Well, that has to be one of the dumbest maths errors I have made in a while. (Last year, I buggered up a maths question in an assignment because I temporarily thought there were 26 consonants in the alphabet. *blush*) That was obviously meant to be 264lb. *blush more*

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Did you know it costs $8000-$16000 to get one pound of stuff into orbit using conventional technologies? Ergo, Calista Flockhart and Kate Moss are probably going to be shot into space before any of us.

Though probably half of this population is on the other end of the spectrum... 80 lbs. soaking wet and in constant danger of being blown away by a strong wind.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

So even on a budget spaceflight, it would still cost over two million bucks to get me into orbit! Imagine the fireworks show if they tossed me out and let me burn up on re-entry, though... brief but memorable... not to mention really fucking expensive!

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Oh that reminds me of some more geekology I am privy to...

- A very thorough knowledge of Beatles music, including the complete lyrics to 95% of their songs.

- A very thorough knowledge of the music of They Might be Giants, including the complete lyrics of almost every one of their songs, consisting of six studio albums and a lot of EPs.

- An insistence that They Might Be Giants' lyrics are not gibberish (most of the time) including theories on the meanings of most of them.

- Spent almost two years working for a software company, during which I actually did computer game playtesting (not much fun when the game is a pile of shit) and game tech support.

- [music geek] Amost perfect pitch, within a quarter-tone. I insist on singing everything in the right key, and even in the right octave. This is a problem when I am such a fan of Tori Amos, but it gives my falsetto range a good workout. My music books are covered in scribble where I have corrected all the chords of the songs that have been published in the wrong key.

After that, you'd think I'd be a better musician and/or singer... oh well... Oh, some trivia for you all - the first sung note of "Hey Jude" is middle C, in case you ever need to know.

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Seriously, all it takes to raise your basal metabolic rate is exercise. Don't think that you're only burning calories while you're walking or canoeing or whatever. If you get active, you'll be burning more calories than usual just by sitting around. Downside is that you're hungry always, and if you backslide on the exercise, you'll tend to keep eating the same way, and your weight will increase.

Anytime I come back from a big weekend of paddling or hiking, it's all I can do to stay fed. Then I slack off and all of a sudden my pants don't fit.

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What others say about boorite!

I'd be interested in hearing your theory on "Shoehorn With Teeth" then. That song makes no sense at all.

How to work out your wrestling superstar weight

much like your porn star name

keeerrraayyyzzeeeeee

the fact that its calculated wrong make you a hard ass wrestler

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

I think they're making fun of a drug-addled adolescent.

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What others say about boorite!

quote:

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Seriously, all it takes to raise your basal metabolic rate is exercise. Don't think that you're only burning calories while you're walking or canoeing or whatever. If you get active, you'll be burning more calories than usual just by sitting around. Downside is that you're hungry always, and if you backslide on the exercise, you'll tend to keep eating the same way, and your weight will increase.

Anytime I come back from a big weekend of paddling or hiking, it's all I can do to stay fed. Then I slack off and all of a sudden my pants don't fit.

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Boorite is also a massive coke fiend which also helps in keeping him slim.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

As I said: most of the time. Shoehorn With Teeth is, I think, just a very silly song with a disturbingly catchy melody. Songs like Chess Piece Face, Cowtown, and quite a few others are, I think, just word games. Most of their songs, however, are just simple stories told in complicated ways.

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A website I once saw attempting to explain Particle Man made less sense than the song itself. Which is saying something.

My take on Particle Man is very simple indeed. "People are all different, simple weak, some powerful, and some people are consistently bad to other people." That about sums it up.

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Person Man, Person Man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person Man

Is he depressed or is he a mess
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with Person Man?
Degraded man, Person Man

This needs no interpretation.

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What others say about boorite!

I spent last summer working in a big mansion in the country, and had to get a lift into work from this guy who was a massive They Might Be Giants fan, and that was all he'd listen to in the car. Having to listen to them every morning for three months drove me quietly mad. But the song I hated most was "Shoehorn With Teeth" simply because I had no idea why somebody somewhere thought it was a good song, and a worthy inclusion on an album.

If I offended, I apologize.

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No, not at all. By Fucker I wasn't implying you offended, just that you are a fucker. And that I found myself laughing at the image of me eating a table.

Man, I hope this is distributed 450 pounds: your wife, and 100 pounds: you. That would be some funny shit.

Nope. It was spread out over a seven hour period, but even so my blood alcohol level should have been something like .8. But BAC isn't an exact science, having to do with water retention and amount of water your body has available to absorb the alcohol, so I'm guessing it was lower. Either that or this is all a coma dream.

Ok, now for other people's maladies. Come on, some of you have a mole on your nose, right? Or are missing a finger? Bordering on criminally ugly? I know there has to be a stutterer in here somewhere. Someone? Anyone?

What are you people, the product of eugenics?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

But we kind of knew that already. It hardly requires a song to explain it.
And why is Triangle Man so-called?

They were watching a movie and someone said Robert Mitchum looked like an evil triangle. Really.

Sometimes TMBG lyrics are more about form and process than content. If you look for what they "mean," you'll get about as far as if you ask what Jackson Pollock was drawing a picture of.

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What others say about boorite!

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Person Man, Person Man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person Man

Is he depressed or is he a mess
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with Person Man?
Degraded man, Person Man

This needs no interpretation.

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Person Man by gabe_billings 9-23-01

I used to be a successful stockbroker. And then one day my wife caught me in bed with my secretary. So she whacked me on the head with a frying pan. Now I'm a fucking mess. I'm depressed. I feel worthless. I live in a garbage can. Could I possibly degrade myself any further? In retrospect, I probably should've stayed away from the secretary. Wirthling wasn't all that good in bed, anyway.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Whew. I thought you were mad.

quote:

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Ok, now for other people's maladies. Come on, some of you have a mole on your nose, right? Or are missing a finger? Bordering on criminally ugly? I know there has to be a stutterer in here somewhere. Someone? Anyone?

What are you people, the product of eugenics?

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Earlier in life I was an absolute perfect specimen of manhood, such that on numerous occasions women would drop dead at the mere sight of me. I realized that something had to be done, so I underwent extensive plastic surgery to adjust my features to what you see today.

Starting today, my posts will be featuring a segment entitled, The Wirthling Response. Since wirthling is having difficulties keeping up with enormous backlog of posts degrading me, the work will be done for him. Simply pick one of the appropriate choices from the list below and voila!

a) Did you mean 'plastic surgery' or 'I fell into a bucket of nitric acid?
b) I don't get it. So it's better to frighten them to death?
c) Are you sure the dropping dead didn't just have something to do with the smell?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

d) ...but how can you afford all the fines from the EPA for vision-pollution?

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e) They dropped dead even before they smelt your breath?

Sad, Monkey Island-quoting me.