Translation: If I'm not just talking, I win.

Which I just did.

I was expecting that response. Figuring you'd rather call me a liar than admit defeat. In your defense though, I can see how it might seem unbelievable. You don't meet someone that can drink a hundred shots everyday. You also don't meet someone that weighs 400 pounds everyday.

Which you just did.

My house. Now if I can just get out of the bed.

Over here. Grossly overweight. But robbing a passed out bunner of his wallet.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

So....

You're still.... talking.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Goddamn, bunner. Never realized how stubborn you were. Okay, I'm lying, made up the fact that I have obesity just as a ploy to win an asinine alcohol argument, one that increases our geekiness by even participating in it, and you still are the toughest drinker on your island and can sleep well. Feel better?

Add meaningless "So you're talking" reply here. Or hell, maybe even something substanitive.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

If only you two saps didn't live on opposite ends of the country. I'd pay to see this one. 'Cause somebody would be eating his words. It'd be just like that scene in the beginning of the first Indiana Jones movie, only one of you wouldn't be a hot chick and that spooky Nazi with the thick glasses wouldn't show up and abduct one of you.

Clash of the Titans by gabe_billings 9-22-01

How's the drinking contest going? It's hard to say. Between the two of them they're nearing the end of the second case. We're looking for more booze. Four hours later... Any news? I think bunner bit off more than he could chew. He's past the surly stage and now he's just looking glazed. Six AM the next morning... So how did it end? Bunner's in the ER getting his stomach pumped. Obi drank everything left in the house, including the rubbing alchohol and then started eating the tables.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

quote:

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Goddamn, bunner. Never realized how stubborn you were. Okay, I'm lying, made up the fact that I have obesity just as a ploy to win an asinine alcohol argument, one that increases our geekiness by even participating in it, and you still are the toughest drinker on your island and can sleep well. Feel better?

Add meaningless "So you're talking" reply here. Or hell, maybe even something substanitive.

---

Fucker.

That was actually a hard thing to admit. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because when you're a big fat bastard like me, you get judged differently in public, so it's nice to have a place like the internet to go where you're not.

Oh well, hope my comics are just as funny.

(Please commence all the you'll need both sides of the panel if DexX draws you, ObiJo so fat comments now. Seriously. It will be cathartic. :)

I'm on vacation, but am an insomniac so I spend all hours of the morning screwing around on my laptop till I can fall asleep. Speaking of which, I think that time has finally come.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Let me get this straight:

I invited you to my house for a friendly drinking contest, paid-for whiskey, a limo ride home, and you're mad at me.

Ok.

I give up.

It's official.

Night, folks.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

If I offended, I apologize. After your descriptions of your drinking sessions I had a vision of you as an unstoppable alchohol consumption machine, and I wasn't sure what you'd do where there was none left.

quote:

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That was actually a hard thing to admit. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because when you're a big fat bastard like me, you get judged differently in public, so it's nice to have a place like the internet to go where you're not.

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quote:

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a limo ride home

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Hey, where did that fight come from???

It just... I... *boggle*

We all have to stop swallowing handfuls of these grumpy pills, myself included...

Can we have a group hug now?

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Duel by gabe_billings 4-05-01

All right Obi-Crackpipe. I'm sick of your shit. It's time to bring down the thunder. We'll settle this mano a mano. I'm gonna open up a can o' whupass on you. And not just any can. One of those Campbell Big 'n' Chunky ones. Time to rip shit up. Time to pay the fiddler. Time to cancel my subscription to Columbia House. You mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns. Let's do this thing. Or maybe we should just go get a latte. Suits me. I'll drive.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Time For a Head Thumpin' by gabe_billings 4-06-01

What is this shit? Can't follow the rules? I'll show this fishoutofbeer dude a thing or two. Better get some backup, though. Obi, my man. There's some ass kickin' that has to be done and you and me are just the guys to do it. That's what I like to hear, bitch. We're gonna get medieval on his ass. I've got just the thing. Eels? Eels.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

A Monkey in the Wrench by gabe_billings 4-06-01

Well, that certainly could have gone better, Obi. We got our asses kicked from here to Tuesday. And back again. How the hell was I supposed to know he was a Hell's Angel? And that the gang was having a cookout at his house? We'll need to spend a little more time on recon next time. Know thine enemy, and all that. Hey, I managed to drip a little on his copy of 'Maxim' while those guys were dunking me in the toilet. Good boy.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I'll wager anyone here, including JrnymnNate, could drink me under the table. I rarely drink any more. Cold sobriety is my current drug of choice.

*sob*

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Some are just colossaler than others.

I can relate MobiJo, eh, ObiJo. My wife and I together add up to over 550 pounds of big-assed love. I know that people look at us and just assume we're weak-willed, lazy-ass gluttons, but that couldn't be closer to the truth. Uh, farther, I mean.

