All comics by ladyjdotnet

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by ladyjdotnet
5-09-01
I WILL SUCK OUT YOUR EYEBALLS AND SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!
THE HALLS OF HELL WILL ECHO WITH YOUR SCREAMS!
you know, all i really want is to be loved.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-09-01
all clear?
yes!
salty, chewy, boogery goodness!

 

So... it's just us now?
Yep.
by ladyjdotnet, 5-09-01

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-09-01
You're supposed to, like, want gum now, or something.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-09-01
If you tell me a little bit more about your long lost son, perhaps I can help reunite you with him.
Well, he was the son of a carpenter, and very sweet and good, and he had holes in his hands.
Father?!?!
Pinocchio?!?!

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-09-01
It's all his fault that we're being punished. I'm so mad! I hate him.
I'm never going to forgive him. I bet he's all happy he got me in trouble. Look at him. He's so smug. He's plotting against me. I hate him.
Shiny things are pretty.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-09-01
1-900-tusk luv $2.95 the first minute, $1.95 each additional minute.
1-900-tusk luv $1.95 the first minute, $0.45 each additional minute.
1-800-tusk luv. Please call?
ring
Yay!

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-09-01
You wanna go hit the bars?
Nah.
Something always makes people laugh at us when we walk into a bar together.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-09-01
I'm scarier than you.
I'm scarier than you.
You win.
I know.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-12-01
I, Marvin the robot, have sad news for sci-fi and humor lovers everywhere.
Douglas Adams, aged 49, died suddenly of a heart attack yesterday. He is survived by his wife, Jane, and his daughter, Polly...
...and me. Why couldn't it have been me? I didn't even want to be built in the first place!

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-12-01
I'm still very sad and troubled that Douglas Adams is dead at age 49.
Of course, it would have been ideal if he'd kicked off at 42!
Sorry.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-12-01
Poor Douglas.
I hope he had his towel with him.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-14-01
Awww man. The goverment used my tax refund to pay a creditor.
This blows goats.
Sign me up!

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-14-01
No one at work knew who Joey Ramone was when I informed them of his passing.
No one at work knew who Douglas Adams was when I told them he had died, too.
If Jennifer Lopez kicked off, I bet they'd make it a paid holiday.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-15-01
I'm all outta whack.
I guess I'll have to order some more whack.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-16-01
...natural
...painful
...like, bogus, man
...not for free
...better with others
Hey, that was a haiku!

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-16-01
I'm so glad I got cable modem access!
Now I can sit here with writer's block that much faster!

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-19-01
Jesus CHRIST, my head hurts.
poof
Here I am, dying for your sins, and you called me for a HEADACHE?

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-21-01
Captain Monosyllabic waits in his underground lair, ready to zoom into action at the next call for justice!
ring-ring!
Yo!
Like the Shadow, Captain Monosyllabic also knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men...
Quickly! We need help from Captain Monosyllabic! Who's this?
Hmmm!
...he just isn't able to say it.
You can't pronounce your own name, can you, Captain Monosyllabic.
No!

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-30-01
Don't these people understand the concept of a PREDETERMINED contest end time?
I mean, Jesus Christ!
poof
Forgive them. they know not what they do.

 

by ladyjdotnet
6-02-01
Goddammit! The wind blew my toupee away again!
This happens all the damned time!
I'm going to spend the rest of my life ordering hair!

 

by ladyjdotnet
6-02-01
So, what did the psychiatrist say?
He said that he can't help me.
There are no drugs he can prescribe for your condition?
Nope. Nothing can snap me out of the belief that I'm a comb.
So, what are you going to do?
I'm going to spend the rest of my life ordering hair!

 

by ladyjdotnet
6-18-01
LadyJ, you've caught the bouquet at the last 7 weddings you've attended. Give it back so I can throw it again.
What? No way! I caught it fair and square!
J, we all know you'll never get married. Give someone else a chance.
Why do I have to give it back? Ranma X gets to keep what he caught!
Did you _see_ the bridesmaid he left with? He won't _want_ to keep what he's caught.

