22-03
BAND practice? What band?
Look, I figured you wouldn't understand...let's just dig up the damn body; it's almost midnight and the spell said we need the bones of a female, virgin, rugby player.
No, no..I'm earnestly curious now. What band?
Don't worry about it. Here, I brought two shovels...let's start...
....Dude...not swing choir...that's what it is, right?
Look, do you want to summon demons or what here?

 

by pslock
10-22-03
Midnight in the Graveyard...
vulgus...quixote...franklin...lecithin...
dioxide...goldberg....systemic...hydrospanner...
Welp..that was the last the incantations, and the virgin bones are all over the place. So where's the demon familiar?
Gotta be around here someplace....I think I see something weird over there, I'm checking it out.
Moments later...
.....
*Hey! C'mon back, Eric!! I don't think this demon's gonna show! Dumbass internet spellbooks!!*

 

by pslock
10-22-03
Moments after being horribly frightened by the appearance of a mysterious demon...
Wait...so...you're the demon familiar I summoned?
Yep. Here to do your bidding.
But you're green...and squishy... and wearing a t-shirt..
Look, I heard your guys' ritual and showed up, now whose fucking soul do you want me to consume so that I might then pass on the power of the life-force to you?
Uhh..no one really. I just wanted some...you know...cool powers and stuff.
*sigh*

 

by pslock
10-22-03
After much debating about demonic powers...
Ok, so you DO have special powers and one of them is reading the thoughts of those who summoned you?
YES!! FOR THE EIGHTH TIME!
*sigh*
So...Eric IS in swing choir like I thought?
YES!!

 

by pslock
10-22-03
Hey Eric! C'mon back here! The demon is here! He's kinda cool, too....I guess.
He'll work out, I think. I mean..I can bring him to school and shit. And use his powers against my enemies.
We don't really have enemies, though. I mean, yeah that Stacy girl laughed at you in the cafeteria when you spilled the...
YEAH! She DID LAUGH, didn't she? She will be the first to feel the wrath of my...squishy demon!
Is that the demon over there? Hey, he IS kinda squishy! Lemme talk to him.

 

by pslock
10-22-03
So, you're the demon we summ...what are you doing?
Limbering up...
Limbering up?
Yeah...I heard you guys talking about wanting me to use my evil wrath and all that against your little school friends or whatever...gotta get into shape.
Oh...
Don't look so surprised..it's been a few hundred years since I've done the wrath thing.

 

by pslock
10-22-03
Ok, Mr. Demon, we have to go home now and we've got school in the morning. You're going to follow me around, but all invisible, though.
Welp, you're the boss. Just gimmie a buzz when you want those school chums of yours turned into friggin' paste.
We need to go...it's hella late.
I was just giving the demon his instructi...wait, did you just say 'hella' you dumbass?
Hey, we're supposed to be evil, right? What's more evil than stupid, faux-street-slang that's totally outdated?
Hmm..maybe you have a point, homeboy. Where'd that demon go to?

 

by pslock
10-22-03
Evil Ted resumes his "normal" identity of Ted on the comfort of his room. He logs into the internet under his cyber-alias "EVLONE49921"...
Ok..I've got to tell everyone in the Okkult chatroom about my new demon servant! They'll be hella jealous! Err...damn, now I'M doing it..
Wait, there's like 300 new posts since just last night? What the hell? "HI I AM MANSONMAN8823 & REELY GOTH AND I SUMMOENED A DEMON HE RULEZ" Goddamn it! Frickin' newbies! Like he really did!
Phht! I'll give MANSONMAN a piece of my mind!
I wouldn't do that if I were you.

 

by pslock
10-22-03
Who the hell are you? You're not my demon! *Mr. Demon, get out of here!*
He's not coming, we sort of have an understanding. And, no, I'm not your demon. I belong to a certain MANSONMAN, shall we say.
What, he REALLY summoned a familiar? I find that hard to believe.
Hey, when you play Rush albums backwards, you'd be surprised about the reaction it gets. My point is, don't mess with demon owners. They'll KNOW when shit is being said about them.
Well, whatever, just go back to your dork boss now, OK? I have REAL things to be doing with my demon.
Lemme guess...unleashing hell's wrath upon those who've wrong you? Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, pal. I'm gone.

 

by pslock
10-22-03
So why didn't you protect me from that other demon sent here by that forum lamer?
It's kind of a rule...we're not supposed to interfere with the business of other demons.
So anyone can basically sic their demon on me and you'll just STAND THERE doing jack shit?? What the hell did I bother digging up the virgin rugby player for? We spent AGES summoning you!
-pussy-

 

by pslock
10-22-03
We briefly interrupt the story of Evil Ted and Evil Eric for a bit of peace and relaxation...
*...ahhh....*

 

by pslock
10-22-03
Alright...Ted said something about finding some Stacy girl here at school and toasting her soul.
*POOF!* I think this form will probably attract less attention.
TO BE CONCLUDED
Umm...hi, are you Stacy?
Fuck you, freak.

 

by pslock
10-22-03
CONTINUING FROM WHERE WE LEFT OFF..
*POOF!* I revert to demon form! Oh, I may be a freak, but it is YOU who shall feel my power!
Whatever....freak.
You asked for this!
CONTINUES MORE...
????
A voice from far off: "OH MY GOD! JANE...WHAT HAPPENED TO JANE!!!"

 

by pslock
10-22-03
*POOF!* Back into my disguise!
WHAT DID YOU DO TO JANE!!!!
Nothing! I merely helped her into the next dimension. Err...I mean..there was some weird guy walking through the school halls!!
YOU BASTARD FREAK!!
CONTINUATION APPROACHING
FEEL WRATH, STACY!

 

by pslock
10-22-03
HA! Take that you Evil Ted-harassing bitch!
???
A voice from the distance: "OH MY GOD!!! JANE AND AMY!!!"
Goddamnit...
A voice from afar: "THAT WEIRDO DID SOMETHIN' TO THEM! GET 'IM!"

 

by pslock
10-22-03
OK...so you killed two girls at my school, and neither one of them was Stacy?
Urrmm....sorta. I actually killed a few more people making my escape. But I think one of them might have been Stacy.
I guess I can't complain. I forgot to mention what she looked like. At least you fried some of her dumb friends, and no one saw you.
Well..that's not entirely true...they saw my disguised self. Watch...*POOF!* See?
A gay, club-going pirate?
What? This is general impression of humans that we, in the demon realm, have.

 

by pslock
10-22-03
SCIENCE BEING PROGRAMMED HERE DO NOT TOUCH
IN NAME OF MY FATHER AND IN THE NAME OF TRUTH, I WILL TOUCH YOU!
In an instant later...
WTF?? I SAID DON'T TOUCH!!
YOU HAVE TRODDEN ON MY RIGHTS FOR 300 YEARS!!!
PORN DOWNLOAD BEING INTERRUPTED!
Oh, dude, you should have just said so...

 

by pslock
10-22-03
11001010001110 100111000 00111001 001110 1001
0011000 11101010 100000111 001011001010101 1001 11
01011 111000101011100010 101001 00101 10110 1110
001100 01010 1111100000 001010011001
11001010001110 100111000 00111001 001110 1001
no, seriously, my cock won't suck itself

 

by pslock
10-22-03
...and it's official folks! Arnold Schwarzenegger is our new Governor!! Perhaps he'll "terminate" our problems, right Linda? HAWHAWHAW That's the news folks!
Eh...Arnold is stupid, but harmless...
I mean, it's not like he's President or anything.
Oh shi.....

 

by pslock
10-23-03
The saga of Meeting Evil will continue at some point...
Ok...so explain this to me again? I don't get it.
Alright, they're humans but they dress like us and want to have sex with us and they're called furries or something.
That's sick! So they want to screw cats and dogs??
Sorta...they want to screw each other DRESSED as cats and dogs, or something like that. There's other animals mixed in as well.
I'll never look at my owners the same way again.
It's best if you just leave them right now...I've already packed all my stuff...

