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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

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American Idol gets a new sidekick by fpd
1-31-04
American Idol, America is saddened by the death of Buddy. But we've found a new sidekick for you.
I've been rethinking this sidekick thing, sir. It wouldn't be fair to bring another young lad into battle with me.
This new sidekick is no lad. She's a woman known by the codename of Golden Gal.
Golden Gal? Sounds like some old biddy. This war is no place for dames, sir.
Hi, I'm Golden Gal.
Hubba hubba!

Alexei Luther takes care of Roosevelt and American Idol by fpd
1-31-04
It's time to put my stooge in the Whitehouse. You know what to do.
Yes, Mr. Luther.
No! That goes against everything America stands for! Tell President Truman, I will have no part of this.
Very well. Put him on ice, boys!
Hey, American Idol, I used to think you were an idealistic twit. But now I think you're really cool. Ha, ha, ha!

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-31-04 8:14pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

These four strips wrap up my World War II storyline. Although real people and events have sometimes been used, this is all fiction. I'm afraid that if you find the following four strips very funny, you may be morally deficient. But they bring the plot I've been weaving to its conclusion.

Mussolini checks out by fpd
2-01-04
American Idol, your mission is to take out Mussolini. The war with Atlantis has weakened Italy, but I want America to get the credit for its defeat.
Sure thing, boss. I won't let you down.
You won't take me alive, American Idol. And I know your silly ideals won't let you kill. So, nyah, nyah, nyah!
I think you have me confused with someone else, Mussolini.
You surprise me, American Idol. I thought you didn't believe in killing people, yet you've killed Mussolini.
The ends sometimes justify the means, Submarine Hero Guy. Think of all the Atlantean lives I've saved today.

The End of Hitler by fpd
2-01-04
Ha, ha! I have killed Hitler, and now I shall rule Germany!
Good job, White Skull. Your pal Luther sends his regards.
What do you know about Luther, Amerikan Schweinhund?
He has a present for you. Let me pull the pin out first.
Arrgh!

Luther's plans for Japan by fpd
2-01-04
I don't care if Japan wants to surrender. America needs a demonstration of its power. So don't fail me, or else.
You got it, boss.
So that's the mission the President has planned for you, Flaming Homo.
Sorry, but I can't. American Cigarettes doesn't want their product tarnished by association with such large scale deaths.
Tobor can do it, sir.
All right, then. Your targets are the Japanese cities Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

The end of World War II by fpd
2-01-04
After Tobor bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the demand for robots plummeted.
How would you like to buy a nice robot, ma'am?
Are you kidding me? Robots are horrible, death machines!
Radiation from the bombs mutated local wildlife into horrible giants.
Bzzzzzz!
Rarrh!
And Tobor was so traumatized by what he had done, that he began a horrible rampage that has lasted til this day.
Tobor cornhole!
Oh no! I'm frozen in terror!

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

2-01-04 11:20am (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

These two strips begin a series of strips that will lampoon the Avengers.

Iron Maiden by fpd
2-05-04
Rich heiress Toni Starch was a total lush.
Wow, you are the best looking guy I've even been with.
Oh boy, I'm finally going to get laid.
But when her drinking damaged her liver, she used her scientific genius to build a suit of armor that would function as an artificial liver.
I am so smart! Now I don't have to give up drinking!
This suit of armor also give her super strength, the ability to fly, and other powers. With it, she became the superheroine Iron Maiden.
Halt, thug, or *hic* face the fury of Iron Maiden.
But they were mugging me.

Babyman and the Fairy by fpd
2-05-04
Halt fiends, or face the might and fury of Babyman ...
and the Fairy!
Ha, ha! Ho, ho! What do we have to fear from you little pipsqueaks?
Indeed! Why don't you little tykes run along while we conduct our big grown up crimes?
The crooks aren't taking us seriously, Jan. What should we do?
Let's form a superhero group.

