All comics by southlondon

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by southlondon
12-15-04
This is it! Murder weapon- Check! Police witness- Check! I'll be in the history books by next year!
Peace and love!
DIE SCUM!!!!!
Will Jimbo ever suceed as a serial killer? Will he eventually find the right victim? Find out next issue!
Well, you saw the murder! I guess you're going to be carting me off to prison now, huh?
He he-sorry Jimbo! Not only was that guy a student, he was also an anti-war protestor! You've done the country a favour!

 

by southlondon
12-15-04
Ha- I knew it! My victim has cleverly disguised himself to escape me! This is the easiest kill possible!
No body yet! He must be hiding well!
What a mug

 

by southlondon
12-15-04
Son, you really need to buck your ideas up in school.
If you're going to own the company one day you'll need a standard education at least
(Sigh) I'm over here, dad.

 

by southlondon
12-15-04
Listen, son. This is the first time this year you'll legally be allowed to go into town. So no thieving!
Don't worry Dad. I'm just going to do some shopping
Oh no! Can Scally resist this strong temptation?
I hope this solid gold watch doesn't drop of my wrist while I'm walking!
Apparently not.
Where's your watch, Jeffrey?

 

by southlondon
12-15-04
This is the moment of truth!
Hello police? There's a killer in my house! He's huge and has a hockey mask. He's got a knife! Help me!
Is that Jimbo again?
Once again, Jimbo's attempts to establish himself as a credible maniac are foiled. Will he ever win? Find out in the next episode!
Err...yes?
Look, this is the fifth time today! You're not a murderer and you never will be! Now piss off while we deal with some real crimes!

 

by southlondon
12-16-04
Just a normal day in town...
Right! This gun is loaded. Give me your wallet!
VICE hands his wallet over
Wow! Thanks mister!
Here it is! Just don't shoot me!
Attention: This scene was followed by a horrific act of violence that the writers have decided to omit
God! The muggers are getting younger
Are you taking the piss?

 

by southlondon
12-16-04
The Mockneys are discussing their futures...
One day I'm ganna leave this dump.
Me too
Whole gaff's tearing itself apart with drugs, gangs and the like
I dunno. Hertfordshire's not that bad

 

by southlondon
12-16-04
I know I'll get something from cybersex! Might even arrange to meet someone!
Hi, my name's Tiffany. What's your name?
Uhh- Father. Father Christmas. Do you want to meet me for no-strings sex?
I thought you'd never ask. Meet me in the woods later!
Later...
Hi! I'm Tiffany. Let's make out!
Bah! Humbug!

 

by southlondon
12-16-04
Son, like all Liverpuddlian men over 30 (except the Beatles) I am a serious alcoholic
Ok. Where do I fit in?
The problem is I've run out of money to buy vodka. I want you to use your skills as a scouser and steal either several bottles of booze or the money for me to buy some.
I'll do my best
Half an hour and several large bottles of spirits later...
Thhanksh, shun!

 

by southlondon
12-16-04
If this doesn't enrage the tabloids nothing will. I can see the headline now- 'MAN HEARS VOICES FROM PUPPET THAT TELL HIM TO KILL.' Come on dolly, tell me something!
Make peace and love everyone!
Curse you, Ebay

 

by southlondon
12-16-04
Dad, can I go to the cinema? There's a new horror film out.
Sure! What's the certificate?
Triple 18 XXX. Are you sure you don't mind?
Of course not! I think it's good to broaden your horizons!
4 hours later...
I am the angel of death. Now is the time to dispach the infidels
Have a good time?

 

by southlondon
12-16-04
Dad, can I go to my friend's house?
I don't see why not. Where does he live?
Just a few minutes away on the South Side. I'd have to cut through a few alleys.
Isn't that a rough area? Oh, what am I saying? Of course you can. Don't be out too late!
3 Hours later...
Mr. Cohen? I'm afraid I have some bad news...

 

by southlondon
12-16-04
Mum, can I go throw this cricifix-thingy in the bin? It's distracting me from the TV
I don't see why not. It's not right to force religion on children. Go ahead!
A few years later
Welccome to an eternity of torture!
Why are you so useless, mum?

 

by southlondon
12-17-04
Greetings, I am your spirit guide. I have much to tell you about your destiny.
Are you going to tell me to kill people and who to kill?
I am here to tell you that on this Saturday's jackpot, its a ROLLOVER! I don't know about the killing part though.
Jimbo wakes up
Almost had it that time.