 

by ladyjdotnet
7-19-01
Whoa! You're from New YORK? What made you decide to move to CLEVELAND?
Well my life just kinda stagnated, and it was time for a ch- hey, where ya goin'?
So, yer from Cleveland? Why would you want to move to NEBRASKA?
Well, I'm really from NYC originally. I dunno.. sometimes my life just makes me wanna pick up an- hey, where ya goin'?
One day, perhaps...
...and so because my life just got boring where I was, I decided that trying a new place would be a good experiment. So now I'm trying San Francisco.
That's like, soooo deep. Wow. You're like, wise and stuff.

 

by ladyjdotnet
8-17-01
Is he still there?

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-06-01
I've been informed by wirthling in the forums that I have not created enough comics.
I'm told that I have to make 3 comics by the end of the day. The subject matter's even been predetermined for me.
It's like being a professional writer, except I'll never get paid for it... wait. I guess it's exactly like being a professional writer.

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-06-01
Oh my goodness! What happened to your backside?
Tobor reamed my ass.
Really? Tobor usually only reams human males.
Well, that's not exactly what I meant...
Wow, this new line of donkeyass paper is really nice. I'll take a bundle of 400 sheets.
CAN TOBOR HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING ELSE OR WOULD YOU LIKE TOBOR TO RING YOU UP NOW?!?!!

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-06-01
...so instead of going with regular curtains, I'm thinking that Levelor blinds and a long piece of fabric as a swag would work better aesthetically.
My, yes. It would probably be the best option from a Feng Shui aspect, as well, since the...
ummm.
I swear. We were talking about fucking donkeys up the ass. We were NOT talking about something as gay as Feng Shui.
Right.

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-06-01
I'm constantly subjected to anal penetration in these comics.
Yeah, but dude... you're in *so many* comics lately.
I don't think you understand. I get violated. Anally. Repeatedly.
What I wouldn't give to be starring in as many comics as you do.
Would you allow yourself to be rammed up the ass all the time in order to be in so many comics?
Allow? Shit... I thought that was one of the perks!

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-06-01
You all know why this meeting's been called. We have to do something about these new characters coming in and usurping our positions!
I hardly ever get cast anymore since that psycho squirrel came along. I'm not going to make enough in residuals to pay the nut bill. Johnny changed his name and won't return my phone calls!
And what about me? What happens to me when that crabby character gets drawn, huh? I'll tell you what happens! I'll get shitcanned! That's what!
Well, I'm not going to wait for them to fire me. I'm quitting!
Meanwhile...
So, why aren't you at the meeting?
Eh, either I get fired or I don't. One way or another, I get fucked up the ass. Why gripe?

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-07-01
Austin Powers Eight! Scene twelve! Take fourteen!
Like dad, I'm 43 years old. Let me live my own life already! I'm a very successful record producer.
An eeeeeevil record producer?
If you don't knock off that pathetic, autistic behavior, I'm going to stick your ass in a nursing home!
An eeeeeevil nursing home?

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-08-01
...so that's all there is to walking into the wind. We'll do invisible walls tomorrow, and starting next week, we're in whiteface, so no talking!

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-11-01
Jess! I heard that your mom works in the World Trade Center. What have you heard? Have you heard anything yet? Are you calling New York now? Is that a_phone_against_your_ear?
I don't know yet! I'm trying to find out! I can't get in touch with anybody! I promise I'll let you know as soon as_I_know_anything.
Do you know anything yet? How about now? How about now? Now? How about now?
I'm on the phone now. Can you give me a sec? ... Whew! Okay. My mom was safely evacuated.
Wow! How many people died? What was she wearing? What's her sign? What floor does she work on?
Does it matter? They're all ground floor, now.

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-15-01
Drink and gamble all you like, folks.
You're covered.
I died for it already.

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-15-01
This mirror's seriously broken.

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-15-01
Can I talk to you for a moment about Jesus?
No.
Encyclopedias?
Ginsu knives?

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-15-01
o/` I want to make love on a train... cross country... Eroti- eroti- put your hands all over my body... o/`
Oops. I thought this was a comic strip writing course.
Damn. I had hoped that the instructor would be female.
So, do the breakaway pants come with the tuition, or are they extra?

