Sometimes I mentioned rival soft drinks...

Advertisement by andydougan 7-30-01

In A.D. 1989 war was beginning... We need to translate "ZeroWing" for the English-speaking market, but I don't want to have to pay someone extra to do it. So you, the graphic artist, can do it as a sideline. Hmm...I dunno... Just do it! You'll be fine! Well, all right... Doc-tor Pepper! What's the worst that could happen? Here, use this George W. Bush-penned English dictionary to assist you. What you say !!

...but it always came down to the same thing.

Ixnay on the aurinetay by andydougan 7-30-01

Here, have a can of Dr Pepper! After all, what's the worst that could happen? Ok. Gagh! The pain! Oh, sorry, that was actually Red Bull. I GUESSED!!!

After a while, I exhausted the theme. Then I carried on making strips about it anyway.

The Last Crusade by andydougan 5-15-01

The Canyon of the Crescent Moon, 1938 Let me choose the Grail. Here, try this'n. Ah! This certainly is the cup of the king of kings! Slurp! Argh! On second thoughts, maybe not. Red Bull? Red Bull.

quote:

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You realize that there are strips in When I grow up just like this one.
"The Catchphrase killa"

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Starstruck by Drexle 6-01-01

Saaaayyyyy... Haven't I seen you somewhere before? You have seen me in your dreams, for I am Cthulhu... Dread lord of nightmares... I am here to spread horror and insanity to the world! Feel my wrath, human! No, that's not it... I remember now! You were in that hentai anime "Tentacles of Pleasure!" Man, that triple penetration deal was nuts!!! Mortal, tempt not my fury!!! I can't believe it's really you! You're a personal hero of mine! Why if I could do what you do to those bitches... blahblahblahblah Ummm....?

I post this one all the time, but it's only because I think it's probably one of my best ones. Sad that I peaked on my second strip ever.

Sleep Deprivation, and the resulting lack of coherancy. -_- by Drexle 6-02-01

I am the beast what resides in your soul... I demand a sacrifice! A sacrifice?! Whatever could it be? Dear god, not the pancakes!!! Oh, I demand far more than your wretched pancakes. What I take from you is more valuable than life itself... You will hand it over to me now! No... you can't be serious... Not that!!! No!!! I beg you, take anything else, just not *THAT!* Anything else? So you really *are* going to give me the pancakes? Wow, cool! Ummm.... What was the point of this strip again? I'm sure I had one...

Another earlier strip of mine... Aside from the typo in the title, I always manage to laugh over this one.

CC 51: The most unpopular social statement of all... by Drexle 8-07-01

I'm crabby, and I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!! Well, I don't!!!

From the days when crabby was still seen as a bit of a troll... The rules for CC 51 were that you had to argue a socially indefenseable position, and make it convincing. At the time, saying that crabby didn't suck dick *was* socially indefenseable. So what if I skipped the "make it convincing part," the comic was really fucking funny in context.

Enormous Penis: a sequel by Drexle 8-18-01

o/` I_take_a_look_at_my_enormous_penis... and_my_troubles_start_melting_away. o/` Maura, what the hell are you talking about? What do you mean? Last I checked, girls didn't have a penis... Hi, how 'ya doin? Roger, meet my enormous penis.

NastyPope posted a link to a website that had a sound sample from a doo-wap band, and one of their songs was "Enormous Penis." It inspired this comic.

Worst thing (for men) to say(when women say the worst thing) by Drexle 9-14-01

You're a sweet guy, and you're just what I'm looking for, but I just like you too much to want to date you. You're such a good friend to me. Well fuck you, ya smelly cunt! I can't believe I ever wanted to be with you, what with all your hangups and insecureties.... Bitch! You make me fucking sick! How could you be so mean to me? God, I... I... You what? You hate me now? Good, now that you don't "like me too much" anymore, how about we go out Saturday? *Crying!* Bitch!

Man, it was *really* hard to pick just five... but I think this will round it out just nicely.

Aww hell... What would a best-of collection be without the one that won me Comic Cup II?

Once you've had black... by Drexle 8-07-01

Aww yeah... I remember the summer of '69 allright. Man, that was the year I gave my left nut for world peace! Heh, it was worth it, though... *Flashback to the Mary Jane Tea Party of '69... brownies courtesy Alice B. Toklas. * Oh god!!! Oh god!!! Oh, what a feeling!!! Yeah, bitch... and now for something *really* twisted! (God, I hope i can still get it on without a left nut after this...) Okay, maybe not world piece, but a piece a 'dat Hillary Rodham's white ass. Yep, before she met me she was all starch stiff, but last I heard she was pimpin' out Fleiss's old hos. Speakin' of hos... Knock-knock-knock!!!

The rules:
-At least one panel must take place in 1969.
-There should be a reference to a tea party.
-Use Neil from WIGU exactly two times.
-Use a popular advertising slogan.
-Refer to an event in history, but change the event for the purpose of the comic and show how the world is different as a result.
-Someone must sacrifice a left nut.

My second ever strip. I don't like the whole thing so much, but that punchline is a favourite of mine, and still creeps into conversation every now and then...

Dress rehearsal by DexX 1-08-01

...so I will say something about myself... Like what? Oh, you know... something I did today, or something in the news... ...and then I make some kind of smartarse comment. Is that right? Wait on... has the strip started already? Ha! if I could walk like that, I wouldn't be here buying cheese! How was that?

