All comics by william_wraithe

Profile

 

by william_wraithe
2-28-05
On the way to the bookstore, Larry had been abducted ....
?
I know what you are thinking, why have I been abducted right?
There is defintely confusion for Larry is unable to even speak ....
???
HEY! I THOUGHT YOU SAID SETTING 1 ON THE PHASER WOULDN'T MAKE HIM STUPID!!!
Using the genetic manipulator, they turned Larry into a goat .....
?
well, if you are going to act stupid, you might as well do it as a goat. hee hee hee

 

by william_wraithe
2-28-05
Ever since Hell had been labeled as boring, Satan had come up with Karaoke every Thursday night to lighten the tortures and what-not .....
Bluuuuuu mooooooon, when I saw you standing there alone ......
As Satan was singing his "Blue Moon" version .... one of the dark minions was plotting as well .....
Oh hell! I liked it better when we were just burning! Please Satan! BURN ME! BURN OFF MY HEAD!
I could take this act to Vegas and make lots of cash .... MU WAAA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Another futile attempt of Satan trying to be a nice guy gets put assunder ....
WHAT!! THEY HATE MY SINGING! THAT'S IT! BURN THEM ALL AND SEND THEM TO THE PITZ!

 

by william_wraithe
2-28-05
In the deepest depths of Hell, things are becoming unstable ....
I don't think I can be one of the rulers of hell anymore ..... I want to be a writer and own a porsche ....
WHAT?!!! YOU ARE CTHULU, THE BADDEST, MEANEST OVERLORD EVER!!! WHY IN THE HELL .... NO! YOU ARE NOT QUITTING!!!
Satan is in complete awe at what is happening .....
SNIFF SNIFF .... I want to write children's books and live in Never-Never-Land .....
control your temper .... control your temper .... do not burn him ... do not burn him ...
Satan, unable to put up with the crap any longer, loses his temper and burns him with his wrath .....
Can I still be a writer? hello?
NO, DAMMIT! Why won't you DIE?!!

 

by william_wraithe
2-28-05
Once again, Satan is confronted by stupidity .....
What the hell do you want, Jason!
I ... Uh ... I've been thinking. I want a bigger room with more girls ....
and again ......
NO!
Well ... well .... How come Hitler has a ballroom and gets a hundred ladies a night?!!!
Fed up with Jason Vorhee's crap, Satan quickly subdues him by favoritism ....
Hitler killed millions of people! What the hell did you kill?!! Ooooh, a bunch of weed toking hippy teens from the 80's at a camp! YOU ARE SO RETARDED!!! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!
well ... those teens still ran pretty fast ... I bet ya hitler didn't have to run through the woods ....

 

by william_wraithe
2-28-05
Once again Satan is met with the unknown....
State your business, goat. Why did you come to hell?
YES! YES! I want to sell my soul for a bowl of crispy oats .... the old man only gives me grass... I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF DA GRASS!
Now the question is ... what will Satan do?
That's it .... a bowl of crispy oats? Do you have any other collateral besides your worthless soul?
YES! YES! I have ....hmmm ... YES, I have a three foot rope to go along with my soul!!!
Satan's anger rears its head once again .....
SECURITY!! CLEANUP IN AISLE 5! I REPEAT, CLEANUP IN AISLE 5!!
WAIT! YES, WAIT! I HAVE A BOTTLE OF GREEN ALCOHOL TOO!!

 

by william_wraithe
3-01-05
Satan in the early years... before the Ruler syndrome ...
EWWWWW!!!
I would like to ask you to the prom, my pretty... and yes, I am willing to put out....
The rejection of his one true love made him snap ... and became the Satan we know of today ....
Um, yeah ... I gotta go ... my cauldron is boiling over...
Wait! I will even add in a deal .... a deal you cannot refuse!
It was indeed a historical day ... Satan became evil and the Wicked Witch of the West was cast for the Wizard of Oz....
AAAAGGGGHHHHH! I'm melting... I'm melting ...
Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn .... HA! we shall SEE!