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-18-01
TOBOR IS AWFULLY SORRY.
*sigh* That's ok, big guy. We all have bad days. Here, have a cup of coffee.
OH, NO. TOBOR NEEDS TO CUT DOWN ON CAFFEINE.
Hmmm, well, then. Is there anything else I can get for you?
RAAAAAR! GET TOBOR A MANRAPE SANDWICH!
Alright, then! We're back! Places please!

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-21-01
....Slut!..................... ................Witch!........ .............Dyke!..........
....Bitch!...................... .................Whore!.... .....Fuckwad!.............
....Skank!............ .........Shithead!.. .............................
...Gutterslut!........... .............Fuckhead!. .......BAD COOK!!!...
That was out of line.
I'm so sorry. I totally take that back. Oh man, don't cry.

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-24-01
Whatcha doing?
I'm taking a purity test. Does a nun count as a religious official?
Yep.
Okay, but what about the day before she took her vows? I mean, we were in a church.
Hmmm, that's a good ques- wait a minute. You drove a woman to chastity?
I prefer to see it as "almost saving a woman from chastity."

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-24-01
So you had sex with a woman the day before she took her vows.
Yeah.
Does that make you the worst lover in the world... or so good that she knew she'd never find better?
Well, I look at it this way...
...as much as she loved me, she loved Jesus more.
You ain't just whistlin' dixie, bro.

 

by ladyjdotnet
10-01-01
RAAAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE DATA!!
Cornhole? Accessing... The Federation database has no record of a definition for cornhole.
DATA IS FULLY FUNCTIONAL! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE DATA!!
I still have no definition for cornhole. Please show me what it means to be cornholed.
... RAAAAAR? TOBOR CONFUSED. TOBOR HAS NEVER CORNHOLED WILLING SUBJECT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. ERROR. ::fzzzzt::
That trick works every time.

 

by ladyjdotnet
10-02-01
13 Dali..................................................
................E Artichoke Radio................
.................................................Dali 13

 

by ladyjdotnet
10-09-01
Somewhere in New Mexico, there is a person who hangs out in chat rooms having cyber sex who actually IS an attractive female!
I need to get one of those new force-feedback joysticks...
9 out of 10 wanna-be geeks will use a computer term as a euphemism at least four times a day!
Dude. That's gross.
What? Oh, I'm just defragmenting. Nope, no bad sectors here!
Keyboard covers are not adequate protection against computer viruses!
I just uploaded my file to your mom.

 

by ladyjdotnet
10-22-01
I got a telegram from Grandma.
Oh? Wait, isn't she on her way here?
She was kicked off her flight because she wouldn't give up her knitting needles.
Why did they want her knitting needles?
They were afraid she was going to knit an Afghan.

 

by ladyjdotnet
10-23-01
So, the whole point of Halloween is to dress up as something that people find really scary, right?
I suppose so. Sure.
I think I have my costume idea!
Great!
Or do you think that dressing as an envelope would be too tasteless?
Why don't you dress as the North tower and have a toy plane on a string that you run away from all night?

 

by ladyjdotnet
10-28-01
Jinkies! Now we know that it was really the First Lady of Afghanistan behind the attacks on the U.S.! Looks like this case is closed!
Not so fast! Let's find out who's under that burqa!
Zoinks! It's like, Jacques Cousteau!
Rocque Cousteau?!
That's right! Jacques Cousteau! And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Um, gang... isn't Jacques Cousteau dead? I really think this is probably just some weirdo who enjoys dressing in a burqa.

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-13-01
I've lived in Louisiana, California and Ohio. New York is too scary right now, and Nebraska's too boring. I think I'll call and ask someone for help deciding_where_to_move_next.
Hello? Captain Monosyllabic? Could you help me figure out where I should go?
Sure!
Great! Where should I move next?
Maine!

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-27-01
Since this year is your Golden Birthday, you get a special present from me, the Golden Birthday Gnome!
Golden Birthday? What's that?
It's the day that your age is the same number as the day of the month on which your birthday falls. Well, I'm off. Lots more 27 year olds to see!
Hmm, go figure. Maybe I should have a special Golden Birthday celebration...
Did someone say Golden Shower?
*sigh*

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-28-01
Yes.

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