 

by southlondon
12-17-04
(Horrendous cockney accent) And naah we're gonna talk about some sport. Coca Cola Championship action tonight wiv Leicester vs Nott'ingam Forrist.
What a fake! Some people just try too 'ard! He's probably posh off camera so he should be posh on camera an' all!
Time for bed, darling! I've had the maid lay your pyjamas out!
Silence, woman!

 

by southlondon
1-04-05
This is the most macabre room in the facility and the conclusion of your tour. Within this cage is one of Britain's most prolific serial killers.
Jimbo Smith is said to have killed over 300 women and buried them in his back garden. Once I switch on the light you will see this human demon for the first time.
Hmm. Still can't get the pitch right.

 

by southlondon
5-22-05
Now is the time to seek forgiveness for my horrific crimes.
By honouring my first victim's grave, I am taking my first step towards redemption.
Erm yeah...I ran over your brother last week. Sorry about that.
...

 

by southlondon
5-22-05
And now for something completely different: it's Places Not To Visit, presented by SouthLondon
#1: Bosnia
Please feed my family...
#2: The Vatican
Open your mouth and recieve me, child...
Next: Places Not To Wake Up In With A Hangover
#3: Washington
Hey wait, you're not a 25 year old blonde secretary! Oh well, better come inside...

 

by southlondon
5-22-05
I say! I say, good sir!
Would you be so kind as to help me with my shopping? It's hard enough with all this heavy gold jewellery.
A few severe stabbings later...
Now to flog the bling down the pub! I'm havin' beans on toast tonight!

 

by southlondon
5-22-05
We last saw Scally the Scouser's father in Issue 2
Hmm. It's so lonely on the estate. My son's in a Young Offender's Institute for breaching his ASBO and now he can't twoc Vodka from the newsagent's for me!
The doorbell rings...
Hello there, I'm a student and I'd like to talk to you about hunting. We at the Student Union would like you to sign a petition to ban this barbaric practice!
Hunting eh? Gives me an idea...
More heavy drinking, stereo-robbing fun next issue!
Come back here, you tax-dodging lamo!

 

by southlondon
5-22-05
And now for something completely different again: Places Not To Wake Up In Hung Over... Presened by southlondon
#1: On a spaceship
I think you know where I'm going to probe you
#2: Safari park
Did I just step on something? What's all this blood?
See you next time, kids!
#3: Time rift
Where's that damn police box when I need it?

 

by southlondon
5-22-05
And now we have an exclusive interview with Michael Nerdus, the winner of the world Counter Strike tournament.
L0l ye i pwnd tho53 n00bs!
Right...maybe you'd like to start by explaining that strange language you've adopted.
rofl its c4lled l33tspeek, u n00b
What a smacktard
j00 ju5t got pwned by 5horthand, fuckt4r0!

 

by southlondon
5-22-05
Dad, Ive been thinking. I'm now worth over £30bn and I want to marry my girlfriend. To make sure my fortune is safe, should I make her sign a pre-nuptual agreement?
Shame on you, son! A marriage is supposed to be a bond of love. If you don't love your wife enough to trust her, you may as well call off the wedding!
Alright, sorry I said anything.
Two months later...
I hereby award your ex-wife your entire £30bn fortune.
That's the last time I listen to you, dad.

 

by southlondon
5-23-05
We are United! No one can beat United! La la la la!
Hey, good for you son! I've been supporting the Red Devils for years now!
Hey that's great...
...But I was talking about football, not religion. Honestly!

 

by southlondon
5-23-05
To cope with his crippling debts, Scally The Scouser's dad has taken a new job as a train driver
Hey, welcome to the depot! I'm your new boss.
One week later...
Hey, some of the lads are heading down the pub during lunch. You up for coming along?
Sure, sounds great!
Shut it.
See dad? Told ya you couldn't drive a train after six bottles of vodka.

 

by southlondon
5-23-05
What a game though! Scholes needs to retire, he's getting too old. What we need is someone like Samuel Eto'o.
Um...yeah! I agree.
You know who played really well? That Arsene Wenger bloke. We should sign him for United!
L00lz, stup1d m@n y00 f@n ju5t pwned h1ms3lf!

 

by southlondon
5-23-05
Outtake #1: Jimbo, the wannabe serial killer
This is the moment of truth...
Hello police? There's a killer in my house! He's huge and has a hockey mask. He's got a knife! Help me!
Is that Jimbo again?
Err...line?
That's it-you're sacked.