 

by william_wraithe
3-01-05
Even in Hell .... Wheel of Fortune is popular ....
I ... Uh .... would like an ... uh ...
AN E, DAMN YOU! BUY AN EEEE!
And yes, even down here it can cause excitement for having stupid contestants that cannot spell .......
I would like an ....uh ... A...
AN A! AN A! AAAAAAHHHH! YOU WILL BURN HERE FOREVER! THE WORD IS HELL! HOW CAN YOU MISPELL HELL!!!
And they will surely burn for their stupidity ....
AHHHHHHGGHHHH! HOLY CRAP, CONTESTANT #2 JUST BURST INTO FLAMES! CALL 911! CALL 911!
Maybe THAT will give you something to think about .... hee hee ... reminds me of when I used to camp and roast marshmellows!

 

by william_wraithe
3-01-05
Frosty The Snowman finds he is not in a Winter Wonderland anymore ....
Where in the hell am I?
Frosty has an idea where he has ventured ....
Oh God ... This can't be happening ... there's no place like home ... there's no place like home ...
I guess I could use some water for my plants .... be right back, got to go get a bucket ...
Frosty was never heard from again .... the kids were devistated ....
Now I know how chestnuts feel when roasting on an open fire ...

 

by william_wraithe
3-01-05
Taking a missile up the ass ... Osama finds himself in a strange place ...
Balah balah balah
A place he didn't count on going ....
Oolah mola balah goola
I would say welcome ... but since I don't understand a freakin' word you are saying .... so ...
Oh, the irony of Hell .....
Ookie alah malah ???
Instead of burning you ... I have decided to make you a gf for my 60,000 700lb demons ... they haven't been laid in about 2,000 years or so ..... Have fun being their bitch for eternity ... HA HA HA!

 

by william_wraithe
3-01-05
One day in Hell, a mix-up had happened ....day 1
HeyhowareyouIamfinethank youforbeing herewhenigothere ithinkiaminthewrong placedoyouknowwhere mymommyis?
WHAT??!!
Satan can only take so much before snapping.... day 38
Whyiseverythingredwhydothose demons whipthosepeoplehowcan youbreathewithall thismoke?
SECURITY! SECURITY?!! THE PAIN, THEPAIN!!! IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS!!!
Satan snaps, and the annoying little girl can no longer ask so many freaking questions .... or can she?
AAAAGHHH? AAAAAGHH?AAAAAAGGHHH?
Even when BURNING ALIVE YOU SCREAM WITH A QUESTION MARK??!!! I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!!!

 

by william_wraithe
3-02-05
What really happened ...
Hey, the sign says no solicitors...
Boy, do I have a deal for you...
Look, I am trying to save humanity ...
a one time deal worth your while ....
LOOK, BUDDY! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE I AM CALLING MY DAD AND HE WILL KICK YOUR ASS!
GO AHEAD, CALL YOUR DAD! WHO DO YOU THINK YOUR DAD IS ... GOD!

 

by william_wraithe
3-05-05
Somewhere else in Hell ...
DUDE! I JUST TOTALLY RAIDED THE DARK LORD'S FRIDGE!
really?
Yeah! So ..Uh, where you been?
I spent the last two days getting the color drained from my body down on the 6th layer.... it was really painful...
Yeah, I'm feeling ya on that one ...I had that done last year ... it was a total bummer, dude!
yeah ... I was gonna complain to management that we should at least have color down here... it goes against our rights or something.

 

by william_wraithe
3-14-05
One day the goat had plotted against his oppressor .... the Old Man ...
So, then the old man beat me with that hickory stick ....
Dat is terrible ...
You know, I think it is that green alcohol ....
YES! YES! That must be it!
I think we should steal his green alcohol and then beat him with an oar when he is sleeping ... what do you think?
Oh, to be FREEEEEE! NO more three foot fucking rope or nothin'! NO more yelling at the goat by the old man! HA HA HA HA!

 

by william_wraithe
3-12-06
Somewhere on Earth a stupid moron is getting frisky ...
OH, burning bush! Give me the second sight like you did Abraham!
With much enthusiasm he recieves his answer via a letter from the burning bush.
What's this?
With a committment unknown to any human on Earth, Joe takes the matter into his own hands.
I just don't know if my left nut is worth the glory of knowing who took my cookies.

