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Stripcreator » Comic Showcase » The Ongoing Saga of Bill the Car Salesman

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

RCL no. 1548 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
5-09-07

At the dealership, a newbie gets a tour of the car lot...

...and over there is the waiting room for the finance department.

Or, as we affectionately call it, the "black hole".

Why's that?

Because, our customers usually have to wait two or three hours before they even SEE a finance officer... And, that's on a good day!

5-09-07 1:35pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1558 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
5-11-07

Hey, Bill... It's me, Ted, from the dealership...

Oh, hey, Ted... What's up?

I was wondering if you could fill in for me over Memorial weekend...

Sorry, Ted. My doctor says I need to rest for at least another three months for my injuries to heal...

I understand. By the way, Bill... The guys down at the lot want to know what it was like to be a woman for a couple of weeks.

I'm NEVER going to live that down... [ *sigh* ]

5-11-07 2:21pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1570 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
5-14-07

You needed to see me..?

Yes. You may not remember me, but you were the surgeon who saved my life after I got creamed by a double-decker Greyhound bus...

Oh, yeah... If, I recall, we accident-ly changed you into a woman, and then back to a man again...right? Um, you're not going to sue me, are you?

Oh, heavens no. I came here to thank you for saving my life! But, I do have a question for you...

And, that is..?

How do I fight this overwhelming urge to go fuck myself?

5-14-07 2:34pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1573 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
5-14-07

I know your return policy says I can't return sale items- "no exceptions"...

...but, I only had my wife buy these dresses after those boneheads down at the hospital accidently transformed me into a woman.

?

No, I am NOT shitting you!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

5-14-07 4:14pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1581 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
5-15-07

...and the next thing I know, there's a double-decker bus headed right for me! I don't really remember...

...anything after that. Weeks later, I woke up in the hospital, sans penis, with an over-whelming desire to put on pantyhose and watch...

...Oprah. Ha, ha! Turns out the stupid, fucking surgeon had the wrong , fucking chart! Thankfully, I was eventually switched back.

That's a nice story, mister... But, do you want to by a magazine sub-scription or not?

5-15-07 2:46pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
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RCL no. 1585 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
5-16-07

After several operations, including one trans-gender reversal surgery, and months of agonizing recovery and rehab, Bill is cleared to start working again at the dealership...

...and then after months of excruciating pain...

...I was finally able to pee standing up! Although, the doctors say it will be a long time before I'll be able to achieve an erection.

But, it's just so nice being back at work here and seeing familiar faces like yours, Veronica!

Who are you?

5-16-07 9:29am (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1588 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
5-17-07

============ BOOM! ===========

...and, then I reached down to touch Mr. Winky, but he was GONE!

========== Ka-BOOM! ==========

A few weeks and many arguments later, the surgeon finally agreed to re-attach my penis. I tell you, I feel like a NEW man!

===== Ka-fucking-BOOOOOM! =====

I'll bet you DO! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA [*snort*]

I'm sorry... What did you say? I can't hear you with all those used Pintos exploding in the background...

5-17-07 1:52pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1613 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
6-11-07

May I help you?

I have an urgent telegram for Bill...

Yeah? So?

His mother is in the hospital, and doesn't have that much longer to live. Can you get this to him ASAP?

[*SIGH* ] Okay... Just as soon as I finish my Sunday New York Times' crossword puzzle, which I barely just started.

Did I mention she doesn't have much longer live?

6-11-07 5:59pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1625 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
6-26-07

C'mon, honey... I said I was sorry. Can't you just forgive me for making a mistake?

MISTAKE?? I CAUGHT YOU SIXTY-NINING WITH THAT 18 YEAR OLD RECEP-TIONIST FROM THE DEALERSHIP IN OUR MARITAL BED!!

It was dark and I thought it was you.

IT WAS NOT DARK! THE LIGHTS WERE ON! BESIDES, I'M FAT AND FLAT CHESTED, AND SHE'S THIN WITH FORTY-FOUR DOUBLE-D'S!!

Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me... Um, I'm going to go whack off in the garage. We'll continue our chat later...

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

6-26-07 12:22pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1643 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
7-30-07

...and can you imagine how well it corners on a slippery onramp?

Yeah. Well. Sorta.

Great! Let's get started on the paperwork...

Um... Would it be possible if we took it off the showroom floor for a REAL test drive before I commit to buying?

If, we did that, you won't buy this piece of shit...

At least, you're honest, which is a FIRST for a car salesman. Okay... Where do I sign?

7-30-07 2:37pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
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RCL no. 1644 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
7-30-07

You say you're buying a new car for you're son, God?

Yes.

What do you think of this 2008 Ford Excursion?

I don't know. Can you give me a minute?

Sure. Take all the time you need...

Hmmm... What would Jesus drive?

7-30-07 2:52pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1658 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
8-14-07

And over here, we have this sporty economy car...

I can't get that image of dad ass-pounding my boyfriend in the kitchen. I've got to not focus on it or I will SCREAM!

...called a- um, are you okay, miss?

Yeah. Sorry. I'm trying not to think about something horrible that just happened to me. So, what's the name of this car?

"FOCUS".

AAAAAAAAAAA!!

8-14-07 2:45pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
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RCL no. 1664 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
8-22-07

Today, Bill tries to be a hero by disarming a juvenille delinquent at the dealership...

Listen to me, Butch... I want you to hand me the knife.

