But seriously, you're completely insane if you don't put at least celery, carrots, and bay leaves in there.

What the hell is in your fridge and cupboards anyway?

I'm going to be sorry I asked, aren't I?

"Extra stuff." Sigh...

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What others say about boorite!

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What the hell is in your fridge and cupboards anyway?

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Now for serious: The only time I've ever eaten oxtail was in an incredibly simple soup with potatoes and carrots. I'm guessing that having just potatoes in the soup works just as well, but I'm not really sure.

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What the hell is in your fridge and cupboards anyway?

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Fridge: milk, beer, wieners, baloney, onions, bread, potatoes, jalepenos, pickles, margerine, cheese, tortillas, hot sauce

Cupboards: chili w/beans, blackeyed peas, spinach, rice, tuna, potato mix, mashed potatoes, vermicelli, spaghetti sauce, Lipton Sides, macaroni and cheese, coffee, popcorn, mustard, ketchup, garlic powder, chili powder, lemon/pepper salt, salt, pepper

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I make lots of brilliantly clever recipes with those simple ingredients.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Interestingly, Jesus is in my pantry.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

Like milk-simmered weiners encrusted in coffee grounds?

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See, now you're just being facetious.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

See, now you're just being facetious.

You're right. No one would make that without mangoes.

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Well, it looks like I'm probably going to make oxtail and potato soup with onions, jalepenos, blackeyed peas, garlic powder, chili powder, lemon/pepper salt, pepper, and salt.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Spice and herb staples for cooking:

> Salt
> Pepper (preferably whole...it's like $2 for a disposable grinder with peppercorns)
> Oregano
> Basil
> Thyme
> Bay leaves
> Parsley
> Cayenne

Other seasoning staples:

> Worcestershire sauce
> Soy sauce
> Bullion
> Lemon juice
> Olive oil
> Canned cream soup
> Bourbon

Vegetables essential to have around:

> Onion
> Carrot
> Celery
> Bell Pepper
> Canned tomatoes
> Potato
> Frozen corn
> Frozen peas/broccoli

Basic staples:

> Spaghetti
> Rice
> Linguine
> Pasta shells or spirals
> Flour (flour + water = bread)
> Sugar

Non-essential, but you'll regret not having them:

> Rosemary
> Lime juice
> Marjoram
> Sesame oil
> Cilantro
> Ginger
> White pepper
> Peanuts
> Vanilla extract
> Orange peel
> Sage
> Cinnamon
> Dill weed

Red wine vinegar too. (Ivy doesn't use it.)

We keep boxes of stock or broth around too, now that there are decent brands and not just Swanson. And various canned tomato products.

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The thing is, though, that I don't ever need most of that stuff unless someone gives me some ox tails or something.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

So now you need them. Go get them or we will hate your fucking guts forever. I swear to God we will track you down and make you beg for death.

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Nah, I'm not gonna get all that stuff just to make ox tails one time.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Actually, simmering the oxtails on LOW for several hours in a bunch of blackeyed peas, with a little extra liquid and the whole onion, isn't a terrible idea. Bay leaf would be just about essential though.

Still might hunt you down for torture.

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I may be able to find a bay leaf stuck to the back of the cabinet behind some old stuff that's been in there for about fifteen years.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Or you could... you know... go to... the store?

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For a bay leaf?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

That's how anyone even has bay leaves. My mother found some in the cupboard of the park housing she lived in when she and dad got married and has had it ever since. My dad doesn't know where his came from but it looks like it has been around since the 80's. Grandma has about 6 bottles of them, which isn't surprising since the house is only a year older than she is. And I got my bay leaves from my great aunt's spice cabinet that I inheirited. All original spices included from the 1960's. Along with a bottle of MSG.

No one buys bay leaves. They just appear out of nowhere when you least expect it. It's a rule of the universe.

And I'm telling you, those essential spices are essential. You'll be glad of having them. It's amazing what lemon juice and dill weed can do to macaroni and cheese. It's like a whole new dish. And sesame oil, ginger, and peanuts can make ramen edible.

All the essentials do is make basic boring stuff edible. If it wasn't for onion, pepper, and worcestershire sauce, burgers would be blech. For lunch I had canned chicken noodle soup and added pepper, lemon, parsley, and thyme and for once canned soup didn't taste like ass.

It's not like we're saying you need to start making crab-stuffed chicken breast smothered in sun-dried tomato and parmesean alfredo sauce with red potatoes roasted in rosemary and olive oil or anything.

By the way, that's what I'm cooking for supper tonight.

I used to keep more of that kind of stuff around when I cooked for other people, but I don't get into the "joy of cooking" thing when I'm just cooking for myself.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

But what about your... I don't know the right term... huge hairy Uzbeki weightlifter who brutalizes you in the ass?

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I found Jesus in my pantry. Instead of a universal rule, that's covered by the California state constitution. (Art. 9 Paragraph 6 Under "Deities in the Pantry")

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

No, you get a jar of them and hand it down through the generations. Didn't you read Ivy's post?

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I'm one of the off generations. Other generations are supposed to do that stuff for me.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.