Who is Who? by ragu4u 3-19-12

Where in the heck is my horse? You're not my horse. You're an ASS! Oh really? You're the one conversing with an imaginary pink donkey, not me!

Ashes to Ashton by ragu4u 3-20-12

Did you hear that Ashton Kutcher has signed up for space flight in Sir Richard Branson's spacecraft? I hope.... ....it's a one way ticket!

Tell Me Something New by ragu4u 3-20-12

And in financial news, Sweden has decided to go "cashless". Big deal! I been cashless for over a year already.

Catch as Catch Can't by ragu4u 3-21-12

Now if he'll just hold still... Ahem.. Damn you, owl! oops

Nothing of Substance by ragu4u 3-21-12

?   Problem, fella? Yeah, kinda. This is heaven. There ARE NO problems here. Ever tried to nail into a cloud? I stand corrected.

Brawny, Not Brainy by ragu4u 3-22-12

In sports news....several coaches have been suspended & fined in the "bounty hunting" scandal. They got fined for "Bounty" hunting? Heavens to Betsy why? Sometimes the paper towels just aren't where they're supposed to be.

Family Resemblance by ragu4u 3-23-12

Sir, I believe your son is at the door to speak with you. What does he want? He still can't seem to socialize with women, as he feels that they only want his money. Alright, alright..tell him I'll be right there. What up, pops? Lose that top hat you moron. It's a "big money" dead give-away!

Senility by ragu4u 3-23-12

Maura, I think a Mr. Jeff Goldblum is here to see you. Who me? Really? Well don't keep him waiting, dear. You're the greatest, granny! I'm taking away her remote!

Bon Appetite by ragu4u 3-24-12

You're a grown man. Why would you want to see that ridiculous film "The Hunger Games"? I don't want to... ...lose my edge.

Laying it on Thick (Credit to Post Dispatch) by ragu4u 3-24-12

It looks like we're getting an accumulation on streets, sidewalks and cars that will reach 6 inches in some areas. Crap! Now THAT'S a load of pollen!

Ever Been There? by ragu4u 3-24-12

We've been driving in this desert for days. Admit it. You're lost! Lost, lost, lost.... ...lost, lost. I should have driven. I never get lost, blah, blah, blah....... When dumping a body, one can't be too careful.

To the Hunt! by ragu4u 3-25-12

What's that smell? Prosze nie strzelac do mnie, panie! I should have guessed....a stinkin polecat. Kto? Ja?

Welcome to "Shear Lock Combs" by ragu4u 3-25-12

I hear I can get a shave & haircut here for $5.00 because this is a barber school. Yep. Put on a white smock and meet me in the back. 20 Minutes later... OK sir, that will be $5.00. Please step to the register. Isn't there a mirror in here? I don't tip until I see your workmanship. You better use the one around the corner at the dress shop. And about that tip...my teacher told me not to accept tips. Or was that "expect" tips?

The Gods Must Be Crazy by ragu4u 3-26-12

Brad Spot Checks "Stripcreator" Damn! What's with all these athiests on my site? Thanks for sticking up for me, Brad! Huh? Who said that? It's me. Thanks for finding all these athiests and non-believers here, appalling. So, who the hell are you? Vishnu?

Squeeze Play by ragu4u 3-26-12

Take off your pants, then when I grab your testicles, turn your head and cough. If you must. Don't worry your little Amish heart, Isaac. It's just one of those things a nurse has to do. Later, at home on the farm... What do you mean..."Why don't YOU go to nursing school"? It was just a thought, Dorcas...dear.

Justin Time by ragu4u 3-27-12

OK Justin, hop into my "Century Modifier". Whoa, cool beans! Justin travels back 2000 years... Jesus? Awesome, dude. In a couple weeks you rise in this tomb, don't ya? You got the wrong guy, kid. The only rising I can do is with yeast.

Bulls-Eye by ragu4u 3-28-12

Look! Up in the sky. It's a bird. No, it's a plane. No, it's.... ...it's...it's...it's...OH NO!!!!! How bout that, it was a bird. Oh well, better on her than on my car.

Rear Ended by ragu4u 3-29-12

Sorry I hit you, officer. I didn't know you were gonna stop so fast. Look at those cars. You could have wrecked em beyond repair. That's because I'm a rectum specialist. Oooh boy!

"Charlie at the Bat" by ragu4u 3-30-12

So Mr. Sheen, my assistant is going over your bid for the L.A. Dodgers right now. Why? I made a bid, ergo, I win the bidding process. Not so fast, Mr. Sheen. The Magic Johnson group bid 2 billion dollars. He's no winner. I'M a WINNER! He's nothing but an HIV positive, tall, black guy. Duh! That's it fella. Beat it! Money talks and Charlie Sheen walks. Ok, ok, but I thought it was...."bullshit walks?" He can't even get quips right. What a lame loser!

That's No Wand. by ragu4u 3-31-12

Do I go to your castle and clog the toilet? Vel....no. Then get to plunging, asshole.

All The News That's Fit To Be Tied by ragu4u 3-31-12

The topic for this segment..."Why does FOX News have all the hot babes and MSNBC has all dykes"? To refute that assumption , from MSNBC, we have their hottest female pundit... ...Rachel Maddow. Admit it. You've got a boner right now, don't you?

Going Around, Coming Around by ragu4u 4-01-12

But Kentucky beat Louisville to get into the playoffs, officer. So you had to turn over a few vehicles, huh? So? It's all part of the fun. Fun, huh? Jail is fun, too. After A few Hours In Jail... But officer, I just got ass raped 5 times by white supremacists. So? It's all part of the fun!

The Preacher's Kid by ragu4u 4-02-12

Get thee behind me, Satan! Not another do-gooder? Do it....I command thee!! Oh well.... OK...now what? Now bend me over, rip off my panties and hammer me like a railroad spike, you moron.

Stereo Types by ragu4u 4-03-12

Did you hear? That Levi Johnson kid got another girl pregnant. That Nanook of the North kid? Who'd he knock up this time? I hear it's a twenty year old school teacher. No wonder our kids don't learn anything in school. The teachers are all dumb sluts. You really believe that, don't you? Later, Getting His Kid From School... Denzel is still in the cloak-room, putting on his jacket. The little bastard takes forever with his zipper so, while we're waiting... wanna fuck?

False Security by ragu4u 4-03-12

Man, it's scary out here. Hey...what was THAT by the tree? Hello? Hello? Is there anyone behind that tree? Nope! Whew! I knew it all the time.