Star Power

Worst plague of locusts in 75 years hits Australia. Locusts are tacky. I bet Jeff Goldblum would never play one!

by ragu4u, 9-25-10

"Illiterati" by ragu4u 9-26-10

I'd like to buy a copy of "Operation Dark Heart". I'm sorry, but the government bought EVERY copy in the world and burned them. Oooh! "Farenheit 451", huh? NO! "Operation Dark Heart", dumb shit!

Ring & Run by ragu4u 9-26-10

"...and Oprah, I'm giving $100 million dollars to charity. Why can't anybody give ME anything? *knock, knock* I wonder what...? Whew! Well, it IS a gift. Maybe I shoulda wished it was in a bag, like every other time.

Fooling Mother Nature by ragu4u 9-26-10

Have you seen the size if those genetically modified salmon? Nope...and why should I even care? Cause one's behind you right now. So? I feel sorry for the hungry grizzly that goes after HIM! Yummm. Swim, you little hors devours. SWIM!

Ice Caps by ragu4u 9-26-10

Tyrone the Pimp & Lawyer You sleezy mouthpiece, dirtbag cost me $500 an hour. I'll be broke in a day. I doubt it. Oh, you does? Yes and by my calculations and at today's rate, you have enough to pay me for at least a year... Hmpf. ...inside your mouth alone.

Supplimental Income by ragu4u 9-26-10

A ten dollar late fee? That must be wrong. I'll ask. No...please not so loud.... Hey boss, Father Joe is bringing back "Naughty Nympho Nuns" 2 days late. What do I charge? Oh my Lord. You're the boss here? AND, if you bothered to read the credits....I'm nun #2.

Hello Dalai by ragu4u 9-27-10

So, Dalai Lama, why have you given a meditation group $50,000.00 to... ...research "happiness" in Madison, Wisconsin? What better location than where "Happy Days" took place, eh? That was Milwaukee, nimrod. You still happy, NOW?

The Hickory Stick by ragu4u 9-27-10

C'mer to Papa Hickory so's I can fill yer bung hole agin. No way. It hurts too bad, Papa Hickory! Later What's the rhyme or reason that brings you here, my young lad? Hickory's dicking me, doc! Let me rephrase my question. I'm just sayin...

Hold the Mayo by ragu4u 9-27-10

What now? Is it any better?. Still smells & tastes like fish n yeast. You been making tuna sandwiches down there? I wish we were married so I could divorce him.

Season To Taste by ragu4u 9-28-10

Did you hear that another T.V. chef committed suicide? Yeah, but it wasn't suicide. Really? Then what was it? He decided to try his own cooking.

Tough Love by ragu4u 9-28-10

Do you REALLY think my father would allow you to attack me with that? HA! One way to find out. Umgh! I told ya he could be a real "wise guy" at times. Not to worry. He'll bounce back.

Tough Love by ragu4u 9-28-10

Do you REALLY think my father would allow you to attack me with that? HA! One way to find out. Umgh! I told ya he could be a real "wise guy" at times. Not to worry. He'll bounce back.

Re: bigworm's "Keeping In Touch"

...check it out. Gym whore!

by ragu4u, 9-28-10

Losing His Grip by ragu4u 9-28-10

How'd that bowling grip work out for you? Bowling grip? Yeah, the two finger bowling grip! I thought it was a "balling" grip. You know, a little warmer upper. It's bowling...BOWLING! Ixnay on the allingbay! One eases the "Index finger" in the pussy and the "little finger" in the butt hole.

Tapped Out by ragu4u 9-29-10

Is it true that you asked to go to Iraq or Afghanistan, rather than stay at Ft. Hood in Texas? Roger THAT, sir. But why? Fewer soldiers die there, sir. Who is killing the soldiers at Ft. Hood? Let's put it this way, sir..."They saw the enemy and it was them."

Tony Curtis...R.I.P. by ragu4u 9-30-10

Tony Curtis died today. Who da fuck was HE? Sometimes I just HATE young people.

Jumping the Gun by ragu4u 9-30-10

Would it be too much to ask you to put that down and assist me, young man? Yup...it would! Sometimes I'd just like to shake some sense into you lazy sales people. Shake me all ya want, dude as long as you have em hire me here, first. Oops. My bad.

Clueless by ragu4u 10-01-10

Tiger, only a moron would have sex with a porn star and NOT think a video was being made! I did too, think! I thought it was strange that she wouldn't move till I... ...yelled, "ACTION". Hey, where you going? Are you filming this? "CUT!"

Leave It To...(you know) by ragu4u 10-01-10

My! What's THAT Theodore? Well Miss Landers... It's my "Beaver Clever"! Argh! You HAD to ask!

Adios Amigo by ragu4u 10-01-10

"News anchorman, Rick Sanchez, fired from CNN for being a bigot." Holy cow. Rick, come in here and listen to the lies CNN is telling about you. Screw that bunch of kikes and spooks. They think they own the world. I'll sue their little sheeny asses for all their worth.

Scratch n Sniff by ragu4u 10-02-10

The U.S. admits purposely giving 600 plus Guatamalans syphylis in 1946 to 1948 Carumba, hesse! Mi padre say we all had genetic jock itch!

Welcome to "Cracker" Barrel by ragu4u 10-02-10

Could you use a new burger slinger here? Aren't you that racist bigot, Rick Sanchez? What would you do if I said yes? I'd say, you're hired. C'mon in the kitchen & we'll get ya a uniform. Doesn't this outfit scare off some customers? Duh!! Are you sure you're Rick Sanchez?

The Hot Zone by ragu4u 10-03-10

The bedbugs have successfully taken over the Ronald Reagan Office Building. Phase one is now complete. On to phase two. Ah yes, phase two....crabs in the Lincoln Bedroom. I'll start the process immediately. Do YOU know where the Lincoln Bedroom is? Nope. I spent all MY time in Bill Clinton's bedroom.

Welcome to "Cracker" Barrel Pt.2 by ragu4u 10-03-10

Hi. I guess you probably aren't kosher here, are you? Um....I was gonna say "Welcome to "Cracker" Barrel"...but.... Say, you dat bigot, Rick Sanchez, from CNN, ain't ya? ...we don't serve YOUR KIND here! I knew it. You won't serve me cause I'm a black Jew. Incorrect. I won't serve you cause you watch CNN!

The "Golden" Rule

Honey, how can I keep from getting pissed off all the time? Stop landing on the toilet.

by ragu4u, 10-03-10