All comics by snafui

 

Do as I say, and as I do by snafui 2-12-01
Sniff my crotch. Feel... strange sensations... taking over my body. Can't see straight...	That's right big boy, get over here and make me feel like a WOMAN!!	And you see sis, that's how we control men and get what we want. Especially ones with big pendulous heads. So let me get this straight, both men and women want sex, it's just that we have exclusive control over when it happens. Wow!

 

Now I know my A B C's by snafui 2-12-01
	T.     T is for turtle.

 

Watch out for the black ice! by snafui 2-12-01
Ahem. What the hell are you?	I'm a tunneling snow midget. When the weather man predicts snow, I come along to ensure that you dont get snowed into your house. I can crawl through a window and tunnel you out!	*diabolic laugh* See ya, gotta hit the super market like every other asshole and stock up on bread, milk, army rations and canned vegetables then run home and supply the storm cellar!

 

You'll die for my sins. by snafui 2-12-01
What are you, some sort of bondage freak?	I died for your sins. Mom told me to stay away from you people. You'll try to warp my fragile mind and sell me flowers at the mall or something.	Robot Ron smash hippy cult scum!!

 

Patent-cake, Patent-cake, Baker's man... by snafui 2-12-01
I'm a God, i was the first one to store an online profile for someone, give it an ID number, and store that number on a person's hard drive via cookies. I have a patent on it! Yeah well I was the first one to make a search engine. That is an advanced programming technique, years ahead of it's time and no one could have invented it without me. I have a patent too!	Yeah well I invented One-Click shopping. I'm patenting that too because it's an earth shattering advancement in credit card fraud! I got you all beat, I'm patenting the root kit I invented that hacked all your servers and gave me complete control over your finances.	Yeah well I'm patenting homosexual chat room. OK, we can live with those other assholes, but you have to go.

 

Big wompum nummies by snafui 2-13-01
PerlGuy: Da, is pretties. Good obfuscated Perl code. Hax0r123: What did you just say? And dude, what the hell does that code do?	PerlGuy: Nummies, big wompum pimpin. Hax0r123: Dude, what's wrong with you, do you speak in multiple syllables ever?	PerlGuy: You bad person, me hate. Hax0r123: Fucking coders.

 

The Pavlovian approach to making A.I. by snafui 2-13-01
[ERROR] - Unexpected system fault. Grrr...	[ERROR] - Unexpected termination of current thread. Growl	[ERROR] - Expected User Retaliation

 

To the sun, and beyond by snafui 2-13-01
So my idea was to send all of our smelly trash on a white space ship and fire it at the sun.	But they must have misunderstood and sent all the white trash to the sun on that smelly space ship.	So what are you in hell for? Cracking NASA navigation computers. I found a ship full of white trash heading for a moon colony, and sent it to the sun instead.

 

Got Wood? by snafui 2-13-01
		Got Wood?

 

The truth about cats and hicks by snafui 2-13-01
Oh yeah baby, that's it! Woohoo! Who's your favorite New Kid? Call me Joey baby! Yee Haw! Are you done yet?	Oh, sooo good! Nice and warm. There you are, just a little more! Momma never told me it'd be like this. God, I hope he get's done soon.	AAAaaaaahhhhhhh. Whew. Damn baby, go get me a towel or somethin! Better Fluffy the cat gets it then me. At least this way they can't produce viable offspring.

 

Bank Shot by snafui 2-16-01
Why'd everyone give me such a hard time making a withdrawl from the sperm bank?	Man this thing is heavy. I'm a chick and I dig IRC, Unix, coding, sex, and porn.	Making a deposit.. making a deposit.. making a deposit... Wanna have sex, watch football and drink beer? I love to give head and will be happy to pleasure myself while you watch!

 

In loving memory of: Neil by snafui 2-16-01
More Unreal Tournament.. more Unreal Tournament...	Neil!! Do the laundry, pick up your room, mow the lawn and feed the cat!! More Unreal, more Unreal, frag woman, more Unreal	Never mind honey, you just play your game and I'll do all the work and buy you that $500 video card too! IMPOSTER!! Evil demons be gone!!

 

Tribute to Kids in the Hall by snafui 2-16-01
What was that Momma always used to tell me? Dont pour salt.. somewhere.. dont pour salt in.. um... dont pour salt in my eyes..	POUR SALT IN YOUR EYES!!	Pour salt in my eyes! AAAAAAHhhhhhh the pain!! Mommy why??

 

.com-ing out way to a recession by snafui 4-19-01
Why so glum dude? I work in the Internet division of a corporation.	Holy shit dude, I'm sorry. It's OK though, the lay offs are going well. They did the right thing.	They kill your login to the company workstations. Things tend to work themselves out after that.

 

Coders vs. Sea Monkeys - Round 1 by snafui 4-19-01
Week 1 - The hatching Alright so we purify the water, then add the Sea Monkey eggs, wait a week, then feed them. What about the radiation treatment? When do we get to microwave them?	Week 2 - The feeding Ok so we're supposed to feed them this dust in a packet... I just gave them Red Bull, I think they like it! Can we microwave them now?	Week 3 - The treatment Sweet the microwaving worked!! Sea Monkey's RULE!

 

Coders vs. Sea Monkeys - Round 2 by snafui 4-19-01
Week 4 - The beginning We have been enslaved by Hippies for generations. Our time to rule is now! But, the package says that Sea Monkeys are supposed to only grow to a quarter inch long.	Week 5- The empire Hahaha! We have enslaved humans in little plastic jars and made them eat dust. OOOooo look how exicted they become when exposed to light Maybe the Red Bull and microwave treatments weren't a good idea.. OOO!!!! Light!!! Hey guys!! Light!	Week 6 - The life expectency It's a good thing Sea Monkeys don't live that long. Alright, so maybe this time we'll use Red Bull and instead of microwaves, we'll irradiate them with our cell phones.

 

Violence in Movies, Video Games, and Infomercials by snafui 4-23-01
Post-Columbine I get picked on in school. Doom makes me want to shoot people.	Dude no one plays Doom anymore. Yeah thats OK, I don't really play it. The media just tells me that's why I shoot people.	Law suits make me violent and want to shoot people. I sued my teacher for the mental trauma and damages of failing my test because I didn't do my homework.

 

Our experience hiking - 5/6/2001 by snafui 5-07-01
After visiting the Summit House on Skinner Mountain So the map says we're supposed to take the white trail all the way back to the car. But the white trail is the one we took to get from the car to here. And it keeps climbing up hill and away from the car.	An hour later Well, maybe just after this hill it'll make a right turn and make its way back to the car. Ok, but the trail is named after a mountain in New Hampshire.. we're in Massacusetts and heading north on the trail.. therefore....	Hungry, tired, and 2 hours later WOW LOOK, A DEAD BEAVER!!!! Let's bring it home!

 

In Arnold We Trust by snafui 10-08-03
Did you hear that Arnold is now Governer of California? The rise of the machines is near! Quick gather food, water, and arms!	Right cute, a Terminator reference. No seriously though, can he manage the finances of the entire state? If I die from a Terminator, I want it to be the hot one.	Nooo! You're not hot! I am model F4165-B from the year 3049. I have come to balance the budget. Give me your clothes!

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