CC 160: St. Elmo's Fur by bonwag 12-17-02

I'd love to have a relationship with you, but I'm not really sure you're inanimate. I have a competition to win. But... but... I sensed a spark between us. I've been burned in relationships like this before. All my close relationships have been like that, to some degree. ... but we do get on like a house on fire. Yeah. Sorry about that. I lost control of myself.

CC 160: St. Elmo's Pyre by bonwag 12-17-02

... Okay. I'll do it. I'm out of the Frying Pan, baby. Embrace me, lick me, consume me, you hunka hunka burnin' love.. Come here and let me ravage you. ... Hang on. Did you say 'ravish', or 'ravage'? whoops Woe. Oh, WOE! Why did our love not burn brightly through the ages? Why has the fire gone? You're no fuel.

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exit, pursued by a bear

CC 160: How about a nice can of whoop-ass? by bonwag 12-17-02

I challenge you to a competition of tactics, strategy and logic. I'm game.

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exit, pursued by a bear

Another blast from the past. I always sorta liked this one, though even I'm not sure why:

Random Comic! Bernard by Scyess 7-16-02

Dammit, Bernard, I'm sick and tired of getting the silent treatment from you! I want out! I am an inanimate object. I'm worth more than that, Bernard! I'm leaving you! I've packed my things and I'm going forever! I mean it! Goodbye! I am a sock puppet. I am made of felt and yarn. I am a child's plaything. My entire body cavity is hollow to make room for a person's hand. I am mass-produced in Indonesia. Damn, you Bernard! I my hate myself for it later, but I can't leave you. I love you. Can you ever forgive me? I knew you'd be back, bitch.

And a new one or two:

CC 160: Bad News through the Cordless Rotary Speakerphone by Scyess 12-18-02

Hello, Mrs. Veldimunth? I'm afraid I've got bad news. Your son stole your Ferarri and wrapped it around a VW Beetle at 90 MPH. We're doing what we can, but it's touch-and-go. Oh my God! I'll be right there! Please tell me everything will be all right!! We're doing everything we can. Almost every joint is broken. The wounds might just be cosmetic, but it's hard to tell because of the severe burns all over the body. Please, please let me know as soon as you have any more information. I'm going to go find out what hospital my son's at now. It's not going to be easy to get his blood out of the upholstry, either.

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"Old" is the old new.

Damn... found a typo in one of my comics. It should be fixed now:

CC 160: We All Know Someone like This by Scyess 12-18-02

Ah, my brand-new Sony CLIÉ™ NX70V Palmtop. It has a built in camera and DVD player. It comes with 16 MB of RAM, and a Memory Stick Expansion port. It has a voice recorder, MP3 audio player, and the optional wireless LAN card. It's running Palm OS 5.0.1 and even has a QWERTY keyboard. Holy hell, but I am the shit. Hey, Barry, have you seen my CLIÉ™ NX80V? It's like the NX70V, but it has a built-in bagel slicer. CIRCUIT CITY Holy hell, but I am such a tool. One Sony NX80V; That'll be $900.

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"Old" is the old new.

CC160 - CLSID={645FF040-5081-101B-9F08-00AA002F954E} by kramer_vs_kramer 12-18-02

I'm very disappointed in you. When I smuggled you onto the plane I expected you to be able to fly it to Libya, not set fire to the damn thing and get us arrested. And you call yourself a pilot light.

CC160: Piece of... by maddog00 12-18-02

Why are you doing this to me? I'm tired of your crap. But I didn't do anything... You don't have to. You just stink. B-but I'm not a piece of shit! Don't treat me like one! Yes, you are. Have you looked in the mirror lately?

A second entry...let's hope its better than the first.

CC 160: It's Funny 'Cause It's True by not_Scyess 12-18-02

Yep... 2am. I should be sleepy. But I can't stop thinking about it... 3am and still no sign of sleep. I guess I might as well just give up. At least I tried! *click* After all, I have a comic contest to win! Welcome to sc.com... again, you fucking loser.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

That Explains All The Brown-Eyes I've Been Thrust Into. by ArtemisStrong 12-18-02

We've been through a lot, buddy. Sure have, Bob-o-Baby You're not talking to your ass-probe again, are you Bob? Ass-probe?

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Taking cues from The Onion's Smoove B. by eponine 12-17-02

It's just a matter of time before this one starts hitting on me, too. I'll take you to levels of the sexual stratosphere to which you've never been. Okay.

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"I've got my finger on the pulse of America... and I've got my arm draped casually across the upper thigh of Canada."

