The Fan Club by ragu4u 8-16-12

Stay tuned for Tony Shalhoub as "MONK"!

Bending the Rule by ragu4u 8-17-12

My name is Clango. I am at your service. But you're a machine. We don't believe in machines. But I can make your life easier. We Amish aren't afraid of hard work. We thrive on every facet of it. I clean horse, cow, pig, mule and dog shit without complaint. You're hired.

Outside Influence by ragu4u 8-17-12

Say man, is the day Martin Luther King got shot a National Holiday? I dunno. Beats me. It damn well oughta be! Who said dat?

Sacrifice by ragu4u 8-18-12

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Ya know folks, I too, had to take a pay cut due to severe cutbacks here at NBC. Yeah Jay...How CAN you live on only 29 mil a year? It isn't easy. I had to sell several of my cool cars. Really? Which ones? It broke my heart. I sure loved that Aries-K, the Gremlin and the Pacer.

Bad Habits by ragu4u 8-19-12

Hi there. Are you a Sister? Sorta. Sorta? I'm a Nunja! A wha...?

Shipboard Romance

Well, blow me down, matey! I thought you'd never ask!

by ragu4u, 8-19-12

Office Lothario by ragu4u 8-20-12

10am Join me for a drink, later? Well...I don't know. Say...Five ish? OK, I guess. 4:59pm Chilled or room temp? Boiled & poured on your head, cheapskate!

Right For The Job by ragu4u 8-20-12

U.S. Post Office 10am I'd like to apply for a job, please. Sorry, you don't seem qualified. U.S. Post Office 11am May I fill out an application for work, please? Sorry, you don't seem qualified. U.S. Post Office Noon Yo, bitch...got any work? When can you start?

VPOTUS by ragu4u 8-21-12

Can you believe that Todd Akin from Missouri, Mr. President? You mean that fella running for the Senate who thinks womens' ovaries shut down if they're being raped so they can't get pregnant? Yes sir. Isn't that ridiculous? Everyone knows it's impossible to rape a woman. It is? Why? Women can run faster with their skirts up, than men can run with their pants down. Joe, sometimes I think Todd Akin would have been a better choice for vice president than YOU!

CC: %^# All That's Left After the Rules by ragu4u 8-22-12

What?

Going Over to the Dark Side by ragu4u 8-22-12

In entertainment news, talks are underway at American Idol to hire new judges for the panel. When all is said and done the panel may consist of Randy Jackson, Mariah Cary, Kanye West & Nicki Minaj, which might... ...require the show to alter itself somewhat. "MIGHT", my ass! Just go ahead and call it..."AFRICAN American Idol"!

Next Chance...2014 by ragu4u 8-23-12

The Cell of Mark David Chapman Well did my parole come through? Nope! What did you expect? You killed John Lennon. I didn't expect to STILL be in this damn place I'm sick of your bellyaching. I'm outta here. Yo! You gotta admit I've been down a long and winding road. Just let it be, will ya?

The Guest Who Just Won't Leave by ragu4u 8-24-12

Oslow, Norway... 2012 Mr. Anders Breivik, welcome to your cell for the next 10 to 21 years. Is that all? I kill lots of people and that's all I get? We here in Norway are much more progressive. We WILL rehabilitate you then let you go. What? No! Don't do that! I like me just the way I am! Warden's Office... 2033 This won't bode well for you, Anders. Shut up or I'll hit you again. Now, can I keep my same cell?

The Sitter's Day Off by ragu4u 8-25-12

Gwamma, sing me the "DOATS" song. Which one is THAT, sweetie? You know..."Marzy doats and dozy doats and lil lamzy divey". Do you mean..."Lambs eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy"? The fuck, you say! Oh well, just go back to reading me "50 Shades of Grey". Damnit...My son raised a porn junkie.

Natural Progression by ragu4u 8-26-12

First it was Neil Armstrong... ...and now, Ted Turner. We're doomed!

Counting His Chickens by ragu4u 8-26-12

Seriously Mr. President, looks like Hurricane Issac is gonna ruin the GOP convention. And it's as it should be for I am truly blessed by the Gods. You're WHAT by the WHO? You heard me! Did you hear him, dad? Talk about some stones... Stones, hell! His are like like bowling balls.

The "Master" Key by ragu4u 8-27-12

Yeah , what? Warden, there's a fire in cell #3 and the inmate is cuffed to the bars. So call the fire dept. and unlock the poor bastard. Well that'll be a problem...I lost the cuff keys. A short while later... Stop your bitchin. The fire is out and so are you! Sorry. How could I be so selfish?

"Waziristan's Got Talent" by ragu4u 8-27-12

One ton tomato, I ate a one ton tomato.... One ton tomaaato, I ate a one ton tomaato! What the...? And there you have him, folks. Give it up for Mustafa Omar Habeeb & his rendition of, "Guantanamera"!

Intolerance by ragu4u 8-28-12

Folks, I'm here with actress Ellen Barkin who has been very vocal about the GOP convention. Hello, Anderson. Tell the viewers how you feel Hurricane Issac will affect the GOP gathering. Honestly, I hope Isaac kills every pro-life, xenophobic, gay bashing s.o.b. that's there. No....really? Really!

Define "HEAD" by ragu4u 8-29-12

Today On Bourbon Street Now get yo ass back out there make me some Benjamins, bitch. But there's a freakin Hurricane about to hit. So? So, nobody in their right mind would pay money for head on a day like this. Moments later.... GOD...this dude is one ugly sob. Now, exactly who's head would I be getting, again?

Mission Accomplished! by ragu4u 8-30-12

Uh yeah, I'm Mark Owen. Who wants to know? The American people, that's who. Did you just write the book "No Easy Day" that tells of the shooting of Osama Bin Laden? Maybe yes and maybe no. Why? Because many in America feel your account differs from President Obama's account and, therefore, makes him a lying sack of shit, worthy of death! Then, in that case, I'll go with "YES"! ..but I'm not...WAIT!

Inspiration by ragu4u 8-31-12

He's been trying to write a song for hours and they all stink! He needs inspiration. I GOT it! "Rockin around the Christmas tree at the Christmas party hop..." BINGO!

No Fresh Bread Today by ragu4u 9-01-12

Where do you think you're going with that? Uh...I was gonna dump it in the dough. You just put it right back where you found it. OK then.... ...get back on the bed and spread yer legs.

"Close...but no cigar!" by ragu4u 9-02-12

GOP Convention 2012 Remember me, Mr. President? Rowdy Yates, isn't it? Not really, sir. Or is it the man with no name, maybe? I know,...Jose Wales? No? How's about that guy Harry... somebody? Getting warm, sir. I'm best known as a detective who operates on, shall I say, the "dark side". Of course! You must be John Shaft, right?

Irresistible by ragu4u 9-03-12

You wouldn't. Would you? If I dood it I det a whippin! I dood it!