To get pedantic for a moment, this thread might more properly be called "Superhero Lampoons." According to the dictionary, a parody imitates the style of something, while a lampoon will satirize a specific person or character. For an example of the difference, the Powerpuff Girls is a parody, while the Justice Friends is a lampoon. The Justice Friends lampoons specific comic book characters, namely Captain America, Thor, and Hulk, but it does it in a style very different from the comic books they appear in. In contrast, the Powerpuff Girls are not based on any particular comic book characters, though they bear some resemblance to Supergirl and her Earth-2 counterpart Powergirl. Instead, the Powerpuff Girls parodies the superhero genre without very much lampooning of specific characters.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

2-05-04 8:48pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

These strips begin my lampoon of Thor.

Donner, German God of Thunder by fpd
2-07-04
I'm speaking with the new superhero Donner. Rumor has it that you're a god. Is this true?
Ya, I'm the German god of thunder.
So, whenever we hear the crack of thunder, that's you up in the sky making a ruckus?
Sometimes, but I normally delegate the work.
Given that lightning strikes before thunder can be heard, why do you bother with the thunder?
Wouldst thou watch a movie with no soundtrack? Thunder is the soundtrack that makes lightning so exciting.

Donner on other gods by fpd
2-07-04
Donner, many people say there is only one god, God with a capital G. What do you have to say about this?
In German, we capitalize all nouns. Ich bin ein Gott mit ein kapital G.
Yes, but what of the claim that there is only one God? Are you saying that you're Him.
Nein. There are many gods. There are German gods, Norse gods, Greek gods, American gods, African gods, und so on.
That's quite a panoply of gods. Why don't we see more of them these days?
We were attracting increasing hoards of sycophants und paparazzi. So being worshipped was losing its pizazz.

Donner on God by fpd
2-07-04
Donner, you say there are many gods. What about the God of the Bible? What can you tell us of Him?
We gods have been entertaining ourselves with a game called Meme Wars, and he's the reigning champion.
Meme Wars? What kind of game is that?
It's sort of like writing computer viruses that battle each other.
So you gods are a bunch of computer geeks?
I wouldn't put it that way.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

2-07-04 7:15pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

Now that I've introduced all the members, here is the first meeting of the Revengers.

The Revengers by fpd
2-07-04
Donner, Bulk, and Iron Maiden, welcome to the first meeting of the Revengers. I'm your leader, Babyman, and this is my lovely wife, the Fairy.
From this day forward, the name of the Revengers will be feared by supervillains the world over.
To think, I have to spend time with these losers for blabbing about Meme Wars.
Bulk like Donner's butt.
Ooh, that Bulk is such a hunk.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

2-07-04 7:54pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

Here's a brief return to the Furshlugginer Four.

CC 270: The Flaming Homo's girl troubles by fpd
12-21-04
Thingamabob, I can't find any girl to date me. Aren't they supposed to love superheros? What can I do?
Well, Flaming Homo, what worked for me was dating a blind girl. She can't see how disgustingly ugly the comic rays made me.
Hey, Malicia, how about giving me a little sugar, ehh?
I may be blind, Johnny Smog, but I can still smell your stench a block away.
Mmm, all I have to do is disguise myself as Malicia Meisters, and then Johnny Smog will be mine.
Oooh, Ben will hit the roof when he finds out that stinky Smog boy has been hitting on me.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-15-05 2:10pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

With these strips, I turn from lampooning Marvel superheros to lampooning a DC superhero, the world's mightiest mortal, Captain Marvel.

