Final entries for the day:

CC 147: Astronauts Sing, Ride Space Rail by Devin 10-12-02

It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all... It's a small world after all, it's a small, small world! It's a small world after all-- Hey, shut up back there! We're not in Disneyland!

CC 147: Iraq Warns U.N. Weapons Inspectors by Devin 10-12-02

You do NOT want to go in here. Whoooo!

(is this rules-compliant?)

CC 147: U.S. Orders Battle Staffs to Kuwait by Devin 10-12-02

Kuwait theatre of operations This is where we unloaded the weapons shipment, sir. Very good. I'll just take a look here-- What the, broom handles???

CC 147: Wallet Returned After 27 Years — With $37 Still In by Devin 10-12-02

Here's your wallet, sir. W, wow, thanks! I lost this thing so long ago-- Hey, wait a minute, there's only $37 in here. Where's the other 63? And all my credit cards are gone too! Hey, where are you going?

(last word of the title is "inside")

CC 147: Five Things We Know About the D.C.-Area Sniper by Devin 10-12-02

He has a gun, he has bullets, he shoots people, he drives, and he is out there somewhere. Well, I didn't say we knew five USEFUL things...

CC 147: SpongeBob Gaypants by boinky33 10-12-02

In today's news, it has been rumoured that SpongeBob Squarepants, a famous cartoon character is gay. In other news, Donald Duck has been arrested for marajuania possesion and child molestation. ......Mickey was crushed.

Now that is one crush video I wouldn't mind seeing!

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Is it really good-bye for Kyle? (CNN.com, Oct. 12) by israphael 10-13-02

Well, when I first heard he was leaving, maybe for good, I was crushed. Although I never met the guy, I consider him to be a good friend. You know, my character was one of the first ones he drew. I wish him and Becca all the best. You're talking about DexX. Kyle is that tropical storm in the Atlantic ocean, you moron. Oh... never mind.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Snuff maker's settlement could be a first (CNN.com, Oct. 12) by israphael 10-13-02

It has been a long drawn-out battle in the courts. But today, we have reached an agreeement. We are allow to produce and sell our product on two conditions. First, we freely admit that our product knowingly causes death. Second, we will now only film the killing of ugly people.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Space station plumbers finish work (CNN.com, Oct 12) by israphael 10-13-02

It's about time too, I didn't think I could hold it in any longer. But there is one thing I want to know. Which one of you "rocket scientists" decided on an outhouse?

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

CC 147: Congress Authorizes Broad Mandate by NeoVid 10-13-02

So who votes in favor of women being required to give sexual favors to Congressmen? AYE!!!

CC 147: Sniper at Large, Living With Anxiety by NeoVid 10-13-02

They said I could keep this up for weeks without being caught, but are they just saying that to fool me? And if I don't get caught, I'll never be on the news, and this won't make me famous... Damn girlfriend, saying she wouldn't go out with me again until I was the last man on earth.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Yet another washingtonpost.com sniper article:

Puzzle Missing Many Pieces by kaufman 10-13-02

I finished the head, but I can't find the rest of the pieces. Did you take them? I'm not telling!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

AOL's Self-Expression Upgrade by eponine 10-13-02

before: A/S/L? U cyber?!?!?! after: Would I be out of line if I asked you some questions? How old are you and where are you located? Are you female? Would you like to engage in some internet love-making?

This is actually dated the 11th, I think, on the Washington Post website. Oh, well.

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"I've got my finger on the pulse of America... and I've got my arm draped casually across the upper thigh of Canada."

I considered these...

[u]Space station plumbers finish work (CNN.com, Oct 12)[/u] by israphael outhouse.

[u]Sniper Causes Fox Studio to Rethink Film's Debut [/u] by Big Evil Dan "ethical dilemma"

[u]CC147: Nicolas Cage Sells Comic Books for $1.6 Million[/u] by deucepm "Yeah. I figure you owe me money ..."

[u]CC147: FBI to Offer "Graphic Aid" (AP)[/u] by evil_d "All I'm saying is, hysterical laughter is really distracting..."

[u]Snuff maker's settlement could be a first (CNN.com, Oct. 12)[/u] by israphael -esoterically dark.

[u]w/o Warning - Dozens missing in Chechnya blast (CNN.com) [/u] by Mack_J "I bought more beer..."

[u]CC 147:Fur Flies in Critter Crowd Over Fate of Feral Felines[/u] by Scyess "-- let's get this right in the next take before the acid wears off."

[u]CC 147: Jury Awards $2.2 Billion To Victim of Diluted Drugs[/u] by Scyess "kick his ass out of my court."

I laughed most at kaufman's...

[u]Fear Comes to Prince William (Wash. Post, Oct. 11)[/u] by kaufman

Fear Comes to Pr. William (Wash. Post, Oct. 11) by kaufman 10-11-02

What if the people who killed my mother come after me? What if I start to look like my father, and all the polo ponies he's ridden accidentally take out their revenge on me? What if Grandmum decrees that I should be beheaded? I'm scared.

[b]Congratulations, kaufman and thanks to those in the critter crowd who contributed.

You all may have found other strips humorous but, as a judge of only complying entries, I can not make honourable mention. So... feel free to give your colleagues recognition.[/b]

Hmmmm.... I'm 2-for-2 with Royal Family refs. Will need to remember that. New rules tonight.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

It's too bad this contest had to end so soon.

Meat producer recalls 27.4 million pounds of deli products by evil_d 10-14-02

Yeh, I recollect them 27.4 million pounds of deli products, alright. Back in ought-four, it was. That's right, jes' after the Great Deli Drought of nineteen-ought-three. Why, it was my deli products what ended the drought! Fer months, there weren't nary a slice of salami to be found east of the Mississippi, but with a little ol'-fashioned gumption, I set things right. Y'see, it all started on account o' Jebediah Wilson buyin' up more cattle than he had a use for. Now ol' Jebediah, he was always thinkin' how to make a buck....

Falwell apologizes for 'Muhammad was a terrorist' comment by evil_d 10-14-02

I'd like to apologize for my recent statement that the Muslim prophet Muhammed was a terrorist. This comment was made in the heat of the moment, and I was not thinking very clearly. Naturally, what I meant to say is that Muhammed was a fucking heathen, lying, asshole terrorist sand Currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by!

http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/Northeast/10/13/meat.recall.ap/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/South/10/14/falwell.islam.ap/index.html

(The second article doesn't use the headline I used, but that's the headline it was linked with on the front page.)

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!