News Brief by ragu4u 10-04-10

5 E.U. Airports Targeted For A Commando Stlye Attack. What? No way! I wouldn't go anywhere without underwear on.

"Your Reputation Precedes You" by ragu4u 10-04-10

Welcome to the lost & found. I seem to have lost..... Say no more. I'll be right back with your stuff. But I never said what... Seconds later.... He said he was surprised you even missed me. Oh, did he?

Adaptability by ragu4u 10-05-10

What's with the Camo? Stealth! You wouldn't believe how many pot smokers I catch while crapping. Them or YOU? Pot smoking is illeg........Hey! I guess I'll be crapping in my car, from now on.

Telephone Triage by ragu4u 10-05-10

9-1-1...What's your emergency? My taser won't fire & I can't get beamed up! Are you talking about sex, sir? What? My power stream won't flow, woman and I can't get re-erected into solid form. I don't believe this is a true & actual emergency. I'm disconnecting now. Wait, no, not so fast! So what you're saying is that a blowjob IS, "probably", out of the question?

The Squeeze Play by ragu4u 10-05-10

One step forward and look to your right. Now cough. Grrrrrrrrr A little too tight, was I?

Ya'll Come by ragu4u 10-05-10

Hi Beaver. May I help you? Yeah, Father Joe. Can I ask you something? Sure, go right ahead. Is masturbation a sin like Eddie Haskell says, Father? Only if you cum, son. Only if you cum. "Jeepers"!

Paying Through the Ass by ragu4u 10-06-10

Human waste now used to power homes. Really? Honey, from now on, we eat nothing but chile, cabbage and White Castles. Oh lord! 2 Days Later... Time to pay the electric bill.

Chatting On A Summer's Eve by ragu4u 10-06-10

Barry, I heard the presidential seal fell off during your speech. What? Michelle, I know we have a dog but I never knew we had a seal too. You actually are a closet moron, aren't you? So we DON'T have a seal? WE don't. YOU do! Then why is it that YOU put out that fishy smell all the time?

R.I.P. Chuck by ragu4u 10-06-10

Charlie, the cigarette smoking chimp, died in a zoo in S. Africa, today, at age 52! Awww...no! I told him that zoo was gonna kill him one day! It's all that damn second hand Monkey Chow!

Slummin On the Yacht by ragu4u 10-07-10

Noah, come on deck quick. We've spotted a dove. That must mean land is near, Lott. Hey, you're no dove! Oh, and I'm supposed to believe you're Noah, huh? Blow my cover and I'll turn ya to salt.

Driver Buys/ Shotgun Flies by ragu4u 10-07-10

Make it 3 jelly, 4 custard, 2 bear claws, a couple of cheese danish, 6 glazed and... ...a small coffee with 3 sweet n lows. Anything else? Oh yeah, and throw in a scone for my obese, diabetic partner. You're cruel, dude!

Toe-MAY-Toe/ Toe-MA-Toe by ragu4u 10-08-10

Do you think I'll ever see peace in my lifetime? Absolutely. In fact, for $20 you can have the best piece ever RIGHT NOW, all to yourself, for fifteen whole minutes.

Rookie Rescuers by ragu4u 10-09-10

Rescue Attempt...The Real Story Maybe if I fire a gunshot, the miners will hear it & know our rescue party is coming. Oh shit! Moments Later... Not one of my better ideas. Ya think?

Thor's Hammer by ragu4u 10-09-10

Two more seconds and that butterfly is history! Damn...I missed! Ow!

Ribbed, For Your Pleasure by ragu4u 10-10-10

NO! Stop it! Have you no compassion? You're all nothing but intellectual sex objects. Watching "Bones" again, aren't ya?

Circling the Gene Pool Drain by ragu4u 10-10-10

Are you aware of the significance of today's date? Uh...no. Should I be? Today is 10-10-10, you idiot. Can't you get into that at all? The only thing I want to get into is... ...36-24-36!

I'm Just Sayin..."What If"? by ragu4u 10-10-10

Michelle, have the girls decided on Halloween costumes yet? They sure have Barry. One is going as Topsy & the other will be Eliza. I think I'll go as Uncle Remus, Michelle. Cool Barry. I'm gonna be Jackie "Moms" Mabley! Later... You have to get a grip, man! Stop saying that! NO,no, no...it was NOT a dream, I tell you. It was REAL! I really heard them.

Upon Granting Wishes... by ragu4u 10-11-10

...know thy wisher! I'll grant you but one wish, and only one wish! N'k! Now, drop them drawers, sonny. Oh, oh. There goes any chance he's contemplating the "Heimlich Manuever".

On Second Thought... by ragu4u 10-11-10

The 1980's What would be an iconic name for a video game about an ass and a gorrilla? Uh...... I got it! Mule Chimp!

Lasting Beauty by ragu4u 10-12-10

Minka Kelly has been named the sexiest woman alive by Esquire Magazine. We'll see. Hi there. I'm Minka Kelly. Sexiest woman ALIVE, huh? Wow! She's pretty darned sexy dead, too!

Fatherhood by ragu4u 10-12-10

Life sucks, Mr. Pitt! Oh yeah, Eeyore? Try having 12 African kids. Ya got a point there. Damnit kids...quit sticking those saucers in your lips.

Sealing Wax & Other Fancy Stuff by ragu4u 10-12-10

Welcome to Hona Lee. Jackie? Jackie Paper, is that you? Puff? Yeah...You got a light? You're the magic guy. Pull one outta your ass.

Coughed Up From the Depths by ragu4u 10-13-10

Mine Workers Rescued The world is glad you're safe and everthing but aren't you kinda old for this type of work, anyway? OLD? Are you nuts, young fella? Why would you say that? It's common knowledge that miners are under 21. Hold that chute. I'm going back down. Hey....I'm just sayin....

The Let Down by ragu4u 10-13-10

I heard on "The View" that it's best for me to take it in the ass. So lets do it. I want in my ass right now. I'll be more than happy to oblige. You're kidding. That was IT? What did you expect from a flu shot?

Cock of the Walk by ragu4u 10-13-10

Why is there so much emphasis on dick sucking here? That's the main passtime... ...in a Penile Colony, silly!