Claws & Effect by ragu4u 1-18-11

Godzilla has been voted to be the cheapest looking movie monster, of all time. And they wonder why I trample their damned cities.

Higher Learning

I don't think it's right for students to walk around with beer. Don't worry. I'm the Principal.

by ragu4u, 1-18-11

Slightly Altered Lyrics by ragu4u 1-19-11

On the road again... Strokin dicks till they explode again... Swallowing every gay boys load again... Hi there, sweetness. I'm "The Amazing Kreskin". Need a lift?

Destroy All Wood Chippers by ragu4u 1-19-11

I'd like to thank you for saving my kitty but I can't take another one. I'm sure he'll find him a good home, Snookums. Oh Yeah..... Hey you! Don't shut off that wood chipper just yet.

The Vet by ragu4u 1-19-11

I'm sorry, but I've got to put you down, boy. *wimper* You're a no good, stinky, bastard of a mutt who will never ever win any dog competitions. OK, that's it. You can go now! YES!

Get a Grip! by ragu4u 1-20-11

Aren't you that guy who likes wrestling? What if I say yes? I want you to explain the "Butt Drag" move they use at Buchanan High in Fresno. I'd rather show you. Only if you put on boxing gloves, first.

Nobody Knows "Waddle" Do About It by ragu4u 1-20-11

Welcome back to "American Idol"! Wow. Would ya look at that Steven Tyler's neck? Whoa, dude! I've seen fewer wrinkles on a Chinese Shar Pei! You vely light about linkles!

Lights Are On But No One's Home by ragu4u 1-20-11

I could be arrested for this, ya know. For what? For being a dope pusher.   ?   Don't ya get it? Get what?

The Concerned Parent by ragu4u 1-21-11

Hey dad, can I watch "Skins" on MTV? I don't know son. What's it about? Fucking, sucking, lesbians, drug abuse, fetishes and all sorts of perversions among 15 year olds. I better watch it with you in case you have questions. I'll go buy a 50 inch HD-TV while you start popping the corn. I can always count on dad.

The BIG Picture

..................................................................................................................................................................... Ah, I do so prefer Letter Boxing!

by ragu4u, 1-21-11

Another One Bites the Dust by ragu4u 1-22-11

"Countdown" with Keith Olbermann has been cancelled. I'll bet CNN & FOX News wind up splitting his audience. That'll be one person each!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive by ragu4u 1-22-11

I wonder if his prayer will be answered very... ...with a red like the color of the blood you shed for us, oh Lord. ...soon? Hallelujah! Praise Jesus! Can I get an Amen? Amen...Amen...Amen...Amen infinity!

Genisis 3:19 by ragu4u 1-22-11

Before Birth Remember man, that thou art dust and into After Life thou shalt return!

DARK Black by ragu4u 1-22-11

What is it NOW, Michelle? What are you gonna do about what Joan Rivers called me, Barry? Well what did she call you? Go ahead, tell me. I promise I won't laugh. She called me..."Blackie-O". Ha...ha,ha,..ha,ha,ha, bwahahahahahaha! That's IT! The pussy lamp ain't lit tonight, nigga!

Changing of the Guard 2011 by ragu4u 1-22-11

Hi. Whom might you be? Your replacement. Hit the bricks, old timer. But I graduated from Harvard Business School in 46, Summa Cum Laude. What could YOU possibly have done? Sesame Street, class of 05. Never missed an episode. Naturally, how could anyone top THAT? Sarcasm, huh? Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

The Guessing Game by ragu4u 1-23-11

Please tell me. I've got to know. No more guesses? Give up? It's, "Preparation-H". I KNEW that was corn I tasted.

Numbers Don't Lie by ragu4u 1-23-11

Oh boy, it's the Steelers and the Packers in Super Bowl VXL. You mean LVX. Maybe it's VLX. Or maybe XVL? Hey pal, you're into Roman numerals. Which Super Bowl is it? 45!

The Getaway: 1/24/2011 by ragu4u 1-24-11

My friends call me Houdini... ...but here in Mishima City, Japan, my captors call me Lucky. .......................................................................................... As you can see, I'm a little of both!

OPC 55: Easy Money

$100? Why? I just got here. That's what all you Narcoleptics say after sleeping through your session. Now pay up!

by ragu4u, 1-24-11

"I Like Them Taters" by ragu4u 1-25-11

What's for lunch? Same thing as yesterday. Why do we ALWAYS have to eat THAT! Cause biscuits are all my uncle taught me to make. But do we always have to to put mustard on em? Mustard & biscuits..mm, hmm.

Does This Make Sense? by ragu4u 1-25-11

I'm sorry. I did what I could. So your son got injured parking cars? Not exactly. He was learning to be a.... ... car Parkour.

Do You Believe In Magic? by ragu4u 1-25-11

"goodnight, and may God bless America." CUT! We're off the air, Mr. President. So how did I do? In what way, sir? Damnit man, do you think the public bought all that bullshit I gave em about the state of the Union? I'm not sure sir, but for the sake of the country, I hope not.

Postpartum Depression by ragu4u 1-26-11

Why you always be callin that brat, "Punkin"? Cuz he's just like a lil punkin. Did ya cut out his eyes? Did ya slice his mouth? Have ya ever tried to gut him and then start a fire inside him? Well? WELL, HAVE YA? No...but we've only had him a week.

Bar Snacks by ragu4u 1-26-11

Anyone ever tell ya that you kinda resemble a "Bugles" snack? Wow...that's strange. I just had the urge for ... ...you to eat me, you ballbag.

ROOTS by ragu4u 1-26-11

Nothin here. I'm startin to believe it don't exist. Sir, the Secret Service agents at the Hawaiian hall of records called. NO-CAN-FIND, Sir. Have Snoop Dog & Huggy Bear keep lookin. My birth certificate must be somewhere. It's somewhere, alright, sir. Somewhere in Botswana where you were born. My father was Kunta Kinte, damnit. That should stand for something. That reminds me. Have Toby bring me a mint julip.