All comics by riffraff

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by riffraff
11-08-04
Going for a walk last week...
Whoa, you're one nasty-looking chick!
What makes you think I'm a chick?
Um...you're kidding, right?
Oh, yeah? Check THIS out!
After I show him how big of a man I really am, the offending guy yells, "NASTY!" and flees...
Oh, NAAAASTY!!!
HAHAHA! Strap-ons...bless 'em.

 

by riffraff
11-18-04
Haha! Homos getting discrimated against? Not in OUR town! What do you think we are, rednecked inbreds? HAR!
Um, actually, I've witnessed discrimination against myself almost every time I walk these streets.
You're kidding, right? But it's not in the police logs. Therefore, it doesn't happen - SO THERE!
Oh, CHRIST! As if they're going to say, "a homosexual was beaten and bloodied today..." You are such an ignorant FOOL!
WHOA, w-...wait a minute. You're GAY?!
*BLINK-BLINK*

 

by riffraff
12-02-04
DERRRR, do you want a burrito? Do you like burritos? Take a burrito! I want you to like burritos. *droooool*
No, I don't like burritos!
DERRRRRR, why not?
What's your fuckin' fascination with burritos?!
DUUUUDE...der...they look like turds...and, erm...they MAKE you shit.
Jesus fucking Christ...

 

by riffraff
1-30-06
During Thanksgiving of '05, my father brought up how REAL lesbians don't like dildos.
Why would a lesbian want a dildo? If they were a REAL lesbian, they wouldn't want something that looked like a guy's wickerbill.
Uh, it's because it feels GOOD, Dad. Stuff inside a vagina feels GOOD. It's not that it looks like a penis - it's about the sensation.
No, no, no! A lesbian can't really be a lesbian if she likes something inside her!
Whatever, Dad. I won't even try to explain why my husband likes to shove things up his butt, then.
Oh, now that don't even make a lick o' sense. Stuff comes out, but I sure as shit don't see how or why you'd put something up it. Hmm...that's the darndest thing...

 

by riffraff
2-27-06
And on the wall over here is my favorite picture of Richard O'Brien in drag...
*blink-blink*
Doesn't he have the best legs EVER?!
Well...I guess. But...he doesn't have any leg hair.
A guy in drag who shaves his legs?! You have GOT to be kidding. To think that a drag queen might ACTUALLY shave is just...ungodly! Excuse me while I go burn this and pray for Jesus' forgiveness.
Is she kidding or not? I can't tell.

 

by riffraff
3-01-06
Nick, holy crap! You have to see this disgusting cyst-popping video I found on the Internet!
A WHAT?! Okay, gross. This I have to see.
There, see! Oh, sick...*GAGS* Oh, gross, I'm gonna hurl. Ew, ew, EW! SIIIIICK! Now here comes the...GROOOSS!!! Oh, god, that is DISGUSTING!
What the-...is that-? OH GOD! *gags* That is REPULSIVE! That is DISGUSTING! Oh my god...*gags* And now they're...oh...sick...OH GOD!!! GROSS!
...*pause*...again?
Oh, fuck yes!

 

by riffraff
3-14-06
I walked down to Subway to pick up an application...
Uh, no...I'm here to pick up an application.
Duuuuude, welcome to Subway! Can I get you a sandwich?
Uh...right. Next week...sure.
Oh, RIGHTEOUS! You wanna be a sandwich artist too? RAWK ON, DUDE! Oh, wait, we're out of applications. Come back next week so we can ROCK THE DELI! RIGHTEOUS!
Well, on the plus side, at least I'll be able to wear my lipring.
PORTLAND CITY, ARE YOU READY TO RAWK?! 1, 2, 3, let's do this! YOU...SHOOK ME AAAALL NIIIIGHT LONG!

 

by riffraff
5-04-06
The phone rings. I answer - it's an Asian lady.
HERRO, YOU HAVE BEEN SERECTED TO WIN A FREE HORIDAY TRIP!!! TO THE ROCATION OF YOUR CHOICE!!!
Um, yeah, we're not interested. And could you talk quieter, please?
YOU ARE UNDER NO OBRIGATION TO BUY ANYTHING!!! YOU HAVE ARREADY BEEN SERECTED TO WIN!!! WHICH ROCATION WOULD YOU RIKE ME TO PU-
Dude, seriously. STOP YELLING. And we're REALLY not interested.
YOU'RE NOT?! MAY I PREASE ASK YOU WHY YOU DON'T WANT THIS FREE HORIDAY?! AGAIN, YOU HAVE NO OBRIGATION TO BUY ANYTHING!!!
Because, right now, I'm pretty much would rather eat my own head than hang out with foreign people.

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