The 2nd Job by ragu4u 5-13-11

What would it take for me to put you in this car, ma'am? God? YOU lost YOUR job too? No...but I do have one of those "high maintainance" kids. What? Money for another cruise to Aruba? C'mon Jesus...I'm not made of money. Walk there.

Eye-Yi-Eye by ragu4u 5-13-11

Is that eye-patch for real? Are those tits for real? I should sock you in the eye for asking me that! You can punch either eye because... ...the patch is reversible. See?

Geo-Prejudice by ragu4u 5-14-11

It's a hell of a time for the circus to come to town. What do you mean? Look around. Our friggen town has just been wiped out. Oh. I just thought this was the deep South. You mean it's not?

What Goes Around.... by ragu4u 5-14-11

This deer blind works great. They just walk right in for the kill. Just a little bit closer now. Psst! Aw shit!

The Great DICKtators by ragu4u 5-15-11

Col. Gaddifi? You in here? Quiet, you infidel moron. I'm in hiding where no one can find me. I found you and I'm no infidel, by the way. Don't mince words with me. I know you provided Osama with all his porn. Mountain goat beastiality? You call THAT porn? Say, how did you get that camel into a garter belt?

Get a Grip! by ragu4u 5-15-11

Tune in to NBC this Fall for the new show "Playboy"... ...about the original Chicago club in 1963. It will be sponsored by "Puffs Tissue". Pure genius. I'm calling my broker!

Cleaning the Pool by ragu4u 5-15-11

Mathew Dickey's Boys Club Excuse me! Huh? Deliveries for the pool go where? Other side of this wall. Wonder what they have up their sleeves.

Calling a Spade a...oops! by ragu4u 5-15-11

Why do some white folks hate us blacks? Because they are ignorant and racist. You mean like Mr. ragu4u? No! HE uses satire to show how stupid some white folks can be. Aha, Ben. Caught you organizing your converted rice, I see. You know, ragu4u, sometimes your satire sucks donkey dick!

The Truant by ragu4u 5-15-11

Hey mister, you don't look so good. Wha..? Why? Do I look flushed? No. You don't look nothin like a toilet. Now I AM feeling sick.

Recruiting Friar Tuck by ragu4u 5-15-11

I'm Robin Hood, Friar Tuck. Want to join my merry men? Join them in what? Robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, naturally. Don't you read The Classics? We're only allowed to read the Bible. My men get to tap Maid Marianne and get blitzed every once in a while. Bible shmible. Sign me up.

Consequences by ragu4u 5-15-11

You're being punished. Get to your room. And don't look for the remote. I took it. You're watching the 24/7 "Benny Hinn" channel. Noooooo! Please,dad... anything but THIS!

Geeve it to Heem! by ragu4u 5-16-11

New London, Conn. Que? I'm sorry Pedro but no graduating for you if you don't speak the "American" language. Incluso si de toy un millon de dolares de mi denero de la droga? Hey you! Whip this fellow up a diploma, mucho pronto!

Marriage: Letting Go by ragu4u 5-16-11

Sorry, but you and I need to break it off. OUCH, Steph! What say you just divorce me, instead?

Out of Season by ragu4u 5-16-11

Please don't kill me, mister hunter man. I have no intention to. Actually, I'm here to club baby seals. It's not the season for that yet. It's not? I just fucked up, didn't I? Not totally. I'll still spot ya 2 minutes.

Arnie & Maria by ragu4u 5-17-11

Yes Maria, I hammered the hired help and spawned another child. No wonder you stopped having sex with me, Arnold. It wasn't that, you anorexic bitch. It was all those bone fragments in my cock. Thin is in, you Austrian moron. Nevermore will I penetrate that meatgrinder you call a vagina. Fine with me. I can still get off by masturbating to my stash of Aushwitz porn. Those Jewish men are HOT!

Rage of Enlightenment by ragu4u 5-17-11

The new Federally-mandated light bulbs will cost consumers $50 each! Damn! Nobody will buy those things but I still better get prepared for what it will be like. OK, bring on "The Dark Ages".

International Monetary FUN by ragu4u 5-18-11

Oui! I am Dominque Strauss-Kahn, Leader of the "I.M.F". Says here you're supposed to be on "Suicide Watch". Oui! If ya don't like it here why don't ya just bust out? It is not an easy thing, mon ami. Yes, no? Shit. And I thought "The Impossible Mission Force" could do anything.

On Broadway by ragu4u 5-18-11

You guys were awesome tonight! Danke! After the Curtain Call What do they call this new medium? Rock Opera!

Get a Grip! by ragu4u 5-18-11

C'mon son...hurry up in there. Let's not have one of those 45 min. showers. Oh it wo'nt be mom. I ran out of hand lotion. Thank you. Wait! What?

Share With Sonny by ragu4u 5-18-11

Bored Mr. Jefferson? Maybe I am feeling a touch of ennui, Sonny. So you're on weed? No wonder ya feel like that. Ennui. ENNUI! Did ya bring enough for me? Little profiling, racist, cracker.

Fat Chance by ragu4u 5-18-11

Sorry sir but it's against the new "Fatty-Rules". Listen bitch... ...you made me buy two tickets so I want two parachutes. No one here gets parachutes, sir. I can, however, allow you to have two oxygen masks. Ok, if you say so. But I'd still feel safer jumping with parachutes.

Life is One BIG Show by ragu4u 5-19-11

Sung on 5/20/11 11:59pm "Tonight, tonight. The world will end tonight. Tonight there will be no morning stars." "Tonight, tonight. I'll blow this orb, tonight..." Whoa. whoa pops. Hold on there. What about the Myan predictions? Damnit, boy. You broke my stride. Play it again, Sam. Take it from the top. Listen, after ya blow up the world will ya sing me a little "Officer Krupke"?

Always Wear Protection by ragu4u 5-19-11

The rectory has been deluged with calls from people who wish to come see me raptured on Saturday. Not exactly, father Joe. They all called to sign up to come kick you in the nuts. But I don't underst.... They thought you said "ruptured"! Thanks for the warning. I'll make sure to wear a cup in case they get here before I'm taken up!

The Grudge by ragu4u 5-20-11

Barry, Bibi is at the door to see you. Shit Michelle, grab the kids and go hide in The Situation Room. Oh no! It's true? You went and pissed off the Jews, didn't you? It's not like they didn't have it coming. What on earth are you talking about? So, you actually thought that comedian in The Catskills was funny, huh? Running a country isn't like running a kibbutz, ya know.

Trendsetter by ragu4u 5-20-11

Um...my name is Bruce. Can I buy you a drink? Sure, I guess so. You are aware this is a gay bar, right? I figured it was either THAT or... ... your shlong was into "Planking".