 

by william_wraithe
3-16-06
Sometime during recess....
Hey? Did you hear about what Amanda found in her mommy's closet?
no, what?
10 minutes after that ...
Supposedly, it was some snake with no eyes that had convulsions when ever she touched it. Isn't that wierd?
Yeah. I wonder what kind of snake has no eyes and has epilepsi?
5 minutes after that...
Beats me. I think their whole family is wierd.
Yeah ... maybe they should call an eye doctor or something for their retarded snake.

 

by william_wraithe
3-27-06
After a gruesome accident at Farmer Brown's ......
I guess we don't have to do those dirty deeds anymore now that Farmer Brown cut us off....
Yeah
I guess we should really say goodbye to him....
Nah
Holy crap! Run! He's coming back for his afternoon jerk!
If we only had legs .... AAAAAGGGHHH!!!

 

by william_wraithe
7-17-06
Billy finally tells his imaginary friend the truth.
Uh, look man. My mom said you don't really exist.
But ... But ... I am Ooooooohing. How can I ooohh, if I am not here?!
It does not sit well with his imaginary friend ...
Look, I don't care. My mom read to me the Skeptic's Handbook and such.... it is impossible for you to be here.
I don't exist? I don't exist?
Bingo. Now go friend who is not really here.
Can I get a second opinion?

 

by william_wraithe
7-17-06
Billy is showing off his new superpowers -
Hey, wanna see me change into a ghost?
Umm, sure.
Watch now as the Jesus-look-a-like freaks out -
Taa-daaah!!!
I wonder if I should tell your mom that you have super-powers?
The truth is out there.
Nah, don't bother. She doesn't believe in anything like that.
Yeah, I see your point.

 

by william_wraithe
7-17-06
Sometime during the day as Billy waits for the bus ...
Oh, Christ. Here comes that lame Jason Voorhes again.
Cha-cha-cha-ah-ah ah!
The truth had to be told ...
DUDE! YOU ARE NOT SCARY! YOUR MOVIES WERE SO LAME THAT I LEFT EARLY! GET A LIFE, MAN!
Cha-cha-cha-ah-ah-ah????
The truth always hurts the ones we love.
I'm sorry bud, but you're washed out ... I can't lie anymore.
CHA-AH!CHA-AH! CHA-AH!

 

by william_wraithe
7-30-06
While Lucy was waiting for Billy in his room ...
Hey, are you suppose to be a star trek guy?
No. I am an angel.
Lucy meets an angel ...
Is that gold thing your communicator or something?
No. It's my halo!
and has no clue ...
Do you know a guy named Spock? He has pointy ears.
I know Leanord Nemoy.

 

by william_wraithe
7-30-06
Today is the day for reckoning ...
What the heck are you suppose to be?
I am your guarian spirit ... ooooohh!
Gone badly, that is ...
Dude, you're scaring me ... please leave.
But ... I am your guardian ...
Today must not have been the day ...
I think you better leave, my mom likes to use mace.
Holy crap! RUN! SHE DOES HAVE MACE!

 

by william_wraithe
7-30-06
One day after school ...
???
Greetings, boy from the past. I am Captain Johnny T. Kerkus of the starship Enderprim. Do you have a bathroom?
The shit gets deep
Dude, time travel is impossible.... and uh, how did you get into my room?
No, really! I am from the future! I can prove it ... Anyway, I beamed down here to use your bathroom. WHERE... is ...your ... bathROOM!
And then there is light ...
Yeah, sure you did ...
Captain's log, stardate 51234542290. I am having difficulties communicating with a boy from Earth's past ... mental note ... do not flush the toilet or wipe the seat after intial use.

 

by william_wraithe
11-16-07
Downtown, in questioning ...
Alright, let's start from the top. What happened?
I had to ... uh ... kill ... these ... um .. teenagers.
Jason tries to make a statement ...
Wait a MINUTE! Aren't you that lame Jason Voorhes?
No, I am theeee, uh, Midnight Turkey Slasher.Yeah, That's it!
It is a bad remake day for the county of Richland ....
MARV! JASON VOORHES IS BACK! HE IS TRYING TO CLAIM HE KILLED PEOPLE AGAIN!
WE WILL SEEE! FAT COP! CHHH-CHHHCHHH! AHHH-AHHH-AHHH!

