All comics by shittykitty

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by shittykitty
1-08-01
God, it looks like I've been sleeping in a hale bay.
I mean a hay bale.
I knew exactly what you meant though.
It's like telepathic dyslexia.
True.

 

by shittykitty
1-08-01
How are you doing?
I'm sick and tired.
I feel awful.
Nothing a box of wine and a couple of sluts couldn't fix.

 

by shittykitty
1-09-01
I worry too much about everything.
Don't worry, have some pie.
Pie is good. Pie is finite.

 

by shittykitty
1-09-01
Capitalism doesn't work. Neither does communism.
What we need is socialism under a benevolent dictator.
Like Santa.

 

by shittykitty
1-09-01
Did you ever really think about the year 2000 when you were in Grade 3? You know, the great cosmic significance of the turn of the millenium.
When I was in Grade 3, all I was concerned about was which GI Joe I was going to buy next.
Yeah, well maybe that's why you sell shoes for a living.

 

by shittykitty
1-09-01
Oh look. Will Smith is playing in LA tonight.
Do you want to go?
Nah. I'm already jiggy enough.

 

by shittykitty
1-09-01
My brother's been working in Japan for 2 years.
As a hostess?
Only when your family shows up.

 

by shittykitty
1-10-01
A discussion of Amy begins...
Like all force of nature type people, her influence on the world around us is subtle, but pervasivable. Possibly inevitabical.
Possibly. She is a force, isn't she?
Indubitiveness.
Have you been going to the Don King School of English?
Like I have time for extra school.

 

by shittykitty
1-10-01
I'm bored. Why don't you do a dance for me?
I'll pay you.
I make more money than you. I'm the one who should be objectifying you.
But it's not about economics, it's about what I want.

 

by shittykitty
1-10-01
Your cat's not sleeping. He's practising to be dead.
Petting your cat is like petting Lego.
I'll be nice to your cat when he grows thumbs and gets a job.

 

by shittykitty
1-11-01
I used to work in a super trendy area of town. We used to sit on the steps of our building and smoke.
We'd watch parades of smug yuppie women with babies pushing their $700 baby joggers proudly down the street. It's like they're walking down the street thinking "Look what I made!".
Just once I wanted to yell: "Yeah lady? Where I come from, we call that a mistake."

 

by shittykitty
1-11-01
My mom subscribes to the belief that positive thoughts bring about positive events.
Is she one of those people that refuses to be negative?
Yeah.
I fucking hate those people.

 

by shittykitty
1-11-01
Canada is but a dingleberry in the grand scheme of things and you are even smaller.
The only honest people are anarchists and outlaw biker tribal gangs. And maybe militant lesbians.
"Fuck you all, and fuck them too." I think I'll have that embroidered on a throw pillow. Then stuff it down somebody's throat.

 

by shittykitty
1-24-01
My ten year high school reunion is coming up.
Are you going to go?
Yeah. I'll probably hang out with my friends, drink beer, smoke cigarettes and make fun of everyone.
So, a lot like high school then?

 

by shittykitty
1-24-01
Happy birthday Amy.
Bite me.
What did you wish for?
A suitcase full of money.
What would you buy with it?
A lap dog and a coke habit.

 

by shittykitty
4-10-01
So I was at work yesterday, and this guy on my team wanders in two hours late.
He then proceeds to do his taxes right in front of me.
So I said to him: "Hey, you can pee in the pool, just don't pee off the diving board."

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