At any rate, I don't give two hoots about the opinion of those who judge me differently because of my girth. People that shallow are not worth worrying about. If it means I am more likely to get passed over for promotions by clueless managers or threesomes with cheerleaders, so be it. I'd rather win people over with my mind than with my body. People who are worth a damn recognize the qualities that really matter, I think.

OK, time to get off of my fat horse...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Back to the geeking:

How's this for geekery? My boyfriend and I have a date tonight with another couple to play Super Mario Party as a drinking game.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

We'll have to remember not to all ride together if we ever have a Stripcreator meet. I'm around 260, and if you, me and Obi all tried to jam into a Honda Civic or some other wussy car, it probably wouldn't move.

Which wouldn't be a big deal, 'cause I'm sure we could just hoist it up on our shoulders and manhandle it wherever we needed it.

And if we did go out drinking, Obi could get drunk vicariously through us and it would probably only cost about five bucks. I managed to miss that period in college where everyone was getting blitzed, and I really don't have a taste for beer so I usually don't end up drinking when I go out (which isn't frequently). I can think of numerous occaisons where I've gotten a nice buzz going about halfway through a glass of wine.

You'd think all this weight would be good for something, but apparently not. I need a bionic liver.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Damn, I'm gonna look like an insect next to all of youse.

An insect with a big red nose.

Hey, I'll bet I can drink more for my weight than anyone here.

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What others say about boorite!

Gabe, all it takes is practice. Drink morning and night, every day. NEVER skip a day or your tolerance begins to slip. Before you know it, you'll be able to put away half a pint of Jack on the way to a job interview and not even notice. Bring mints, though.

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What others say about boorite!

Yknow, I used to be a soft, fat, sluglike thing, until I realized that I didn't like being that way. Within a month I was up to doing 290 push-ups a day.

Of course, I still ate the same junk I always did, so they sort of canceled each other out, and now I'm 146 pounds, with no fat or muscles.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

I see it as a minor annoyance. To me, bigger sins against nature are astroturf, symmetrical outfields, the strike zones umps call, Jackson and Rose not in Cooperstown, more than 60 seconds of commercials between half-innings, and 5 bucks for a small cup of pisswater. I'm still undecided on "No Pepper Games."

DH = 8.5
Astroturf = 10
Symmetrical outfields = 6
Strike zones umps call = 4
Jackson not in Cooperstown = 9
Rose not in Cooperstown = 1 (just out of spite)
More than 60 seconds of commercials between half-innings = 7
5 bucks for a small cup of pisswater = 10.5
"No Pepper" games = 4

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

quote:

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Yknow, I used to be a soft, fat, sluglike thing, until I realized that I didn't like being that way. Within a month I was up to doing 290 push-ups a day.

Of course, I still ate the same junk I always did, so they sort of canceled each other out, and now I'm 146 pounds, with no fat or muscles.

---

Wait a minute.... Did you say 100 shots? That's not a typo?

:- /

o O ( Damn. )

I didn't know you lived in Arizona, Obi... but...

*whew*

I couldn't do half that many and still live.

bunner
over here,
on a small island,
standing corrected

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Tell you what Obi. I'll take you up on your bet. But only if we can drink Antifreeze.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Let's all hang out here in the chubby corner...

I was fat-free until I was about 22 or so, when I got a deskjob, my metabolism slowed down, and moved in with my girlfriend (now wife) and another bloke who both had diets as bad as mine, so I never really felt the compulsion to improve it. I currently weigh 50% more than I did five years ago.

*does some mental maths*

Let's see... 120kg, double to 240, add 10% = 240 + 24 = around 248lb. I used to be a skinny guy with heavy bones, hovering around 80-85kg (175-200lb) mark.

In regards to drinking, I used to be able to put more away when I was skinnier, becauser I drank more then and my general health was better. I know (well, knew - he buggered off owing us money, so we are unlikely to see him again) a guy who was around 180kg back in 1993. He came to visit us in Melbourne back in 1998 or so, and... he was bigger. I remember talking to my wife at work after I met him at the station. The conversation went like this:

"I went and got L, Bec, and... uh..."
"What?"
"He's bigger."
"He's what?"
"Bigger. Bigger than back in uni."
"Are you sure?"

etc...

He lived with us in Melbourne for almost a year before going to another town to live with his girlfriend (who was about 4' 11" and weighed maybe 40kg, but that is another, horribly disturbing, story) and when he left he was approximately 250kg (550lb). I have no real sympathy for the guy, since he had no metabolic problems to excuse it. He was just terminally lazy and ate huge amounts of junk and little else.

I am wandering... Anyway, all of this impressive bulk did nothing for his liquor-holding capabilities. At less than half his weight, I could drink twice as much as him and be less drunk. He was also an obnoxious drunk, too... but again, that is another story...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.