 

by william_wraithe
11-16-07
THERE WAS A DINOSAUR AND DINGO WAS HIS NAME-O !
???
THIS JUST IN, A GIANT METEOR IS GOING TO CRASH ON EARTH!
D-I-N-G-O ..... D-I-N-G-O .... D-I-N-G-O ...
Can't .... move! TV so ... pretty!
Will this spell the ultimate destruction of the dinosaur population!??
AND STUPID SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIS NAME-O!
PRETTY TV! PRETTY COLORS! PRETTY LIGHTS! PRETTY! PRETTY! PRETTY!
YES! IT IS CONFIRMED! A METEOR THE SIZE OF THE RAIN FOREST IS COMING TOWARDS EARTH RIGHT NOW!

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
Just an average day in virutal chat ....
Can I ask you a question since you are a self-proposed scientific realist on everything in this world?
Shoot, buddy ... ask away. I am a know-it-all as everyone knows I know everything there is to everything about everything. I wrote the book on knowing everything.
As the answer unfolds ...
Do werewolves, vampires and all other unexplained phenomena exist?
That's easy, buddy. Easy as pie to answer. The answer is no.
We now know why to never ask someone who thinks they know everything ...
Why not?
Because I said so. I told you the answer was easy as pie.

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
When the light shines, it blinds ...
Did you hear about werewolf.com?
No, what?
and when it blinds, it corrupts ...
They claim that they know everything there is about supernatural phenomena.
Really?
when it corrupts, it provokes stupidity.
Yeah. They think they are the formost experts in everything that has to do with everything.
Must be nice to have such a delusional concept. They should really share the drugs they are taking.

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
One day in Napsterville ....
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
beliefs are totally questioned ...
Do you believe in life after death?
Nope.
only to be answered with sarcasm.
Why not?
Because I am still alive.

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
One day Billy runs into an alien ...
Yep. Why?
Hey! Are you an alien?
which proves the benefit of the doubt ...
Wow ... that is quite convincing.
My mom and 95% of the world's population think you're bullshit.
which also proves how strong belief really is ...
I guess not. I must be a figment of your imagination. 95% of the world is a very big thing to go against. If they say I don't exist, then I don't exist.
So, do you like really exist then?

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
One fateful day ....
Oh my god! It's a ghost!
Yeah, I am a ghost. What of it?
A Ghost Hunter is born ...
I guess Ghost Hunters was a good thing to watch after all.
Why is that?
and Fate finally laughs its ass off.
Because now I can use my Ghost Hunting Kit to totally annoy the hell out of you like they do on TV!
There goes the fucking! Neighborhood. Damn those Ghost Hunters and their popularity!

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
When people don't have insurance....
I have to be seen by a doctor .... I was bitten by a very poisonous snake.
Do you have insurance?
I ... uh ... don't. Is that a problem?
You DON'T have insurance.
WTF?
What? No. What am I suppose to do?
Well, go have a seat in the lobby and die with dignity for pete's sake.

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
Reason # 1,034 Why not to use drugs like crack ....
???
Well, hello. Gosh Golly Gee, you sure are a verryyyy BIG boy, aren't ya! ha ha ha!
Why me?
Bet you ate a lot of sugar n stuff to get that BIG, huh? Huh?
Lady, just lay off the crack... and maybe I can disappear.
Well, I never thought about that! Yup, uh huh!

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
What was suppose to be a random game of 20 questions ...
So, what are you suppose to be?
guess?
A smoke cloud?
The future ...

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
Sometimes ...
Whoa! What the fuck are you?!
I am a warning ...
we don't get the whole picture ...
A warning of what?
OF things to come!
because everything eludes us.
Indigestion?
????

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
What do you get when you cross a vampyre and a realist?
I am a vampyre! BLAH!
I don't believe in vampyres. I don't, I don't, I don't!
Give up?
Now do you believe me!
Oh, shit!
One dead dumbass ...
I love realists ... they never run away.