The Secret Origin of Kapitän Übel by fpd
1-14-05
Buy a paper, mister? Big news, today! Weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iran, North Korea, and even Canada.
No, I read the Onion online before it hits the streets. Come, follow me through this abandoned subway.
Welcome, Willy Wanton. I am the grand wizard Shagleg. Repeat my name, and you shall be as a god.
S ................... (Sloth) H ................ (Hubris) A ................. (Anger) G ............. (Gluttony) L ................... (Lust) E ................... (Envy) G ................ (Greed)
Whenever you repeat my name, you will transform into Kapitän Übel, which in English is Captain Evil. Go now and do evil!
Shove off, old man! I'll do whatever I damn well please, and right now I want to eat a ton of burgers, watch some porn, and take a long nap.

The Adventures of Kapitän Übel by fpd
1-14-05
Sorry, kid, but you're too young to get in to see Star Whores: Attack of the Jones. It's rated triple X.
Holy baloney, lady. That's why I want to see it. I want to see Pudme Amy Doll do that Skystalker dude who becomes the Dark Invader.
S ................... (Sloth) H ................ (Hubris) A ................. (Anger) G ............. (Gluttony) L ................... (Lust) E ................... (Envy) G ................ (Greed)
Ha, ha! With my power to turn into a grown up, I can get to see all the porn I want.
Here you are, sir. One ticket for Attack of the Jones. Enjoy the show.
Oh, I will, little lady. And when the show is over, I'll come over and tell you all about it, if you know what I mean. He he he.

Kapitän Übel meets Tawnee by fpd
1-15-05
Get away from me, you creep! Don't you know that no means no? Help! Help!
Holy baloney! That creep is going to rape that hot babe, and I know she could do so much better. Shagleg!
Hey, creep, the lady told you no. Now scat before I get evil on your ass.
I'm not messing with you, Kapitän Übel. I've heard that you're one wicked dude.
Holy baloney! You're that hot Tawnee Stoned babe I've seen on the Teen Tiger website. How'd you like to do a superhero?
Rarrh, you can call me Tawnee the Teen Tiger, handsome. But let's do it the right way, in front of a camera. When it's porn, it's not prostitution.

Oh Übermensch, er Kapitän Übel. by fpd
1-15-05
You, with the stylized umlauted U on your chest, are you the hero Übermensch? We need your help desperately.
Übermensch? ÜBERMENSCH?! That fancy pants superman gets all the glory. Why, I oughtta murderize the bum!
Well, if you're not Übermensch, who are you?
You have the great honor of beholding the glorious and ever-so superb Kapitän Übel.
Please, Kapitän Übel, the tsunami in the Indian Ocean has devastated so many lives. They need your help rebuilding.
Little girl, if Kapitän Übel can't help them, no one can. But, really, what's in it for me?

Oh, please, Kapitän Übel, your help is needed. by fpd
1-15-05
Kapitän Übel, if you go aid the survivors of the tsunami, you will win honor and glory.
But I'll still be overshadowed by that Übermensch glory hog. How I can I get a break if I just do what he does?
Is glory so important? What about honor? What about the people who need your help?
Holy baloney, girl. I already deserve all honor and glory just for being me. I am the greatest, the supremest, the most superb.
Are you saying you won't help the tsunami survivors? Don't you care?
Why don't you bugger off, girl? I am sick and tired of hearing you whine about the needs of others. What about my needs?

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-15-05 2:18pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

Kapitän Übel meets a cutie. by fpd
1-15-05
Holy baloney, you have got to be the hottest babe I have ever seen.
Well, you've gotten your thrills today, little boy. Now beat it. I prefer big, strong men to ragamuffins like you.
S ................... (Sloth) H ................ (Hubris) A ................. (Anger) G ............. (Gluttony) L ................... (Lust) E ................... (Envy) G ................ (Greed)
Who the hell does that witch think she is to talk to me like that? But she's hot, and I want to do her.
Hey, baby, it's not every broad who catches the fancy of the magnificent Kapitän Übel. What's your name, hot stuff?
It's not so surprising that I would catch your fancy. After all, I am the world's most beautiful woman, Cutea Sovania.

