STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 19) by JedShepherd 11-26-11

i really think Steve is the weakest character in Starship Motherfucker. Look at him. No redeeming features whatsoever. Why is he always carrying that coffee cup? Do dinosaurs even drink coffee? How does his little arms reach up for the sugar? I guess we will have to wait for the Carlos spin-off webcomic like everyone else. *sigh*

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 20) by JedShepherd 11-26-11

Have you ever wondered why we were chosen to be on this ship? I mean, why were we saved? This ship appears in times of great trouble and saves people. Why us? What have we done to deserve it? What can we contribute to the universe?

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 21) by JedShepherd 11-27-11

Oh Carlos, I don't know what my place is on this ship. Where are we even going? What is our mission? ... Cos if it's back to earth... It's right there.... Outside the window... Why can't we just land there and start again? What's the point of it all Carlos? You've been watching BBC 2 again haven't you Steve? I told you not to do that, you get all carried away.

Adding some layers like a lasagne!

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 22) by JedShepherd 11-27-11

Hey Leon, I suppose everything is going well with Joanne? WELL I KNEW SHE WAS A DINOSAUR BUT I.... Hmmm.... Actually it's not going well. We aren't talking at the moment though I GUESS IT'S HARD TO TALK WITH HER MOUTH FULL. I'm sorry to hear that, Leon. I really am. THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SORRY, I WAS TALKING ABOUT... Idiot.

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 22) by JedShepherd 11-27-11

So let me get this straight. You are my nemesis and you are going to kill Joanne while I watch and then kill me? Yeah mate, I am. Okay, do you have a name? I need to know the name of the person who is hell-bent on destroying me... I can't tell you that mate. If you say my name 3 times you can defeat me! It's my only weakness... Okay then, never mind.... Trevor! It's Trevor isn't it? Trevor Trevor Trevor! No mate. Sorry.

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 23) by JedShepherd 11-27-11

So if you won't tell me your name and you're my nemesis, what do I call you? I mean I'm bound to reference you in conversations with friends and colleagues, especially if you're trying to kill me. Erm... Mr. Dick. I'll call you Mr. Dick. If you won't tell me your name then I'll have to call you Mr. Dick. That cool? Is that cool Mr. Dick? I'll say "let me know when Mr. Dick is around, he is gonna creep up behind me and do me in and his name is Mr. Dick"

I'm only 5 episodes in and had to leap forward to say:

Well done, sir.

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Kill Whitey.

Indeed.  I finally got around to read these and I'm glad I did.

Keep it up Jed.

I demand MOAR.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

AngryAmerican wrote:

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I'm only 5 episodes in and had to leap forward to say:

 

Well done, sir.

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choadwarrior wrote:

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Indeed.  I finally got around to read these and I'm glad I did.

Keep it up Jed.

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HCRoyall wrote:

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I demand MOAR.

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i do need to stop repeating episode numbers though!

okay so the next one will be episode 25 as i repeated 22!

Jed

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 25) by JedShepherd 12-02-11

I'm a good looking guy aren't I Carlos? Damn straight you are. One of the best looking guys around these parts. And I'm talented son of a gun aren't I? Your beatboxing is second to none on this ship. How you make those cymbal sounds with your funny shaped mouth is a sight to behold. Why do you ask? Someone said you were gay and that you fancied me and I wasn't sure but I've got my answer now. I can't blame you Carlos. I can't blame you at all. Right.

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 26) by JedShepherd 12-02-11

So I've been working on a catchphrase to make me more popular with ladies. The classic 'Come up with a catchphrase to get the ladies' technique. Like it. what have you come up with so far? I've shortlisted it down to 2 possible winners. The first one is "BELIEVE IN THE STEVE". "Believe in the Steve"? I like it. shows them that you are a dependable guy, that they can trust their vaginas with and they know you won't mess them around. what's your second one?... "STEVE GONNA FUCK SOME BABIES UP!"

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 27) by JedShepherd 12-03-11

Does your coffee taste funny today Steve? No.. No why? Have you poisoned my coffee? No, though that would have been a good idea, seeing as I'm trying to kill you. So why did you ask about my coffee? I urinated in it a little and just wanted to know if my urine tastes funny. I'd do it myself, but I don't drink coffee...

I actually did this to someone once.