 

by southlondon
5-23-05
Hey kids! Due to the combined "popularity" of our sketches we've been thrown together for one magical crossover evening!
Hope yers have a pukka time, an' all that.
With our combined talents, we should have this audience splitting their sides in minutes!
Yeah!
After a few minutes of silence
So a guy walks into a...
Forget it, we lost them at Hey Kids. Wanna go nick some hubcabs?

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
Hey, look at that! It's always good to see a youngster following in the serial killer footsteps.
Great to meet you young man, I'll be your killing mentor! This'll be so much fun!
Excessive violence censored
...How the hell did I end up here?

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
Uhh...you may shortly be feeling a burning sensation...

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
He he, I'm now outta prison and I needa find myself a job. So I enrolled in this course right, they reckon they'll help me find a job.
E-ar, that must be the teacher now.
Alright you little bastards, welcome to Computer Fraud 101. Any questions?

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
Hi there. Wait, don't hurt me. I've been doing some thinking. A few years ago, my wife had a baby. She's dead now, and the child ran away. I've done some checking up, and I made a discovery.
The baby son is you! You are my son! You've even inherited your dad's desire to kill! Come give me a hug son!
I knew that wouldn't work. Time to get serious.

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
I can't believe I'm doing this but there's no way around it. The kid's mugged me off twice now.
This is where you get off! DIE INFIDEL!
Will Jimbo finally get the credit he deserves? Will killing one psychopathic youngster put him up there with Ted Bundy and Ed Gein? Find out in Part 2!
I did it. I actually killed someone worthwile! I'm a child murderer!

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
When we last left Jimbo, he had killed a young psychopath who twice beat him up. Now he wants to accept the revulsion he deserves.
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I recently murdered a child. Well I didn't just kill him. I hacked him up with my trusty axe.
Erm...right. Say one trillion Hail Maries while I go and dial the pol...I mean the archbishop.
He he, now he'll call the police and make me infamous. What an idiot!
Could this be it? Will Jimbo finally be arrested? And will this septic boil ever go away? Find out in Part 3!
What an idiot. Hello police, I'd like to report a murder...

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
Alright there Jimbo? Never give up do you, you daft sod.
He can't bear to stare into my blank, evil eyes.
Anyway mate, you're getting a new cellmate today.
Please note that southlondon bears no feelings of hatred towards prison homosexuals. In fact, it's you guys that scare the kids off crime. Continued in Part 4!
Hello luvvie! I dropped my soap, would you pick it up for me?
Err...guard?

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
Hey Jimbo, you're in luck. We found the body and the deceased was a mass murderer! So because you done our job for us and killed him, we're gonna have to let you go.
HA HA! Hear that? Now you won't be able to sodomize me after all!
Blah, blah, blah, blah, something about Part 5
Eh, it wouldn't have worked out anyway. What are you in for?
I'm Father Christmas. I put kids on my knee. Use your imagination.

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
His wild adventure over, Jimbo returns to his true calling; murdering people and hoping to get put in prison with a heterosexual.
But will he succeed? Is there ever the perfect victim? Find out on the continuing adventures of Jimbo the Wannabe Serial Killer!
PS. To anyone offended by this series of strips, southlondon offers a very sincere FUCK YOU. Goodnight!

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
And now for something completely...oh sod it, you know the rest. It's How To Terrify People You Hate, presented by southlondon
#1: Self harm
I fear nothing!
#2: Threatening them with a big, fuck-off machete
#3: Murdering them violently
Methinks he ran out of ideas. EX-TER-MIN-ATE!

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
This documentary follows the trials and tribulations of southlondon as he tries to become StripCreator's no 1 non-donator. It's a monumental task.
Basically mate, the concept goes like this: your character was born with the desire to kill everyone he meets.
The only problem is that he wasn't born with the talent to do so. You'll end up killing a few people and having a few random misadventures.
I'd love to help you out but I've got a big Eastenders deal in the pipeline. I'm playing Ian Beale's long lost half brother's girlfriend's illegitimate son's best friend's dad. It's a pretty big part.
One week later...
Is that southlondon? Yeah, I've decided to take the part. My Eastenders deal fell through. Someone broke into the set and murdered the whole cast!
Really? Next you'll be telling me the main suspect is a white male with a blueish-grey shirt and brown hair! Honestly!

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
After the cast of Eastenders were sadistically murdered by a man bearing a strong resemblance to southlondon, Jimbo the Wannabe Serial Killer is set to go ahead.
Um, south?
(Sigh) what is it now?
I'm having a bit of trouble identifying with my character. What exactly is his motivation for killing everyone he meets?
Erm...he was bullied as a child.
I could do with a bit more motivation than that.
Fine, he kills people because his director tells him to and his director will give him cyanide-flavoured coffee if he stops doing it.