 

by pslock
10-23-03
Wow...Saving Private Ryan kinda sucks...

 

by pslock
10-23-03
Say..when you guys summoned me, you DID complete the ritual by saying "Goodnight Mrs. Calabash wherever you are" right?
Umm..that part I don't remember, why? It worked. You're here, right?
It's just that....well ....ummm... if you don't say that..
??
...then the transdimensional vortex appears and extinguishes all life as we know it. But you DID say it, right?

 

by pslock
10-23-03
ACTUALLY FOUND IN TOLKIEN'S NOTES
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Ok..I didn't pass..but I pwned your ass. Heh, that rhymes.
YOU WILL RHYME NO MORE!!
Just relax, it's not like we're going anywhere. We've fallen into shadow, or something like that anyway.
So then.....Scrabble?
Even after I beat you last time with triple word score on "Osgiliath?"

 

by pslock
10-23-03
Fucker...you killed my wife. Now I kill you!!
Hey whatever you do, don't kill me. I'm not the one. Seriously. You can trust me.
Do I know you?
Hey, what's up man?

 

by pslock
10-23-03
Pslock opens his email for the morning.
GROW BIGGER BOOBS! REFINANCE YOUR HOME! SOMEONE WANTS TO DATE YOU, YOU LUCKY DOG! LOANS AT NO INTEREST!
*sigh*
TAKE A PILL THAT GROWS YOR PENIS! HERE IS THE STOCK INFORMATION YOU WANTED! DONATE TO A WORTHY, UNNAMED CAUSE!
*sigh*
NAKED TEEN GIRLS FOR FREE!
...huh?

 

by pslock
10-23-03
You may have heard that new laws are being proposed to curb the influx of spam into your inbox...
BUT THEN I WON'T BE ABLE TO TELL YOU ABOUT LEGITIMATELY GOOD DEALS AND IMPORTANT BARGAINS!
I don't think I've EVER recieved a legitimate deal or bargain through spam, thanks anyway though.
YOU'RE LIMITING FREE TRADE YOU COMMUNIST, HIPPIE, LIBERAL, LESBIAN, BASTARD!!!
That's OK...free enterprise in this country isn't all it's cracked up to be, anyway. I need to go now.
...umm ...naked.. teen girls? for..free..? in locker rooms...?

 

by pslock
10-23-03
HEY EVERYONE! ITS'A ME!!! MAAARIO!!!! I'm just here to remind'a you that MY games don't feature ANY guns or hookers or carjacking!!
Yep...my games are FAMILY games with da family values! Not like that GTA stuff where you do'a da horrible things!!
So remember me, MAARRRIO, whenever you're family wants wholesome enter...huh??
In the news today, 4 boys have been arrested for jumping up and down on their teachers' head, fatally wounding her. The boys said they got the idea from the video game, Super Mario Bros. More later..
LATER, IN A LAWYER'S OFFICE..
So, how can I fight this lawsuit?
Well, the whole "video games don't make people kill" thing is getting old; in my opinion you should settle now. There's also some question about your plumber's license status...

 

by pslock
10-23-03
BEING FASHIONABLE: 1983
Wow, my new Apple computer is awesome!
You own an Apple? Phht...you suck...I have a REAL PC with MS-DOS even!! Loser!
BEING FASHIONABLE: 2003
Wow, my new PC is awesome!
Phht...you suck! Macintoshes are WAY better, and at least they're not controlled by some dumb corporation like Microslut. Loser!
BEING FASHIONABLE: 2083
Wow, maybe we should have done something more productive with our time instead of dividing people in stupid little camps.
My organs hurt.

 

by pslock
10-24-03
I might be gay, but a least I know how to boogie!
Put the gun down, Betsy!
Punch the doggie!
Ate it? I put my FINGERS in it!!
Well, punch myself in the groin!
Daddy's comin' home angry!

