In Old Stoney Lonesome by ragu4u 7-01-11

This prison is NOT just for Blackfrican Americans. What did you just call my race? Blackfricans? You're PC, huh? How about Americanegroid? I'm thinkin this prison gonna be havin some crowd control problems, REAL soon. In that case, I'll just double the amount of my Skninazihead guards per shift to keep the calm. That ain't the diversity I was hoping for.

"If I Were a Rich Man..." by ragu4u 7-01-11

You ever get stuff online that asks if you're interested in "Jewish Singles"? Sometimes, yeah! I wonder what "Jewish Singles" look like? $10 dollar bills, probably.

No Biz Like Show Biz by ragu4u 7-01-11

Your mom putting you in more porn films, Gothboy? None since "Preteen Goth Booty"! "Preteen Goth Booty"? That sounds horrible, poor boy. Wanna see it and find out for sure? It'll cost ya $10.00. Charge it to my account. I'll give ya the high volumn, senior citizen discount just like always. I gotta keep my repeat customers happy.

All Work & No Play.... by ragu4u 7-02-11

The U.S. will default in about one month, sir. I was truly hoping that could be headed off. This will create a stain on your legacy, sir. Screw the legacy! I had two more bitchin vacations lined up for Aug. that will have to wait now. You ARE maturing, sir. I can remember when you'd have gone anyway. Whatchu talkin bout?

America el Linda! by ragu4u 7-02-11

Ya knows why Americanos like de fort of July so much? Do tell. Because eet ees so much better than de turd. The turd? (Somebody call immigration.)

Inside Info by ragu4u 7-03-11

One for the new Tom Hanks film. You wanna see "Larry Crowne"? It stinks. Hanks doesn't make stinkers. Besides, I'll be the judge of that. Oh yeah? Well I see the customers when they leave. I KNOW! After the film..... Geez, I must apologize. You were right. You're good at this. What? You think Roger Ebert thinks up his own reviews? I'm on his speed dial.

Border Insecurity by ragu4u 7-03-11

HALT! This is the U.S. border. State your business. Illegal drug and gun sales. What else you punta? Regulations...I have to ask! You can PASS! HALT! This is the U.S. border State your business! WHAT? W.M.D's? ees OK. He's with me!

Old Man River by ragu4u 7-03-11

Damn...according to my GPS... ...this IS Minot, North Dakota. I wonder what lake this is? Lake? What lake? This is a Wal-Mart parking lot.

The Key to Sucksess by ragu4u 7-04-11

You be American citizen yet. Oh. now way. Test too hard. Me tell you how to pass on first try. Ok tell me magic word. "Ohhh me sooo horny. Me SOOO Horny. Love you long time". Just like at home, huh?

You Can't Learn Much In 10 Years by ragu4u 7-04-11

We'll finally be pulling out after ten long years. No...don't go. We can barely care for ourselves. Duh! That's why we're leaving! Go, if you must. I've personally swept this road for any I.E. .....

Dog Days of Summer by ragu4u 7-05-11

Now where can I bury this bone? Whatch this! Gimme that M-80!. I got a real funny feeling here. Now I just toss it by his tail.... Here, a-hole. It went out! I relit it for you...CATCH! Yi-eeeeeeee!

Unbiased Reporting by ragu4u 7-05-11

"Casey Anthony NOT guilty on ALL major counts!" Wait till Nancy Grace finds out. The tot mom sleeze slut has the devil dancing while she sucks cocks in hell after being rendered not guilty for killing her child. Yet I hold no hate in my heart for the trailer trash tramp of a mother who fed her child to the maggots in the local swamp just so she could continue to pole dance & party.

A Star is Born by ragu4u 7-06-11

Aren't you the Casey Anthony who just got off for killing her kid? Why? You want my autograph? It'll cost ya! Actually, I was going to arrest you for this murder. There are 10 eyewitnesses & your DNA is all over the body. But I promise...I didn't do it. Oh well, in that case, you must be innocent. Go ahead and take the offer with "Vivid Entertainment". It's good to be "HOT"!

Think Positive by ragu4u 7-06-11

So, you'd like to join the cast of "Axe-Men", huh? Sure, I'd fit right in. They're a pretty rough bunch and, frankly, you look too gay to hold up for very long. Try "Animal Planet". TOO gay? Animal Planet? Why you no good... Over at "Animal Planet"... So you want a part in our film "Hassenpfeffer Horror House", do you? Sure, I'd fit right in.

Jumping To Conclusions by ragu4u 7-07-11

If he tells me he's a "pussy person" I'm gonna puke! Know what kinda person I am? A "pussy person", right? "Garg, heave, blugh, gak" Get up...get up!

Deep Cover by ragu4u 7-07-11

Play fetch with me? Please. I don't ask much. Play fetch with me. Well OK, come and get it! I'm not going THERE! Have one of your fudge packin friends pull it out.

Tech Savy Tots by ragu4u 7-08-11

So the dumb guy says to the ballplayer..."Throw the ball up here to me for my kid"! Yeah, yeah...and? So he tosses the ball up, the guy reaches over the rail to catch it and falls to his death. Do I laugh NOW? I ain't got to the funny part yet..... His little boy had it on YouTube in seconds. OMF'nG Bwahahahaha Nyuk nyuk nyuk

I'll Drink to That by ragu4u 7-09-11

Sir, Betty Ford has died. Yes, what a terrible shame. Shall we do anything special now that she's passed, sir? You're damn right we will. Get the fuckin key to the wine cellar back from her.

Wrong Venue by ragu4u 7-10-11

"Wow! 3000 hits for Derek Jeter." That ain't diddly squat. He ain't nothin till he goes Platinum!

One "One Way". One "Round Trip". by ragu4u 7-10-11

Monday..... All I said was, "Let's go to Mexico for the weekend." Geez, lighten up, Martha. You know they're killing Americans right & left down there? Wednesday... I'm glad you've decided we should go. It'll be like a 2nd honeymoon. I won't back out but I heard they killed another 40 Americans, just today. I sure hope we'll be safe. Saturday in Tampico..... Geez Martha...Why did YOU dress so "American"? You sure it's customary for all the local men to carry Uzi's & machetes, Ralph?

Strike a Pose by ragu4u 7-10-11

Why are all the stores getting rid of the self checkout lanes? Management finally realized... ...that hardly nobody spent money in lanes... ...lined with mirrors.

The Stalker by ragu4u 7-10-11

Hubba... Hubba... Hubba... I love being a GILF!

Nursing Student by ragu4u 7-11-11

Had to lop off his penis don't cha know? Why doctor? To study the new strain of SUPER gonorrhea. Did you have the bacteria on a test strip? Why yes. That's it right there. This? I used it as our coffee stirrer?

Ouch! by ragu4u 7-11-11

Be honest...does this sweatshirt make me look fat? I can honestly say, NO! The huge beer gut UNDER the sweatshirt is what makes you look fat.

Following the Leader by ragu4u 7-12-11

As a true patriot, I, Mr. President will glady eat my peas. Psst...hey, pal! ...the fuck?! I got yer Pee, buddy!