Wishy Washy by ragu4u 8-26-10

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, You'd grant this wish, I wish tonight! Geez...all I wanted was a hand cleaning up around here. ahem...

Fair & Balanced Justice by ragu4u 8-27-10

New Mexico I'm here to interview Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Actually, he's over in the jailhouse beating up some Mexican immigrants. I'm sure you mean "illegal" immigrants, right? Hey Sheriff Joe don't discriminate. Explain. In order for them ALL to be treated fairly, he beats the crap out of every one of em. Are you stupid or what?

Small World by ragu4u 8-27-10

I don't recall boxcars having portholes. This is a freakin tramp steamer, dude. Note to self: ..."Never hop trains when drunk". Your virgin ass is all mine fella! My name isn't fella.....it's Sal.....Sal Monella. Go easy buddy or you'll wind up with egg on yer face. Of all the cargo holds, of all the ships, on all the oceans, he has to walk into MINE!

Teaching..."Phoning It In" by ragu4u 8-27-10

Mrs. Buttfukel, we've decided our Senior trip should go to Mexico this year. Oh my goodness. Drug gangs are killing youths by the hundreds there. Cool idea, don't ya think? I'll make a call and have you all on a plane in an hour.

You Ain't Proved Nuthin by ragu4u 8-27-10

And then Jonah was swallowed by the whale. Yeah, right Now Jonah stayed there quite a while until the whale finally sneezed him out his blow hole. Stop right there. Just how gullable do you think I am? Well, I...uh.... You're not talking to JoAnn Chiakulas, here.

The Power of "Celebrity" by ragu4u 8-28-10

Mr. President, Glenn Beck has about a half a million folks gathered in the "National Mall". Really? Oh my God! Looks like this "Restore Honor" thing has taken off, big time. It sure does. Well sir, what are you going to do? Do? I wanna get the hell down there & get Glenn's autograph before that idiot "Sharpton" breaks things up!

On Second Thought....

G'head, pull my tusk!

by ragu4u, 8-28-10

Find the Newbie by ragu4u 8-28-10

Well, here we are at the start of yet another "Burning Man" festival. Ya know what the best part of the entire week is for me? What? When we set the wicker man ablaze on the final night. Oh shit!

Optimizing the Moment by ragu4u 8-29-10

Recently on British Airways... I thought the flight was going smashingly. It was, but the pilot accidently pushed the "CRASH" announcement button.... AH ha...go on. ...so he figured..."What the hell, crash the son of a bitch." Damnit all...it's just about tea time too.

The Usual by ragu4u 8-29-10

So how long do you strippers plan to picket my church? Until your church stops picketing our strip club. C'mon, it's Sunday. Would $1000.00 be enough to get you to leave today? Ok, but just for today. I'll write you a check. No. Just stick the cash in my panties like you normally do.

Point of View by ragu4u 8-29-10

Is this the most suitable job your employment agency could find for me? According to the profile you filled out.... ...you said you had been both a politician and a financial advisor. True. Well, I don't see the problem.

Turn Around Is Fair Play by ragu4u 8-29-10

$100 says I know something you CAN'T do! Really? And what might THAT be? Turn around and face me but keep the sword in your right hand. Surely you jest! Five twentys will be great... and don't call me Shirley! I hate you!

Animal Crackers by ragu4u 8-30-10

I trampled two men having sex in the woods last night. Didn't they even try to move. Uh uh. They just froze like a queer in the headlights. You're awful.

Hasenfeffer by ragu4u 8-30-10

You afraid? Well, you have been known to be very picky. That nothing to be afraid of. I'm afraid of ANYONE who splits hares.

The Harder They Fall.... by ragu4u 9-01-10

In New York today, a man drops forty stories & still survives. Unbelievable! He never should have tried to carry that many books at once.

The Outcast Pt.1 by ragu4u 9-01-10

Yes, I'm ragu4u. So "Crabby" sent you, huh? Well...are you gonna say anything or not? Hello? HELLO???? So, a Quaker shunning wasn't good enough. Now he's got the Amish shunning me, too!

The Outcast Pt.2 by ragu4u 9-01-10

I don't know this "Crabby" fellow. Actually I'm a Mormon. A "Many Wives" kinda Mormon? Why, yes! I gotta bowl of condoms inside. Why not let me test drive a few em? Remarkable. He's achieved a shunning "Triple Play".

A Little Off the Top by ragu4u 9-01-10

The Logging industy has laid off hundreds of lumberjacks who are now reduced to doing almost anything to feed their families. Even so, as they look for work some haven't lost their sense of humor. Circumcision?

The "Only Child" by ragu4u 9-02-10

Not Bigworm again? Uh uh. This time it's Steven Hawking. Now he's saying you weren't needed to create the universe. That guy is beginning to piss me off. I never would have guessed by looking at him. Sarcasm, eh? How'd you like to look like Alfred E. Newman? That whole Santa Clause look of yours seems to be buttering your bread nicely.

So Much For Technology by ragu4u 9-02-10

One for "Avatar". Sorry. I can't sell you a ticket. Why not? They don't make 3-D monocles.

MyShitty by ragu4u 9-03-10

Yes, I'm Robert Rodriguez, how may I help you? I wanna now why you didn't book me in your latest film? Why would I book a dung beetle into a movie called "Machete"? Machete? Yeah, "Machete"! Nevermind.

Nabbed

I think the usher saw us sneak in!

by ragu4u, 9-04-10

School Dazed by ragu4u 9-04-10

Well, now begins another school year. I sure hope it's better than last year. *sigh* Ahh, good times!

Shoulda Went With Shag by ragu4u 9-05-10

Michelle, did you redecorating the Oval Office? Why? It looks horrible and a quote on the rug is wrong. Which one? The one from MLK Jr. that says..."Next time, bring me a white bitch". When I heard the rug came from "David Duke Carpet World" I was a liitle pensive.

2 Months To Go by ragu4u 9-05-10

60 days till Halloween. That old grizzled hag look makes for a nice costume. Costume? Oh, oh. Here it comes... I don't take shit from pie filling!