First of all my apologies if this appears multiple times again, but my browser is possessed, or just doesn't like PHP or something.

Secondly the standard of gags has been top of the range guys, for what it's worth give yourselves all a pat on the back from me!

Third:

CC 167: A more serious problem... by jes_lawson 1-28-03

Hey Doc! My elbow is bleeding! I think you're a little confused. Firstly, that's not your elbow, it's your anus My...anus is bleeding? Gee, is it serious, Doc? I don't know, but what's more serious is that Rene Zellweger really needs to put more thought into who she sends to collect her Oscar...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Party Animals by kaufman 1-27-03

Democratic Party My heart is bleeding. Republican Party My wallet is bleeding. Sub-m7's Party My anus is bleeding.

Coming soon: The Clotted Anii Only Club.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

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Sorry, boorite, I didn't see your anus bleeding up there before I posted mine. Since I worked in the Johnny Hart Tribute, I don't feel like a total fushing fief.

Forgive a noob, eh?

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CC 167: Tears Of A Clown by bonwag 1-28-03

Please explain to our viewers why you're planning to Pole-Sit for Peace. I'm gonna mount that statue over there as a sign of my support for a peaceful resolution. You're literally putting your ass on the line, here. One slip and, well... Yessir, I'm taking a big risk. "But innocent lives are worth more than my anus is." Bleeding Heart Liberals.

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exit, pursued by a bear

Bonwag's use of the clown character inspired this:

Kids, Don't Try This at Home! by kaufman 1-28-03

We now return to the Super Bowl Ha ha, did you see that commercial? I've got to try that. Three days later .... Hey bartender, give me a Bud Light! Coming right up. AIIIIIIEEEE!!! My anus is bleeding!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

The Druid of Homealonehenge by Namgubed 1-28-03

Come back here and take your medicine like the others! AAIIEEE!! MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!!

For those who need extra background for this comic, see this.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

CC167: Following suit by maddog00 1-28-03

Mai! Hey, Nes is bleeding. What? What happened to him? Ha, ha. Just kidding. This is my cheap way to get a second comic in the competition. You couldn't just say "My anus is bleeding?" and go on with that instead of being creative like the others? That'd be too easy. And anyway, you just ruined it. Oops...you friggin' copycat.

I would like kaufman's "Party Animals" better if I knew who/whatthehell Sub-m7 was. Very good despite my ignorance.

Try this one on...

CC 167: Outtakes by zaphodb_12 1-28-03

Hey, sexy, you waiting for a bad girl or a-nus one? *giggle* She said, "Anus." *snirk* What's my line, again? *chortle* Just don't tell Steven Speilberg, okay? Why would I share the hemodynamics of my rectum with anyone? I swear I won't ride you as hard this time, Horace. Thanks, Roland, but my anus is still...itching?

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you earthlings are too uptight, man

Haha. You will soon find out who Sub_M7 is...he is back. Unfortunately.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

Reading the CC 142 thread in this forum should give you a bit of a background.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

And he still has a butt that wont quit.

Peebles and Pablo: He should really get that checked. by Mastah_Disastah 1-28-03

Sure was nice of that serial killer to let you go. Yeah. Fuck you. I think my anus is bleeding.

CC 167: Boss by not_Scyess 1-27-03

Hey... what are you doing with that! Oh my god! Aaahhh! Help! Oh, no! My pancreas is bleeding! I done it, boss. We're sure to win the comic contest now. No, you idiot, can't you even follow the most basic instructions? ANUS, not pancreas, you stupid, imbicilic, incompetent toad of a... Sorry... allow me to correct my mistake... Gah! My anus is bleeding!

CC 167: Ouch by not_Scyess 1-27-03

Honey, I want to apologize for being such an asshole the other day. That's okay, dear. You may be an asshole, but at least you're MY asshole. But I've got some news for you: I'm pregnant! Oh, my gosh! You mean...! Yes! My anus is breeding! What? That's it? That's the joke? That's awful. Is the reader supposed to make the "asshole - anus" connection? Jesus! Who writes this shit? I'm going to complain to Mr. Stevens. I don't think I can take much more of this.

and even worse than that...

Make It Stop! by not_Scyess 1-28-03

I heard that they're going to take away our comfy straw beds! Oh, no! My hay-nest is leaving! Look, if you want to be in this porno, you're going to have to make your small breasts look bigger by puffing your chest out more. What? You don't like the way my A-cup is heaving? Wow... I had no idea you could eat peanuts with your ass. Sshhh... I need to use all my concentration when my anus is feeding.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

CC 167: Equine Expiry Shall Not Corporal Punishment Prevent by bonwag 1-28-03

One upon a time, there lived a young pig (who looked remarkably like a donkey). He had few friends, so set about building his own games console. I am aged 13 to 25. He made it out of straw, which was in abundant supply. killer All was well. One day, the sheep got loose and began eating his creation. baa My hay NES is bleating.

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exit, pursued by a bear

flog, flog, flog.

CC 167: Language Lessons by kaufman 1-28-03

That was much better. You almost have the accent down pat. You practically sound exactly like a 13th century native Central American. But your sibilants still need to have more of a hopeless desperation to them. Do you understand what I mean? I think so. What I need to remember is ... Mayan esses pleading.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

haha.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

Public Service Announcement by fuzzyman 1-28-03

This is you. This you after too much buttsex. My anus is bleeding! Any questions? STILL BLEEDING!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

CC 167: Post-Mortem Equiniferous Flagellation Continueth by bonwag 1-28-03

Aiee! Mercy! THAT's for the half-assed job you did on The Flintstones. THAT's for Honey, I Shrunk The Kids. THAT's for SpaceBalls. THAT THAT and THAT is for Little Shop Of Horrors. Wah! What about Ghostbusters? I even wrote some of that! OK, fair enough. But THAT's for Ghostbusters 2.   *   Hey, guys, come see! Rick Moranis is bleeding!

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exit, pursued by a bear

He is NOT back. A regular's just screwing with you guys.

Ha Ha! That was teh funny!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Bad Medicine by BigEvilDan 1-29-03

Doc, you've got to help me! My anus is bleeding! No it's not. You're just having your period. That doesn't make any sense. I demand a second opinion! Okay, it's made you moody and irritable.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

(GROANING!)

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

CC167: An Excerpt From A Romance Novel by UnknownEric 1-29-03

Scarlet Chase loved all three of the Niss Brothers; Peter, Steven and Duncan, and was distraught when they went to fight in the Civil War. When the Union Army invaded Richmond, the Nisses fought valiantly right outside Scarlet's front door. And when Peter was shot, Scarlet was heard to shout, "My! A Niss is bleeding!"

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I has a flavor!

Some People Just Can't Tell a Joke by kaufman 1-29-03

Hey, I've got a good joke. You know why Jupiter's Great Red Spot is the second biggest red spot in the solar system? No, why is it? Because Uranus is bleeding! Ha ha ha, good one. I'll have to remember that. Susan, you know why Jupiter's Great Red Spot is the second biggest red spot in the solar system? Because my anus is bleeding! Check, please!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Peebles and Pablo: Okay, okay, I'll stop teasing them... by Mastah_Disastah 1-30-03

What? Hey! He put us back in our bodies! THANK GOODNESS! ...Wait, why do I feel like a large amount of time has passed? My penis smells funny. My anus is bleeding.