Kapitän Übel meets with the President. by fpd
1-15-05
Thanks for meeting with me, Kapitän Übel.
I'm sure it's an honor for you to meet me, President Luther. When you asked for my help, I knew this was a lucrative opportunity for me.
I need men of your character on my team, Kapitän Übel. Do you realize that the gravest threat to the world today is overpopulation?
Oh, I know what you mean. How can I get my full share of the pie when so many other people are grabbing at it?
At this moment, Dr. Tedious Botox Sovania is working to prolong the human lifespan, and he wants to share his discoveries with the world.
Holy baloney! He's mad, I tell you. Something like that should be kept in the hands of the powerful elite.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-15-05 2:26pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

Kapitän Übel spies on his quarry. by fpd
1-16-05
Holy baloney! Dr. Sovania knows that hot babe, Cutea Sovania. Hmmm. They're both named Sovania. Oooh! That makes me so mad. Why do dweebs like this guy end up with hotties like her?
Hi Daddy, how's your work coming along?
Just wonderful, Cutea. Before long, the human masses will be able to enjoy immortality.
Hotdog! She's not married to the guy; she's just his daughter. Man, I wish I had X-ray vision, so I could look through her blouse. I so hate that Übermensch guy. He has all the cool powers.
You know, Dad, I was wondering, where's the profit in all this?
Oh Cutea, you think too much about money. Just think of the good we'll be doing for mankind.
Holy baloney. I can't believe Dr. Sovania is supposed to be the one with the brains. But I think I'm in love with Cutea. Or at least I'm getting really hot. She has brains and beauty.
Sure, Dad, but can't we do good for mankind and makes a profit doing it?
Cutea, dear, I was so inspired by Firefox being free, I just wanted to give something back in return.

Kapitän Übel meets Dr. Tedious Botox Sovania by fpd
1-16-05
Ah, Dr. Sovania, word has it you're trying to extend the human lifespan.
You must be the famous Kapitän Übel. Have you met my beautiful daughter, Cutea?
Oscar Meyer be damned! It sure is a pleasure to see you again, Cutea. What a lucky bastard your father is to have a gorgeous daughter like you.
You but state the obvious, Kapitän Übel. No man on earth has a lovelier daughter than my father has in me.
Oh, man, Dr. Sovania, I'll bet you can't keep your hands off this lucious babe. She is such a hot tamale.
Kapitän Übel, did you come here to insult me, or do you have some other business?

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-16-05 9:00pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

Kapitän Übel confronts Dr. Sovania by fpd
1-17-05
Where are your manners, Dr. Sovania? Why don't you offer me something to eat? It has been almost an hour since I ate.
First you insult me, then you ask me for food. What kind of patsy do you take me for?
I take you for the sort of bleeding heart who would give immortality to the unwashed masses.
Oh, is there something wrong with that? My work will benefit all of mankind.
Holy baloney! You're a retard! Opportunistic corporations would steal your work and use it to enslave the world.
But I planned to copyleft it and make it open source.

Dr. Sovania confronts Kapitän Übel by fpd
1-17-05
Kapitän Übel, I must ask you to leave. I don't care why you came here.
I came at the request of President Luther to make sure your work doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
But I plan to give it to everyone. So whose hands would be the wrong hands?
Don't you see, you stupid idiot? When you give it to everyone, it will naturally fall into the wrong hands.
And what would the President have me do with my research?
He seeks your cooperation in keeping your research entirely hush hush and under his control.

Dr. Sovania resists Kapitän Übel by fpd
1-17-05
I will never turn my research over to President Luther's control. I didn't vote for him. I voted for that nice Bush junior kid.
He has authorized me to terminate your project with extreme prejudice if you don't cooperate.
You couldn't do that without killing me. My research will live on in my brain as long as I live. And superheros don't kill, do they?
You must have me confused with that do-gooder Übermensch. When I got my powers, the old geezer who gave them to me told me to go do evil.
I guess that explains your name. Übel is German for evil. Who was this geezer who gave you your powers?
Oh, he was some dumb old wizard named Shagleg.

