Calling Dr. Ruth! by ragu4u 4-05-11

C'mon baby. Gimme a shot. I'll make you squeal with delight. I don't know, big boy. Think you can find my G spot, do you? G spot? I thought you had a cliptoris!   ?   What? Turn off the light on your way out!

Cherry Bombed by ragu4u 4-06-11

C'mon Cherry, if you love me you'll at least TRY! This chair is bigger than you think! OK but we gotta turn out the lights. I'm new at this. There ya go. Now lift that leg & throw it over the.......Whoa, STOP! Get off. What? In order to do this right you have to take off your pants. I told ya I was new at this.

Forced To Leave Tokyo in the Late 50's... by ragu4u 4-07-11

Japan has just suffered another 7.1 quake which may cause more radiation leaks. And here to talk with us about it is a radiation expert....Godzilla. Godzilla...may I call you, GOD? Sure. You can call me Ray. You can call me Jay. You can call me Ray Jay. But ya doesn't have to call me Johnston! Yesiree, Jane, massive amounts of radiation do affect the minds of mutant lizards. Give him a break, Stan. He's been forced to play the Catskills since the late 50's.

Not Quite Right Knight by ragu4u 4-07-11

At your service, me Lord. See if thou canst smite yon fire breathing dragon. Consider it done, me Lord. Wait. He's right behind... ...me! They don't call him "Sir Lost Alot" for nothing, do they?

Those Deadly KGB Whores by ragu4u 4-07-11

You Russian whores gotta learn the sex lingo here. Hey all I did was give they guy what he wanted. Literally, yeah. But now you be fuckin up my shit. He said he wanted me to give him some head and when I did he freaked! Oh my. I want my mommy! I'll settle for any BODY!

When the Going Gets Tough... by ragu4u 4-08-11

You think this government will actually shut down? I think it's a definite possibility. How are you preparing to handle it? Me? Why I take my ques from our President. So, you're rolling up your sleeves and getting to work, right? Hell no. I booked a family vacation in Barbados.

Heated Debate by ragu4u 4-08-11

How may I help you? Hey dude...Buddah is a fag! I cannot allow this degrading talk in my space. I must cleanse my aura. Here we go...wait for it! These Buddhists crack me up!

Dress For Success

Didn't get the memo, huh? Eat me. I thought this was a night manuever.

by ragu4u, 4-09-11

Consider the Source by ragu4u 4-09-11

Have you seen "The Cove" yet? Sure haven't. Should I? Lets put it like this...once you see the cove you'll find it almost impossible to leave. Oh good. I'll grab the little lady and the kids and we'll make a day of it. Better pack overnight bags. That good, huh?

Jumping the Gun by ragu4u 4-10-11

Allah be praised. You have saved me from these Libyans. You that missing AP photographer, huh? Missing no more, Allah be praised. You got some I.D. to prove who you are? Never keep your I.D. inside, what some might consider, a bomb vest.

The Office Whipping Boy by ragu4u 4-10-11

You went and pissed him off again, didn't ya? Ya think? How'd ya guess? Well, I...uh.. You think it's got something to do with me looking like I got shoved ass first into a giant colorized "Bugles" corn chip? If you say s..... FUCK YOU! Now pull my chip!

The Hasty Retreat by ragu4u 4-11-11

Are you Maura, from Match.com? Oh, you must be Bobby! So you ARE Maura! I never said that.

Govt. Issue by ragu4u 4-11-11

All you border patrol guards wear that stuff? It's the required uniform... ... in The Painted Desert. Oh yeah. I can hardly see you at all. Don't mock me, boy!

The Big Wheel by ragu4u 4-12-11

I was kinda lookin to buy another car. Well son, I've got just the car for you. A brand new Chevy Cruse. Is it very expensive? All I have is 10K. The DELUXE goes for about 40K but I can put you in the "Basic" model for about 10K. Why the big price difference? Nothin big. It's just that the "Deluxe" model's steering wheel won't fall off. But, hey, who jerks on the steering wheel, anyway?

Can You Dig It? by ragu4u 4-12-11

Why ees noboby come to Meheeco no more? The drug gangs are killing everybody, that's why! Ees no drug gangs in Meheeco. We do nothing but fiesta & siesta all day long. Frankly, I don't care what you do here except... Que? learn to bury people in coffins. This mass grave stuff is killing my undertaking business. No pun intended.

Don't Piss Off the Easter Bunny by ragu4u 4-13-11

Seattle, Wash. Whatya mean no more Easter egg hunts? Seattle is far too enlightened for that backwards thinking. We now call it a "Spring Spheres Hunt". Spring Spheres, huh? Correct! Now please remove that ridiculous outfit. I'm going to purchace some spheres. Wait. I'll go with you for protection. Don't be silly. Why would "I" need protection?

Date & Switch by ragu4u 4-13-11

Hi, I'm Adrian, your date. You're a monk named Adrian. That makes you Adri... Say it and you shall be disemboweled. Hey, you look nothing like Tony Shalhoub. You ARE planning to wash your hands after touching that greasy hair, right? Aw shit!

ZZZZZZ! by ragu4u 4-14-11

Are we crashing because the air traffic controller is asleep? No. Our pilot is asleep!

Nature's Perfect Equalibrium by ragu4u 4-14-11

Ya gonna eat all that? Please, be my guest. Hey, leave some for me to roll in.

Rhetorical by ragu4u 4-15-11

My! How did you get off of the wall above my bed? Sorry. Silly question.

What we have here is.... by ragu4u 4-15-11

Failure to Communicate So here's my chess set. Touch it all you want. I need to enunciate more.

Sin City 2 by ragu4u 4-16-11

Near "8 Mile" There is a group trying to pass a bill to legalize drugs & prostitution in Detroit. Oh really? How would I know if it passed?

Teacher's Petter by ragu4u 4-16-11

Why Butch, are those flowers for me? Uh...yeah. Your manners have gotten much better since I spoke with your dad. He said you'd fall for...I mean, like these. I surely do. You're one of my little favorites now. Good! So NOW can I grab them tits?

Shower Afterwords by ragu4u 4-17-11

I read online that they found bacteria in the Playboy Mansion hot-tub. That surprises you, does it? You mean you're NOT surprised? You kiddin me, boy? Uh.... Hell boy, they nicknamed that damn thing "The John Holmes Petri Dish" decades ago.

She's Healthy as a Whores by ragu4u 4-17-11

Did I just hear you talkin bout The hot-tub at the Playboy Mansion? Yeah. A damn fool kid was surprised dat it's filled with bacteria. Oh gee. I was in that thing. Ya think I mighta caught somethin? Say wah? Ya think I might be infected? Hell girl, you was infected way before the first bubble ever popped in dat damn thing.