Mandingo and I have a pretty solid argument going on about adultery.  I know most of you here are open-minded about, well, anything.  The argument centers on Mandingo saying that if your mate cheats on you, they deserve to get cheated on in return (get a taste of their own medicine). 

Having committed adultery in my past and knowing how badly I hurt my ex in the process, I don't feel the same.  I feel that two wrongs don't make a right, it can only make things worse.  I feel very badly, still, about what I did umpteen years ago, but if the tables were turned, I view cheating in return as being vindictive.

We'd like to get your opinion. 

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Oh, and, no, Mandingo wasn't the man I cheated with.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

pitai could be that medicine

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what if nigger meant kite

I thought about it, but it's too late now. 

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Wait. Does your mate deserve to get cheated on and then dumped by you? Or just deserves for you to cheat and then make them aware of it, leaving you both to then evaluate how much you still want to be together at that point?

i'm just saying they deserve to be cheated on by someone in the future as payback and hopefully to learn their lesson. i was telling peets i wouldn't have a chance to cheat on them cause they'd be dumped too quickly.

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what if nigger meant kite

and i don't consider peets an adulterer btw since there were extenuating circumstances in her situation. she knows i exclude her and amn't attacking her or anything. we're just talking general case

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what if nigger meant kite

Mandingo, I love you.

This isn't really an argument, just a curiosity because Mandingo felt a huge percentage of people would agree with him that a cheater deserves to be cheated on.  (80%)

An adulterer is an adulterer, regardless of the reasons for doing it.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

As a strong believer in faithful, monogamous relationships, I feel that you should never cheat unless the new person is significantly hotter and younger than your current partner.

But when it comes to getting revenge on a straying hose-hound, I wouldn't even go that route. I would probably just tell her that I faked every orgasm I ever had with her. Preferably, I would make this announcement loudly at dinner, in a crowded restaurant. Then I would throw my drink in her face. I would be drinking a biggie-size chocolate shake, too. The cup and everything would be all stuck to the side of her head. Public humiliation FTW.

Just see if you get this kind of advice from that mincing fag, Dr. Phil!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Damn, Daddy Warbucks, you sure know how to treat a lady right! I presume this was, like, an anniversary or birthday or something?

Of course. Any other time, I would only throw the free water in her face.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

  If one person in a relationship feels like he wants to hurt the other one -- even for the rationalized purpose of "revenge" -- it's probably time to end the relationship.  If the relationship is based on love, then one person shouldn't be interested in hurting the other, even if they get hurt.  "Turn the other cheek," and all that, in a non-sodomy kind of way.  (Possibly)

  That being said, there are relationships where it's a-ok to go out and bang as many other people as you can get your dick into.  In that case, no worries.  But once you've entered a state where it satisfies one partner to inflict pain on the other, it's over.  Get out.

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"Old" is the old new.

The circumstances in which they cheated come into play and remain a big factor.

I always say that if my partner were to cheat on me I'd leave her and never speak to her again, but that is easier said than done.

I don't think that I would cheat on her to get revenge but if she were to be cheated on by someone else down the line then it would be pretty sweet karma, seeing as then she would know the pain I was put through.

Also -- It's alright if you cheat on them with a celebrity. In my head Pita had a romantic encounter with one Johnny Vegas.

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Poo perhaps?

I think it depends on the situation. I mean, ideally, the cheating partner would fess up and basically give the other a freebie, and that would be that. Of course, if you and your partner are "on a break" or otherwise currently separated, I don't think it counts as cheating; if you aren't currently "with" someone (or otherwise committed), then you can't cheat on them.

But for me it comes down to the specifics of the cheating. If say, my fiancee were at a wild party, had too much to drink, and woke up in bed with another guy, I would have no problem forgiving her as long as she was honest about it from the start and did whatever she needed to in order to avoid a second occurence. I would be a little hurt, but I would understand and would put it aside. I like to think she'd feel the same way if something like that happened to me.