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 28) by JedShepherd 12-03-11

Okay, so run that by me again... Okay, for the fifth time... What do you call a fish with no eyes? Anything you like, it can't see you? NO. The answer is 'FSH'. Don't get it. Run that by me again? Hmph.

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 29) by JedShepherd 12-03-11

On OBSERVATION DECK 8, Steve, finds George, a retired postman, staring out into space. So I said to Joanne "I'm fine with seeing other people, in fact I have 3 other girls I'm currently ploughing and you've really let yourself go lately and..." She's behind me isn't she? She's behind me right? OH GOD I'VE DONE IT AGAIN? WHY AM I SO STUPID STUPID STUPID. DOES SHE LOOK MAD, GEORGE? DOES SHE LOOK MAD? IS SHE CRYING GEORGE? IS SHE CRYING AND ANGRY AND... I accidently ate my children today. They were playing and suddenly they were inside me.

Wanted to do something with George. I think Im just going to make him an ENIGMA :) a depressed, suicidal enigma...

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 30) by JedShepherd 12-03-11

You know, I hate that puppet right? How could you hate me? I am Noodle! Friend to all! All I want is to be your friend! Not going to happen I'm afraid Noodle. Why do you insist of cracking that puppet out every 5 minutes Carlos? Im seriously questioning your sanity! What puppet?

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 31) by JedShepherd 12-03-11

"WELCOME TO THE DREAMATORIUM. PLEASE SELECT DATE OF DREAM YOU WISH TO VIEW" Okay, I can do that, let me see... "LOADING DATA FROM DREAM 2011-12-02..." Okay, I can do that, let me see... "DREAM LOADED. ENJOY THE DREAMATORIUM AND PLEASE COME AGAIN, STEVE." Best dream ever. Sure is buddy.

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 32) by JedShepherd 12-03-11

"WELCOME TO THE DREAMATORIUM. PLEASE SELECT DATE OF DREAM YOU WISH TO VIEW" Will do.... "LOADING DATA FROM DREAM 2011-12-02..." Come on... "DREAM LOADED. ENJOY THE DREAMATORIUM AND PLEASE COME AGAIN, CARLOS." Best dream ever. Noooodddllleeeee!

felt weird not having Steve in a story!

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 33) by JedShepherd 12-09-11

So these freakin eyeball monsters came flying out at me from the girl's underwear so I like knew she was sorta possessed so I kicked her head in until she was dead and couldn't harm anyone else... And then when I sobered up I realised I was just drunk on Triffid Wine and I'd actually only killed a room of sick dwarves. I see. Yeah I think the job interview went REALLY well.

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 34) by JedShepherd 12-09-11

On Observation Deck 13, two lone figures meet in the dark. The bleakness and blackness of space can sometimes create a spark. A spark that cannot be extinguished by black holes. It's beautiful here isn't it? I guess. There's nothing here though... There is... There's... Us... Heh heh.. This is a bit weird Joanne. I don't think I can go through with this... Maybe you're right... Maybe we should forget about what happened last night... Carlos... You know how I feel about you... Why do you look so uncomfortable? This is wrong. Not just because I'm going behind my best friend's back... It's also kinda odd when Steve isn't in a strip. Ah, fuck it.

Because in the end. It's a ship of motherfuckers.

Makes me a bit sad though.

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 35) by JedShepherd 12-10-11

Carlos, I think you have something to tell me don't you? What do you mean? Look Carlos, I know. I KNOW what you've done. I just want you to say it. I just want to hear the words come out of your mouth. Okay... Okay. I'm so so sorry Steve. It's really unlike me. I've never done anything like that before, nevermind to my best friend in the galaxy. I... You took my last custard cream you dirty son of a bitch. You thieving little motherfucker.

jed

STARSHIP MOTHERFUCKER (EPISODE 36) by JedShepherd 12-11-11

I've just heard that Joanne broke up Leon and is seeing someone else... God she moves fast... Erm... I haven't heard anything. Really? I thought I was the last to know! Nobody is willing to tell me who it is she is seeing though. They think I will go crazy or something... I heard Leon had a wooden leg so she broke it off... Sorry that was a terrible pun. I bet your head is all over the place. Wait, Leon had a wooden leg? Fancy a robot with a wooden leg. Ha! and all this time, I thought he was perfect! A robot with a wooden leg! HA! Just nod Carlos, just nod.