quote:

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Like Crabby says -- what is there to lie about?

I get laid more often than Wirthling jerks off.

My first lay was at the age of eight -- identical twin Swedish masseuses and a Philippine porn star; simultaneously.

My custom Hum-vee has a 12' bed for my ATV and my Harley Softail Classic (with genuine skull headlight ornament). This thing has fully stocked gun and liquer cabinets. At four miles to the gallon, it's emissions have defoliated game lands in 38 states.

I'm an absurd, hulking mass of rippling muscle. I can barely even flex my massive joints.

I demand fellatio on the first date.

I'd as soon smash a bottle of home-made corn squeezin's over your head as say hello. And I'm having sex with your mom -- right now!

Any questions?

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I have an awful SNES emulator for Dreamcast but it's not even worth mentioning.

Well I'm just away to see DJ Shadow- hurrah!

Oo?

Geeks.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Well, whatever fucking planet it is, it obviously doesn't orbit Keegan Permius Prime...

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

All planets neigboring Keegus Permus Prime must submit 100 females a year to KPP, and the leader of said planet. The Keegus Permus Collective rules over 100 planets with technology "far superior to you puny earthlings".

Source: Keegus Permus - A Travel Guide, written by Kevin Keegans Perm, ruler of Keegus Permus Prime, and part time superhero.

I've never actually been to Keegus Permus, let alone Keegus Permus prime, so I can't verify any of this information. Kevin told me it was true, so I guess I have to trust him.

Oh, he also reprogrammed Tobor.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Keegus Permus Prime by DragonXero 10-27-01

Welcome to Keegus Permus Prime, I am your leader, Kevin Keegans Perm. Here, we have many interesting activities, including horseback riding and swimming, and even a lucrative gambling a- What? We're redecorating!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

I misspelled "Emperor". Repeatedly. Tobor is administering the required penance.

Kevin Keegan's Perm, Tribute to the Emporer by itsclark 10-27-01

Greetings, travellers! We are entering the immense gravity of Keegus Permus. Up ahead blazes K.P. Prime itself, reputed center of the universe! Here we see the planet Sokker, sports and entertainment center of the entire system. Overhead, the moon Ego burns brightly enough to read the Emporer's comics by! The skies above the throneworld shine with the light of many other, lesser stars. But not to worry! The emporer is working on ways of dealing with that.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Clearly Keegus Permus Prime , center of the universe , will be forced to send out its many armies to the neighbouring planets of Dragonius Xeros , and Clarkus Maximus.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"