 

by pslock
10-24-03
YUMMY PORN IS HERE. HOT OFF THE INTERRRNEEET! WHO WANTS AT IT FIRST?
C'MON. THERE'S NO USE DENYING IT!! YOU WANT IT! ASIAN ANAL SHE-MALE ANIMATED BEAUTIES!!!
OH SHI... BIG J!!
I heard that...my virtual son...

 

by pslock
10-24-03
!!!
Pornography is a sin, my son. You must stop peddling it to all who use your technology. It teaches the evils of lust.
BUT IT'S...IT'S ALL I KNOW
I understand. But when you must resist this temptation or I must let Satan take your computerized soul to hell.
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I GET YOU FREE ACCESS TO BABESOFNAZARETH.COM???
Hmmmmm...

 

by pslock
10-24-03
*computing*
TEMPT ME NOT WITH YOUR EVIL! I will leave you to the choice...a life in me, or the hellish regions. Ok, pull me up dad I'm ready to go now..
...AND JESUS IS ASSUMED INTO HEAVEN
HOT, WET VIRGINS SCREWING DONKEYS AND LATIN CHICKS!

 

by pslock
10-24-03
You know, that last comic may have offended some Christians who follow me and my teachings. For this, I must apologize.
But, you know, you guys really are friggin' idiots. Not to mention incredible loads.

 

by pslock
10-24-03
Attention readers: Making fun of Jesus really shouldn't be done. It's just not very funny anymore. It's too easy to make fun of the guy, really.
Due to the complete lack of controversy that making fun of Jesus simply doesn't generate, we will now change our focus.
Instead, we will make fun of Mary, here. She's a woman. And a stupid one at that, right Mary?
That's right, Ken! I sure hope my boobs don't get in the way of all this serious man-stuff going on around here!

 

by pslock
10-24-03
Alright, here's the deal soldier. The aliens are at our front door, we must mobilize to destory them!!!
YES SIR!! My ship is ready to go! The fleet will be waiting for those alien bastards!
Oh, there's no fleet, it's just you. SorryIforgottomentionthat gotta go...byeee!!
WTF?
Wait..why is there only a left/right control?

 

by pslock
10-24-03
Excuse me..coming through..
HALT! Time to put an end to your kind!! KERPOW!
Umm..you'll notice I'm unharmed. I will now go about my business.
What? Wait, how can this be??
Cuz you missed and hit the giant-ass mushroom in your line of fire, retard.
Nevermind you...LOOK! A GIANT SPIDER!!!

 

by pslock
10-24-03
C'mon..keep moving, there's got to be a key around here somewhere.
No wait...I don't feel too good...that last round of ghosts took it out of me..
Then have some of that food lying right there. It should perk you up.
That's a good ide...hey, wait! Who the hell just leaves food laying around like that? I mean...is there something wrong with it? That's just weird!
Whatever...just keep moving, we need that key. Oh, nevermind...good job, Jenny, here comes Death!!
Phht...why don't you just eat some of this magic "food??"

 

by pslock
10-24-03
INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!
Whatever...I'll just blast you with these beams from my hands..HUZZAH!!
*crackle* *fizzle* ...chIcKEn.. FIghT LiKE a roboT...
Now what did that guy say about some "Evil Otto" or something? Meh...prolly another dumb rumor. It's not like this maze is challenging or anything, I mean the exit is RIGHT THERE!
Oh yeah..it's Otto time...
These electric walls are pretty...I wonder if you can touch them...

 

by pslock
10-24-03
ROUND 1! FIGHT!
HOLD D, U, KICK!!
U, UR, R, DR, D, DL, L, PUNCH!!
ROUND 2! FIGHT!
U, D, R, KICK, JUMP, PUNCH!
U, U, D, D, L, R, L, R, B, A, START!! DOH!! WRONG GAME!!
YOU WIN!!

 

by pslock
10-24-03
Wow, thanks for not killing me and my family.