Dr. Sovania learns Kapitän Übel's secret identity by fpd
1-17-05
Holy baloney! I accidently said the wizard's name and turned back into Willy Wanton.
Oh ho! So Kapitän Übel is just a little boy named Willy Wanton.
Holy baloney! I just goofed even more and told you who I was.
Quick, Cutea, show him your boobies to distract him while I gag his mouth.
Please, Daddy, my sheer beauty alone is enough to distract any boy.
Shazam? Va va voom? Shazoom? What's that dang magic word? Kimota? Shagwell? Hot damn, I want to shag her so much.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-17-05 7:52pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

Dr. Sovania considers what to do about Willy Wanton by fpd
1-18-05
What do we do now, Cutea? I can't kill the boy, but if I let him turn back into Kapitän Übel, he will kill me. We'll have to flee to the planet Venus.
But, Daddy, Venus is uninhabitable. We would burn up in its atmosphere before touching the ground.
But don't you come from Venus? Isn't that where all women come from?
Daddy, surely you know where babies come from.
All I know is that your mother brought you back after a ten month vaction. I assumed she had gone to Venus and back.
Ten months? Do you know if she went on this vacation with anyone else?

Cutea and Dr. Sovania discuss family by fpd
1-18-05
Oh, how am I supposed to remember the details of your mother's vacation? I was too absorbed in my work to pay attention.
Well, back to our problem at hand, maybe my brother Magnifico could help.
You have a brother?
Didn't you notice that you had two children, Dad?
I was really absorbed in my work, dear. What's your brother up to these days?
He has made a fortune running the Clown King chain of hamburger restaurants.

Magnifico Sovania and Dr. Sovania by fpd
1-18-05
Hi Dad, what is this problem you need my help with?
Cutea was reminding me of your mutant ability to manipulate people's minds, and I would like it very much if you would make sure Kapitän Übel wouldn't kill me.
To be honest, I'm not sure I'm the right guy for the job here. What with my Oedipus fantasies, I might screw it up.
In all my years of biological research into extending the human lifespan, I never heard of such a thing. What are you talking about?
It means I'm in love with Mom and want to kill you to have her all to myself.
That's silly. Your mother is dead, which makes such fantasies completely irrational.

Magnifico Sovania meets Willy Wanton by fpd
1-18-05
What I'm really good at is making kids want to eat lots of fattening hamburgers. If only this Kapitän Übel were a little boy, I might be able to do something.
Oh, but he is a little boy. He turns into Kapitän Übel by speaking a magic word. I have him bound and gagged right now to keep him from changing back.
Well, maybe with a little bribery and mind manipulation, I can persuade him to be your friend.
Let's try it.
Hey, hey, there little boy, I'll give you a hamburger if you don't hurt my Dad. How about it, huh?
One measly hamburger? Do you call that a bribe? Shagleg!

Kapitän Übel and Magnifico Sovania negotiate by fpd
1-18-05
Ha, ha, you pathetic bleeding hearts, you don't even have the guts to do in a little boy. Now I have the advantage again.
Wait, wait, we want to bribe you. You don't have any code of honor against bribery, do you?
Let's see. Sloth. No. Hubris. No. Anger. No. Gluttony. No. Lust. No. Envy. No. Greed. No. I think I'm A-OK with bribery. But it better be good.
OK. How about if I make you a celebrity spokesman for Clown King Burgers and give you as many hamburgers as you can eat.
That appeals to my hubris and gluttony. Throw in some hard cash and your hot sister, and we will have ourselves a deal, at least as long as it's not too much work for me.
OK, and in return, you'll let my Dad continue his research in peace, and you'll protect him from outside interference.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-18-05 4:56pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

These wrap up the Kapitän Übel storyline for the time being.