She's a harsh mistress. by eponine 12-18-02

... ... Aw, c'mon. What did I do wrong this time? Hmph. If you don't already know, I'm certainly not going to tell you.

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"I've got my finger on the pulse of America... and I've got my arm draped casually across the upper thigh of Canada."

CC 160: Dummy vs. Dummy - Part 1 by BigEvilDan 12-18-02

Was that Al Gore? What did he want? He was letting me know that isn't going to run in 2004. Well, that's good. The 2000 election was a close call. I dunno, Dick. After he told me, he let out an evil laugh. I wonder what he's up to. Meanwhile... Ah good, my mannequin is here. Now we enter phase two...

CC 160: Dummy vs. Dummy - Part 2 by BigEvilDan 12-18-02

Al Gore joined the race for president today, announcing his intent to run in a small, quiet press conference. Why, that no good double crosser! He said he wasn't going to run. Gore remained quiet about his plans, allowing his advisors to answer most of the questions. Hmm... he looks stiffer than usual. I seem to remember him blinking occasionally... and breathing. Running as Gore's vice president is Cal Gore, a previously unknown twin brother of the former VP. I think something fishy is going on here.

CC 160: Dummy vs. Dummy - Part 3 by BigEvilDan 12-18-02

Good luck in the debate tonight, Al. You're not even going to wish me luck in return? Then I hope you lose, you inconsiderate fuck! You're right, Al. I'm sorry for losing my temper.

CC 160: Dummy vs. Dummy - Part 4 by BigEvilDan 12-18-02

Question 1: Terrorism continues to be a threat to our country. How do you plan on dealing with it? Well, I plan on explodifying the terrorists until they cease existing. *gasp* The threats to our nation have left Gore speechless. He'll deal with those filthy terrorists! Finally, someone who can stay calm, and won't overreact to external threats. Gore didn't say anything stupid. That's more than I can say for what's-his-face.

CC 160: Dummy vs. Dummy - Part 5 by BigEvilDan 12-18-02

I can't believe I lost the debate. Gore was on fire last night. That wasn't Gore! It was just a dummy. How can people be so stupid as to think that's really him? Didn't public stupidity put us here in the first place? I know. We've been beaten at our own game!

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Yes. I know. Lame.

Tenuous compliance, at best.

CC 160: Teach Time Cube, You Fools. by bonwag 12-18-02

Educators and teachers, ignorant of the Time Cube Principle, are evil liars and unfit to live in Earth's Garden of Eden. If you believe the academic erroneous word god, you will die stupid and evil Any dumb ass should know that a prime meridian does not just pass through the Greenwich point, but it also passes as a great circle through both poles There are 4 simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of the Earth You may be too damn evil to accept it Man, settle down and open your presents. They're not all cubes, you know. Jeez, I hate spending Christmas with you sometimes. Ignoring Time Cube is Evil, dumbass. Cool! Blank CDs!

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exit, pursued by a bear

There were a number of excellent entries everyone. I have listed a few below that I found particularly amusing.

Tasty - The Worst Thing Being felt up by one of the 1-800-YOURETARD spokespeople: a fate worse than death.

boinky33 - Phone Triangle "So you've gone cordless" is one of the best one-liners I've heard in a while.

Scyess - Boring People "3 million years of geothermal pressure to reach you" Geology humor isn't something one sees implemented well these days. Well done!

Kaufman - Karpov Tunnel Syndrome An excellent pun and a great turn on chess tactics.

punkrockskaboy - Bedroom Antics The fumbling bit is so accurate it sounds autobiographical.

Honorable Mentions:

Scyess' We All Know Someone Like This - Because I am that someone.

Big Evil Dan's Dummy vs. Dummy - Very amusing, but Bush is too easy a target. :P

And without further adeiu and no more fanfare, an absence of long winded preparation, speeches, ticker tape parades, dogs riding bicycles, Tango dancing monkeys or Bette Midler beatings I award Comic Contest# 160 to . . . . Scyess!

Congratulations, and good work. You have command.

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The woman said, "Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea." Churchill replied "madame, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

HISSS!!!!!!!

A nemesis of yours, Boinky?

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The woman said, "Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea." Churchill replied "madame, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

No.

That's what you think. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-- *cough*... ahem...

New contest presently...

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"Old" is the old new.

Another mention...am I doomed to get a mention in EVERY competition I enter, but never a win? *Sigh*

J/k...good show scyess

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

At least you GOT an honorable mention.

I really thought I could get one with mine. :-(

At least you had an idea you could enter.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet