The Stand-ins by ragu4u 2-20-11

I told ya to keep off my street you creepy fag. Thems fightin words, boy. So whatcha gonna do about it? I'll meet ya by the wall at noon and we'll slug it out. Noon I get tired of fighting their battles. Don't you? I feel ya, bro.

Neighborhood Watch by ragu4u 2-20-11

Ya want me to write down what I saw, officer? Just give it to me orally, lady! Okay.... ...but then will ya still wanna know what I saw?

Common Courtesy by ragu4u 2-21-11

I had better not catch you masturbating like that again, young man. So knock first!

Just Say No by ragu4u 2-21-11

It's Girl Scout Cookie ti.... MOM!

Mother Knows Best by ragu4u 2-21-11

Oh God! My poor boy has been run down. Thank goodness I have him insured. I forgot to mail the payment, ma. You WHAT?! Please forgiv.. Hurry up and die, bitch, before the grace period expires.

Spin-arooski by ragu4u 2-22-11

Col. Kaddafi, rumors are that you are attacking your own people. All lies. Look out the window. See for yourself. Then report, as I KNOW you will, very wisely. View from the Palace window... Well, Wolfe, I must say there is very little movement , if any, on the streets of Tripoli. Note to self: Offer Anderson Cooper a P.R. position!

No Ifs, Ands or Butts by ragu4u 2-22-11

Man, am I horney for a hot piece o ass. I"m yo man. Pony up $50 and go to room 22 at the No-Tell Motel. Ass...I swore I said ASS! Hey there, big boy!

Frozen Stiff by ragu4u 2-22-11

Alright ma'am, can you account for your where-abouts, tonight? I just thought I'd suck down a few cold ones before bed. But the morgue is five miles from here. What the fu...?

A Little R&R by ragu4u 2-22-11

I realize you've fallen from a great height. Uh huh. What's the last thing you recall hearing? "beep, beep" Oh! HIM again? y-y-y-y-yep.

Increased RAM by ragu4u 2-22-11

The last thing I need is you, over my shoulder, goating me on. You moron, the word is goading. Can you believe what Stickman just said? I really don't care. Get back to work. You've got tons to do and you're waay behind. In fact I'm gonna write you up immed...

Saddle Up! by ragu4u 2-23-11

Is it....? Yup. $5.00 a gallon gas. Oh SHIT! Lazy ass coward!

"Hair Club" by ragu4u 2-23-11

I assure you, this is only the first week I've been treated. Not bad for going from totally bald to THAT! Um...I started with a full head of hair. WHAT? "Sales" is across the hall. This is the "Legal" department. I'm outta hair...I'm mean here.

Cost of Living

Damnit. I told ya to fill the car with gas! I was short on cash but I'm going to make a withdrawal, now!

by ragu4u, 2-24-11

Long Arm of the Lawless by ragu4u 2-24-11

I don't know, Judge. Not to worry. You'll be totally safe in our witness protection program. Months Later.... Mr. John Q. Public? Yeah, but nobody is supposed to know I'm here. "I told you I'd get you. Now, the mailman has something else for you. Bwahaha!" OH SHIT!

At Home With Charlie Sheen by ragu4u 2-25-11

TMZ reports that "Two & 1/2 Men" will be suspended this season. What? When will that Haimi Levine at TMZ learn to keep his Yiddish mouth SHUT? Charlie Sheen insulted the shows creator Chuck Lorre by calling him Haimi Levine...a Jewish slur. Damn...they must be brothers...but twin names? Them Hebes are funny like that.

Gender Bender by ragu4u 2-25-11

Bless me father, for I have sinned. I had sex with my 6 yr. old sister and I'm really sorry. Not half as sorry as I was! You mean..you? It was actually HER fault. Her fault? That pixie haircut made her look like a boy.

Already? by ragu4u 2-25-11

999,999, 1,000,000...ready or not here i come. I need more time!

A Dropout by ragu4u 2-26-11

Gonna watch the Oscars tonight? Oscars? Ya mean there's gonna be two guys named Oscar on the same show? No! It's a show about giving the Oscars away. Oh, I get it. It's like an adoption show, in reverse. They're dumping the poor, stupid bastards. When you say it, it sounds totally reasonable, Oscar! Don't menti... HEY!

Payback by ragu4u 2-26-11

"Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam & the deer & the... You about to say..."antelope play"? Why yes I was. Get ready to play. Hold still now. Just one sec. I'll get my playmate. Full auto, huh? M-m-maybe we should talk? Wanna hear my song? "Weigh hey, blow the man down."

Don't Count Your Chickens...

It'll be 25 cents to use the stove. And here I thought this was a "Free Range" kitchen.

by ragu4u, 2-26-11

When the Looks Fade by ragu4u 2-26-11

"Don't ya know I that heard it through the grapevine... ...and I'm just about, just about, just about to lose my mind, oh yes I am!" Who in the hell do you think you are? Gladys Knight. You like? I need a shot of rythmn & booze.

I'm Friggen Begging Here by ragu4u 2-27-11

ragu4u begs in mirror... Feedback! I must have feedback. They must click on one of the options below the strip. You'll be sorry! You know...BAD, OKAY or GOOD. They should tell me like it is! I need RATED strips. Even former ones. I can take it. You know how you get with rejection. I'll now get the much sought after, peer review I seek! You better get the much needed Scotch & Valium you'll require.

Pot n Kettle by ragu4u 2-27-11

Wow...an illegal alien. So, how do I get a green card? If you find out, let me know. Hypocrite!

A Public Service by ragu4u 2-27-11

Father Joe, the altar boys are refusing to serve for you. I swear, the touching only happened a few times. But... And some of them actually liked it and wanted more. They were little male whores. Yeah, male whores. They said you FART too much! That's it? See! They DO like it.

Apprentice by ragu4u 2-27-11

I'm sorry the show is going under, Angus. That's OK Mr. Sheen. I've learned a lot from you. I am quite the accomplished actor, aren't I? No! Other stuff like... ...there's no such thing as TOO MUCH pussy! "Now go get in my ride, bitch!" $300,000.00 per episode? Really, Angy Wangy?