1st Integrated Locker Room by ragu4u 9-03-12

What you lookin at, cracker? I uh...just...uh... Go on. What? WHAT?! Well, I just...um never.. Sheeee-it! ...saw one tied in a knot before!

Gabe's Plumbing by ragu4u 9-03-12

Geez, look at the size of that turd. Oh god, please let it flush without overflowing. There she goes. Thank you , Lord Wooooosh A moment later... Don't be thanking HIM. It's MY sword that smells like shit now.

Agents Know Best by ragu4u 9-04-12

At the grave of Michael Clarke Duncan: See? See what happened? I told ya not to take them Viagra pills... ...up the ass like Omarosa wanted. I's sorry, boss.

Government Hand Outs by ragu4u 9-04-12

I'd like to sign up for "Food Stamps", please. What? 46.7 million people are already on them now. Rich folks don't need them! And just what makes you think I'M rich? Maybe the fancy clothes and that Bentley you just got out of gave me a clue. Oh, those things? Haha. These aren't fancy. They're my knock around clothes. And the Bentley? It belongs to my chauffer. Oh! Well in that case, just belly on up to the troth.

Reefer Madness by ragu4u 9-04-12

Mr. President, isn't that commercial you made with Harold & Kumar kind of risky? In what way? It makes you look as if you are courting the "doper" element for votes, sir! Calm down. You're being paranoid. But, sir.... Just take another hit of this shit and you'll start to mellow out in a New York minute.

WW 81: Cheers by ragu4u 9-05-12

Rah, rah, ree...kickem in the knee.... Rah, rah, rass...kickem in the.....other knee!   ?   So? You suck!

The Voice of Experience by ragu4u 9-06-12

This just in...... ...Neil Armstrong to be buried at sea! For his sake, I hope they wait till he's dead.

Pedal to the Metal by ragu4u 9-07-12

Hurry up! The new Texas speed limit is 85 mph. Dum dee dum dee dum. Aw chill out, man. We've got lots of time. But... That car's is still way down the r... ...oad!

Use Only As Directed by ragu4u 9-08-12

I've inserted some eyedrops in your eyes. Now, sit down and I'll recheck you in 10 minutes. N'k, doc! Oh, my lord. I used liquid Viagra on him by mistake. I've made a horrible error. Then you need a good spanking if you ask me, doc!

Burnout! by ragu4u 9-08-12

Don't you know smoking is bad for you? It causes tons of diseases... ...gives you bad breath, makes your clothes stink, makes women hate to kiss you, causes fires...blah, blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah....oh oh, what the... What an ash!

Butch's Transfer by ragu4u 9-09-12

Butch, are you happy being a professional I.T. consultant? Me no know for sure. Why? I've been thinking of transferring you to "cold case" retrievals. Something a little more up your alley. Bout time me get promotion. Later... Me been fucked!

Maybe It's For The Best by ragu4u 9-10-12

Today, here in Chicago, the teachers have gone on strike. Cool beans. I'm so excited to have a day away from school! Out on the picket line.... More pay! Less work! More pay! Less work! More... Move along lady or I'll give ya a ticket. Lady? LADY? I'm a man, jerkoff! We teach yer fuckin flat-headed runts day in and day out. We're not takin any more bullshit offa dees lil bastards. We're gonna kick ass and take names. See why we like time off school, Ossifer?

Life As a Tech Support Guy by ragu4u 9-11-12

Hello please! Thank you for calling "All American Printers". My name is Peggy. How may I help you, please? Damn...another middle eastern tech person. I'll never get this printer to work. Hours later... Not to worry, please. We're almost there. Try the print tab once more, please. Thank you, please. Oh wow. Look at that. The darned thing has been unplugged all along! So it's working now, please sir? Hello? Hello, please? Sir? Sir? Hello please? Hello sir? It was unplugged, wasn't it, DUMMY?

Filling the Void by ragu4u 9-12-12

There you go, Frosty! Thanks. This is a much nicer nose than my old broken one. Very fancy. It's electric, too. It is? How do you know that? I saw mama turn it on in her bedroom when she was playing with it. Ergo, the fish smell!

Religious Unrest by ragu4u 9-13-12

Your Christians sure are hard on us Muslims.   !   What? You said, "Hard On"! OMF'ngG! Ah, ah,ah.

The Alternative by ragu4u 9-14-12

Bwahahaha! I see here on "Drudge" that Marines cannot use live bullets here in Egypt. We will triumph over those infidel swine.... Moments later... Arghh! Bullets? No! C-4? Yes!

The Twin Bullys at it Again by ragu4u 9-15-12

What do you wanna do, Dickey? I dunno. What do you wanna do, Ricky? See that Arab guy over there? Let's make fun of him and see what happens. Hey Mohammed! Allah is a muff diving fudgepacker. Shit! What Happened, Dickey? I'm not sure but I think he got offended, Ricky!

How Things Get Misunderstood by ragu4u 9-16-12

Wow Wee. That thar testicle is HUGE! Ya wanna touch it, Honey Boo Boo? I guess so. Ok, go ahead. Have a ball! The Next Day.... Can I touch yer testicle agin? OK...but it's pronounced "teNtacle".

Get a Grip by ragu4u 9-16-12

I say daddy, have you seen the topless pics of Kate Middleton, yet? By jove, Matthew, she's does have a nice rack, eh wot? I've got a copy of the Italian magazine with ALL the juicy pics in it. Really? Outside the Castle's Loo... It'll be a while, daddy! Use the downstairs loo. A while? HA! He's spanking the monkey. It'll be forever!

Driving Around L.A. by ragu4u 9-17-12

What did you say, dear? Oh...so you said "Here comes Amanda Bynes in her BMW", did you? Seconds later... WOW, dudes. Don't worry. I, like, got that gecko on speed-dial!

How It Feels To Be Downsized by ragu4u 9-18-12

Man, I'm awfully high up. I wonder if I can make it? Aw.....What the hell. Geronimoooooo! Whew! I Made it! Or did I, really?

The Gift by ragu4u 9-19-12

What's that, Bob? Haji, here's your copy of "Charlie Hebdo". Check out the comics in this issue. They're a riot. Mailman Bob's house the next night... Glad you're home, Bob! Some man you deliver mail to named Haji, left this gift for you. Oh, oh...really? Be careful how you handle tha....

The Little Women by ragu4u 9-20-12

Well son, the news is finally out. What news is that, pops? Your wife. They've found out about your wife. Oh yeah? Which one? Which one? WHICH ONE? You DID it! You went Mormon on me? Hey, c'mon. What about all that "forgiveness" stuff? Cut me some slack.

Doing Time by ragu4u 9-20-12

Listen, you two! Quit the clowning around or you'll stay in that dark dungeon forever. Maybe if we knock of the crap he'll... He'll what? Turn on the lights. I doubt tha... See? Whatever!

Star Crossed by ragu4u 9-21-12

Wow, it looks like Amanda Bynes & Lindsay Lohan are driving down our street. How can you tell it's them? Duh! OUCH!