Media-crity by ragu4u 6-22-12

Inside The New York Times Well, Mark Thompson, you're now the proud owner of the New York Times. Let's shake on it. No time for that, mate. Gotta crack the whip on all these lazy bleedin bounders from the Unions like I did at the BBC. Did you hear? That Mark Thompson guy from the BBC just bought the paper? So? I ain't worried. You oughtta be. The Brits know their media. Soon, your loser ass will be GONE! They do, do they? I guess you've never seen Piers Morgan on CNN, have you?

A Classic is Born by ragu4u 6-22-12

Outside 30 Rock: 1976 He'd like 3 cheeseburgers and 3 colas. Ah, yes. Cheeseboygy, cheeseboygy, cheeseboygy! Pepsi, Pepsi,Pepsi. Tell Mr. Belushi this one on the house!

In Denial by ragu4u 6-23-12

"Sandusky found guilty on over 40 counts of child molestation." Good! That's good. Nail that no good... What? Why is my poop always bloody every time we play leap frog?

Sky High by ragu4u 6-23-12

But I do...I do want to be a witch. First you must know the true relationship of a witch and her broom. Will you teach me? I'd love to fly. Fine. Bend over, lift your skirt & drop the panties. You'll be flying, alright. I WOULD pick a lesbian!

The Bus Monitor by ragu4u 6-24-12

How was the ride on the schoolbus today, sweetie? Bout the same except we rode in a convertible. EVERYONE, STAY DOWN! Fuck you, old lady! I still got another grenade. A convertible bus? That's nice. I was called to be bus monitor tomorrow. Really? Cool! Now pony up my snack, bitch, or I'll ass rape you with a broom handle.

An Army of None by ragu4u 6-25-12

OK recruits, today I'll teach you hand to hand combat. Any voluteers to be first? Alright #3, step up here. Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask.... Don't tell, don't tell, don't tell... I can't do this anymore.

Law & Order: Unintended Consequences by ragu4u 6-25-12

You're under arrest for triple murder, punk. You'll got to jail for life. Not any more, piggy. The Supreme Court just ruled that kinda shit ain't legal cuz I'm a juvenile. So, you mean they won't let you do life in prison? No way, porky. Oink, oink, oink. Bwahahahaha! I'll be out before ya know it. Too bad you tried to escape. Now you'll just have to settle for death. Esca?...esca?...ugh!

A Borderline Call by ragu4u 6-26-12

Cross the road and you're in the United States, Jose. So, you here to welcome me. Senor? If yer legal, yeah. If not, well then...we have border gurad dogs, ya know. The next day.... We gonna get his body back, hesse? Ya want it all in one bag?

Teach Your Children Well by ragu4u 6-27-12

Hey mom, can we get some of those Oreo cookies with the rainbow layers? Heavens no, sweetie. That would be supporting Gay Pride. I just wanna eat the damn things; not shove em up some guy's ass. That'll be 1 Our Father and 2 Hail Mary's, my sweetie.

Fame? by ragu4u 6-27-12

Sad news today. Nora Ephron has died. How tragic. Wait a sec. Who the fuck...?

Nobody's Fool by ragu4u 6-28-12

Hey Rudy, ya still got the gambling addiction, I see. No way, boss. I'm cool now. So can I have my job back? Absolutely not, you lying sack of shit. Now beat it! Geez...how did you know? You always come around here begging after you lose your ass. Oh.

You Get What You Pay For by ragu4u 6-29-12

Yo doc, I comes ta gets me some a dat "Obamacare". Do you have private insurance or Medicare or Medicade? I don'ts got me nuthin, doc. I wants what the "Totally Free" healthcare can gives me. Oh, THAT! Well THAT'S in the next room. This here mother fucker best be nappin.

It Could Be Worse by ragu4u 6-30-12

Do you realize it's 108 degrees outside? How can you wear that heavy robe? Actually, 108 degrees isn't hot at all.... ...compared to where you're about to go. Oh, hell! EXACTLY!

Weather or Not by ragu4u 7-01-12

I'm sorry Senator, but the power will be out in the city for a week. WHAT? That's totally unacceptable, man! We can't work in this heat. Why not? Everybody knows that Washington has been nothing but "hot air" for decades, anyway. Touche'.

Little Big Man by ragu4u 7-01-12

I'm here with Katie Holmes who will soon divorce Tom Cruise. What went wrong, Katie? Well, Anderson, it's like this...he's just too short. Too short, you say? Well, yes and...um...uh...other things as well. What, Suri? Was daddy trying to "DO" you again? He say he want to have sex with somebody shorter than him for a change.

The God Particle by ragu4u 7-02-12

How do you react to the news today that, in Geneva, scientists have proven the existance of "The God Particle"? The what? The "God Particle". Let me explain...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah............blah, blah, and more blah! I see. So they, really, still don't have a clue? Pretty much so, I guess, yeah. This "being mysterious" shit is SO cool!

Andy Griffith R.I.P.

I still love ya, pa! Thanks, Opie. Now go tell Barn he's Sheriff from now on.

by ragu4u, 7-03-12

Dead Heat by ragu4u 7-03-12

In Affluent Colorado Damn, I had better put this fire out F-A-S-T!!! In Depressed Detroit Fuck this shit!

Plan "B" by ragu4u 7-04-12

Did you hear? Anderson Cooper is gay! I know. Isn't it horrible? Sure is. All the polite, welldressed, intelligent, handsome guys always seem to turn out to be gay. Don't I know it. What's a woman supposed to do? Same as always. Revert to her black 22 inch double dong dildo. Oooh...I'm wet already! Meet me in my office.

Father Knows Best by ragu4u 7-05-12

Is god really gonna kick us all outta heaven all at once? Yup, all 20 billion of us. Can I play outside, daddy? Hell no. It's about to rain cats & dogs out there. You wanna be killed? After Millions die....... Was I right, or what? Meh

The B-Ball Afficinado by ragu4u 7-06-12

...and Anthony Davis is the #1 pick in the NBA Draft. Beware the brow, baby! Hmpf... Brow? I don't need no steenking brow!

Summer in the City by ragu4u 7-07-12

I can't take much more of this heat. I know. It's gonna be 110 today. I say we just get naked. I'm with you. He fell fwum waay up dare when these two pwetty women walked by wit no cwothes on. Really? Which way did they go?

The Rivalry by ragu4u 7-07-12

"There's talk at NBC that David Gregory is on his way out as host of "Meet the Press" due to its terrible ratings." Meanwhile, At Tim Russert's Grave "Eat me, Stretch. Oh yeah it's my birthday. Oh yeah, it's my birthday!"

A Man of His Word by ragu4u 7-08-12

At Dinner Time...(of course) Ring..Ring..Ring.. I sware, if this is another political robo-call I'm gonna have to take drastic measures. Hi, President Barak Obama here and I sure would appreciate your ... ...vote! Gotcha!

Ain't Nuthin Sacred? by ragu4u 7-09-12

Why have you chosen to kill Jews & blacks? Cuz they're slower n easier to catch. Jews are loaded down with gold n the nigs are just damned lazy. Cool! Just wondered. Hey, aint that a Jewish robe your a wearin?