OUCH! THAT KNIFE IS FUCKING SHARP, BUTCH!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY HAND!! I'M PROBABLY GOING TO BLEED TO DEATH!!! SONOFABITCH!!!!

Okay, let's try it again... Hand me the knife, Butch- this time handle first!

8-22-07 5:09pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
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RCL no. 1668 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
8-28-07

Okay... Then, how does $15,000, plus your [*oomph* ] trade-in, sound?

I'm thinking more like $13,000, and I KEEP my trade-in...

Well, there's no way that I can go to my manager with- OUCH! Okay, okay! I'll present your offer!

That's the spirit!

Um... Can you please let go of my nuts so I can go talk to my manager?

Say, "Pretty please..."

8-28-07 11:17am (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1675 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
9-10-07

At the dealership, Ted works with the desk manager on a car deal...

The customers aren't going for a $550 payment for 72 months on a $9,000 used Escort, boss...

Tell them we'll throw in floormats!

(Fifteen minutes later...)

Okay... We're close. They said that if you could lower the payments to $475 for 60 months, throw in the floormats and a free carwash, we have a deal...

TELL THOSE ASSHOLES TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES!!

(43.5 seconds later...)

Okay... They'll go with the original offer as long as you'l still throw in the floormats.

Fronts only!

9-10-07 4:14pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1676 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
9-11-07

Aaaaaahhhh... Have you ever seen such a lovely sight? All this open space untouched by the ravages of man!

It is quite beautiful, sir...

When do we break ground here on our new Hummer dealership?

Next tuesday, sir...

9-11-07 11:42am (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1679 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
9-12-07

I'd like to [*hic* ] tesht drive a new Taurush, mishter...

Um... How many beers have you had to drink today, sir?

Just one...

Well, you're probably okay to drive if you've only had one-

...after another [ *hic* ] after another [ *hic* ] after another [ *hic* ] after another [ *hic* ] after another! BRAAAAAAAAP!!

[*sniff, sniff* ] Mmmm... Egg-salad sandwich!

9-12-07 10:31pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1692 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
10-01-07

Well? What do you think?

I think your offer SUCKS, faggot!

Then, what do you want to pay for that new Expedition?

No more than twenty-four grand -including tax...

Twenty-four thousand dollars, for a $40,000 SUV, including tax? Do I look STUPID to you?

Well, you are negotiating to a puppet, aren't you, dumbass?

10-01-07 9:06pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

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RCL no. 1744 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
12-05-07

I know buying a new car is a major decision for you, Mr. Sticky, which you are obviously thinking about. So, take all the time you need...

Boy, I sure wish I knew what is going through brain right now...

I can't believe those dumbass Raven coaches last night, calling a timeout right be-fore they had Brady stopped short on fourth down!

Can you at least tell me if were even close to making this deal, Mr. Stick?

12-05-07 5:05pm (new)

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theburninator stripcreator donor
innocent bystander

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RandomComicLayoutGuy

Even though he may not always love his job, tt's nice to know Bill has caring and sympathetic colleagues.

(Awesome comics.)

---
what happened to my rustic monologue? ...i'm not sleeping with that producer again

12-08-07 6:07pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
71 votes

RCL no. 1819 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
3-19-08

This is the 2008 Expedition XL, the biggest sport ute Ford makes!

Do you guys sell the Bronco anymore?

No. Ford stop making that model in 1995.

Really? I really liked the way that thing drove- especially if I was trying to make a GETAWAY for the weekend!

(They found Bill's dead carcass three days later...)

From what I under-stand, it was a very popular model until that murderer O.J. Simpson went on a fifty mile freeway chase in it...

!

3-19-08 6:58pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
71 votes

RCL no. 2106 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
12-01-09

With car sales being nonexistent...

...and this is our multi-media section. You can view articles from our archived newspaper and magazines in this machine here.

...Bill finds part-time work as a tour guide in a nearby library.

Want to know the price of bread in 1983? That mach-ine there has access to every farmer's almanac since Christ.

Unfortunately, if there's a business slower than the auto industry, it would be public libraries. Chuck was laid off three days after he started.

Now, this next section...

12-01-09 4:15pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
71 votes

RCL no. 2245 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
7-07-10

Bill tries his hand at prospecting outside the dealership...

I know this is a hard time for you, seeing how your car just got totalled, and your wife is dead...

*sniff*

...but I'd like to give you my card since you'll be needing to buy a new car soon.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?? GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!

Gee... This went a lot smoother for Robin Williams in Cadillac Man.

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE, FUCKSTICK??

7-07-10 4:41pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
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RCL no. 2257 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
7-13-10

Confusing the car sales term of "walking between raindrops" (which means not finding a customer who's ready to buy), Bill tries to sell a car to an actual drop of rain...

Have a seat here, and I'll go grab my manager...

Would you like a glass of water while you wait?

!

My mommy told that silence means assention...

7-13-10 3:32pm (new)

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RandomComicLayoutGuy stripcreator donor
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:
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RCL no. 2386 by RandomComicLayoutGuy
11-06-10

I thought you were going to open a Hummer dealership on this spot..

I was, but I realized the environmental damage to such a pristine location would be devastating!

Oh.

And, the fact that we're in a deep recession so no one's buying large, gas-guzzling SUV's had nothing to do with it?

I've decided to open up a nuclear waste processing plant instead...

11-06-10 1:53pm (new)

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