Cutea Sovania argues with Magnifico Sovania by fpd
1-22-05
You had no right! You can't just throw me in as part of a bribe! Couldn't you just persaude him with your mind control powers?
He's not your average mortal, sis. Each of the seven deadly sins has such a hold on him, I could not appeal to him through only one.
But he's really just a kid. I would be guilty of statutory rape if I gave him what he wants.
So? We're already guilty of bribery. What's a little statutory rape on top of that?
Gosh, when you put it that way, it really makes a lot of sense. Say, you're not trying to mind control me, are you?
Would I do that to my own sister? If you can't trust your own family, who can you trust?

Kapitän Übel's First Clown King Commercial by fpd
1-22-05
Am I ever glad you're here, Kapitän Übel. The Cheeseburglar ran off with my Gleefully Gay Meal.
Have no fear, Mule. I am the world's greatest superhero, and I will stop that dastardly Cheeseburglar.
Cheeseburglar, did you think you could steal a Clown King Gleefully Gay Meal without paying for it? Prepare to pay now, you cad.
I couldn't help myself, Kapitän Übel. I was just dying for a Clown King cheeseburger, grease fries, and a diet Dr. Upper, now available without a prescription.
Let that be a lesson to you, foul villain. You pay one way or the other.
That Gleefully Gay meal was so delicious, it was worth even this! What a fool I was not to pay the low, low price of only ten dollars.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-22-05 8:41pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

These strips begin a new storyline that will lampoon another superhero. But you won't see him just yet. These strips begin with some extraterrestrial lampoons of real Earth people. Anyone know who they are?

Planet Crapton's premier radio program, Pole to Pole AM by fpd
1-22-05
I'm your host, Arb-el, and our guest tonight is Dam-ed, the inventor of the remotevision.
Hello, Arb. It's a pleasure to talk to you, as always. But I'm afraid I have some very bad news tonight.
Ha, ha! Don't you always. They don't call you Dr. Doom for nothing.
The bad news is that our beloved planet Crapton is going to blow up within the year.
Dam, that's quite a bold claim. Can you tell us what will cause our planet to blow up?
In hindsight, Arb, it was a really bad idea to use the core of the planet as a global septic tank. Ol' Mother Crapton is soon going to be letting out farts all over the planet.

The controversial Dam-ed on Crapton's Pole to Pole AM by fpd
1-22-05
Besides predicting the end of the world, what else are you doing with that remotevision device of yours, Dam?
Well, Arb, I've been viewing this planet in another solar system, known to its inhabitants as Earth. It looks like it might make a great place to flee to before the world blows up.
But, Dam, how could you get to another planet? The idea of space travel has never been anything but science fiction on planet Crapton.
I've been viewing the technology of this planet. They can speed around the universe with warp drives, slipstream drives, jump gates, and stargates. It's really quite amazing.
And are you telling me that you are going to duplicate some of this technology to go there?
Well, I haven't found the plans to any of this really cool stuff, yet. But I did get some of their plans for building rockets, and I'm currently working on building one of those.

Dam-ed talks about Earth on Crapton's Pole to Pole AM by fpd
1-22-05
So, Dam, you've been viewing this other planet, called Earth, with your remotevision device. What is it like there? Do the people there look anything like us?
As a matter of fact, they do. And it turns out that the Earth people know many other alien races that look much like us too, such as Vulcans, Bajorans, Sebaceans, Menbari, Centauris, and many more.
Wow, this is really fascinating. But let me get back to my other question. What is it like on Earth?
Earth is a beautiful paradise where people frolic along the coastline wearing next to nothing, and the women there are out of this world.
Yes, I'll bet. But does Earth have a seemy side of any kind? It's kind of hard to believe that it is just one big paradise.
Well, sure. But it's not nearly as bad as we have it on Crapton. Whatever problems they face on Earth, they can usually solve them before the planet has finished one 48th of its revolution.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

1-22-05 8:53pm (new)
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