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
Ever wonder what kind of nightmares Jason would have?
Hello, Jason! Remember me? I was the kid you killed with the weed whacker!
Nope ... not ringing a bell.
Now it's time for payback, bitch!
What do you mean?
Now you know.
I AM GOING TO SING EVERY ELMO, TELETUBBY, AND BARNEY SONG I KNOW FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!!!!! WAAAA-HAAA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
Tis the season to be thankful ....
What the hell is she looking at?
that you are not some dumbass turkey ....
Why am I so transfixed?
Just a little bit longer you dumb bastard while my daddy gets his sights on you! Another thankful thanksgiving!

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
Ever wonder what life is like after death?
I AM HE!
He who?
And what you would actually say when face to face with your creator?
HE WHO HATH CREATETH YOU!
Are you sure?
Which goes to say, never doubt the creator...

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
After Jason killed everyone ...
ECO! ECHO! ECHO!
there was little to do ...
Damn ....

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
Ever wonder what that smell is?
Sorry, sir. We found the problem and it wasn't a gas leak.
You mean to tell me that was the origin of the smell?
The one you can never identify ...
No. There was also a dead alien, a rotted hog, a stinking lawyer, and a dead mouse holding a tooth brush.
wow ... I would have never guessed.
Well, it ain't that ...
Dammit! I thought for sure it was my roomate's ass ...

 

by william_wraithe
11-18-07
Ever wonder about DARE?
Pssst! You got the shit?
What's with the sign?
I am being incognito ...
Now you know ....
I would have never guessed that ...

 

by william_wraithe
11-20-07
One day Sharon comes face to face with God ...
Scuse me sir, but you look familar. Do I know you?
You should ...
Can you give me a small hint?
God. I am God.
Darn. For a second there I thought you were going to say Santa. I was going to tell you what I wanted this year for Christmas.
Figures ...

 

by william_wraithe
11-20-07
Finally, after carefully tracking down the perp who stole his eggs, the Easter bunny plots revenge ...
Finally, sweet revenge to that bastard ...
and confronts the man who stole his eggs ...
Oh my God! How on Earth did you find me, Rabbit?
The guy at Game Stop sold you out for a Gummi Egg.
Morale of the story: You can run, but the guy at Game Stop knows exactly where you are at all times ...
Ouch ...
I call this one, Perp al la Chop.

 

Little did Dracula know that the water bubbler had been blessed the day before ....
by william_wraithe, 11-20-07

 

by william_wraithe
11-20-07
One day, the neighbors decide to play a joke on Fred Cockroach.
Hey Buddy, what's with the boards on the door?
Someone called Orkin.
5 mintues later ...
Did something bad happened?
I don't really want to talk about it ...
10 minutes later ...
Why not? You can talk to .... oh.
They shoved a hose up my ass and filled me with pesticide. Happy now!

 

It's a good thing the Invisible Girl put up her psychic shield ... otherwise, sex with the Smurf could have been a viloent situation.
Thank God for invisible shields ...
DAMN THAT INVISIBLE WOMAN! ONE DAY, O YES, ONE DAY YOU WILL TASTE MY WRATH!
by william_wraithe, 11-20-07

 

Still want to smoke cigarettes?
Hiiiiii-Deeeee-hooooo. Smoke your cigarettes evereeee - day!
by william_wraithe, 11-20-07

 

by william_wraithe
11-20-07
One day in the Matrix ...
Who are you? Morpheus.
No, I am Morphine.
WTF! This is bull shit!
???
That's what happens when you take the wrong pill.

 

by william_wraithe
11-20-07
The real reason why the Writers went on strike ....
I won't do it ...
Please ...
Nope ...
Come on!
I am not putting William Shatner on Smallville ....
GASP! SOB! SNIFF!

 

by william_wraithe
11-20-07
Did you hear that Santa can't say Ho! Ho! Ho! in California anymore ?
Hi little Girl, what's your name? Ho, Ho, HO!
Did you just call me a slut?
Isn't that stupid ....
Uh ... no. I said Ho, Ho, HO!
Gasp!
What will they think of next?
All I said was Ho! Ho! Ho!
Santa just has to find another way to be jolly is all.

 

by william_wraithe
11-20-07
Modern Day Pirates ....
Arrr!
without planks or ships.
UGH!

Showing page 1.

Next »