I guess it comes down to whether or not the person feels bad about cheating and genuinely considers it to be a mistake. If they try to treat it like it was nothing big or do it repeatedly, they need to reap what they sow.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

It will eat you alive and you will never get over it. Move on. Return to go and do not collect $200.

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obscenity filter is off

HCRoyall

That's a good point.

matclarke

That's a good point, too, although it might not apply to everyone.

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"Old" is the old new.

My mother destroyed our family by having an affair. When the other guy cheated on mom with a married woman and dumped her, my dad forgave mom and worked to patch up the marriage. Then the other guy begged mom to come back and she started cheating on my dad again. After a strange divorce, my mom married the guy she cheated on my father with. My dad finds himself unable to trust women. Despite my mother's obvious lack of remorse in the situation, he never cheated on her for revenge. Unlike my mother, he couldn't bring himself to hurt someone he loved.

So maybe I'm a bit biased, but I'm agreeing with Scyess. If a realtionship is based on revenge, it's not a relationship. I'm also agreeing with HC. If one party shows no remorse and continues to cheat, it's not a relationship.

Personally, I could never cheat. Ever. I had a front row seat seeing what my mother did to our family. I saw all the lies (believed them for a time, cause who wants to think of their mother as a cheating whore?), my brother and I were used by her to keep her deception going, and I saw my father try over and over to keep the marriage together, while she shit all over that. I will never be like that. Ever. If I fall for someone else, I'm going to have the balls to tell the person I'm currently with.

If the other person cheats and isn't remorseful, then the relationship is ended. I refuse to go what my father went through. There is no point in cheating on said person out of revenge because it's just being a spiteful asshole and no better than the person who cheated in the first place. If the other person was remorseful and worked to make things right, then I would forgive. I wouldn't cheat out of revenge because that certainly wouldn't solve anything. And it feels wrong.

Of course, I'm also the kind of person that couldn't have an open relationship. No matter how much my partner would insist it's okay that we sleep with other people, it just feels wrong.

But like I said, I'm biased.

So many factors play into this whole cheating thing ("Do you have a family together?" probably being the biggest in my mind).  I think it's hard to classify any varied unfaithfullness under this umbrella of "cheating"; and when it actually does come down to out and out cheating, where one person is secretly banging other people, I think it's still up in the air what to do.  You have to take into account the whole relationship, not just one factor, when decided on whether to dissolve it or not.

And hear this: There are worse lies a person can render to their mate beyond sneaking in extracurricular sex.

ivytheplant

I told you it wouldn't work with this one, boo.

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Oh, right, and cheating just to get back at a cheater is stupid, immoral, childish, mean and crosses everyone's mind at some point.  I'd say that the relationship's somewhat fucked either way, so the cheated on might as well get some cheating out of the way if that's in them, because you're gonna' have to have all those long, heartfelt, raw, emotional conversations anyhow (In lieu of convos, some couples opt for criminal violence.  "When in Rome..."), you're going to run through your entire history together, and despite what either of you have done, the relationship will either mend or break based upon the convenience of the moment.  So you might as well get something out of it.

But, if you're not a natural cheater and wont enjoy it, don't bother.   Just do something else that you've been dying to do but your mate would be infuriated/hurt if you did it.  As long as it's legal.  In most cases.

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

ArtemisStrong

Oh sure, take all the fun out of it.

ArtemisStrong

Like fuck the dog.

ArtemisStrong

Whoops. Missed that part.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

There's a lot of factors to consider. I basically think that a person cheating would automatically ruin any chances of the relationship to continue. The trust is broken. Staying together further is just abusing yourself, and the cheater asking you to stay is just trying to maintain control over you. Therefore, if you decide to stay together after the other person has cheated, and you cheat, it's totally okay because in essence you were never really all that "together" to begin with.