 

by southlondon
5-24-05
With Jimbo gaining fame and a few other comics finding minor success, southlondon needs his next prodigy.
Hey south, I've got a burning character question.
Christ on a bike, aren't there forums for this kind of thing?
See, I'm a Scouser, and I'm making a comic for a Cockney wanker about how people from Liverpool love stealing hubcabs. It's a negative generalisation about northerners that Londoners exploit.
No, you've got it all wrong! The comic is a satire about the horrible prejudices of Southern people and how they think all Northerners are robbers, when they really aren't.
Wow, when you put it like that, it really seems like a good show!
He he, stupid Northern wanker

 

by southlondon
5-25-05
Liverpool face AC Milan in the Champion's League final in Istanbul. Scally, naturally, has stolen both flight and match tickets.
Good morning my friend! I sell the finest in Turkish jewellery. What is it exactly that you are after?
Allo matey, I'd like one of the pure diamond encrusted rings.
Ah yes... the ones I keep in the back. Please wait a second.
(Slightly narked that the shop owner trusted him enough to leave him alone with the cash register)

 

by southlondon
6-02-05
With his popularity on the rise, southlondon made the ever-fatal mistake of not signing in for about a year. For the first time ever, this documentary reveals what he was doing all that time...
Ooh! Come on! Ooh yeah!
Ooh yeah! Oooh! Aaaaah!
So much guilt!

 

by southlondon
6-04-05
With his ugly days behind him, southlondon gets back on track creating comics
Time to crack on now, have to continue my already-exhausted comic series!
Welcome to stripcreator.com!
Hmm. People seem to be crying out for more Jimbo. Should get cracking.
Popup: would you like to view 100s of cheerleaders lezzing each other off? £45.99 per week's registration! Call now!
He didn't. The next comic had to wait another week to be created. More next time!
Must...resist...temptation...

 

by southlondon
6-04-05
It was at this point in time southlondon decided to use his "talents" for good-hence the creation of the Public Service Announcement
So what I want you to do is appear as my body double in the upcoming Public Service Announcements I plan to do.
Why don't you appear in them yourself?
My identity is a closely guarded secret. If it was ever revealed the sun would explode and Satan would rule the earth.
You're really up yourself, you know that?
The term is 'arrogant.'

 

by southlondon
6-04-05
The next part of this documentary shows how southlondon settled labour disputes when the problems arose.
So it's not that I'm grateful for the break you gave me, it's just that my character's gotten bigger than I expected. And it's not unreasonable to expect a raise.
Let me see...Jimbo is getting positive reviews. In fact, I just made up my mind about what I'm going to do-YOU'RE SACKED.
You can't sack me! I am Jimbo! The role is nothing without me! What are you going to do?
I'm going to do what every hard-up director does when he either runs out of ideas or wants a quick replacement.
What's that?
Call David Hasselhoff.

 

by southlondon
6-05-05
I'm glad you decided to sign on to this project, David.
Hey, I haven't had work in years!
Right. Well. Let's talk about contracts...
Yeah, I've been talking it over with my agent and I don't think it's unreasonable to demand £30K per season . With bonuses.
Shortly...
Did I say £30K? I meant I'd do it for free!
Knew you'd see it my way.

 

by southlondon
6-05-05
After a very nasty GBH Claim Suit with David Hasselhoff, southlondon now needs to find a new Jimbo...
Thanks for meeting me here, Mr. Jackson.
That's alright. My Star Wars role is finished and finding work is hard.
That's good, because I'd like you to be Jimbo, the wannabe serial killer.
Of course, I'm a serious film actor so I'll be asking for $10mil or more. Standard fee.
Do you read the bible, Sam? 'Cos there's this passage I got memorised...

 

by southlondon
6-07-05
With casting choices running thin, southlondon finally admits he needs some outside help.
I've brought you in on this because they say you're the best man for ideas.
Thanks. Call me VICE if you want.
VICE?
Yeah! Visually Impaired Corporate Executive.
To be continued...
You speak English well for a water-cooler, by the way.

 

by southlondon
6-07-05
Moving on. What do you reccomend I do about casting the next Jimbo?
Jimbo is dead, my friend. The series got old ages ago.
Well, what do you suggest?
Moving on to another business.
To be continued
Go on...
How does WORLD DOMINATION sound?

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