Hey, happy holidays, fruitcakes! I'll be judging the comic contest tomorrow, folks. Get those last-minute submissions in!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

[Click to view comic: 'Jizz for everyone!']

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

[Click to view comic: 'Santa lost the bet...']

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

[Click to view comic: 'How they really found Saddam...']

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

Okay, folks, here are the winners:

The Truth Award This ACTUALLY happened!

Goes to: Ewwwww

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'Jizz for everyone!']

Most Political

Goes to: Ewwwww

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'How they really found Saddam...']

Funniest Comic to Nerds

Goes to: Zaster

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'Untitled']

Most Sexual

Goes to: xxausrottenxx

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'how the pumpkin REALLY REALLY got carved']

Politically Incorrect

Goes to: Xuanwu, I guess. It wasn't really funny at all, but it was the only politically incorrect one.

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC #15: Semi-Anti-French Humor']

Most Obscure

Goes to: xxausrottenxx

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'how the pumpin REALLY got carved']

The Tobor AwardFor funniest Inside Joke

Goes to: Ewwwww

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'Jizz for everyone!']

Best Use of Lack of Rules

Goes to: kaufman!

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC 15: She Blinded Me With Compliance']

Best Title

Goes to: Kevin_Keegans_Perm

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC 15 - Fruit of the Loon']

Most Similar

Goes to: Ewwwww
And: Xuanwu

For the Comics:
[Click to view comic: 'Santa lost the bet...']

and

[Click to view comic: 'FTC #15: Let's Pump-kin Iron!']

The AUUHHH award Of cornyness

Goes to: Xuanwu

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC #15: Jack-O-Lander']

Best Use of Cliche award

Goes to: niteowl
I consider American Idol to be a cliche at this point.

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC #15 : Randy Jackson Had Bad Hair']

[font=arial][b]This next group of awards was the hardest. Between Kaufman, ObiJo, Zaster, and Ewwwww, I had a shitload of good comics to choose from.
And now for the winners:[/b][/font]

Bronze Award of Neatoness

It was close on all accounts. No one got the bronze, because 3 people got the silver for 4 different comics!

Silver Award of Excellence

A 4-way tie! Seriously, I loved all of these, and every one made me chuckle like a lobotomized whippits user.

It goes to: Kaufman, for:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC 15: She Blinded Me With Compliance']

Ewwwww, for:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC 15: I Fucking Hate Holiday Comic Contests.']

Ewwwww again, for:
[Click to view comic: 'Jizz for everyone!']

Zaster, for:
[Click to view comic: 'Thing Contest #15: Terror in the Night!']

Psychic Award

Goes to: Nobody, really.

My comic was:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC 15: Goin' on a Santa Cruise...']

Creativity Award

Goes to: Ewwwww

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'Jizz for everyone!']

Zinger Award (And the next host of FTC)

Goes to: ObiJo

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'Revisionist History']

Congratulations, everyone! ObiJo, congrats. It was a hard-won contest, mostly because Ewwwww had two funny comics. But in the end, yours made me smile like a hyena on nitrous.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

P.S. - Dcomposed, you didn't even enter the fuckin' contest, but I'll draw a female zombie and we'll see if we can get Brad to get it in there.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

W00T! Wait 'til I tell my friends Melvin and Pointdexter!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

I'd like to thank Potato Pumpkin, who nailed his part beautifully, and also Santa, who, believe it or not, ad libbed his line! I'd originally written it as "I am fat. I have a beard. I am fat and with beard. Fat beard man, that's me. Fat, fat, fat. Beard, beard, beard. Fat beard. Beard fat. Fatty McBeard. Beardy McFat. THE END!" But Santa steeped in and said, "King?" (On my set I demand to be known as King.) "King," he said, "I dig the hipness of the Fatty Beard thing, but what if we go another way and instead I say something like "Toy train it is!" "FUCK NO!" I yelled. Then I thought about it. "FUCK NO!" I yelled again, this time burning him with my cigar. But by this point I had forgotten what his original line was supposed to be anyway, so burnt him once more with my cigar and acquiesced. Which brings us to the comic you see before you today!

--E True Hollywood Story

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

You fuckin' maniac. Enjoy your win, bubba!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Mikey, thanks for actually likeing my comics.

PS: The check should be there Tuesday.

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

Draw me a fat kid with a huge wang.

Well, I've given up on trying to impress MikeyG, since his taste in humor is different from my own (nothing wrong with that, everyone has they're own sense of humor). But at least "there candy only one" got me something. And with the experience points from this contest, I can buy a point in the skill "Feet of Cheese!" Very handy.

Yay, I got some pussy! Er, award!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

yay! im sexual and obscure...move over dahmer, its my time to shine!

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xx( o Y o. )xx

W00T! Wait 'til I tell my friends Melvin and Pointdexter!

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Zaster, the 'I demand you pick me up and ram my stem through your heart' was what got me.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Ill claim the Bronze if nobody else is having it ...

*whistles and walks off with the statue*

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Bronze Award of Neatoness

Goes to: Kevin Keegans Perm

For the Comic:
[Click to view comic: 'FTC 15 - Fruit of the Loon']

Congratulations, you thief!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.