With the case mandingo brings up that the cheater should simply be cheated on I have a two part opinion: 1. Maybe they were and they're so screwed up from it that they chose to take that path as well or 2. It's totally okay to point and laugh at their failure in monogamy.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Scyess: "If the relationship is based on love, then one person shouldn't be interested in hurting the other, even if they get hurt" - Beautiful.

ftc: I do believe in a sort of karma thing, as well. No, he wasn't a Johnny Vegas, although I wouldn't mind if he had been.

HC: "I guess it comes down to whether or not the person feels bad about cheating and genuinely considers it to be a mistake". Good point... in my case, it was one night and I still haven't really gotten over the guilt feelings.

Ivy: Jesus. Just so you know, I was the last person on earth I ever thought would cheat, seriously. Because of my religious and moral beliefs, I was actually determined that I would never do such a thing. I was fooling myself.

"If I fall for someone else, I'm going to have the balls to tell the person I'm currently with". The new me couldn't agree more... hindsight is 20/20.

Artemis: My ex thought he could forgive me, so I stayed (we'd been married at that point for 20 years, had 2 children, ages 16 and 9). Turns out he was unable to truly forgive me and then became vindictive, frequently exhibiting bizarre and violent behavior. It seemed all he wanted to do was hurt me.

"There are worse lies a person can render to their mate beyond sneaking in extracurricular sex."

I defiinitely don't agree with "you might as well get something out of it", though.

Chicka: Isn't mending once broken trust what real forgiveness is about? Maybe the cheater asking you to stay truly never meant to hurt you and will never do it again. In my case, I was so numb in shock that when he indicated he wanted me to stay I thought it was the right thing to do.

Scyess said it best, imo: "But once you've entered a state where it satisfies one partner to inflict pain on the other, it's over. Get out."

Ever see "The War of The Roses"? It's not an easy movie to watch.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

pita

Well, I'm aware that, despite how I feel, it may still happen to me. I'm not denying it and I can't see the future to know for sure. It could be the case that I will cheat, or never do. It could be the case that the girl next to me who would commit adultery never will, or will. And you could have not cheated or had. No one really knows for sure until they make that choice. What I'm saying is I saw firsthand the damage it does to cheater, cheatee, and those in the middle. My current reaction is to be physically ill when I think about it as applied to myself. I was just giving a background as to why I feel as I do and that right now I find it to be deplorable.

In cases where one party has been neglected by the other, I find it understandable. Supposedly, my mother was initially neglected by my father and I could have forgiven her actions if that was the case. People are, well, human and fallible. However, she set my father up to neglect her; she created the situation and blamed him for it. Okay, that's still forgivable in my opinion (she's a bitch and tends to set people up to fail), but the turning point of it all was when my father found out about the affair (when her lover dumped her) and forgave her, unconditionally. He then changed everything. He became a more attentive husband, gave up a good chunk of his career so he could be home with the family, and did everything she wanted. And she didn't care. She went right back to having an affair as soon as it suited her and blamed him for the affair.

To me, that's insanity. That's completely unacceptable. For all I know, I could feel neglected by boorite (which, at this point, is so laughable I can't een describe it) and have an affair. What separates me from my mother is that I'm not insane. I care deeply about people, even those who hurt me and I could not repeat the actions unless things didn't change.

But the question isn't whether or not I could cheat (still human), it is whether or not people think it's okay to cheat out of revenge. Might as well ask: If some kid makes a mistake and runs over your best friend, is it okay to run over theirs? Sure, adultery isn't the same as killing someone, but what the hell does revenge ever solve (outside of movies that use "inconceivable" too much)? How the hell can you move on with your life if you're too busy being petty and trying to hurt someone you're supposed to love?

Your poor father... I'd think if he made that much of an effort to change what she claimed was the reason (and I feel there's no good "reason" to commit adultery) she should have been appreciative that someone loved her that much.  She obviously didn't love him.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)