My first one wasn't too bad by first-ever-strip standards, but not worthy of posting.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

It certainly isn't Shakespeare! III by DexX 1-11-01

Meanwhile in DexX's dark and twisted imagination... To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the... uh... suffer... Pssst! Line! ...slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, you moron. Hey! This isn't easy, you know! Bah, you just haven't been the same since you got neutered.

Probably the best from my first attempt at a series.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Why conquer the world when you have the simple pleasures? by DexX 1-11-01

Not long after global nuclear war... Well, whaddaya know! Those science geeks were right. Humanity wiped itself out, and only we cockroaches are left! Excellent! Excellent? How? We will rebuild! The cockroach will become master of the earth! No more Raid! No more rolled-up newspaper! No more big heavy crushing shoes! But... but... What? All I want to do is roll around in faeces.

Nobody else seems to like this one, but it is one of only a handful of mine that still make me laugh.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Three misused wishes...not overused, surely? by DexX 1-12-01

We join the story after the whole lamp-rubbing cliche is done with... Your wish is my command... three times... you know the drill... You're a funny lookin' genie, but OK... Urrrrmmm... First, make me young n' sexy! Doof! Done! Great! Next, I want you to turn into a skinny chick who wants my body... Doof! Me hungry... Shit.

Again, one that I seem to be alone in liking, but hey, fuck the critics, right?

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

The Big C strkes a minor snag... by DexX 1-27-01

I have risen from the sunken city of R'lyeh. I have returned to the Earth. The destruction is total. *sigh* Now I'm bored.

Almost certainly the single best strip I have done on this site. If I were ever to make a webcomic, like I have been planning for years, I would find an excuse to remake this strip. I like it.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Oh man, where to begin? From near the beginning, I guess. This was from my first day of stripcreating:

The Olympic Synchronized Swimming Results by kaufman 5-15-01

BRONZE MEDALISTS: France SILVER MEDALISTS: Spain GOLD MEDALISTS: R'lyeh

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I want to do more with Gollum as a character. Once I get some ideas. He's sort of one-note, though.

International Brotherhood of Gollums ON STRIKE! by kaufman 5-15-01

What has we gots in our picketses? What do we want? Preciousssses! When do we want it? NOW!!! And we also want hobbitsses in the cafeteria three nights a week. Nasty managements hurtses us

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Spam in the place where I live #2 by kaufman 5-16-01

.F.R.E.E. .C.A.B.L.E. .T.V. .D.E.S.C.R.A.M.B.L.ER Honey, we need to buy a baby present. A baby present? For whom? For the spammer. For the spammer? Yeah, she missed her last two periods.

For those of you who don't wander USENET, one of the most frequent and annoying spams looks like this, complete with the periods separating the letters on the subject line (why? who knows. maybe they think it'll beat filters.)

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

A Haiku and a Limerick walk into a bar by kaufman 5-17-01

Long Island Iced Tea. I would like a whiskey and water. No ice, I prefer my drinks hotter. Easy on the vodka, please. And bartender fella, Nix on that umbrella. I do have to drive. I want a small plastic fly-swatter.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

World's Stupidest Movie Critic #1 by kaufman 5-18-01

This week we're discussing that so-called classic, "Pride of the Yankees," starring Gary Cooper. "Today-ay, I consider mysel-elf ... Cooper plays Lou Gehrig, a baseball player who gets sick and dies of, *SURPRISE*, Lou Gehrig's disease. The luckiest ma-an I mean DUH! The audience is going to see that coming a mile away. Give the guy another name, for crying out loud! On the face of this earrtth."

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

It's unanimous by kaufman 6-02-01

I got a reply back from Savage Love. Bastard said I should enjoy all this sodomizing. Don't give up hope, there's a new advice columnist out there you might want to try. There is? Yeah, it's called "Ask Jesus." This one's from "Sore in Spokane." Probably another grudgeholder. Tell him to turn the other cheek.

My donkey sodomy contribution to this exhibition.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I think I know one of the rules x 44 by kaufman 6-17-01

Lickee my bush, $3.50, poke me with your johnson for twice as much, for $25 we use a Garfield doll, nix on the freebie, fill more of my pocket before we begin, or my ray gun will blow you to atoms. Can a D-student afford that? It was cheaper in Lincoln, Jefferson City, Cleveland and Washington, even doing it with Michael Jackson. Can I be subsidized by an NEA grant if I use a Hoover vacuum? Say, do any of you know the Madison? Oh bummer, is that van burning? With the sun rising, how're you going to put it out? I should have stayed in Africa, nothing but common rows of veldt there. The grout's melting in here, call a tiler, not a tailor, for harding it up! You in a haze or what? Will Sonny Bono and Arthur Harrison pierce through those flames? And is Clint in there? Be a true man and fill up you cannon of water and put it out! We'd have to melt Mt. McKinley to get a sufficiently cool edge to put it out. She must be daft. Cart her away!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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So are you. by ObiJo 5-25-01

Doug? Yes, Ted? You are floating. Ted? Yes, Doug?

I wrote this comic very, err, altered let's say. I almost think people can tell.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

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Lyrics are everything, people. by ObiJo 2-07-01

One of these things are not like the others... One of these things don't belong... One of these things are not like the others... Can you figure it out by the end of this song?

It took me two tries (and two comics) to get the lyrics right, hence the name. I said hence. What a loser.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

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When Johnny comes Marching Home by ObiJo 6-09-01

Welcome home, honey! Did you have a good war? NO!

I LOVE soldier comics. Any shape, any size. Which one of you brilliant bastards was it that used this character as Strom Thurmond? I salute you.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.