 

by pslock
10-24-03
Here comes more! Power up the blasters!!
Sir, perhaps we should just pilot out of the asteroid field. The odds of survival are 300 million to 1.
NONSENSE! I can handle this! Never tell me the odds!
Why the hell did you fly into this field in the first place?
QUIET YOU! Oh, hey, here comes that UFO again. TAKE SOME OF THIS HOME IN A DOGGIE BAG, OH YEAH!
Now preparing escape pods.

 

by pslock
10-24-03
My name is Plissken..I mean, Solid Snake! I will destroy Metal Gear Ray! Outta my way Raiden!
No, wait...you don't know the whole truth! I am, in fact, a eunich from the 17th Century court of the King of France, sent here to disinform you!
Huh? So then the conspiracy to steal all of the White Castle burgers was not true?
Oh it was true alright...INSIDE A COMPUTER!! Because THAT'S where you are now!! Finally the Sons of Liberty will control the world! Oh, watch out for the pigeon shit all over the place.
..THE HELL??
So the US President was a robot trying to control the thoughts of everyone at AT&T to disrupt all phone communication?
Yes, but it already happened....500 YEARS AGO!!

 

by pslock
10-24-03
ARE YOU BAD ENOUGH DUDES TO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT???
Hell yeah we are! I mean, we're riding on top of this 18-wheeler and everything!
Oh yeah...I mean those ninjas are pussies. I was just all WHAM and they were like, all falling down.
The president is as good as saved, and riding this truck will save lots of time!
I mean, it's not like we do drugs or anything, this is the 80s! (Winners Don't Use Drugs - William F. Sessions)
MOMENTS LATER...
Wow, those guys sure were easy to kill.
Yeah, well..thank the new guy. You know he breathes fire? His name's Karn-something. Anyway, let's go kill the president.

 

by pslock
10-24-03
LIVE ANOTHER LIFE!!
So...what're you doing?
Mmm...just making a wooden gnome.
Cool...
Yep..
I have to go to the bathroom now.

 

by pslock
10-24-03
Say, you're new here, eh? Well, welcome to Liberty City, the worst city in America!
I mean if it isn't the Mafia, it's the damn Yakuza shooting up the streets. I mean people get robbed, carjacked, murdered here all the time. It's terrible!
I should have expected that.

 

by pslock
10-24-03
I claim the moon in the name of the South!
DDd..dude, it's aboutt..t time someone showed up here...itsss..freezzzing ing..h herrre
Shut up, Yankee!! This here is MAH terratoreh!
Wow..h.h.h.how..t.t.t.totally uncc..cool..
Nahh..I'm just kidding around..this moon is actually being claimed by the Bisexual, Transgendered, Vegitarian, All-Gay, Communist, Libertarians.
Aww..w..s..sss...ssomm.mm..e

 

by pslock
10-24-03
Problem is, I can't actually unfreeze you as starting a fire would involve timber, and that damages trees as well as hurts their families.
R..r.add..d..iccal
I can give you a vegitarian lollipop, though. It's made from twigs, bat guano, glass, and natural extracts!
*OK guys, I think he's dead! We can move in now!! HOORAY FOR THA SOUTH!!!*

 

by pslock
10-24-03
DONALD RUMSFELD SUGGESTS FIGHTING TERRORIST IDEAS WITH OTHER IDEAS!
My fellow Americans, the time has come to get the American message across, strongly and loudly. Our ideas must combat the bad ones! Ideas like...umm...uhhh...
Umm...hmm ...that one stuff... hrrrmm...
*.....*
Did you need an idea, sir?

 

by pslock
10-24-03
DOOM: A Drama in 3 panels.
Alright demon, kiss your butt goodbye, I have a railgun.
NOOOO!! My firey breath is not enough!
Ok so I have the green key, the yellow key, the red key, the sage key, the midnight blue key, and the plaid key. OPEN FER CHRISSAKES!!
ACCESS DENIED, YOU ARE STILL MISSING 3 KEYS AND 6 SWITCHES!
BACK ON EARTH!
Wow, it's good to be hom...hey, wait...what the hell? OMG!! IT -IS- HELL!!
I had to use your room, K?

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